November 2012 – Creative Meanderings

The Ups and Downs

Nov 272012

It’s been a while since I’ve talked about my ‘ups and downs’, but as I just took my bi-weekly anxiety and depression test I thought it might be a good time to update.

It seems I’m on a gradual decline for both anxiety and depression, which is good as there are no drugs involved in helping with it. However, it could also just be that I’m on my way up, so as always I have to be aware of my behavior and activities.

Lately, I’ve been talking about all the crafty things I do on top of all the stuff I take on at work. It makes me seem a bit on the nutty side. I mean who crochets, knits, sews, does pottery whilst doing a PhD and taking on about three different jobs at work that aren’t just the normal teaching load? A crazy person, right?! 😛

So, I have been trying to slow my brain down enough to consider whether or not this is a healthy way to live. What is suffering, if anything? Should I try taking a step back from some things, such as coordinating or tech support? I haven’t quite come to any conclusions. One reason I’m so busy at work is to stay sane. I am not sure what I would do with myself if I weren’t so busy during the day as I can’t really do my doctoral studies there. Mostly, I just need to discipline myself at home better, but that is hard to do when I’m so tired from work….Perhaps this is an area that is suffering…? If I did less at work, would I do more at home? Hm…

Anyway, I generally start to get sad around this time of year being away from home during the holidays, but that hasn’t started yet….Maybe I’ve been too busy to think about! 😀

So, the ups and downs are staying more balanced lately. I just hope I can keep it that way….

-T 😀

Thankfulness

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Nov 232012

This is perhaps my very first year of doing absolutely nothing to celebrate Thanksgiving. I didn’t call home and no one from home called me. We didn’t make plans to cook up a storm nor were we invited to any other parties. In fact, most of our friends now are not even American….

While one might think this is sad, I don’t really feel that way. In fact, I’m pretty ambivalent. Recently, my cynical nature has increased and so I find it a relief not to have to fake celebratory emotions. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m very thankful for a number of things in my life:

*I have a job – it pays well, it’s not too taxing (except that I make it so), it gives great holidays and benefits, etc.
*I have wonderful friends both near and far whom I could not make it without – this includes my BF.
*I have a loving family whom I wish I could see more
*I have pretty good health
*I am generally spoiled in my life which I recognize and wholeheartedly accept! 😛

So, trust me I am fully aware of my blessings and gifts in my life. However, I don’t feel the need to carry out traditions of turkey and gatherings. I love my turkey, but I can make it anytime I want it. I love gatherings, but I can organize them anytime I want to socialize. Thus, it seems rather forced to have these ‘events’ under the guise of a holiday.

Why can’t we go to the effort and remind each other of our blessings regularly throughout the year? Why does it have to fall on one day or in a season once a year?

Maybe I don’t live up to my own standards and maybe I’m just convincing myself that I don’t care or don’t miss the season and activities. I’m not sure really. However, I know that I don’t really feel sad or lonely. Instead, I’m enjoying the cool sunny weather and breeze that passes over my balcony garden as I work on my dissertation and look forward to my usual weekend activities.

-T 😀

Changing Seasons…

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Nov 222012

16-Nov-2012 15:23, NIKON COOLPIX S51, 3.7, 11.0mm, 0.005 sec, ISO 100

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Something I hardly notice having lived in a warm climate for nearly four years is the changing of seasons. For me, the seasonal change includes allergies and a reduction in the A/C temperature. Sometimes, it might even mean opening a door to let some cool air come in, but not too long or else the dust starts to settle inside.

So, last week, I was able to attend a conference in Paris and felt the sharp contrast of the wintry weather. I can’t say that I have been missing it.

However, I also got to feel a bit of a reminder of what this time of year brings… joys of the holidays –

17-Nov-2012 14:16, NIKON COOLPIX S51, 3.3, 6.3mm, 0.033 sec, ISO 100

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17-Nov-2012 13:59

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17-Nov-2012 13:17, NIKON COOLPIX S51, 3.3, 6.3mm, 0.04 sec, ISO 200

View at Picasa

Now that I do miss a little…. 😛

On a final note, with the changing seasons reminder also came a reminder of the world beyond and so a consideration of other changes has begun…

-T 😀

Some time away…

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Nov 122012

Just as I’m starting to get into the flow of things, I’m about to head off to a conference. It is for work, but includes a great deal of planned leisure. Details will come upon my return. 😀

Until then,

-T

For the Love of Money and Hating the Need For Money

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Nov 102012

One of the reasons I moved to this region was the draw of a higher salary and better financial perks.

After getting divorced and not so equally settling our debt situation, I was burdened with a great deal of red numbers to consider. The idea of having my housing paid for, a round-trip flight home given to me and a rather significant pay increase were all music to my ears.

Almost four years later, what do I have to show? Well, I now own my car after making payments. My sizable debt has gone down so that I might be nearly debt-free (with the exception of my school loans) in less than a year.

The question is should it have taken me so long to get here in my financial situation? Probably not. I have done more traveling than I should have, maybe. I have splurged on regular pampering to keep me destressed. I just don’t worry as much as I should.

HOWEVER, recent days have really made me want to find a better job. Yes, I said it. The joy of the financial boost is wearing off leaving behind the harsh reality that the job just ain’t all it’s cracked up to be without the money curtain to hide the nastiness. So, I’ve contemplated whether or not to leave the region.

Sadly, I’m not financially stable enough to pull that off yet. If I stay another four years, I can be completely debt free with savings to boot. That includes my lifetime school loans! So…by the time I am 40 I can actually have black numbers showing for my life’s work, which is a big motivation indeed.

Plus, if I ever manage to finish my doctorate and find a better job in this region that time period can be shortened. Thus, I have a new goal set before me! 頑張ります！

-T 😀

Why I Never Leave Home Alone…

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Nov 092012

Lately I’ve been a bit bored running on the treadmill. I’ve started doing the random incline, which makes it a bit more challenging, but overall I’m getting a little tired of the walls of our gym. Since I’m too cheap at the moment to pay for a gym membership elsewhere, I thought I would see about running around in the neighborhood.

Last weekend, R and I drove around the neighborhood across the street as it seemed like a reasonably relaxed place to try. So, I decided to take a walk over there this morning to see if it would be a good alternative for me when the gym isn’t great. The first kilometer and a half was pretty good. As it is Friday morning, the streets are quiet and not many people are out and about.

However, as I went further into the ‘hood, I realized how many subcontinent men were around. Some were hanging out in their cars, others were walking around, some were just sitting outside the buildings. The buildings are generally run down and though some of the cars parked in the streets are nice, it’s basically a ‘ghetto’ area. As I continued walking, a car came up behind me and was driving slowly. The driver had his neck craned to stare at me. I ignored him, but took note of his license plate as I’ve started doing since I moved here.

He drove off and I continued on. In the next block, I saw that he had circled back to have another look at me, so I turned down another street. Just in the next block when I was trying to decide if I should go one more block further into the ‘hood, I noticed a car coming up behind me. Guess who?

I shook my head, made sure he noticed I had my phone, and headed back towards home. It was really frustrating because it could have been a nice alternative to the treadmill, but I will not put myself into an uncomfortable position regularly for the sake of exercise. Luckily, he stopped following me and I managed to get just over 4Ks in with my walking exploration. Sadly, I will not be doing that again.

So, my only alternative is to drive down to the Corniche where it’s generally safe to run or find a way to enjoy my free gym….

-T

Purifying

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Nov 072012

A few weeks ago one of my friends was having a lot of allergy issues due to the air conditioner and changing seasons.

I’m always having issues with the dust that builds up in our apartment. Sometimes I have to take allergy meds just to sleep peacefully.

Well, my friend went to the doctor and was told to get an air purifier. After seeing its effects I got two using a Carrefour deal.

I wasn’t sure about them before but now I am sold! As you can see in the picture it takes in the dust and removes odors!

😀

-T

Midterm hell…

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Nov 062012

Okay, it is not exactly hell and it should be looked at as earning my very long summer holidays and the numerous other days I get off in the year.

However, it doesn’t mean that my work is easy! This week has been crazed, but it must all be taken in stride.

Still, it’s another day closer to the weekend!!! 😀

-T

Boundaries…Or Lack Thereof

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Nov 022012

One thing about not being able to sleep in late is that it gives me more time in the mornings to get things done in peace.

Lately, I’ve been considering boundaries.

First, I feel as if I do not set my boundaries strongly enough that they are respected. For example, when I have a lot of work to do and someone wants to do something else with me – whether it’s to watch TV, go out to eat or hang out – I always tend to cater to their wishes despite my saying how much work I need to get done or that I feel like I’m really behind. While it is definitely my fault not just saying NO, it is also their fault for not considering other demands I have when asking me to also meet theirs.

Second, I feel as is if I am always at everyone else’s beck and call – from home to work to family to friends. For example, when my parents want to talk to me, they email and expect that I will be available to them when it’s convenient for them. However, if I email or ask a question, they take their time getting back to me. Or, at home R has a question or needs my help and although he may not expect an immediate response, he hopes for it and feels impatient if I’m not dropping whatever I’m doing to answer him or help him. Likewise, at work everything is last minute. ‘Can you meet after classes today to check a midterm that is set to run in three days?’ Uh…NO, I have plans and why is it so last minute?

I understand we live in a busy world. Everyone has their own perceived sense of busyness according to their own lives. I understand that we all need help and are happy when we can get it. However, I don’t understand that others don’t see that my world doesn’t revolve around their world? I want to make my world compatible and so I do give more than I should to make it appear so, but the truth is that it is wearing me out!

There’s a reason why I need pampering every week. It’s the only time during the week when others serve me and treat me with the kind of respect and attention that I am normally giving to others. What’s the answer?

Time for me to be a little stronger in standing up for me, adjust my schedule and ways to suit me better and remember to respect myself just as much or more than others. 😀

Easier said than done, though…<sigh>

-T

Not a Spare Moment?

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Nov 012012

I keep thinking that one of these days I’ll catch up and be on top of everything again. So far that doesn’t seem to be happening. My goal over the next weekend and week is to sort myself out so that I’m not working every moment or waking up at the wee hours of the morning thinking about it. This has just not been a good start to the year for a number of reasons, but I think things will get back on track eventually.

I’m still behind on my chapter and although nearly 30 pages were transferred from my Methods chapter, it’s still not enough and I need to spend time sorting through it so that I can add to it.

On top of that I need to be reading, which means I need at least two or three hours a night just to read, plus do some writing.

Now, it’s not to say that I don’t have that time each night. After all, I do go to Pilates and yoga. Plus, I find time to get a bit of pampering in on the weekends or hanging out with friends throughout the week. Some nights I just don’t do anything at all other than watch TV….

So, it’s not a matter of a lack of time. It’s more a matter of lack of energy and motivation. By the time I get home in the evenings, I don’t want to do anything as I’m exhausted from the day at work…. This needs to change somehow…, thus my goal for this weekend and next week (it’s midterm week).

In the meantime I’m still counting down the days until my winter staycation!!! 😀

-T

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