Sometimes you have to lose the short game to win the long one.
I am sure someone else has said this more eloquently or famously than I have. I am certain that someone has said a quote with the same meaning. Of course, we also know that I do not mean a game literally, but the figurative game of life.
We often talk about picking our battles as it is not worth the time and energy to battle over everything just to prove that we are right. In fact, we deem those who do try to win every battle as petty or small. Yet, somehow we never manage to say that about ourselves when it is us who want to win the battles – instead we are being “right” or virtuous in standing up for what we believe in.
The truth is there are times when we have to decide to “lose” for the overall good. Whether it is apologizing to someone who has wronged you, giving in to a work situation where you have no other choice, or kissing your husband when he has snapped at you (:P ), we must weigh the costs and benefits to ourselves, others around us, the direct relationship and general life meaning. Most of the time, we find that, although there might be monetary loss or emotional hurt, ultimately, it is never worth the sacrifice to happiness and health.
The universe generally gives us a way out if we are willing to swallow some pride and acknowledge that “losing” in the moment is still “winning” in life. When we have not yet learned this lesson, we generally find ourselves in similar situations again and again in life with the universal hope that we will eventually figure it out.
So, this week’s life lesson here is as the post began:
Sometimes you have to lose the short game to win the long one.
_The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering_ by Marie Kondo
Since I am in the middle of moving it seemed like a prudent book to read. Although I did not quite finish it in time to take complete action with my belongings before they needed to be packed up, I have taken some notes to consider when it comes time to move in.
Kondo’s approach is rather interesting, combining new-age thinking with practical solutions to keeping a home tidy and neat. She points out that it is not just about being organized or putting things in the right place, but it is also about making sure what you have in your home is actually bringing you joy and positivity in the space in which you reside.
Although I do tend to go through my clothes quite regularly, her suggestion to pile up every article of clothing in one place, touch each piece and decide if it sparks joy or not to determine if it should be kept or not is a new concept. I do love my clothes and I did have time to go through almost every article I have before packing up. Despite getting rid of about three bags earlier this year, I also got rid of another large garbage bag full of items, plus a load of shoes that I was holding on to!
When we move in and unpack things, I will apply her principle of throwing away papers and only keeping papers that fall into one of three categories. This will be a challenge as a recovering academic, I like to hold on to articles or magazines – just in case. However, I can see her point in that we just no longer need papers in our lives. If I really want to hold on to something I can either scan it or make note of where to find it electronically later (though she is right in that it is highly unlikely I will ever want to see it again…).
I gleaned a lot of good ideas and am looking forward to our new home where I can apply her approach so that we have a tidy and joyful home filled with a focus on love, laughs and living fully rather than being weighed down (consciously or not) by unnecessary clutter.
With my step-daughter and her boyfriend having recently gone vegan (about a year now) and coming across other vegans lately, I have decided to be open to exploring the rationale behind such a drastic decision that affects one’s health as I am quite serious about eating healthy and living a healthy life. However, I have never been convinced that being vegan qualifies as “healthy”.
Most vegans I have come across in my life say they chose to become so due to animal cruelty. The disturbing videos shown in Gary Yourofsky’s speech of farms treating animals horribly are indeed difficult to watch. However, his claim that it is meat-eaters fault that this is happening to animals is a far stretch. That is like saying that a rape is the fault of every woman who dresses alluringly, which is an extremely outdated way of thinking….
There are also a number of other problems with his talk in my opinion….
I am not saying that it is okay to treat animals cruelly, but let’s remember that when we say “humane”, we are qualifying them as humans, which they are not. The whole premise is that humans and animals are equal on this earth; not accepting that makes it hard to buy into his argument. We can still treat animals respectfully as living beings on this earth, but there are better ways to go about making sure this happens than to go vegan.
At the beginning, he tries to quote the Bible, which is poorly done. He forgets to acknowledge that God gave man rule over the animals. God did not make animals equal to humans. True, that He did not say treat them cruelly and eat in excess; but no where does it say that man was meant to not eat the animals. If that were the case, we would also need to not eat plants as well as they are considered to be living beings – are they not? Do we discuss how plants can be forced to grow in undesirable conditions and tear them at the roots from their natural homes?
Also, despite promoting the fact we should eat raw food and food that is natural to the earth (because we do not eat meat raw), he goes on to show products that come in the freezer or prepared meal sections. All the products shown as meat substitutes are processed foods = NOT NATURAL! Also, almost all of the products are made of soy products or rice, which is not healthy for the body in such large quantities as there is proof that digesting these types of food is hard on the body.
He further claims vegans should go all out in not using animal products and makes light of chemicals that are added to substitute in products. However, how can chemicals be better than using natural animal products…? Also, how many vegans do you know actually do this? Isn’t that a bit hypocritical, then?
He claims that eating meat, joints, etc. is gross even though it is as NATURAL as eating fruit and vegetables. In other words, it is not processed!!!
At 1:00:00 he says this:
“Keep in mind veganism isn’t about your health – that would be selfish. Now, I’m trying to get people to be unselfish for a change, to be altruistic. Do something kind for somebody else and when you do that, don’t expect something in return. But when it comes to cruelty I think there is more cruelty in a glass of milk and a steak…”.
This sums it up for me. He does not discuss health to one’s body at all. He is all about the animals, which is indeed a noble cause. I am totally for not being cruel to animals or humans alike. However, I am also about health of the individual so that the human is able to make a proper difference to the world and change in ways that are productive other than by NOT doing something…why not turn it around and actually DO something?
Recently, I listened to this podcast on how a vegan gave it up due to health reasons and found other ways to be an activist without harming her body. When humans are healthy and ethical, then they can really make a difference to animals and the world. If humans and animals are equal, what are the animals doing to make a difference in the world? (Sorry, couldn’t help the sarcasm here… 😛 ).
What I would like is for a vegan to be so without preaching to me or others as to why they have made the ‘right’ choice for the sake of the animals and yet do not follow through 100% nor care nearly as much for their fellow humans.
I am Paleo and I will stay Paleo. There is much more evidence that eating a balanced natural diet is better for the body and health (mental and emotional as well) than being vegan (who seem to be angry and unbalanced most of the time…).
At least, I gave it a go to try to fully understand, but sorry Vegans, I am just not convinced.
Thanks to having a Brit in my life, I have been introduced to some contemporary British authors. Given my enjoyment of mystery thrillers, my lovely husband suggested this read.
It did not disappoint my desire for entertainment and suspense.
A woman meets a man, falls in love, becomes a victim, man goes to jail, woman moves on, woman makes a new start, meets a new man, then one day running from the past no longer is possible.
That is all I will share without giving away the whole plot. Other reviews might share more, but knowing too much would not make the book better. It is a page-turner. British contemporary authors can put the American trash novelists to shame…. 🙁 😀
As a child I do not know how I was with patience. I imagine that I held it all in and worked hard to never show my annoyance. Does it mean I was patient? Perhaps I was thinking that waiting patiently would bring back my Omma to me.
Possibly the anger and sadness that came with the eventual realization that my Omma was never coming back led to my state of impatience and short temper throughout most of my formative years.
They say that age tames a person and we develop more patience and tolerance as time goes by. I wonder if it is about the actual age or is it experience that wears us down and makes us more complacent towards people and life? Maybe because I adamnantly refuse to become complacent my patience and tolerance has not necessarily increased. I am not saying this is ideal or even trying to justify it – rather I am trying to understand it.
Living in foreign countries and traveling requires a certain amount of patience that is different from that needed for having children or interacting with people. Same goes for driving on the roads compared to getting customer service. No matter the situation, we all need to have some amount of patience and tolerance. Yet, I find I have endless patience for children and some people, but not for all. I can be tolerant of some driving faux pas and not others… The question is why? What triggers my negative reaction? Why do I let it become personal enough to generate a response at all?
A lot has to do with respect and value of myself. This is undoubtedly related to being abandoned and disrespected as a helpless child. A primal wound that is so deep that without regular attention to it causes me to react in a rather extreme way.
So, the lesson here is to think of Miguel Ruiz’s _Four Agreements_ and to remind myself to “Take nothing personally” for these activities that require patience are not an attack or a reflection of me as a person. They are just activities that must be gone through whether for the sake of it or for a learning opportunity. If I really want to be open to true growth and development then I need to hold this mindset as true.
Thus, a daily reminder of holding myself with respect and value by saying “I am patient and tolerant with all.” may be just what is needed.
_The Decision Book: Fifty Models for Strategic Thinking_ by Mikael Krogerus
Back when I was still pushing through my PhD one of my friends gave me this book for Christmas a year ago.
It is a really interesting read of different theoretical models and methods for strategical thinking. While definitely relevant to the world of leadership, it is also relevant to life. We should all know these kinds of things as it helps with decision making and even working with other people on an individual or group basis. I even had a couple of pages copied and up in my office to help me lead groups. 🙂
This is not necessarily everyone’s idea of a pleasure read but if you’re a little nerdy, it’s a good one!
My third book by Jeff Goins was a bit less memorable and less useful to me than the others had been. Perhaps it was more about my frame of mind than anything else. Maybe, just maybe, this is the actual point of his book.
Goins talks about how we should enjoy and embrace the waiting period between ‘action’ in our lives as there are lessons to be learned even in these periods of our lives.
It is a good message for writers. It is a good message for people in our current state of humanity. There is so much talk about the tech-generation or how young people are so bombarded with information, which is why I believe trending is happening with yoga, meditation and calmer activities to balance out the frenzy that is going on in other parts of our lives. For writers, the calm is what is needed to make the creativity flow.
So, although the book didn’t motivate me as much as I might have liked given the other ones, I guess I cannot say that it did not have some kind of impact. Perhaps this book is just what I needed in-between making decisions about changes in my life!
When people drink tequila and beer, the conversations can turn into something interesting. 😛 It became the theme of my “Almost 40 Birthday Party” which was celebrated on Cinco de Mayo. The reference was for the percentage that men should satisfy their women. I will leave it at that.
However, like I do with just about everything, I began thinking – on this ratio.
Recently, I had a conversation regarding methods of communication in relation to the ending of a friendship because of an email I sent. Without going into details, I understood that my email would have consequences; however, I did not expect the extremity of the response. I was told that it was my “fault” for choosing to communicate in that way over in-person.
Apparently, when someone chooses to communicate in writing, it is not acceptable because 95% of the population prefers to speak. While I think that there are actually more people who would be happier to write their feelings and thoughts, we will say there are only 5% of us for sake of argument. The truth is that I would be more than content to write all the time to express myself, but often conform to be socially ‘normal’. However, there are times when I really need to express via writing.
The reason I write over speaking sometimes is because I am slow to think and process. Also, people who are louder or faster than me tend to speak over me rather than stop to listen to what I have to say. Therefore, when I feel the need to express clearly and openly ensuring that I am heard, I write.
While I feel I am respecting those who prefer to speak by adjusting my form of communication, I also feel that there should be mutual respect given to me when I choose to express myself in MY preferred form even if it is not in the way of the majority. Therefore, why should I be the one who takes the blame for expressing myself and be held responsible for the response of another who might not like what I said just because I chose to write it rather than speak it first? I always offer the opportunity for people to speak with me about what I have written out of respect for their preference to speak….
Although I should be used to being in the 5% – minority, female, adoptee, etc., I will no longer allow others to disrespect me because it is not the ‘norm’ according to the 95%. Majority does not always rule – just remember the lemmings – I will not blindly jump off a cliff just because everyone else is….
Packing is one of my least favorite, if not THE least favorite, things to do. It makes me a bit sad. Even when it is packing to go on holiday for which I am super excited about, I hate to pack. 🙁
There are remnants of fear and worry that are associated with packing for me. It used to mean that I was not coming back to the place or that I might never see the people I was with ever again without my knowing it nor being able to say good-bye.
Of course, this is no longer a valid worry – save a sudden accident (knock on wood!!).
Still, I do not like packing. If I could, I would have a set of clothes just for travel and then upon washing and cleaning them when I returned home, would sit in the suitcase to wait until the next trip. This may still happen! 😛
Despite this, I am excited about packing up this time. While the process is not fun, (been filling garbage bags and organizing for the good part of the last two days with a couple more ahead) it is nice to prepare to move to M’s and my first home together. We have stayed at each other’s places and then moved into my university housing, but it has never been our home.
So, as I throw things away and remember fondly on bits and pieces – because I do remember where and when I get most of my things – I also acknowledge that my life has changed and is changing. The chapter of my life being an English language teacher and being either unhappily married, divorced or single, is really ending (nearly endED!).
Now, after a month of learning to do very little while waiting for our new home to become free, I can excitedly work to creating a new happy, healthy, comfortable and love-filled home with my husband. This home will express both of our life experiences so far, whilst building on those we will share together. Also, I hope to bring in peace and calm to the new place to represent my new career path.
Thus, packing up a chapter of my life is not filled with fear and worry this time around. Rather, it’s an exciting step onward to what is coming next.
