October 2011 – Page 2 – Creative Meanderings

These are a couple of poems I wrote for the Emirates Literary Group Abu Dhabi that I went to last month, but am skipping this month as I’m totally wiped out today….

They don’t have titles at the moment other than “October Blues”.

If you are always right
And I am always wrong,
Then why do we fight?

With all your tendencies
Towards arrogance, hypocrisy and idiocy,
Why won’t you just see?

Perhaps, just possibly,
You might be wrong –
But, no, how could that be?

~T
October 10, 2011

_____________________________

From the outside,
It shines like a new coin.

From the outside,
It runs like a well-oiled machine.

From the outside,
Everyone smiles.

From the outside,
Everyone is your friend.

Unfortunately, the inside is never
Quite what it seems,

From the outside.

~T
October 10, 2011

There’s no real reason for me to be in a funk and yet I am. I am sure that the source goes back a week or two and that although things seem quite good right now, the effects of previous events are finally take their toll.

I am questioning everything (if you couldn’t tell…) and am finding no satisfying answers.

Everything looks bleak and lame. Reminds me of a recent South Park episode, where Stan just hears people speaking ‘shit’. That’s about how I feel….

The crazy thing is that this show used to drive me crazy with its level of crass and crudeness. Maybe I wasn’t yet cynical enough to fully appreciate it…. It still goes too far for me in some things, but somehow I’ve been laughing my way through the episodes. Not sure if I should be really worried yet or not… 😛

Another one of my moments of ‘why am I doing this?’ in my life is related to exercising. I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with running – in fact, it took me years to even consider it as an exercise option.

When I was young, I played sports and so being active involved being part of a team. I loved playing volleyball and have often missed those days. However, as I’ve gotten older and moved around, it is harder to find a team to join with people I like to be around. Thus, I have been limited to individual exercise activities.

Initially, I took up swimming because it didn’t hurt my back or knees and I love to be out in the sun soaking up the heat. However, I couldn’t always find a pool when I was traveling and so somehow, somewhere I started running.

Most of the people I know who run have some goal in mind – a marathon, a training scheme, to lose weight – and I just started slowly without any goal. For a while I was doing well and loved that I had lost weight and was nearly the size of my high school days. Even lately, I thought I would do a triathlon, but the reality is that I’m not that interested in such a thing. I’ve never really been competitive in sports. I like to just enjoy it…. Thus, I just run now – but why?

To motivate myself, I do follow a running schedule based on Nike’s ‘coach’ online. Sometimes I follow it, other times I skip a day here and there.

So, what’s my point? Well, I realized that I feel guilty if I don’t run or I miss a day on the schedule. Like this morning, I could have gone for my scheduled run. It’s the weekend and I have time. But, I didn’t have any clean and dry running clothes and I really felt tired, so…I didn’t go…. Now, I feel as if I should have, but WHY?

Part of me wants to believe it’s my body telling me it misses the exercise, but most of me knows it’s the guilt from not sticking to my schedule. So, I rebel. I’m not tied to a schedule – especially not one I chose and I have the power to do or not do.

Yes, I’m like an adolescent right now expressing my independence from…the world! 😀

Everything goes up and down – life, work, relationships, moods, and so on.

I wanted to write more frequently, but then I sometimes feel uninspired. Sometimes I am not sure how much of my personal thoughts and life I should be sharing on this public arena. Then, I remind myself I’ve already shared bits here and there. Still, I keep a lot of things close to myself since who knows who is actually reading this blog or who might come across it and use it against me…?!

So, I’m never really sure. of. anything.

I signed up for a site that encourages you to write daily on your blog by giving prompts of topics to write about so that the habit of writing is developed. I was doing well over the summer finding random, meaningless things to share. However, once work started and chaos returned to my life, I fell behind. I thought with October beginning I would try again, but…I’m already a week behind…

Then, I tell myself – who cares if I’m behind? It’s not a race. There’s no reward or consequences if I miss a week, a day or even months. Why does it matter?

We get caught up in these cycles and allow external influences speed up or slow down these cycles – making me crazy, by the way.

So, if it’s not too cliche to jump on the repeated words of Steve Jobs over the last couple of days since his death, I’d like to step outside of the pressures and cycles of others and follow my own. If it makes me an outcast or if it causes me to seem a bit eccentric – why should I care? Who am I trying to please anyway?

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Creative Meanderings

October Blues – poems

And the funk is back….

The joy of exercising?

Cycles….

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