It’s been a busy and a little positively chaotic couple of weeks. Work has changed a bit for me, which has led to some stirring of the status quo in and out of the office.
While the PTSD side of me is a bit skeptical of the current fortunes poured upon me, I am working on believing that it is the manifestations of positive thought, hard work and attraction of these results that are in existence.
Admittedly, I am not the most patient of people, but I had been settling in to putting in my time until I had earned my place in proper Japanese fashion. I mean I was hired with the intent of being able to contribute to materials and curriculum development at work. However, since I am one of the newest “old” employees, I just expected that it was going to take a bit of time to make it all happen. I guess it does pay to be a bit patient or “good things REALLY do come to those wait”?
So, as of April, it was decided that I will begin the transition into being the full-time curriculum/materials person in the company. This is a little bit scary, but also quite exciting as in some ways it is a ‘managerial’ position without the title or attached responsibilities. 😉 This means that I currently have quite a bit more freedom to create havoc. 😛
I started with rearranging the entire office. Yup, that’s mean, it can’t just be a simple movement to a new desk. Oh no…. Instead, there was some housekeeping done and stirring of the pot amongst my colleagues, but now I have finished the week with my spot settled. Thus, when I get to the office on Monday, I’ll have no excuses but to work work work!
With that consuming my attention and energy lately, I have been a bit slack in other areas. It makes me reflect on the reality that we all get so consumed with our own lives that it can be so easy to temporarily forget that others are struggling or that our individual worlds do not revolve in a sterile environment.
It also reminds me that while I learned from experience that it is up to me to reach out to others in my times of need (for the very reason that we are consumed in our own worlds), others are not in the same frame of mind. Therefore, I also need to remember to reach out to others as well. It’s a fine balance of not needing to reach out and not isolating myself either.
This week, I had a flashing sensation of loneliness with my husband very busy working, work taking my energy and my friends all in their own worlds. As I noted my growing dependency on Instagram and Facebook to feel ‘connected’, I made a conscience decision to be more active in trying to find a true tribe. I miss my girlfriends in AD and knowing that it took me years to make those friends, I know that I need to at least get out more and work towards opening myself up again. It’s just a challenge…. 🙁 Still, although the loneliness was a brief moment, I know myself well enough to realize that it can come back suddenly and stronger. Therefore, I need to be proactive.
So, slowly I take my first steps out of my self-consumption.
~T 😀
