This is my regular dilemma in life – I want to write and yet I do not write what I want to write or do not write enough. While I claim it is time, which it is, it is also discipline, focus and drive. If I were driven enough, surely I would have completed my first novel by now….
I recall my early university days when I would write my angst away by spending at least a couple of hours a day writing. In fact, I nearly finished that novel, but then my life started to fall apart a bit psychologically and then I never got back that mission fully. Over the years I have spent portions of summer holidays focusing on writing, but nothing got completed.
Although I have made steps by submitting a semi-regular article once a month to an online magazine and doing some freelance work, I have not quite gotten my blogging ambitions or novel writing off the ground. I am not sure why – maybe I care about what others will say or maybe I just still think of writing as a luxury rather than as a way of life….
In many ways I am already living the dream. I do the kind of work that motivates me and brings me joy. I no longer have to work with people I do not wish to work with or for. I have a lot of freedom despite being a bit more limited financially. Overall, I cannot complain. Truly, I am not.
I am just struggling with how to make this long-time dream of mine a true reality instead of continuing to dream about it!
Of course, there are fears. Fear of failure. Fear of writing something horrible. Fear of writing something with no value. Fear of never finishing what I want to write. And fear of insignificance.
Still, these should not be enough to hold me back. When have I ever really cared what others thought of me or what I do before?
I suppose the difference is that writing is something very personal and very close to my heart. Both of which are not aspects of myself that I share openly or often with others. So, it does make sense, but I am old enough and can make the time now to avoid these excuses. Even if I do face the fears above, at least I can say that I followed a dream to the end and gave it my all…right?!
So, to continue to call myself a writer, I suppose that I must then WRITE!!!
~T π
