March 2013 – Creative Meanderings

Turkey Day 1 – Arriving

Mar 312013

This will be a quick one, but we arrived last night in Istanbul.

The flight was fine, though Qatar Airways is not really the five-star kind of airlines they advertise, at least not in the peanut gallery. 🙂

It took us a while to get out of the airport due to the visa lines. It is good to keep in mind that you need exact change and dollars or Euros to pay for your visa. I nearly got into a fight with the woman for not taking lira in their own airport, but anyway, they have all the power….

Once we got through immigration and met our tour company, we headed into Istanbul for one night at the Prince Hotel located in Serkici or the Sultanahamet area. We will be returning to that hotel when we go back to Istanbul at the end of the tour.

The first night was quick and we had an early start. More on that in Day 2.

-T 😀

Here’s some pics from the day –

Amazing hair at Ataturk airport from the side30-Mar-2013 19:05, Apple iPhone 4S, 2.4, 4.28mm, 0.05 sec, ISO 250

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Amazing hair at Ataturk airport from the other side30-Mar-2013 19:19, Apple iPhone 4S, 2.4, 4.28mm, 0.05 sec, ISO 125

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Amazing hair at Ataturk airport from the front30-Mar-2013 19:20, Apple iPhone 4S, 2.4, 4.28mm, 0.05 sec, ISO 125

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We're on our way!30-Mar-2013 13:21, NIKON COOLPIX S51, 3.3, 6.3mm, 0.077 sec, ISO 200

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Arrived in Istanbul!30-Mar-2013 20:48, NIKON COOLPIX S51, 3.3, 6.3mm, 1 sec, ISO 640

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Meze (appetizer)30-Mar-2013 22:40, NIKON COOLPIX S51, 3.3, 6.3mm, 0.125 sec, ISO 250

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Spring Break!

Going Mental No Responses »

Mar 292013

As I typed the title, I realized it could have another meaning…as in releasing a mental break…. I guess my darkish thoughts have not yet passed, but lie hidden underneath with moments of peace, but with occasional reminders that it is still there.

Anyway, spring break has indeed begun and I take off tomorrow for an 11-day tour in Turkey with mi amiga, P. It should be good fun and a much needed break away from my regular life.

It will be the first time to travel to Turkey and with P. So, it should definitely be interesting. I will try the best that I can to update here, though it may have to wait until my return depending on what the Internet connections are like there. 🙂

So, while I probably have a number of worrisome thoughts to write, I am going to save that for now and think about tomorrow!

-T 😀

_A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose_ by Eckhart Tolle

Literary Escapes No Responses »

Mar 282013

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's…

_A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose_ by Eckhart Tolle

Some friends of ours had been talking about this book and how it helped them to change their perspectives on dealing with people and most especially within themselves. Apparently, Tolle is more famous for his _The Power of Now_ book, but our friends seemed more moved by this one. Since I always love a good recommended read, I decided to give it a try. Besides, it’s another Oprah’s Book Club recommendation, so how can you go wrong? 😉

This book reminded me a great deal of Marcus Aurelius’ _Meditations_, which I read whilst being miserable in Japan a number of years back. Aurelius’ work changed my view of living in Japan and made me more peaceful. Tolle’s work has not quite had the same effect as I felt it was rather ‘commercialized’ if that makes any sense. Rather than it being a strong philosophy, it’s more like a guide book.

Despite this, I definitely am glad that I read it as it has helped put some perspective on how I have been feeling lately towards people. One really poignant point Tolle makes is the idea of the things that make us the most angry in others is probably what we struggle with the most in ourselves. So if I get impatient with people not being totally polite or their attitude towards me, perhaps I should look at my own politeness and attitude towards others.

Another aspect I did enjoy was that he incorporated a variety of religions and beliefs into a common area of what I prefer to call ‘humanity’ or ‘spirituality’. I have always believed that the variation of religions are stem from one spiritual source and like most things with humans we simply are so stubborn in thinking our way of believing is the only way, thus causing religions to form and those whom we can convince to think like us become the followers. Yet, most core beliefs of most religions stem from the same place and share a common desire of spiritual peace. One wonders why we can’t just focus on that….

Anyway, I did enjoy the read and it gave me more than a few bits to chew on, so that’s a successful book to me. Now that it’s about to be spring break, I’m looking forward to some less brain-taxing books and then, of course, I must focus on the academic works… 😛

That catches me up for now on the books!

More to come,

-T 😀

_The Middlesteins_ by Jami Attenberg

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Mar 272013

The Middlesteins by Jami Attenberg

_The Middlesteins_ by Jami Attenberg

Another novel edited by my editor friend and this one was so interesting.

The Middlesteins are a family that is trying to survive despite a strong, overbearing and self-destructive central figure who has greatly affected everyone in the family in different ways. They become a typically dysfunctional middle-class Jewish American family.

I felt as if there was a bit of British humor to it, but at the same time the Jewish element was also clear even though I do not have a full understanding of that element. Also, the story feels as if it is from the past, but at the same time could be your neighbor in suburban America. Also, I kind of related to Edith’s (or Edie) need to eat to feel the love that she so longs for, but she doesn’t realize that the people around her want to love her if she could let them.

It was not a particularly uplifting story, but it was realistic and entertaining. It has similar tones as Rhoda Janzen’s books, but as fiction. So, I recommend it as quality contemporary fiction. 🙂

**This finally updates my books from the summer to now. I’ve got one more book I have just finished to write on and then I guess I shall have to decide what to read next… :D**

-T

_Invisible Man_ by Ralph Ellison

Literary Escapes 1 Response »

Mar 262013

Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison

_Invisible Man_ by Ralph Ellison

This has been on my reading list for a number of years. It is not to be confused with H.G. Well’s _The Invisible Man_, which is quite a different story.

Ellison’s book deals with the African-American situation in the south and then in NYC during the ’20’s and ’30’s. It is a typical story of the struggle of the black man in a white man’s world. However, from a historical perspective, it is a great view of the US before the civil rights movement fully took shape. From a literary perspective, it is a beautiful story of how a man tries to make a difference, but hits all obstacles from everyone and finally chooses to look into himself to see the invisible man that no one else wants to see.

I am glad I finally got to this one and need to consider more books like this to get on my reading list!

-T 😀

_The Devil in the White City_ by Erik Larson

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Mar 242013

The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic,…

_The Devil in the White City_ by Erik Larson

I am not sure how I came across this book, maybe from Oprah’s list or from Amazon’s recommended reads. It may have been when I was looking for non-fiction work after getting hooked on Jon Krakaeur’s books.

In any case, this was a very interesting story of the development of the World’s Fair hosted in Chicago and the killings of H.H. Holmes, who may have been Jack the Ripper. The story most centered on H.H. Holmes (the devil), but it was also quite fascinating to read about the development of the World’s Fair and to imagine the building of the White City. Chicago has some amazing architectural buildings and so this book sort of helped me to imagine how Chicago was built up. Also, the surprise of one of the architectural pieces we sort of take for granted today was interesting (I won’t tell you in case you want to read the book!).

Overall, this was a very interesting read. Not long after I finished reading this, R also read it as he has both a fascination with serial killers and non-fictional pieces. We, then, watched the UK documentary on H.H. Holmes. More recently, this article from the Huffington Post was published about a man who might be the great-great grandson of H.H. Holmes. Amazing!

If you like murder mysteries and historical reads, this just might be for you!

-T 😀

On a Happier Note…

Going Mental No Responses »

Mar 232013

Now that I’ve gone down the scary dark road, I’m trying to return to the lighter ways….

Last night, a friend and I went to dinner and our second Andrea Bocelli concert. It was a really lovely night out and just what I needed in terms of conversation and activity.

The concert was just okay. We missed the first half due to enjoying our delicious dinner, but the second half was spotty in terms of good songs. Bocelli has a really amazing voice, so I’m glad that I got to see him again.

22-Mar-2013 22:00, NIKON COOLPIX S51, 4.2, 37.8mm, 0.077 sec, ISO 400

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22-Mar-2013 22:00, NIKON COOLPIX S51, 4.2, 18.9mm, 0.04 sec, ISO 400

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22-Mar-2013 22:09, NIKON COOLPIX S51, 4.2, 30.2mm, 0.067 sec, ISO 400

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The best part, really, was catching up with B and our really fantastic Japanese dinner at Kazu. I didn’t get pics of all the food, but here are some –

Tasty tempura at Kazu pre Bocelli22-Mar-2013 20:09, Apple iPhone 4S, 2.4, 4.28mm, 0.067 sec, ISO 800

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Seared salmon at Kazu pre Bocelli22-Mar-2013 20:09, Apple iPhone 4S, 2.4, 4.28mm, 0.067 sec, ISO 500

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So, that was my night out and onto happier tones!

-T 😀

Dark Thoughts…

Going Mental No Responses »

Mar 222013

Me and vodka do not really go well together. Whenever I have vodka drinks I end up feeling very very dark.

With my already dark tendencies, especially of late (as you may notice in my posts), I get really hopeless about this life.

Anyway, I have really been unhappy with everything and everyone lately. One of the reasons that I want to go home this summer is to be someplace that I feel safe and surrounded by people I think love me unconditionally. I am even considering looking for jobs in the States because I just don’t feel like this is working for me here. Perhaps this feeling will pass, but right now, it’s how I am feeling.

The truth is that I do not believe that my absence from this world would be all that horrible. I know some would be upset, but their lives would continue on just fine. Since I do not have children and am not married, I do not really have much attachment to what I do in this world. Nothing really brings me great joy except eating… 🙂 I feel as if I just get by day-to-day.

R said it is the bipolar in me talking. Maybe he’s right. He suggested again that maybe I should reconsider medication. Maybe he’s right.

The problem is that it still doesn’t answer my question of “What’s the point? To what end do I live and do what I do in this life?”

So…I don’t know… I have to wait until May before my next appointment with my therapist as she’s on holiday. She said I could call her and she would come in, but I feel bad about that and who am I to interrupt her break? Don’t I live for my holidays?

Well, this is a bit depressing of a post, but writing helps me and maybe someone will read this and understand without thinking I’m crazy or telling me to just get my misery over with… 😛

-T 😀

Should I Be So Angry?

Going Mental No Responses »

Mar 212013

Lately, the voice in my head is full of angry under and over tones. The other day I was in the car on the way to work feeling a really deep-seeded dislike of people. Not just a disgust with society or annoyance at the various A-holes on the road, but a truly raw “I can’t stand people” feeling.

Of course, there are some people I like – I do have friends, after all.

However, to be honest, I feel often as if I could walk away from everyone and everything I know without a single ounce of regret. Whether or not this is true, I cannot fully say, but the majority of the time I feel strongly this way.

For most of my life I have tried to be positive. I’ve adapted. I’ve made the most with what I have been given. I have felt grateful or lucky for the opportunities I have been presented with. I have tried to be as optimistic and idealistic as I could possibly be. I believe this has paid off for the most part. However, I feel as if there is a dark cloud starting to take over me. I’ve always seen it on the outer edges of my mind, but forced it away. Lately, I’m letting it become bigger and more present. Is it good? Is this a worthwhile direction to let my mind go in? Should I let myself go through this phase and hope that by passing through it, I will come out happier and better on the other side? Or should I continue to fight it off and hope that the darkness will pass?

I don’t have an answer.

I recognize there is a lot I can be angry about –

*my childhood
*the world’s need to put me into a box
*inequalities that surround me
*being adopted
*etc etc

However, there is also a lot I can be happy about…. So, this is my latest struggle…

-T 😀

Lost Daughter…

Going Mental No Responses »

Mar 202013

Yesterday, I read this article on the blog “Lost Daughters”.

It hit home in many ways as it relates to being caught between worlds and struggling to not only find my place, but to be accepted for the place that I have found.

There is one place in the world where I felt totally ‘normal’ and as if I belonged – Hawaii. Why? Because Hawaii has a mix of races and many mixed couples, it is normal to see people just as “Hawaiian” rather than caring where their origins are or who their families are. No one assumes that an older white man with an Asian woman is taking advantage of her or that there is something else seedy going on. It’s a piece of America, but with its own mixed culture. This is the kind of place I would like to eventually settle in – too bad the economy is still not great there….

In any case, the point is that no white man or woman and no Asian man or woman can fully understand the experience of an adopted Asian woman who grew up ‘white’ unaware that her outer appearance would never be accepted in the ‘white’ world. My family never treated me differently and I believe that they mean well when they say they just thought of me as ‘white’.

Sadly, this didn’t help to prepare me for the fact that everywhere I have traveled, I must explain myself as an American and that no my parents aren’t Asian. Or, that the less developed worlds would assume that I am a prostitute or in some kind of service industry because I am Asian on the outside. Some might say this isn’t about being adopted, but that’s a simplistic response.

Being adopted has caused me to be displaced inside and out. I’ve mostly come to terms with it, but it doesn’t change the struggling reality. The difference these days is that more adoptees are sharing and talking about the experiences without feelings of guilt for how we feel….

Maybe I’ve finally found a cause…. ;D

-T 😀

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