Tidying Up!

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Jan 232019
 

Sometimes I wish that I had more of a business mind to take my interests and turn them into something that makes money. Or, that at least I had known it was an option earlier in my life. I know it’s never too late and I do have some ideas brewing that could generate income, but for the moment, just read on as I half lament and half feel inspired. ๐Ÿ˜›

In my early adulthood, I remember saying that I wish I could get paid to organize people’s homes because I love it.

Then, some 20 years later, Marie Kondo hit the bestseller list and now has her own TV show. I suppose it’s timing and circumstances, plus more ambition for such things than I have/had.

Instead, I’ve read her book and devoured her show on Netflix as I share her excitement in seeing a mess turn into organized bliss. Plus, the changes that occur in a person through the process is worth even more. Perhaps, this is actually the real draw to my love of organizing and positive change. Besides, there are always the extreme hoarders that I definitely would not want to have to try to organize and would make me doubt a full-time effort in such an area. (See, there’s always another perspective! ๐Ÿ˜› )

Anyway, along the vein of tidying up, we have been working on our own house in terms of our physical belongings. As I posted a couple months back, I threw away bags and bags of papers that I had taken all over the world (literally) with me. On top of that, during the recent winter break, we went through clothes and closets getting rid of more unnecessary things in our home. It’s still an ongoing process that requires baby steps, but it’s a refreshing activity when more space is created allowing an air of lightness and joy to replace it.

The new year’s period in Japan is a time spent cleaning the house to make more space for what the coming year has to bring. The act of cleaning has a spiritual element as well, which I can appreciate. There is something about the cold breeze and bright sun that allows a refreshing air to enter the home (briefly before we turn on the heat!) as a way of starting the new year cleansed.

Something we don’t often talk about, though, is tidying up our relationships or the energies that we both give off and receive.

However, this is also necessary from time to time.

Therefore, I am somewhat tidying up my relationships with others. While I want to remain compassionate and understanding of others’ perspectives and where they are in their lives, due to my sensitivity to others’ energies, I have committed myself to no longer enabling the dark clouds to enter my light space.

Through tidying up my mind in daily meditation and releasing my thoughts regularly in my journal (combination bullet and daily diary as well) as well as posting more here, I find that I am better able to maintain my own joy and focus. Although we do not live in isolation, nor is it healthy despite my wistfulness for such a life, we can take control and responsibility for how we let others affect us.

Since I know that when someone writes or shares a “woe-is-me” kind of story it affects my mood, I have determined not to promote it by giving positive reinforcement towards the comments. Or, if someone moans and groans about something in the office or their lives, I will not indulge the pity party that is often desired.

Now, this is a delicate balance because I, by no means, wish to be insensitive to the fact that sometimes we just need to release our thoughts and feelings to those whom we trust and are close enough to. It’s an honor to be such a person for someone. However, if I provide a positive response to encourage that person to see the situation in a different light and s/he doesn’t want to or isn’t ready to shift their perspective, then there is not much I can do. Also, I’m not responsible for their shift, unless I’m in a ‘life coach’ role (in which case I’m paid or expected to fulfill that role). Therefore, in order to walk in the light, as Olivia Pope in Scandal often says, I have to rise above just being a ‘listening ear’ and ‘shoulder to cry on’ if it threatens to bring me down as well.

There is a lot of angst in the world and we all have our phases or days in life that are less than shiny. I’m not immune either. However, we have choices. We can choose how we respond to others. We can choose how much we let affect us. We can choose how much time we spend with people. We can choose the actions, words, and steps that we take in our lives. We can’t control the results that come from it, but with each choice, we must know that there will be a consequence of some kind.

So, in some cases, my choices in tidying up may have negative results – it’s happened before – or they may have positive ones. Either way, I’m content if it helps me to fulfill my goals and purpose in life to inspire others to walk into the light and shine with their best foot forward. ๐Ÿ˜€

While I may not be ‘tidying up’ just physical spaces (neither is the KonMari method), I am enjoying a lighter space in my mind and heart. So, beware if you’re a person in my life who’s not quite in the same place with all this as I am. I don’t love you less nor do I judge you more. I accept you are where you are. I offer my love always. However, you may see or hear a bit less from me.

**Disclaimer – please understand that never on any circumstances would I ever turn someone away or not make time for someone if they really need my help. Those who know me, know, my love and loyalty is deep and forever.**

But, for the superficial levels, you’re on your own! ๐Ÿ˜›

~T ๐Ÿ˜€

Flexible Inflexibility

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Jan 182019
 

It has been a while since I have checked in about my ups and downs. Somehow, they seem to be less frequent or, at least, less obvious to me. Perhaps, I should ask my husband, though! ๐Ÿ˜›

Actually, with my middle-aged body changes, I really don’t know if my moods and energy levels are related to hormones or the bipolar tendencies.

What I do know is that I need to maintain balance and calm to avoid being tired or feeling stressed.

One method that works well for me is following a set schedule every day, and that mostly includes the weekends and holidays too.

It may not work for everyone (though most self-help books back me up) and my schedule doesn’t always work for others in my life, but it is necessary for me to stay focused and contributes to my overall satisfaction with myself.

My husband would probably say that it is a bit dramatic, but my sensitivity levels to the world are high causing me more stress than it does for others – like him. Being around people (that really means ALL people) drains my energy and when living in a place like Tokyo, it drains faster like my iPhone battery when connected to too many bluetooth devices. The more connections or interactions I have, the more tired I get.

At the moment, I’m listening to Trevor Noah’s autobiography, Born A Crime, on Audible when I run out of podcasts for the week. I’m trying to fill my mind with a bit less true crime and more about the world or stories in general, especially inspiring ones (that’s not to say I’m not still completely obsessed, just dialing it down a bit ๐Ÿ˜› ). Also, I find that with running, I can stay away from wondering when my run is finished while listening to a book more than if it is a short-timed podcast or even songs that end and allow me to get distracted. Anyway, I digress. He has a line that says,

“I was good at being alone. Iโ€™d read books, play with the toy that I had, make up imaginary worlds. I lived inside my head. I still live inside my head. To this day you can leave me alone for hours and Iโ€™m perfectly happy entertaining myself. I have to remember to be with people.โ€ 

โ€• Trevor Noah, Born a Crime: Stories From a South African Childhood

This fits me to a ‘T’ as well.

So, this might be the year that I travel and do more for myself and my family, but see other people less. And, I’m okay with that.

Life has its phases and perhaps this is just one where the Cancerian side of me draws back in to my shell to refresh and revive for future phases.

Also, to keep a handle on my ups and downs, sticking to a schedule and planning ahead maintains an even keel for me and for others around me. It allows my mind, body, and soul to maintain a sense of freedom and control that keeps the pendulum ticking at an even pace. To me, this is balance and perfection for life.

Therefore, for my friends who read this blog and wonder why I might cancel (though I am a notorious serial canceler ๐Ÿ˜ ) or not reach out as much as I normally would/do, it’s nothing personal to you – it’s me, not you ๐Ÿ˜€ .

Seriously, though, I do still appreciate the need for flexibility in life. So, as long as it does not affect my inflexibility with schedules to stay on target with my goals, I promise to be flexible with what remains. ๐Ÿ˜‰

~T ๐Ÿ˜€

Responsibility

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Jan 162019
 

A conversation with a friend has stayed with me when she once asked her father why he didn’t force her to learn Spanish even though it was her parents’ mother tongue. She shared her father’s response as: he was too busy trying to make a living and needing English to care for the family that it was up to her to learn the language or not. 

Along the same vein, I have often wondered about people who play the ‘victim’ card or blame their parents for one thing or another having gone wrong in their lives. At what age or point in life do we take responsibility for our own actions, thoughts, and results in our lives?

In my early childhood there were a lot of people I could blame. I also could have ended up a completely different person had circumstances been different or had I stayed in one family or another. Yet, not once did it occur to me to think that it was anyone’s fault. Or, if anyone was to blame, I often blamed myself wondering what I had done wrong or what was wrong with me as a person.

When I was eight, I developed a “personal relationship with Jesus”, as born-again Christians like to put it. Over time, I have revised the wording, but I have faith in a greater power that I call a combination of God the Father and the Universe. Some time in my teens as I was attending church and doing a lot of Bible studying, I developed a belief that I was undoubtedly the foot or the ass in the body of Christ. Every part of the body has a purpose, but some get the full weight of being sat or stomped upon more than other parts. It was really the only way I could put rhyme or reason to why I had faced my early life challenges before I had even had a chance to be a bad person.

Then, for a period of time, I sadly had accepted that perhaps God just didn’t like me. I think ‘hate’ might have been the term I used as I cried in the truck while talking to my dad about being depressed and generally unhappy in life. It was a darker teenage-angst period of life and conversations between me and my parents swirled around this idea.

My dad and I always had our most meaningful chats while on the road. He seemed to like driving around and I liked just hanging out with him. He always could make me laugh – he still does – with silly comments/jokes or he’d challenge me to think in a different way with his sometimes annoying questions of ‘Why do you think ~?’. On this occasion, I blurted out my frustration in believing that God hated me.

Not being much of a religious man and not sure of his own beliefs, my father replied with ‘I don’t know if there’s a God. I do believe there is a higher power or greater being or whatever you want to call it. I think things just happen to people. It’s our job to figure out the reason and to deal with it the best way we can, but it’s definitely not a matter of being hated.’ or something to this effect. They were the wisest words that I had heard and almost as if God the Father were speaking to me directly through my earthly one.

It was then that I learned the essence of being responsible for my own actions, thoughts, words, and way of life, even though I didn’t yet know Don Miguel Ruiz’s Fourย Agreements.ย Or,ย the other self-help type words that are trending or commonly used in yoga, wellness, and psychology today.

My father’s words, reinforced by what I’ve learned throughout life via experiences, reading, and others I meet, taught me that I am the only one I am responsible to and for.

We take joint responsibility for loved ones, partners, etc., but we are not solely responsible for another’s happiness or satisfaction in life. It is up to that person to make their own choices. Learn Spanish if you want to learn it. Take trips if you want to travel. Go out and meet people if you want more friends. Experience everything if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. Set your goals and take the steps you need to achieve them – whatever they may be.

If we fail at life or our goals according to our own standards, then we only have ourselves to blame. At the same time, if we feel overwhelmed by the goals we have set, it is within our power to adjust them so that they can be achieved. There’s no need to try to find someone else to blame.

So, as I take my steps forward this year towards reaching the goals I have set before me, I look to myself (and partially to my husband, family, and friends ๐Ÿ˜› ) to be responsible for my success or failure.

~T ๐Ÿ˜€

Whatโ€™s Your Sign?

 Going Mental, Writing  No Responses »
Jan 142019
 

Cancerian Red Dragon. Oh, and I’m an INTJ.

You may not be a believer of horoscopes or zodiac characters or the Myers-Briggs personality types. You may be one to say that every horoscope or description of a ‘type’ can fit just about anyone. Or, you may just not like being typecast to fit into one stereotype.

The reality is that whether we like it or not, we do fit into certain sets of characteristics. Joseph Campbell is famous for creating archetype characters in his _The Hero with a Thousand Faces_ based on heroes from myths around the world. Many authors use this as a foundation for their literary heroes and antagonists.

We are humans and humans are such because we share common characteristics. This is not to say that we belong in boxes or an encouragement/promotion of stereotyping individuals. I do not condone or agree with such behavior, especially when it results in negativity and ignorant actions.

What I’m saying is that as far as a category of characteristics go, I’m an INTJ Cancerian Red Dragon!

The above probably sounds as if I am writing in circles, but let me go deeper.

As everyday normal human beings on this planet, we struggle to find the balance between being unique and fitting in.

In the west, we learn that we should be independent, free-thinkers, and forge our own destinies. In the east, we learn that we should be in harmony with others in a collective movement that stems back to tribal existences. Yet, in our global society, it is a daunting and overwhelming mental exercise to figure out what is the ‘best’ way to go about living our lives.

It has long been discussed that perhaps the ‘exotic’ Eastern ways are more in tune with our true selves. If we consider the poignant role of social media, the need to find our ‘tribes’, hashtags to unite us, etc., then perhaps there is some truth to the fact that a collective way of life is the more natural and preferred way for a healthy and balanced existence – not to say that we, as a global society, are anywhere near achieving this.

Since I was eight-years-old, I knew that my life was ‘different’. Aside from the obvious fact that I was an international adoptee who clearly did not look like her family, I had a less traditional path to get to the eventual settling of my life into a ‘normal’ childhood. When I acknowledged that I was finally living what most considered to be the norm, I realized that perhaps there were others out there like me, who did not know that they weren’t alone on the paths that were before them. Therefore, I decided I wanted to write. I began journaling to remember what I knew I easily forgot and to take note of what was seemingly the mundane actions of my day to days.

As time passed, I veered away from this dream of writing for others and sharing my life with those who may be like me or those who were so extremely different from me that my life may seem unbelievable. However, now that middle-age is settling in and the sense of not giving a ‘fart’ about others’ opinions is dominant, I return to making this dream a reality.

My sense of wanting to fit in is no longer an issue. The chip on my shoulder that I carry about being unlike others has gotten smaller – not gone, but less burdensome to myself. ๐Ÿ˜›

Still, as a friend of mine wrote to me recently about the struggle to find good friends, it is a challenge to find like-minded individuals or just people who are not so completely consumed in themselves or their lives to share a bond with. Those I have found mean more to me than I am able to express (though I should probably try harder!).

So, I return to defining myself in the horoscopes, zodiacs, and Myers-Briggs. If you read this, or this, then you might see what I mean. Or, you might not.

For me, at least it is a kind of crutch I can use to understand myself a bit better. It helps me to rationalize why perhaps I do actually think differently than most and I’m totally ok with that fact, even perhaps proud of it. It helps me to have confidence in my life choices and experiences. Mostly, it helps me to realize that there is perhaps a real place for my writing and a perfect timing for it to become a lifetime reality to share it with the world.

This is all to say, stay tuned for more regular posts – for real in 2019 – and a promise that within this year, I will either be self-publishing or looking to publish a couple of books about life from my eyes as The Universal Asian (coming soon!).

~T ๐Ÿ˜€

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