Last night I had my first session with the life coach – Karen.
We started with my first memory, which I have always described as: I am in a crib and looking up trying to say something, but am not understood.
Through the session, I came to realize that this seemingly simple way of describing the memory has been creating a negative neural pathway in my brain that has been telling me: I am not heard; I have no voice; You don’t understand me; You don’t get me; I have no permission to speak; I can’t speak; I’m not important enough to be understood; or I have no value.
These are sentences that I have said a million times to myself or to other people when I feel misunderstood. The frustration that I feel then often causes me to isolate myself from others because I get tired of trying to prove that those words are not actually true.
By the end of the session, I found that simply describing the memory without hidden nuanced feelings like this: There was a crib. There was a person. There was me. I spoke. There was no response. makes the truth clear and takes away the neural connection to a negative feeling attached. What my sad three-year-old self felt at the time was merely a perception and is not a truth to my current reality; therefore, I should not continue to repeat the patterns.
So, I am left with the choice to separate the truth from the perception with negative feelings or to continue to hold on to the memory that leads me to negative thoughts.
It was an interesting session because while on a very intellectual level, I already know and do this, it was good to also have it said out loud to me with a clear action plan of choosing. I like to have things brought down to the level of my control (control issues? indeed! :P). The time went very quickly actually, so we have a follow-up session next week. It should continue to be interesting. 🙂
-T 😀
