I am having flashbacks to being a kid when everything used to piss me off. I would become angry at anything and everything in a split second. Of course, then I did not understand why this would happen nor having an understanding of triggers, environment and self-control of these responses.
As an adult, I can – thankfully – rationalize why I am finding myself with anger 😡management issues. Now, it is just a matter of taking positive steps towards managing these outbursts.
Unfortunately, it is difficult for me to see myself out of my current state of mind. While I may realize that I should meditate more or pray for more answers from God, I am torn between wanting to stay in my swarm of anger and knowing that it does no good.
One thing I need to get over is a sense of entitlement. A part of me feels entitled to having a short fuse. Haven’t I been patient enough, gone through enough, done enough? Yet, who decides what is enough and why is my ‘enough’ better than someone else’s? Perhaps, the truth is that my enough is actually not enough and that is the lesson to be learned. I am not entitled to a set or predefined amount of endurance – rather I am meant to keep on enduring and believing in the reward at the end of it all – if there even is one.
Also, I need to reflect back and ask myself Can I actually be doing more? Although I feel as if I have done and am doing as much as I can, I imagine that is a bit of a lie. The problem is that I feel a bit hog-tied with environmental and relational bindings. Therefore, it is a struggle for me to get over the sense that there is nothing more that I can do.
This morning, I reminded myself that time may move quickly, but these phases/moments/seasons of life are short in the grand scheme – so patience teaches us that this too shall pass.
So, I am constantly in a state of tension from life, conflict from my head and confusion from trying to understand what is “right”….. An outpouring of blessings, prayers and money would be much appreciated, PLEASE!!!! 🙏🏽
~T 😀
