Just thought I’d give an update on my starts. The pics are from two weeks ago and I need to take new ones, but have to replant some seedlings first. Maybe next weekend…. In the meantime:
Oct 272012
Oct 262012
I’ve always thought fighting was a waste of time. It’s generally a time when people are trying to convince someone else of their point of view when that person doesn’t want to hear it. It’s sort of like having a conversation with a wall or trying to talk to someone through a door. There’s no way that what truly needs to be understood will be heard or even considered.
In one of my therapy sessions a while back, I said something about the way that I fight and had assumed it was the same for everyone. I tend to say the things I don’t or can’t say at normal times when I fight. Thus, the meaning of the words amidst the fighting are stronger and more meaningful. Likewise, when I hear others’ words in a fight, I take them very deeply.
My therapist suggested that perhaps some people just say nonsense things that they don’t really mean when they fight. So, while the words may be strong, they are just words. I was surprised and wondered at the truth of this.
The other day I was in a fight. It was a pointless fight in terms of content. It ended with me being given an ultimatum, threat and demand.
Needless to say this didn’t go over too well with me. First, ultimatums tend to push me into a corner in which I generally take an action that is opposite to the desired effect. Second, who likes threats of any kind? This one in particular meant the end of what is normally a great thing. Finally, a demand of any kind can be annoying, but one that expects a change to the person is harder to swallow when a person doesn’t just change overnight.
I contemplated running away as I often do. Find a way out and take that door. Always have an escape route should things become too difficult or threatening (remnants of survival instincts). Use the power of walking away if all else fails. I spent the night crying alone.
Then, the reality hit me – it’s not an uplifting one, but it calmed me.
The only person who cares what I say or what I think is me. No one else truly does deep down inside. We all take care of ourselves first. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying or in denial of their basic human instincts. So, if I am the only one who really cares, then I ask who am I really in this world?
I’m a speck of dust. I’m another worker ant or bee. Basically, I’m nobody.
Okay, there are people who love me. There are people who care about me. There are people who think about me.
However, if I were to disappear, how long would it take before anyone really noticed? They would be sad for a moment in life, but then life would continue and I’d be a memory or even forgotten. They would continue to worry about themselves and their own lives.
So, my point is that there is no purpose to fighting. Making our point, trying to win an argument, attempting to convince someone to see our side – it all has no meaning. At the end of the day, only we care about what we think. Only we care about our point. And, basically, we are nobody, so why waste time fighting and being unhappy?
Uplifting thoughts for the day… π I’m okay, really, just taking another step closer to utter cynicism.
-T
Oct 212012
So, most of last week I was pretty exhausted and felt totally overwhelmed by everything. This weekend I vowed to settle myself and to get my schedule reset so that I could better accomplish what needs to be done.
Then, as I was looking at my calendar, I realized that I needed to remove my NuvaRing. TMI? Well, it’s important to know because once I take it out, I have about two days before Aunt Flo comes for her monthly visit. Suddenly, my feelings from the last week all made sense!
Why write about this, you might ask? Well, I’ve always had very regular and easy monthly hormones. My period never gave me pause and in most months I could easily forget when it was coming or that I was having it at all.
However, this seems to have changed over the past few years and I’m just now starting to understand it. It helps (or not) that my BF always wants to blame my moodiness on it rather than acknowledging or validating my feelings the way they are at the time they come. Still, now that I’m finally processing his point and realizing the change, I think he might have a valid point of his own. I am quite moody and emotional the week before. I have PMS! Yikes…
So, now that I know, I guess I can try to be more aware and offer more insight to my tiredness and grouchiness. Maybe I’ll just send my BF my calendar. π
Thankfully, I feel better already this week (it’s only just begun), and just might get all those things on my long list done.
-T π
Oct 202012
It’s hard to believe yet another year of the film festival was upon us. With all of the busyness going on, I wasn’t even sure about attending any films as I can barely stay awake past 8pm during the weekdays. In past years, I’ve gone from attending around 10 films over the week-long festival to choosing one particular venue to choosing a few that are at reasonable times to attend. π
So, this year, I looked for ones on days that I would more than likely go and narrowed to three that looked worthwhile. The first one we had to skip because of another event that came up. However, we managed to get to the other two.
First up was “Approved for Adoption” by Jung and Laurent Boileau. Here’s a trailer:
We stayed afterwards to hear Jung speak and it was so wonderful to have a KAD represent our viewpoints and our stories. It was interesting that he wanted to focus more on the issue of identity than of the adoption experience itself. Perhaps it is the safer one to tackle as it starts to get too deep and personal otherwise. It was interesting to hear people speak of adoption openly – one man said he was second-guessing his desire to adopt in the future after seeing the film; another woman said that her daughter was adopted and that she was glad that the film showed a balanced view of the experience. For others it was just a sharing of a powerful story in a creative way. I spoke with Jung afterwards briefly and was not surprised to hear that he was close with Deann Borshay Liem, whose documentaries I own and are wonderful. She is working on another documentary called “Geographies of Kinship“, which I have sponsored. In any case, it was really great to see this film and to have it at a film festival!
Next up was “The House I Live In” by Eugene Jarecki. Here’s the trailer:
It was a very well-done film showing the struggles of the War on Drugs and what it has really done to the US society. I’ll not go further into a commentary, but it was a thought-provoking film.
There were two other films that were shown in the film festival that we actually downloaded and watched at home.
1. Arbitrage – directed by Eugene Jarecki’s brother, Nicholas Jarecki (what a creative family!); starring Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon.
I may have fallen asleep through some of this…but overall it was pretty good.
2. The Expatriate – directed by Philipp Stolz.
Also entertaining enough, but am glad that we didn’t pay to see these in the theatre as the TV was good enough. π
Thus ends the fun of the Abu Dhabi Film Festival for 2012!
π
T
Oct 162012
want to find a new job are the ones when I am reminded just how immature, irresponsible and petty this place is. Sometimes I am unhappy with my colleagues and other times it is with my students.
Today or rather yesterday, it is my students. They don’t want to do homework. They are given an entire week to accomplish 5 readings (30mins a day), 5 Pinterest pin posts, and a discussion post over the weekend. In class they are expected to do other work. Now that it is time to check the homework from the past 5 weeks (none of which they have done), they think we’re too strict and asking too much of them. They think they want classes to be like everyone elses where there is a quiz every week and worksheets full of meaningless practice without production of the language….
Since they think they know better than us teachers who have studied and trained and worked for years in the field, they have gone over our heads to complain. Thankfully, (and surprisingly I can’t complain) my supervisor is respectful and appreciative of our work and different style. Thus, she told the students to hash it out with us. But, seriously, the nerve…the balls…the disrespect in MY culture and world….
It’s these times when I think to myself, what the F*** am I doing here?
My idealistic side wants to say, it’s ok, we’re making a difference even if it is small.
My realistic side wants to say, it’s ok, it’s just the way it is.
My cynical side wants to say, it’s typical, what else did I expect?
My Oregon-from-the-styx side wants to say, bring it on b***es and let’s see what you’ve got!
π Which side will win?
Oct 122012
Just before the summer holidays one of my colleagues was wearing these amazing shoes and I asked about it. It was also just around the time that I was reading _Born to Run_ to motivate myself to really get into running. Since I love toe socks (pictured in the _Born to Run_ post), I was totally fascinated by these shoes!
Before my summer accident I had great plans of running outside in Thailand and really getting myself off the treadmill….Then, I was put out of commission for most of the summer, so I decided it was a good time to get these Vibram FiveFinger shoes to retrain my running once I was all healed up.
Therefore, as I was rebuilding up my ankle, I would walk barefoot on the sand along the beach to build up strength in my feet. I tried running barefoot as well for the short distances that I could.
Once we returned to AD, my plans for outside running were put aside as the weather just isn’t great for it. But, I had my new shoes and began using them on the treadmill.
I have two pairs. One (the purple ones) I use only for running. The other (black ones) I use around the house or for the yoga and pilates classes I have just started taking (well, have had one class each as they cancelled classes last week, but I AM going back!). π I LOVE THEM!
They not only make my feet happy, but running is so smooth and relaxed. Although I haven’t really gained a love for running (especially as I’ve recently gotten bored with the treadmill…though I still don’t mind walking forever…), I am at least feeling good with my new running shoes! π
-T
Oct 112012
Oct 092012
I have a few thoughts mulling around, but no time at the moment to get to writing on it… So, instead, here are some photos from life here in the crazy Dhabs!
Oct 082012
Lately, I’ve been considering a new future blog. It won’t happen until I finish my PhD because really I don’t need yet another blog or way to use up my time….
However, I’m torn. I’ve got this blog, my professional blog and started an ADPOV blog that lies dormant. I barely keep this one up and my poor professional blog has long been neglected….
Still…I’ve long wanted to have an adoption blog. Yet, I think why add another one to the millions already out there with people telling their adoption stories or advocating for adoption rights or expressing their angst towards the whole system? What would my blog bring to the arena that isn’t already out there? I’ve got time to think this through, but it’s in my heart to do it. I just need the right theme and purpose….
Anyway, another week begins and I already dread it…why? Dunno yet. π
Oct 072012
There are times when I am reminded to stop and take stock of my life and relationships.
Yesterday (Friday) was one of those moments… R went out to swim on the roof and came back shortly after leaving as he didn’t realize that they had implemented a new security system where we have to use our parking cards to access the pool. On his way back he heard some commotion in an apartment on our floor, so he asked me to come with him.
The couple inside were clearly having a fight and just as we were about to knock on the door, the woman came out of the apartment crying with a cut under her eye. We asked her what was going on and she explained … as we were talking with her, the husband opened the door sans pants and wanted her to come back in. R talked to both of them, she clearly did not want to go back inside … the apartment was a mess as if someone had been throwing things … in the end, we think she went to a nearby hotel to give them some space and we warned them that if it happens again the police would have to get involved, which is not desirable considering both were also pretty liquored… Now, I don’t write this to gossip about my neighbors or spread some crazy story about people, but rather because it gives perspective.
Both R and I realized how lucky we are to have each other and that we get along rather well. The crazy thing was that we felt the most sorry for their two cats who look petrified… π
So, although I might be a bit whiny or negative about things lately, I definitely had an injection of appreciation yesterday! π
ON A HAPPIER NOTE:
This morning, I realized I’ve been a bit depressed about my family and one reason is because this weekend is a happy celebration that I am missing. My beautiful and wonderful lil’ cousin is getting married!
I’m missing all of the fun and family functions involved…which SUCKS! So… I’m sooooo happy for her as she’s really just a wonderful person and sad to be missing out on her special day to a guy who must be equally wonderful to have captured her heart!Β β₯
