Personal Twisters

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Feb 112011
 

He’s a new father. I’m happy for him – really, honestly happy for him. He has a son, which isn’t really important, but it leaves a bit of a sour taste in my mouth that he’s been given an eldest son already. Why should it matter to me at all is the real question?

On one hand, it really doesn’t. We’ve forgiven and moved on. On the other hand, clearly it does as wounds may heal, but the scars are always there to remind you of how the wound came to be. I’ve never regretted the decision to walk away no matter how difficult it was or the pain that we both went through. In my heart, I knew he would move on quickly and be remarried within a couple of years of our end. So, when that became a reality I was not surprised nor upset. When he got his ideal job (or at least I think it is), I felt happy for him and thought that he really must have gotten his act together and maybe, just maybe that was the good that came out of the pain and sadness for him. Though we often argued over whose fault it was that we didn’t work out, the truth is that it was both of us in so many different ways and I think we both came to terms with that reality.

Still, I carried a twinge of bitterness/jealousy that his life was so quickly coming back together and I felt that mine was an uncontrollable tornado that would never twist itself out into a calm breeze. It left me lacking confidence and wondering if I really had made the worst mistake of my life despite my sense of justification for leaving.

However, as my life finds that calm breeze I’ve been waiting for, I am realizing that everything works out according to our own circumstances and needs. Though I’m not really comfortable/right with God these days, I still accept a greater presence than us. It’s clear that I needed to go through my own tornado to realize that I had some personal house-cleaning to do rather than trying to clean up for others. So, I’m comfortable that timing is individualized and I can find some peace with the way life is going for me, for him. 🙂

Until next time….

-T

 Posted by at 13:54

_Into the Wild_

 Literary Escapes  No Responses »
Feb 112011
 

_Into the Wild_ by Jon Krakauer

After reading Jon Krakauer’s _Under the Banner of Heaven_, I thought I’d try another one of his recommended novels. This 2007 novel, _Into the Wild_ follows the story of Chris McCandless who walks away from his family, possessions, and way of life in hopes of finding his ideal future. With natural parallels made to Jack London’s _Call of the Wild_, Krakauer retraces McCandless’s journey once he has walked away from everything he’s known.

McCandless’s journey takes him across the United States, leaving behind lasting impressions with those who crossed his path. He seemed to be well-liked, charismatic and intelligent. While he is often described as lacking in street smarts, he presents himself as a hard-worker and realistic despite his propelling search for a utopic world. These contradictions within him make the story compelling to follow.

Of course, when McCandless is found dead in the wilderness of Alaska, it’s no surprise and the varied critics of his lack of preparedness to expect a different ending are unsympathetic. As Krakauer explores the area around where McCandless finally starved to death or died from toxic plants he had eaten, it is ironic to learn that just a few miles down river he could have gotten back to civilization or found better shelter with the chance of finding food.

In some ways, though it is a tragic ending to a young man’s life who clearly was searching for something more fulfilling in his life, it is somehow fitting and almost romantic that he did die this way. Krakauer suggests that McCandless had started to realize a way of making his ideal world and the real one work together, but it will forever remain a mystery as to whether or not such a character would really have been able to  find a way to be satisfied or not.

Of course, readers/critics must feel for his family that he left behind and though some might make him out to be some sort of hero, the reality is that he was a troubled soul looking for a way to reconcile the realities of life and his dreams of one he aspired to make true.

Perhaps from this in-depth explanation of the novel, you can guess how I felt about the book. I found it engaging and a very easy read. Again, I like Krakauer’s style of mixing different lines of stories that all connect back to the main one. I hear there is a Sean Penn movie out about this book, so I may take a look at that. All-in-all, I recommend reading it as it also brings out philosophical questions, which are always of interest to me. 🙂

More to come…

-T

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