March 2011 – Creative Meanderings

Some progress…

Mar 242011

Some of my negative energy has needed to be channeled into something productive and proactive towards getting me back on track towards a semblance of the driven, ambitious and motivated old-me. Of course, I may never return fully to that person as I’ve re-assessed what I value and what it is I want to accomplish in my life….

Anyway, I ramble. Tonight, I leave to meet my mama in Rome for our week-long trip through Italy. Can’t wait!!! Of course, pics and posts will be made upon my return.

Since my students had tests today and all I have to do is sit in front and ensure that they don’t cheat, I’ve had time to do other things of interest to me. So, you may notice there’s been a bit of a change to the sidebar of this site. I’ve added a links category to include sites I find on adoption or by adoptees. This is part of a long-term project that I’d like to undertake in consolidating all the voices out there on the topic of adoption. It’s a BIG undertaking since many sites have a number of links to other sites and so on and so forth. Thus, I’m just linking to the main sites I find and then can sort out the rest later. Still, it’s interesting and fun to find so many voices out there trying to be heard.

Another project, I’m hoping this post will now officially motivate me to get sorted is an Abu Dhabi blog with posts on life here from all aspects and various perspectives. My hope is to get multiple contributors and make it a sort of guide-to-living here with a ground-level perspective. This idea stemmed from a drunken conversation with R about how little information there is out there that tells about the realities of living in this place. It’s not ready for a full launch just yet as I’m collecting pics and information still. However, I’m hoping in another few months I’ll be able to have enough to make it a top Google search site when looking for information on the Dhab! 😀

So, while my progress has not been at all academically driven, though it should be, I am making progress in what is interesting me most at the moment. Better than nothing, I say!!

More to come…

-T

Belonging

Creative Meanderings, Writing No Responses »

Mar 232011

To whom do I belong?
a biological mother who abandoned me
families that denied me
men who took advantage of my body
a woman who scarred my mental and emotional states

To what place do I belong?
one that sent me away
one that lost me in their system
one that is blind to diversity
one that uses people who look like me

Where do I belong?
near my loving adoptive family
near my adoptive country
near my friends in foreign lands
near my motherland

How do I belong?
by accepting
by adapting
by adjusting
by assimilating

Is this the way I belong?

-T
~March 14, 2011

The Asian Perspective

Going Mental No Responses »

Mar 232011

For some time I’ve been following this website called 8 Asians. I’ve long been interested in the perspective and perception of Asians in America, whether they are Asian-American (personally defined as those who are Asian with a mix of Asian culture and American culture), Asian-Asian (those living in America, but call an Asian country home), or Asian-Adoptees (which I separate from calling Asian-American).

When I was young, I used to joke about wanting to be President and then reminded myself it was a pointless dream since I was not born in the States and thus it would be an impossibility for me to take on any high-level White House position. Though disappointed, I would frequently throughout my life think how very few Asians are seen in the public eye.

Thus, when I found this site, I was quite happy and have been enjoying reading about the Asian presence in America and various Asian perspectives. As an Asian-Adoptee it is somewhat hard to relate to everything that is written, but at the same time I feel a connection to the voices.

This article “Do Asians Hate Asian Americans?” was quite interesting to me. After living in Japan and having people think I was Japanese and thus judging my language and behaviors on the Japanese scale, I related to this article well. Also, having visited Korea and not speaking a word of Korean despite looking as if I should, I can understand how it feels to be out of place and dismissed though we share similar genetic make-up. Though Koreans will tell me that a Korean is a Korean no matter what, I think there are still sentiments of superiority to those who do not have Korean culture and language as their identity. The only thing that gets me out of too much disdain is that I’m adopted and the shame of this in Korea makes them much more forgiving. 😉

-T

Negativity

Going Mental No Responses »

Mar 212011

Beware!!! – negative rant to follow:

To release my frustrations I make this list in hopes of letting it all go. 🙂

* I dislike selfish people who either knowingly or unwittingly force others to conform to their ways and wishes despite clear statements to the opposite preference.

* I don’t respect people who are hypocritical with their actions and words.

* I am not a dog or child to be barked orders to even if it is not intended as such. Why do we not consider how our words sound and can be perceived?

* I hate feeling as if I always have to compromise to keep the peace between people. When do others compromise for me?

* I am not motivated to contribute or work hard when there are no tangible rewards or recognition for my efforts or when I am constantly asked to justify every request or action just to try something new or do something to benefit others.

* I am tired of being nice and giving to others. Sometime, I’d like for someone else to do the same in equal measure for me.

That all being said, I’m most definitely not perfect! I’m sure I may be guilty of some of these negatives as well though I try not to or may even not be aware of the truth of them in my own life. I try to reflect and ensure that I’m not, but again I’m not perfect.

It’s just a period of time where I feel frustrated and annoyed with the world and life. It will pass as it always does. But, it feels good to get it out!!! 😀 Now, I can focus on the positives!

_Genie: A Scientific Tragedy_

Literary Escapes No Responses »

Mar 202011

_Genie: A Scientific Tragedy_ by Russ Rymer

Back in my graduate school days, the story of Genie was often talked about in relation to language acquisition. There are different theories as to the ability to learn language properly according to inherit skills, age of development and other outside factors. The debate on this topic continues today as examples for all theories continue to arise and be discussed.

This book does not discuss the debate so much as question when science/scientists go too far and lose sight of the object of study as being a human being in need of a stable environment in which to grow and heal.

Genie’s story came to light when she and her mother escaped the abuse of her father. Until the age of 12 or 13, Genie was kept locked up in a room, sometimes tied to a potty chair, sometimes tied to her crib, and never communicated with others, outside of scare tactics or fearful reprimands. Every aspect of her development was stunted except for the unstoppable natural growth of her body. Her mother was mostly blind and complacent in the behavior of the man of the house. Though Genie has a brother, he is not spoken of much throughout the book.

When Genie was taken into state custody, she suddenly became an ideal specimen for scientists who were interested in various areas of sociological, psychological and linguistic studies. Having found a person who was isolated (like a control group in a research project), was a lucky chance for those in the picture. Unfortunately, competition, egos, arrogance and loss of perspective eventually got in the way of producing expected results and, ultimately, had a greater negative effect on the subject herself.

I’m glad that I finally had a chance to read this story. It was very interesting and makes me curious how Genie is today after so many years of being free of her difficult past. However, knowing how the past stays with you no matter what you try to do, I wonder what she has become able to do.

Anyway, it’s not too technical of a story and it’s very interesting, I think.

More to come…

-T

Limits

Going Mental No Responses »

Mar 172011

I’ve hit my limit on Facebooking. It’s always been a consideration for me to give it up entirely or to check once a week or something. However, I’ve always gone back due to wanting to feel connected to the world and know about what is going on in people’s lives.

Something changed recently in my mind regarding this. Lately, I find checking merely a habit and that I only skim through people’s updates and though I might get the majority of my news from this, I just don’t find it to be pleasurable or that beneficial to myself. So, I’ve decided to take a break from the Facebook world. I didn’t delete my account because I’m sure I will eventually return. Plus, it is still a useful networking site to be a part of when I do want to be in touch with others whom I don’t email with regularly or don’t have my Skype or IM connection.

So, perhaps that means I’ll post more here and start pushing myself to do more productive and proactive things instead of wasting time skimming updates. 🙂

More to come….

-T

Aimless

Going Mental No Responses »

Mar 092011

It’s March! There’s only another 10 months to go before 2011 finishes….. Most people say, “I can’t believe it’s already March, this year is going so fast!” But, lately, I’m thinking, it’s only March…but why should I be in a rush for the year to come to an end? More importantly, what are others doing that time seems to be flying by so fast for them?

It’s been about four months that I’ve been taking meds and trying to get my life in a balance. Some parts of my life have fabulously found its way to a solid calm and others leave me completely up and down. So, then I start to contemplate, what am I doing? Where am I going? What’s the point of this life I’m leading? What would be better if this is not satisfactory? Or am I just being an aimless, selfish, spoiled person trying to find some ridiculous epiphany that others in the world have learned to accept doesn’t exist?

I want to write, but I haven’t been writing.

I want to do my PhD, but every time I pick up the paperwork to move forward, I get bored and put it down.

I want to finish a research project started more than two years ago, but the data analysis also bores me so that though I’m very interested in the results I cannot focus enough to try to understand them.

These are the three highest activities on my list and all three very much within my control to do. So, what’s stopping me…? I DON’T KNOW! 🙁

So, for the second time in my life, I feel aimless/directionless/unsure – at least in terms of my non-personal life. It’s somehow not bothering me like I should, which is a thumbs up for drugs! 😀

As for my personal life – well, I’ll save something more interesting for a more uplifting post to come soon. 😉

Until next time…

-T

_Where Men Win Glory_

Literary Escapes No Responses »

Mar 022011

_Where Men Win Glory: The Odyssey of Pat Tillman_ by Jon Krakauer

I have realized that it is possible that I am reading to avoid the myriad of other tasks that I should be doing to be more productive towards completing research and professional goals. However, I also consider reading a useful and productive endeavor even if it’s not directly impacting what I should technically be doing. 🙂

In any case, after seeing Jon Krakauer on The Daily Show many months ago promoting his latest book, I thought I’d go ahead and round off my Krakauer series of readings. This book follows the story of Pat Tillman, his life and death, and the government’s role in the media and cover-up of the truth.

I remember when I first heard Pat Tillman’s name because the news was so shocked that an NFL player had decided to enlist in the Army to fight during the Iraq war. Most men of our age look for ways to avoid having to go into the military and so it was a surprise to hear that someone making NFL money would give that up to fight a war that I think our generation were not sure was worth fighting despite the 9/11 attacks and aftermath. However, despite the media hype, I just took the man to be someone who felt an obligation to protect and serve for his country, which is something I’m in awe of and respect since I’m not sure where my position on that stands.

Some months later, I also recall the media making a big fuss over the announcement that this same Pat Tillman had been killed in battle. It seemed like a shame, but to someone who was no longer interested and desensitized to all the BS going on about the war, I just pushed it aside as another meaningless loss in a war that we shouldn’t have continued forth with to the level that it went. Still, I was overseas and it was easy to ignore everything.

For me, that was the end of my knowledge and interest in the Pat Tillman story and a bulk of any thoughts I put towards the war; sad but true. 🙁 However, this book really started to bring my attention to just how crazy the whole shenanigans were. The military tried to cover up the truth that Tillman had unfortunately been killed by friendly fire due to poor communications and leadership. It’s amazing to me that people still have not learned that lying and cover ups never ever are successful when it comes to the life of another person and on a scale such as a WAR!

Anyway, as I read, I felt both anger and annoyance at the military and people in leadership positions who think only about saving their own asses rather than what is morally and ethically right. It continued to push me on the side of thinking war is truly a pointless endeavor when the target and goals are not clear or are about something more than the basic protection of our country. I felt sadness for the Tillman family in not only losing a special member of their family, but also for the inability to mourn peacefully as they struggled to find out the truth because of conflicting stories and information.

So, now part of me is interested in reading more about the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, but part of me can’t bear the thought of finding out more lies and truths about decisions and actions made that I probably disagree with. I’ve been watching the TV series of The Band of Brothers and The Pacific on the two fronts of World War II. In these shows I can see both the need to fight for the country and the senselessness of killing other men. Still, it seems that there is honor and pride in these battles despite the horrors and trauma. I’m not getting that sense from our more recent wars, but then again the enemy is different and the world has changed…..

Anyway, I think I need to stop reading for a while to focus on more academic pursuits and to give my head a wee break. Though, I may have to return to some mindless fiction eventually! 😀

More to come later,

-T

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