Whenever I hear Lady Gaga’s song, “The Edge of Glory” I somehow feel like it’s talking about my life mantra. I am always looking for the next best thing because I am somehow dissatisfied with my current state. It is probably my own state of mind that I should be looking to improve, but in any case that’s a long process.
So, the other day, I went to see Dr I and expressed my feeling of being ‘on edge’ not ‘on the edge’, big difference! For the past few weeks I have felt frustration, maybe deep anger and mostly impatience with everyone and everything. It doesn’t come out too negatively towards others, but I feel it brewing inside of me to the point of annoyance. She said I just may need a good cry to release the tension or to consider how to have some balance and let go of the impatience.
Just three weeks ago when I saw her last, I was on a good path, though feeling lowish. This week is a different story. I began to consider what elements in my life had changed…
* I stopped yoga for a period of time due to a change in the teacher. Now the original one is back and we are all very happy.* R hurt his back and required more from me. Not that he demanded in any way, but I felt an increase of pressure.
* Friends and new friends seem to need more effort in terms of organizing getting together or wanting to meet up, which adds to my stress
Something else interesting that Dr I pointed out was that if I am only focused on me and organizing/structuring me and my time, I seem to be okay and balanced. However, I seem to not yet know how to incorporate others into my structure and keep a balance. This is very true.
One thing is that I try to accommodate everyone else. This throws off my routine and my ways, but not others’. Then, I become frustrated that I am the one who seems to be accommodating at my expense, but gaining little in return. While I do little for the return, I do need to feel as if I am in control of my own balance and ways…. So…this is my latest self-revelation!
-T π
