A new sense of normal is finding its way back to my life.
I am walking outside again. I am listening to music again. I am writing again. I am smiling more. I am finding happy places. I am hopeful and excited again.
How long has it been since I felt this way? What was missing? Or rather, what was holding me back?
There is still a cloud that hangs over me. This morning I still struggled to get out of bed so I allowed myself to go slowly and sleep a bit more without guilt or worry. After all, I do not have a schedule to be on nor do I have to worry about work yet. Therefore, I can give myself this time to let life energy fill me again. These pieces of who I am are starting to return to me again.
Although when I lived in Japan before there was much that bothered me or that I did not appreciate, it was also filled with memories of a past way of life. Upon returning, I am starting to feel it is a bit more like "home" than my actual home. The past memories are there, but faded into the background of another chapter in my life.
In the same way, the UAE chapter is starting to fade.
The oppression, the worry about what I wear, the worry of being on-guard all the time, the stress of life there took a toll especially in the end. While I do have a lot of fond memories of my life there and will miss my friends dearly, it is a relief of an unbelievable amount to be away from it. It is no coincidence that my neck and shoulders are in pain. Aside from my stubbornness in realizing that I am not young anymore and should not try to carry an elephant's weight of things, it is also the beginning of the release of stress that I have been carrying around and starting to loosen up.
So, as I slowly let me return, I am taking my baby steps in recognizing there may be some grey days still, but it's all part of the process that leads to full healing.
~T π
