It feels like the past few months have been just a blur in my life. In fact, it’s like I’ve come out of a dream where I was sleep walking through my life. I think for the time-being the worst is over – so let me catch up.
My post on depression was me peeking out into the “real” world again only to find that it was still too overwhelming to write, talk to people, hang out with anyone other than R, or to even accept there’s a whole world out there. However, it seems that the darkness that was surrounding me has passed over and each day I feel a little lighter, a little happier, a little more motivated to study/work and a sense of re-discovering and renewing myself.
Signs that I’m feeling myself are in that in the past week I’ve completed and submitted a work research proposal and another draft of my dissertation proposal. While I still have a list of other things to do, especially while I am on a two-week holiday from work (and for the first time in two years not traveling to some other country), I feel good about my progress so far.
It’s important for me to log what it’s taken for me to reach the light because I imagine that I’ll face the depression again at some point in the future – though I hope that I’ll catch it sooner. First, the love and support of my close and trusted friends has been immeasurable. Normally, I would lean on my parents, but they are far away and sometimes such conversations just can’t be had over the telephone. Also, with encouragement I’ve started seeing a counselor. Despite my lack of trust and confidence in therapy, I think it’s been helpful and I promised to give it a real go this time and work on not putting up my guard when I’m there. This combined with some anti-depressants has also been effective, I think. While I still don’t know what I should be feeling with the Cipralex – I think my lack of panic attacks in a few weeks and a general sense of conscience calm could be signs that it is having an effect.
Anyway, so that’s my blabbering update on my life the past few months and why this has been a quiet space other than updating the books I’ve been reading. I’m *hoping* that I will post more regularly now as I’ve got some new goals and action plans that I want to keep in the front of my mind always as 2011 continues to pass on by.
Until next time…
-T
