This topic hit me last night as I was trying to make guacamole with some very bad avocados – it didn’t turn out. However, I had three avocados in a bowl that was just the right size once they were mashed up and the rest of the guac ingredients. R asked if I needed a bigger bowl. I explained no that it was just right. To which he responded that my booby trapping skills were in full force.
He often comments about my skill at putting a lot of stuff in a small space. Sometimes spaces get so packed that you have to be careful with how you open it as things might fall out. Thus, a booby trap. π
I often comment that it is important to use the space that we have fully rather than waste it. For example, the bowl was just the right size. If I had gotten a bigger bowl, the guacamole would not look as good, I would have dirtied another bowl unnecessarily and space would have been wasted. I commented on how wasting space was unnecessary.
In Asian countries physical space is a commodity. With small apartments and crowded cities, having a lot of things and enough physical space is very difficult. From my years in Japan, I learned how to value physical space and pack as much as I can in.
Then, I began to contemplate the abstract sense of space – no, not the final frontier. One of R’s rationales for our recent change in situation is that he wants his own space. This space is unclear. We are hardly ever in each other’s space and I am often gone, thus he has both the physical and abstract space more than most couples. While some men require man cave’s, he generally has the whole apartment. Soon enough, he will have everything minus my presence and my stuff that makes our place a home. Does he really want that much space? Is my presence in his space like a booby trap to his psyche?
In any case, I try not to go down the self-blame, self-pity route. We all have a right to demand what we need to keep ourselves sane. It’s just sad when it’s at the expense of others, especially those who are closest to you.
-T π
