Sometimes I worry and fret
Sometimes I imagine what hasn’t happened yet.
My heart still shudders at the memory
Of when you were away from me.
And there are times when the fear sets in
Will he still love me tomorrow…? But, then
I see you and you smile
Then I know all my worrying was not really worthwhile.
-T
~February 16, 2010
Is this for real?
A man who opens doors
A man who lets/requests that I go first?
Is this for real?
A man who tells me his thoughts
A man who shares his feelings?
Is this for real?
A man who is very masculine, but
A man who appreciates style, quality and sense?
Is he for real?
-T
~February 16, 2010
Loving you
Is an easy and natural thing to do.
It’s as if you are a part of me
And into my soul you see.
I remember the day we met,
You were intriguing and yet,
My thoughts were only on friendship
Someone to share the beach with for a dip.
Anything more, I didn’t think
Was in the cards – until that drink….
My world changed forever.
Then, when our ties seemed to sever –
Everything stopped.
I couldn’t breathe.
I couldn’t eat.
I couldn’t sleep.
What was life without you?
At last, things feels as they should be
Just you and me.
At last, there is calm and peace
This feeling I hope will never cease.
-T
-February 13, 2010
There was this person I once knew who used to worry about everything. She used to cry every night to sleep and wonder why it seemed that God really must hate her. When she became a free adult, she felt lost and confused about what she was meant to do in this world and then she found love. In that love, she found an identity that was suitable and what she needed at the time.
Through the love, this person was able to reach into her core and confirm what she really stood for. For most of her early childhood, she was lied to and learned it wasn’t worth lying herself. When a lie would threaten to enter her life, she could feel the darkness, the sweat and the worry creep into her very soul. So, she always had to set it free.
Through the love, this person was able to gain confidence in her sense of integrity and honesty that would bless her amongst friends, in her work and the way she attempted to live.
The love stabilized her, anchored her and defined her.
Then, the love began to die. Her world began to shatter piece by piece and all that she stood for began to crumble. The love died and disappeared and this person was left confused, lost and unknown. She began to panic and in that panic became someone she did not recognize.
The lies became easier. The darkness was welcomed. The worry from days of old returned and was like a comforting blanket. Her honesty and integrity was lost. It seemed it had not served her well in the past. She questioned what it was all for.
As time passed, she would see glimpses of herself from the days of love and miss that person she used to be. But, she didn’t know how to return to that person without the love, without the anchor and sense of stability. She searched for it. She looked for it in others. She looked for it in work. She looked and looked.
Then, one day she decided it was time for a drastic change. She took on the challenge to move away from all that she knew and loved to redefine who she wanted to be. However, the dark blanket was not easy to let go and she held on to some parts of the way she had become, until at last, she was overwhelmed by the burden of the darkness and tired of what it was doing to her soul. Finally, she gathered the strength to let go and to be free.
That person.. was me – is me. That person has found a new love, but it’s a love inside myself – for myself. To be completely honest, there is a new love from external sources and that love has reminded me of the comfort, anchor and stability I had before. But, the real beauty is, that it is coupled with the love that I’ve also found and accepted inside myself to be the person I want to be; to reclaim the honesty and integrity that has served me well before; to be beautiful and true on the inside and outside, through and through.
So, the person that was me for the past several years has taught me to take control and be the person that is me and will be a me to be proud of.
-TW ~February 9, 2010
On January 9th, I was lucky enough to attend the wedding party of a former colleague and friend in Japan. We started working together in 2006 and I count him amongst my friends whom I miss from the days of KUIS.
It was a small gathering, but close and quaint as we caught up with each other and could share in the joy of Scott & Noriko starting their life together. Truly, I have great memories and deep love for these folk.
This was the last year and perhaps even the last time I will see them altogether in one place as most of these lovely people are moving away to new jobs, new lives. So, I hope we’ll keep in touch, but if not, at least we’ve got some sweet memories.
-T
In all my life,
I’ve wanted to be
as I am with you
– Just me.
In all my life,
I’ve wanted to share
as I do with you
– Just me.
In all my life,
I’ve wanted to love
as I’m loved by you
as just me.
-T
~February 8, 2010
Sometime in December, my friend – Shu – sent me a call for entries to a competition in the local newspaper to win a lesson with Rafael Nadal and tickets to the semi-finals of the Capitala Tennis Championship happening at the end of the year. Thinking that it never hurts to enter a contest, I SMS’d in my answers to the contest question and promptly forgot about it.
One afternoon about a week later, I was exhausted and had just gotten home from work with only one thought – a nap. My cell phone rang and a woman identified herself. Then, in proper UAE fashion asked me to identify myself. As is my general response when someone calls me, then asks who’ve they’ve called I responded with “You called me, what do you want?” She somewhat curtly explained that I had entered a contest and that she was calling to inform me I had won, but that she needed to confirm who I was. Now, why she couldn’t have said that from the beginning is beyond me, but I somewhat recalled that I had entered this contest and confirmed I was indeed said person.
She congratulated me and started giving me details. All I could think about was taking a nap and that I had to administer an exam on the day of the lesson. So, after asking if I could give it to someone else and confirming I would contact her later, I hung up and immediately fell fast asleep.
Upon waking from my slumber, I awoke with the realization that I had WON a lesson with Rafael Nadal and tickets to see him and Roger Federer play! What was wrong with me??!! Still, I knew that I couldn’t go to the lesson because it happened to be a day of a major exam at work and having already missed a great deal of work, I didn’t see it going over well to ask for the day off…. I knew I couldn’t call in sick because there was a chance that my picture could show up in the newspaper given it was with Nadal and all. So…alas….
Since Craig was in town (an update on that situation later….), I thought he would enjoy the opportunity to have the lesson and as we had tickets for the first matches the day before, it would be cool to see the semis the next day for free. However, after Craig thought about it, he decided that our friend, Jen, would enjoy it more given she plays tennis more and was so excited at the idea. So, both of them went while I went to work. Of course, colleagues who later found out about my winnings lamented that I totally should have taken the day off anyway and gone. Perhaps true, but I’m honestly not as big of a fan and I was happy to let others enjoy the opportunity.
We enjoyed the matches on both days and I got to see the last sunset in Abu Dhabi of 2009 from the stadium. So, it was a good time and though I don’t think I’ll be winning anything again for another 20 years or so (the last time I won anything was my 10-speed bike when I was like 12….), I’m still putting my name in for things. So, you just never know. I mean, you can’t win the lottery if you never buy a ticket, right? Of course, I only enter things that are free – no money exchanges involved, thank you!
Here are some photos & videos –
Nadal Nadal Federer Federer
Federer Last sunset of 2009
More to come…
-T
January was our long holiday between semesters, so I was off on the planes again. My family decided to meet in Hawaii this year for our first all-family vacation in years. It was a fantastic week spent together!
After I left them, I headed to Malaysia for about a week with a stop in Kuala Lumpur and most of my time spent in Kuching, Sarawak on the Malaysian part of the Borneo island.
It was, perhaps, the most relaxing vacation I’ve had in quite some time with little domestic travel in the countries I was in. So, I came back feeling very refreshed and relaxed – ready to start the new term!
You can check out the details from my trips on Blogger!!!
More trips to come,
-T
Slowly, but surely, the catching up is happening. 😀
Christmas this year was a bit of a mix of emotions. Some personal stuff was going on and I was extremely homesick as it just doesn’t feel like Christmas when the weather is warm and the only Christmas cheer is that of commercialism – everything I hate about what Christmas has become.
Being with family and those I love is what this holiday means to me, so it was a little difficult to adjust. However, I wanted to share the day with my new family in Abu Dhabi. Most of my closest friends here came over to celebrate. We had a “White Elephant” gift exchange and a potluck dinner. I made the turkey and stuffing, while others brought wonderfully tasty additions. Overall, it was so lovely to have a way to share with those who are near and dear!
The turkey was tasty! My AD family
My sad little tree
More to come…
-T
A year ago
I was starting an adventure
A year ago
I was buzzing with the unknown
A year ago
I was longing for what I was leaving behind
Then, the year passed
in a blur
The year passed
with great perplexion
The year passed
with the future always unsure
Now, somehow
the world is spinning a little slower
Somehow
life here is a little less annoying
Somehow
my reasons for being here are a little clearer
To get here
I had to hurt
To get here
I had to hurt others
To get here
I had to endure
To get here
I had to be endured
But, at last
I’m here.
I’m happy.
I’m content.
I’m free.
I’m me.
-T
~February 6, 2010
