On Monday, I had my sixth session with Karen, which left me feeling really excited and inspired to focus my attention on a few matters.
Our talk centered around my perceptions of debt. While I generally don’t stress about my debt because I just don’t really think about it, it does always linger in the back of my mind and causes me to feel a certain negative way.
We looked at it as perhaps starting somewhere in foster family 2 when I was first introduced to religion in a traumatic way and started to feel as if I should feel as if I owed them something for taking me in. When I think about owing somebody anything it upsets me because I start to feel trapped. I also feel as if something is being taken from me whether it is my dignity, identity or something physical.
This “tape recorder” then repeats itself as I continue to stay in debt. My sense of owing forever is confirmed by the financial debt that I continue to accrue.
Therefore, the goal is for me to believe that I am free despite my circumstances, whether it is money, debt or location. I always have choices and always have the ability to change the circumstances as long as I do not let my mind continue to entrap me into thinking I do not.
Karen called it a “prison wheel”, which is a good one. This is one wheel where I have a lot of paths that lead to it. π
In any case, the end result is to “Be responsible for who I am being!” and “Don’t put off fulfilling my purpose.”
This led me to really think about pursuing writing more. I need to get myself more disciplined again towards writing, but I think it is definitely something I can do.
The final thought for this is that I have two more sessions left before I decide to continue or take a break until my finances are settled. I haven’t come to a decision just yet, but will have to soon….
-T π
