Creative Meanderings

Every day I see people – well, almost every day. I generally force myself to get out at least once in a day even if it is just for my lessons/sessions.

Despite this, I still regularly crave going into a cave and hiding into my own world. For some this might be considered as anti-social or even odd behavior. For others, you get it. 😉

The problem with spending too much time on my own is that I can start to feel isolated or alone. I can play an old tape in my head that no one loves me or needs me. I can start to ask the futile question of “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve ____?” Of course, I know that this old tape should be thrown away. Over the years I have worked extremely hard on re-recording over that tape; however, like the real old tapes, you cannot fully remove the imprint that has been made on the film.

Therefore, there are days when it is necessary to acknowledge what I am feeling or to even address the old voice as a reminder of who I have become since those days of old. Denying it would be inviting a repeating and recreating of a new stronger tape that would not be productive.

The past couple of months have required me to be extra social in order to network and try to get clients. While it may have been somewhat fruitful, the truth is that it was exhausting and most definitely not my style. Although others try to give me advice and tell me that I have to learn how to market myself or speak to others to sell sell sell. I wholeheartedly disagree.

I believe that I need to get my name out there, and know that I will. I also believe that people will come to me when they are ready or in need of what I have to offer. If I am patient with it, I know that I will get the business that I am waiting for.

So, as I continue to take my moments for reflection, I also realize that I need to prioritize myself and appreciate that this anti-social socialite is going to be laying a bit lower from now on. 😛

~T 😀

I was working on my next article for April Magazine and was sharing stories with a lady I met at book club a few weeks back. She said how curious a thing it is that people want everyone to fit into “neat little boxes”. I like this description and also wonder at it.

Before I discuss others’ need for this, I first reflect upon myself. Am I the same? Do I make my own limiting assumptions of others? Do I want to describe people by their outer appearance, whether it is the color of their skin or the clothes that they wear, or the job that they are doing? The truth is that I do. It would be a lie and hypocritical of me to say otherwise.

At the same time, when I get a response that is different from my expectations/assumptions, I find myself curious or interested to know more. I am confident that I have never continued a line of inquiry looking for an answer to fit what I think an answer should be.

So, now about why others feel this need….

For people who have grown up in homogenous societies or have limited exposure to the global world, I can understand how it might be such an abstract concept that someone might not say they are from where they look like they are from. However, for those who are privileged enough to be exposed to people from other countries or grow up in diverse communities – then, I do not understand at all.

More importantly, I do not understand the need to push and push someone into a corner because one is not getting the desired response – no matter what the response. I mean obviously if someone looks uncomfortable with your line of questioning, wouldn’t you take the hint and redirect???

Anyway, now I rant and ramble, so I will close up. My article is coming out soon – I think. When it does I will post a link. In the meantime, break down those tiny boxes and free the mind!!!! 😛

~T 😀

Sometimes when I take the time to share what is going on in my life or when I stop to think about it, I can see why people say to me, “I do not know how you do it.”

Most of the time I never think about the how or even the why. I just do it. Overall, life is good – really.

However, as I finished up my last yoga teacher training weekend before our final exam, I look out on the edge of this new horizon that I have chosen for my life. Also, as we near the end of 2016, I begin the process of reflection over the past year. All of these perspectives leave me on the edge. On the edge of sanity, on the edge of new journeys, on the edge of business taking off, on the edge of what stepping away from what was into what will be.

As I drove home yesterday fighting the emotions of the day from my yogi classmates and the realization that the year has passed with so many changes for all of us, I found myself also drained and perhaps even a little angry (OK, maybe a lot angry given my road rage and impatience with people).

Life is on the edge – and I am exhausted from it. Each day I wonder what the universe is going to throw at me to deal with. While I seem to do alright with managing myself, I have come to realize that I am losing the capacity and willingness to contribute to helping others manage themselves. For my business, this is a problem as that is the essence of what I do.

So, here I am reconsidering what I do and why I do it. I am reconsidering how I do it. I am reconsidering for whom I do it. There is a lot of considering and reconsidering to be done – with everything still…on the edge.

~T 😀