Creative Meanderings

It seems like my mind is always jumping to some new idea, but then I don’t stop long enough to formulate it completely or at least write it down for later to look at it again. Until recently, I’ve just figured that if the idea returns to me repeatedly, then it is something for me to finally follow-through with.

Lately, I feel quieter in my mind, but it doesn’t mean I’m more focused.

Rather than taking prescriptions meds for my ‘ups and downs’, my therapist suggested taking Omegas 3-6-9 and extra fish oil along with a multi-B vitamin called Stresstabs. They seem to work well as I am generally less tired during the day and my mind does seem to have slowed down a bit. Now, I just have to figure out how to adjust my habits so that I can actually take advantage of the slowed bit.

For example, yesterday during my break between teaching classes, I sat down and starting writing (uh huh) on my literature review. I got about two sentences in and began to research about a yoga retreat at the beginning of summer. Although I kept saying to myself that I would go back to the lit review since I often switch between things whilst writing, I never really did. I was so engrossed in looking up a yoga retreat that I even almost missed eating lunch! 🙂 Most of the time, I feel it is okay for me to follow my mind where it wants to go since it hasn’t really harmed me yet. Still, I feel like it’s not quite right to regularly let this happen.

Another example is that I keep thinking about starting yet another blog. Not to replace any of the ones I currently have, but to add. Yes, I am a total masochist! However, I would like to have a space just for adoption writing or maybe better stated as ‘my life’ writing. This site is my general babbles in stream-of-consciousness-style, or updates on my ‘normal’ life. Yet, I think there needs to be a separate space dedicated to my stories. So…I am trying to wait until I actually have time to start it…maybe if I can hold out at least until the summer….

Really, the main problem is that I need to continue with my current new routine of writing regularly and trying to keep track of the wanderings of my mind.

-T 😀

Whenever I watch a film on adoption, I begin to ponder the issue of having community and wondering why I always feel without one.

The truth is that I have a pretty good community of friends now as an expat. So, I shouldn’t take that for granted. Living as an expat is definitely a certain mindset and way of life. Most people back home cannot understand or appreciate the lifestyle and experiences. Thus, we tend to stay away where we are understood.

However, this is not the community that I crave…. R asked me if I talk to or keep in touch with other adoptees and the truth is that I don’t really. The few adoptees I do know are part of an anti-adoption sentiment that I do not fully embrace. Some parts I do agree with, but others not so much. The blogs I read or even write on are very active, but not necessarily in the way that I need for fulfillment or sharing of my adoption experience. This, it is hard to find connections and mutual understanding.

It’s a strange parallel of being taken from my biological community and never being to feel fully part of a non-biological one. Perhaps I would struggle with this even if I weren’t missing the biological roots, but there’s no way of knowing the truth.

So, I continue to wonder….

-T 😀