Creative Meanderings

Here’s my progress report –

*At last my Jordan trip updates are done – with pics even! 🙂 I was motivated by the fact that I’m going on another trip today and don’t want to confuse them….

*I’ve completed and submitted at least a comprehensible draft of my dissertation proposal so that I can have a bit of peace for next few days while away. Revisions, etc. to come upon my return, no doubt.

*I’m probably not doing a chapter proposal as it’s just one headache I don’t need to contend with right now. However, I will continue to plug away with my research project when I return from my trip until I leave for the summer holidays, but at least there’s no pressure with it – just need to make progress. 😉

*I’m leaving tonight for a four-day trip to Sri Lanka with a friend, so it’ll be awesome to get to some cooler weather and escape briefly!

More to come,

-T

Sometimes I feel lost in this crazy world. I wonder if I’m the one who is going crazy or if just nearly everyone else is that way…?

Philosophical topics have been going through my mind of late:

– Why do I really have a mental block about going home this summer?
*Maybe because it represents a life I no longer have nor want. I love my family to pieces, but we lead different lives and despite all their efforts to ensure that I am part of the family, I’ve just never felt like I fit in. It’s all on my side and in my head, I’m fully aware and yet I continue to struggle.

– Why can’t some people respect my boundaries and just trust that I actually might know what I’m doing?
*The past continues to haunt me. At least 50% is my fault in this situation, but I’d like it to just stay in the past…. Since it is encroaching on my present, I just would like my boundaries/limits to be respected and accepted in the same way that I try to do the same to others. Is that really too much to ask? Do I really seem like I’m an ignorant fool or as if I want to cheat other people? Is the world so twisted that no one can see the good in others and accept that they are just different?

– How much of my first 8 years of life affect the person that I have become and will I ever be able to enjoy the concept of spontaneity?
*Related to my first question, I think that for the first time in my life I’m living my life as I want to lead and live it. Of course, I’m making some rookie mistakes since I never had the chance earlier, but in general I finally feel as if I’m doing what I’ve always wanted to do, having a relationship I’ve always wanted to have and just learning how to control myself under my conditions and my rules. While I’ve always seemed like a stubborn and self-confident, independent person, I’ve always felt the pressure of others on me – whether intentional or not. Now, I have only me pressuring me and I like it that way…. But, would I worry less or be less ambitious had I had a very stable and “normal” childhood? Would I understand what it’s like to want everything my way, not consider others’ feelings and just be egocentric? Or am I already like this, but blind to it – remove the plank from my own eye?

Anyway, these are just the beginnings of what my mind is undertaking – who says I’m stressed? 😛

More to come,

-T

It’s nearly 1am and I’m still up…

The weekend is sadly coming to an end and my 8-hours + naps and 11-hours sleeping sessions this weekend has caused me to forget normal hours, like the fact I must be awake in about 5 hours to mark essays and teach classes… <sigh> Why must the real world get in the way?? 😀

The weekends are definitely the best part of my life right now. Between Margarita Thursdays and afternoons on the beach, what’s not to love about the weekend? Despite my current stress and missing loved ones who are far away, I have to say on the positive side that I’m totally in love and happy these days with the man in my life. He’s … amazing. Every day I think how lucky I am and how much he makes me smile, laugh and love.

So, sadly real-world stuff brings the weekend joy to an end, but soon it will all be over and after a couple weeks of intense work (I hope!) on my dissertation proposal, etc. The summer holidays will be here and joy will be a full-time feeling!!!

Until next time,

-T