June 2016 – Creative Meanderings

Uncertainties…

Jun 302016

Day 5: What sound are you grateful for today?

This is an interesting question. I have often wanted to be deaf so that I could tune out sounds – people talking, children crying, road construction buzzing, horns honking, and the like. I get overwhelmed by sounds; thus crowded spaces heighten my anxiety levels and when I get a bit tipsy the first signal I get to make me stop drinking more is the increased volume level of the room. Perhaps nowadays I would get diagnosed with sensory overload sensitivity or something like that. So, a sound to be grateful for…? I do like music. I like almost all music. However, does that qualify as a particular sound? Or, can I get away with saying that I am grateful for the sound of silence? Is that considered a sound? I am going to say it is and go with the fact that I thoroughly enjoy silence and am grateful for the lack of sounds. 😛

——

Well, I thought that things were settling down, but while I try to draw the energies of calm and consistency, my husband draws the energies of chaos and fluctuations. At the moment, his energies are more powerful – to my great dismay. I am not quite certain how to ‘fight’ or at least bring a better balance to our conflicting energy patterns, but it needs to happen for my sanity.

Our move-in date has been pushed back by two weeks due to some delays and the upcoming Eid holiday here marking the end of Ramadan. Since the government has provided a week-long holiday to the private sectors everything is delayed. After that, my hope is that life will begin to return to some sense of normality!

In the meantime, we are considering other big decisions. As if moving was not enough for us to think about…!

So, there are quite a few uncertainties at the moment. It is not ideal for someone like me. Whenever I bring this up, I am made to feel that I am being overly dramatic about it all or that I am the one who is crazy…. Therefore, I wonder how much more I can take to push me over the edge into complete insanity…! Or maybe, I am just being crazy dramatic about it all…? 😛

~T 😀

_Portal of the Wind_ by Shizuko Natsuki

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Jun 292016

_Portal of the Wind_ by Shizuko Natsuki

Last March when I was in Lake Havasu City visiting my parents, my dad and I took a trip to the public library. It is something that my dad likes to do with me and they are a dying institution in most cities. The library itself was fairly desolate of actual books, instead there were a lot of computer stations and some reading areas.

However, there was an area where people could purchase books for cheap like $1 or $3 max. So, we perused this area even though I generally read most of my books on an electronic device. Still, when I am by the pool or lying in bed there are many times when I prefer to have a paper book in my hand.

In my perusing, I came across this book. I have never heard of the author before and it was a surprise to see a Japanese author in a little Arizona town. Therefore, I had to get it and give it a try as it has also been some time since I have read an obscure Japanese novel.

This book started off as very interesting with a revenger murder and mysterious death with the weaving of some parallel stories which did not seem that connected until the latter half of the story. In the end, it was a bit of future, dystopic style of a story that I had not expected. It was also a bit of commentary on society and reminded me a great deal of my Japanese days. Therefore, overall, it was definitely interesting and glad that I came across it. I cannot say for sure if I liked it, but it is definitely very typical of a Japanese novel, which I have completely determined if I like or not. 😛

In the end, I would say if you like Japanese style fiction, like Ishiguro, Murakami, etc., it is worth a read. 🙂

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Day 4: What food are you most grateful for?

Ahhhhh food!!! It is probably not okay to simply say ALL food, is it? Hm…so, if I must choose one single food, I am most grateful for cheese. Now, I know that cheese probably has very little health benefit and in fact, may actually harm the body in many ways due to its dairy qualities. However, of all food, cheese is my go-to snack food whenever possible. There is just something about the way it can melt in your mouth, the tang and zing it gives to the tastebuds, the smoothness on a piece of bread or a cracker and the gentle pleasing sensation it provides me. Perhaps it is a bit like a drug and in that sense I probably should give it up…. That is not likely to happen! 😛 I have cut back and eat it only now and then anymore. Compared to my daily half a block of Tillamook Cheese, I think I am going to be alright!

~T 😀

Excuses…?

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Jun 282016

Day 3: What color are you grateful for?

Well, the obvious answer should be purple as this is my favorite color. However, my first response to this was actually red. Now, in a way this makes sense. Without red, there is no purple. Red symbolizes blood, fire, passion and to me vibrancy. So, I suppose this is an apt color for me to be grateful for. 😛

—–

The other day I was visiting with a friend who was asking me how I have been spending my days. I explained that I keep busy, but overall I am a little bit ‘bored’. She asked me what about all my writing and website projects. I answered that I am trying to do that – get into a routine, think about what I would like to write -, but ultimately I feel less inspired as I cannot go to a café to write due to Ramadan and I am not in my own space. She responded that these sounded just like excuses for not getting things done….

Is it…?

Upon some thinking, I think there is truth behind the excuses and there is truth behind the fact they are just excuses. It is true that inspiration needs to come from energy flows of space, which I get in cafés and will in my new home (as it is my space). However, we are not all always so lucky to have the fortune to pick and choose where we can do our life crafts, so if one wants to really accomplish something, then it should not matter where or how. Just do it, right?

So, I am working on being a bit more disciplined. Seeing the calendar fill up this month with my blog posts definitely helps. Yesterday, I sat down to write and got some starts, though nothing really stuck. However, I shall keep trying. Some more ideas are flowing and so one of them should stick eventually. 🙂 I also made lists for the other website project that I keep pushing to the back burner. Thus, I indeed have plenty to do and keep me busy, just gotta put my head into it and make it happen!!!

~T 😀

40 Years!!!

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Jun 272016

05-May-2016 22:02, Apple iPhone 6s Plus, 2.2, 4.15mm, 0.03 sec, ISO 40

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Wow, I have reached a milestone in life – the 40th birthday. In Korea, I guess I’m really 41, but let’s not go there…. 😛 I have always said that I will remain 28 forever as I remember that as the best year of my life so far. However, I have to say that 39 was a pretty good year. Who knew that I would make it this far?! I was always convinced I would die at 25 – don’t ask why.

Since my birthday is always when people are away traveling, I decided to celebrate my birthday as an “Almost 40 Party” on Cinco de Mayo (5th of May) this year. I try to play it be ear each year depending on when the summer holidays start. I had a lovely time eating, drinking and having a ball together with my friends here in the desert.

Almost 40 Party

They say that 40 is the new 30, but truthfully age does not mean that much to me. Life continues to be amazing and I think my life has gotten better and better. I always knew that growing up would be so much better than being a kid! 😛

So, I have no words of wisdom or comments to reflect upon regarding my age. Instead, I am just grateful and happy for the life that I have. I look forward to whatever the next year(s) bring! 😀

—-

Day#2: What technology are you grateful for?

This is a tough one as I do love my technology – all of it! If I have to choose one, though, I guess I am most grateful for the smartphone. My life is pretty much on my iPhone. Of course, without Internet or cellular technologies the smartphone is useless; therefore, obviously, I am including these as part of the smartphone technology gratitude! On my phone, I can make calls (though this is rare as voice communication is used by myself more out of forced purposes than preferred), I can Skype with my family and friends, I can email, I can check FB, I can play games, I can do EVERYTHING! And, I do – LITERALLY! Sometimes, I even watch TV on it. So…yes, I am most grateful for smartphones! 😀

~T 😀

30-day Gratitude Challenge

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Jun 262016

Remember how I said I wanted to revisit gratitude in my life to let go of focusing on stress? Well, this pin popped up on my Pinterest feed the other day as a bit of a sign to really take that on. So, today will be Day #1 of the challenge. I will put in my posts each day a paragraph addressing the challenge for the day. 😀

Let’s begin: What smell are you grateful for today?

As someone who is quite sensitive to odors, this is an interesting question and not one that I often think about being grateful for as the only times I tend to notice smells is when it irritates me, not pleases. M frequently tells me how human nature tends to remember the negative things in life, like when someone forgets to do something for us rather than the positives, like when someone remembers to do something for us. While I try hard not to be this way, I know that I can have this tendency as well. Smells are a perfect example of this.

Back to the question at hand. I am grateful for the smell of coffee. Coffee brings me joy and the smell of it makes me smile. While I used to be truly addicted to the caffeine of coffee, I have managed to decrease my intake to one ‘large’ Nespresso brand cup a day. This is more than enough to satisfy. I know that I am not addicted because if I miss a day I do not get headaches or shakes like I used to. Some might ask why I do not just give it up altogether since it could be argued that this regular caffeine shot is not necessarily good for me. While scientific studies go back and forth on the benefits of caffeine and coffee, I continue because I love the smell of a fresh hot cup of coffee.

When I want to sit down and write or relax, I like to have a warm cup of coffee in my hands and the aroma wafting in the air to ignite my creative juices or settle me into a moment. 😀

So, there you go. Today’s gratitude is for the smell of coffee! Feel free to join me in this challenge, by posting your own or sharing in the comments of my posts.

~T 😀

_The Thoughts of Marcus Aurelius_ by Marcus Aurelius

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Jun 252016

_The Thoughts of Marcus Aurelius_ by Marcus Aurelius

Over three years ago I referred to my having read _Meditations_ by Marcus Aurelius many years back. When I came across this book a few years ago, I thought I would give it a read since I enjoyed his first philosophies so much. However, it really took me more than a year to complete this one.

I am not sure why it took me so long as his Stoic philosophies were not much different and his wisdoms are still wise. Probably, it is a reflection on my state of mind more than anything else. When I read Meditations, I needed to anchor myself into a way of thinking to stay sane. Now that I have found the art of meditation and yoga, I am less absorbent of these wise words. I should not be so, but I think perhaps this is why it took me so long to complete it.

When I did sit down to push through the last few chapters, I wondered why I had not been reading it…. So, yes, state of mind is important to consider when taking on classical philosophies. He was indeed an amazing man and he might go on my list of people I would like to meet someday in the after life. 🙂

~T 😀

_The Girl on the Train_ by Paula Hawkins

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Jun 242016

_The Girl on the Train_ by Paula Hawkins

This was listed as one of the books to read before the movie came out, so I decided to give it a go despite its popularity and my tendencies to avoid ‘trends’. I know, I am ridiculous about ‘trends’ as there really is no harm and if something is actually good, what is the big deal…? ANYWAY, this was a GREAT book.

Although I kept thinking of _Gone Girl_ when I reading it and it has a very British feel to it, I still enjoyed it. As the story progressed, I was thinking, oh I know who it is or maybe it is this person…by the end I was both surprised and relieved. It also took me quite a few chapters to get to the point where I did not want to put the book down until I finished. However, once I got there, I was thoroughly engaged.

So, for a good summer read or just pass the time with a good thriller book, this will do. Now, I am looking forward to the movie since they did such a good job with GG as well. 😀

~T 😀

Gratitudes Revisited

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Jun 232016

So, I have been a bit stressed lately. Not sure if it comes out much in my writing here as I try not to divulge too much personal details of my life on a public forum – some might say I already share too much. However, despite it being summer holidays or my ‘retirement’ aka ‘transition period’, I have NOT been relaxing and enjoying the days very much. It is hard to transition multiple things all at once (job, home, marriage, etc.). 🙁

While I know that I am very blessed and have so much to be thankful for, I have lately found myself on the darker side of things. Instead of finding joy in the down time I have right now, I feel tense and frustration. Therefore, to give myself an energetic and spiritual kick in the arse, I am revisiting the challenge of Gratitudes. I did this about two years ago in August (do a search for ‘gratitude’ on the main page of the blog and you’ll see the posts), and I think it is time to do it again. Feel free to join me in your own way in finding a minimum of three things to be grateful for each day.

I am grateful for our friends who have provided us with a free place to stay for the past month until our new home is ready.
I am grateful for my husband who makes me smile and laugh every day despite our mini quarrels and snappish attitudes with each other due to our stress and temporary living situation.
I am grateful for the Internet to allow me to Skype with my parents, chat regularly with my BFF from afar, write on this blog, look up random information, and help me pass the time when I need a distraction.

The other night when I had had “the worst day of my life” I struggled to fall asleep after having a little self-pity cry session. However, when I forced my mind to focus on at least three good things that had happened that day, I relaxed and fell asleep very quickly. Bringing in the light and joy to life actually makes everything seem okay and not so unbearable. Thus, I want to keep myself centered on gratitudes as each day gets better and better. Besides, there really is so much to be grateful for in my amazing life! <3

~T 😀

Seeking My Voice….

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Jun 222016

Remember a few days ago I wrote about the Gong Bath Meditation? Well, in my meditation I had some visions that we focused on feeling the manifestations of their truths in our physical bodies. Since then, I have had a hard time meditating for more than 15 minutes at a time as I keep going back to trying to understand what my visions were. It is a little bit like trying to interpret dreams. So, I am going to write in hopes of perhaps coming to some understanding or some reader out there might have an idea…?

In part of the meditation, we were asked to see ourselves in the future. Well, I saw three versions of myself. It was like three faces on one head of my body. None were dominant, but all three faces were moving at the same time in one body.

Furthermore, I saw myself in the future as a published author touring around the world about my books. Yes, not just a book, but bookS! I was meeting people, inspiring people and sharing my stories of life. Any introversion that I may have felt was washed away in warmth of knowing and seeing that I was having a massive impact on others.

The latter of these two visions I can wrap my head around. The former…, well, I am still working on that.

Of course, it is easy to now say I should be writing. I just need to sit down and write – how hard can it be? Well…it is a lot harder than it seems.

First, I have not written properly in a very long time – years now. I have stories in my head, loads of ideas on topics and themes, but each time I sit to write, I lose my voice. Now, if I were giving an oral speech and I lost my voice, I would be not-so-secretly relieved. 😛 However, losing my voice in writing is not exactly ideal. Instead, I sit to write, I look at a blank screen or the few sentences and then…I go blank. Some call this writer’s block. I am reading _The Artist’s Way_ to help me with this, but still I am not finding my voice. One reason I have been trying hard to go this whole month with writing each day is to build up a routine and practice of writing at least something somewhere. However, I have a business website to build as well and yet, nothing is coming to me. I am searching for my voice…. 🙁

It does not help that it is Ramadan here and I cannot sit myself at a café all day sipping coffee or tea, people watching whilst intermittently immersing myself into a world of words. However, that might just be an excuse. Surely, I should be able to delve into the many voices in my head and capture just one long enough to write…. <sigh>

So, for now I find contentment in my blogging here. Random thoughts flow out to my fingertips and I am maintaining my journal daily. However, if anyone out there happens to find my voice, would you be so kind as to let me know? I would really appreciate it. In the meantime, I will keep searching…. 😛

~T 😀

Patient Strength?

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Jun 212016

The sayings go: “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” or “Patience is a virtue.” I never really liked these phrases to be honest. 😛 They just felt like statements to appease one going through a tough time.

Yesterday was a trying day to say the least. Hours of my day were wasted waiting…. One thing after another continued to go wrong. I was ever so dramatic as to say “This is the worst day of my life!” (I guess I am doing alright if this is true…!) 😐

Most people would probably not describe me as the most patient person in the world. The idea of wasting time is a trigger point for me. I am not quite sure where it stems from, but it definitely winds me up and brings out the ugly in me. Part of it is a sense of having my freedom taken away from me, which is one of my greatest values. When I have to wait around for money to transfer, for someone to answer a question, for a store to open, etc. I am usually quick to complain. This is absolutely my selfish nature – don’t people know about MY time???

Furthermore, most people who know me know that strength is definitely something I have due to my life circumstances. Therefore, I no longer feel as if I need more…. Again, my own selfish nature coming out here. Now, this is not to say that I cannot or will not learn from my continued life experiences. It does say that my patience for needing to learn more wears thin on me…. For if I let my mind go to the dark corners, the questions that arise are “Haven’t I had enough trying times in my life?” or “When is enough enough?”

Ultimately, it is true. I did not die from yesterday’s trials. I probably got some strength in the form of patience. I still am not sure that it is a virtue of any kind to be patient, but I am open to the fact that everything does generally work out for a reason. So, I am trying to see the good in my five plus hours of wasted time when I could have been reading a good book sitting by the pool…. It just might take me a while to see it…. 😛

~T 😀

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