Getting myself out of the house and remembering where I live is my first step to getting myself away from the threat of the dark state that wants to settle back in to my psyche disturbing my way of life.
Yesterday morning or maybe during the day I read this article on Facebook about the 6 Secret Signs of Hidden Depression. As I read it I said to myself, this is me every day and describes me on a regular basis even on my good days! π³π¬ I think that it kind of worried M a bit when I shared this reality because it is true that I have been a bit on the downward spiral with some days better than others, but in general lately I have felt especially tired and less motivated each morning to get up. π
Even this morning, I wondered to myself, what will motivate me to get out of the bed let alone out of the house? π€
First, the promise of getting to the pool for a swim (if the water was warm enough) was one step as our short trip the other day reminded both of us of the benefits of getting out in the sun and enjoy what this region has to offer with the wonderful weather this time of year. βοΈ
Second, the cleaner was there and we both hate to be in the house when she is there. So, after getting her started, it was a good reason for me to not be in the house.
Ultimately, I also knew that I needed to make use of my time since M is away until afternoon for work and I have not been keeping up with my writing and planning time to get things done online. I do have quite a few things to do on the computer with some project ideas for ways to boost income online. This requires wifi, which is why I can sometimes justify staying inside all day; however, I am writing this now offline and know that I can later go in to paste into a post. Usually, I do save my online work for when M is not at home so that I can spend my time with him, but the truth is that I need to alter this thinking a bit since our time ‘together’ tends to revolve around watching TV, which is not really the best use of my time nor really quality time for us. Therefore, I am going to be re-working this since he is going to be around more the next week or so due to the holidays and people being away keeping his schedule light.
In any case, I am being a bit slow and lazy in adjusting my way of thinking about life these days. It is probably due to depression which has also affected my diet which I do know affects every other aspect of my life. Therefore, I am taking the first step needed to take action against letting it win over my life as it has done in the past. It is good to know that I am learning from the past even if I am not yet good at preventing it from happening.
One massive realization this week is that I need to constantly stay on top of this depression issue. There is absolutely no room for complacency. Any letting of the guard down in keeping up routines, working out, etc allows room for me to stumble into the dark state. Before I had work as a way of distraction or more constant contact with friends which kept me busy, which helps to fend off the penetration of the darkness; however, I no longer have external or passive ways of distraction. Therefore, I need to actively structure my life around a healthy way no matter what our circumstances are to ensure that I keep on going towards the light!
~T π
