I’ve always thought fighting was a waste of time. It’s generally a time when people are trying to convince someone else of their point of view when that person doesn’t want to hear it. It’s sort of like having a conversation with a wall or trying to talk to someone through a door. There’s no way that what truly needs to be understood will be heard or even considered.
In one of my therapy sessions a while back, I said something about the way that I fight and had assumed it was the same for everyone. I tend to say the things I don’t or can’t say at normal times when I fight. Thus, the meaning of the words amidst the fighting are stronger and more meaningful. Likewise, when I hear others’ words in a fight, I take them very deeply.
My therapist suggested that perhaps some people just say nonsense things that they don’t really mean when they fight. So, while the words may be strong, they are just words. I was surprised and wondered at the truth of this.
The other day I was in a fight. It was a pointless fight in terms of content. It ended with me being given an ultimatum, threat and demand.
Needless to say this didn’t go over too well with me. First, ultimatums tend to push me into a corner in which I generally take an action that is opposite to the desired effect. Second, who likes threats of any kind? This one in particular meant the end of what is normally a great thing. Finally, a demand of any kind can be annoying, but one that expects a change to the person is harder to swallow when a person doesn’t just change overnight.
I contemplated running away as I often do. Find a way out and take that door. Always have an escape route should things become too difficult or threatening (remnants of survival instincts). Use the power of walking away if all else fails. I spent the night crying alone.
Then, the reality hit me – it’s not an uplifting one, but it calmed me.
The only person who cares what I say or what I think is me. No one else truly does deep down inside. We all take care of ourselves first. Anyone who says otherwise is either lying or in denial of their basic human instincts. So, if I am the only one who really cares, then I ask who am I really in this world?
I’m a speck of dust. I’m another worker ant or bee. Basically, I’m nobody.
Okay, there are people who love me. There are people who care about me. There are people who think about me.
However, if I were to disappear, how long would it take before anyone really noticed? They would be sad for a moment in life, but then life would continue and I’d be a memory or even forgotten. They would continue to worry about themselves and their own lives.
So, my point is that there is no purpose to fighting. Making our point, trying to win an argument, attempting to convince someone to see our side – it all has no meaning. At the end of the day, only we care about what we think. Only we care about our point. And, basically, we are nobody, so why waste time fighting and being unhappy?
Uplifting thoughts for the day… π I’m okay, really, just taking another step closer to utter cynicism.
-T
