Silence is Golden?

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Feb 232021
 

So, I did it. I submitted an application for a ten-day silent meditation retreat in response to my need and near insanity from being stuck in a small cottage where the walls and doors are more like paper.

My introverted self is suffering a bit from the constant sound of my husband’s voice as he works and uses a lot of ‘words’ throughout the day. Even if I put on headphones, I still have to turn on sound to drown out his chatter, which defeats the need for silence and calm.

Thus, I have my fingers crossed that I will be accepted for this retreat even though it is in May.

Most people think this sounds crazy and people I have spoken to about it say that it is a challenging experience. I am wondering how it will be for me as a lover of quiet and being inside my head. My challenge will be in not being able to write or read when I want an escape from my thoughts or the world. However, I think not having so much distraction around me might not create reason for the escape.

Anyway, stay tuned for when I find out. In the meantime, I am practicing each morning in trying to build up my meditation time as I generally only give 10-20 minutes in the morning after my yoga. If I find out that I am going, then I will start building up my practice even more.

For now, though, it’s proving to be enough to enjoy a few golden moments of silence at the dawn of each new day.

~T πŸ˜€

Midnight Musings

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Feb 092021
 

It’s the middle of the night.

Despite going to bed at my usual time around 9 pm, and shortly falling asleep well before 10 to settle in for my evening slumber, I awoke briefly around 10:30 upon hearing my husband on the phone.

It’s not uncommon these days for him to stay up a bit later, or to rise early, for a phone call as his work connects him with people on various time zones.

However, nearly an hour later, the bed was still empty. So, I called him to bed in hopes of being able to nestle in for my desired sleep….

Yet, here I am at nearly 1:30 am, while my husband snores away, after attempting for the past two hours to lull myself to sleep through social media surfing and reading, taking in the quiet of the dark night.

Lately, I have been craving silence, and to some extent solitude. The 10-day silent meditation retreat I keep on my ‘to do eventually’ list is becoming less fearful as a daunting experience, and more attractive as a salve to a self-inflicted wound.

There is little to nothing to complain about where we are. I mean, how can one be truly discontent surrounded by vineyards in “mostly” sunny southern France?

It’s not a matter of contentment, but more of a need for nourishment like the soil craving the rainfall after a drought. As an introvert, being constantly bombarded with sound and another’s presence – even when it is the one I dearly love – is draining and overwhelming. Add on to that the daily activities of work and building a media platform.

I need peace and quiet. I need calm and tranquility. I need stability and sanity. I need to recharge, refresh, and replenish my internal fuel cells – alone.

All of these needs are hard to meet in a small, barely two-bedroom cottage where the stone walls are paper thin when a daily bundle of energy storms around filling the air and space until it is almost suffocating that the only escape is often, to escape.

Sometimes it feels like there is not enough air to breathe for two when it is supposed to be shared. Lately, I feel a bit as if I am gasping and grasping into an unknown dark abyss and just barely floating through based solely on trust and faith.

Like all things, this too shall pass. Like all things, the dark of night exacerbates the speckled holes of a sunlit life. Like all things, there is a silver lining.

Perhaps, I should embrace the quiet of the night and make the most of the wee hours to myself. If I cannot find my peace and calm during the day, maybe I can change my own pattern and expectations – until something else presents itself as another option. Maybe, my body and mind are telling me something and I shouldn’t fight the opportunity that is before me….

And, possibly, I should look into that retreat…. πŸ˜›

~T πŸ˜€

Outlook is Everything!

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Feb 032021
 

My best laid intentions of writing regularly were thwarted slightly as chaos will always win over even the most orderly of situations. There’s no way to avoid a tornado, you just have to wait for it to pass then pick up the pieces left in its wake.

Some might lament at the lack of fairness this presents, or the seemingly pointless effort of trying to maintain order. However, I choose to focus on what I am able to endure and act upon to minimize the stress, and sometimes pain.

M has admitted that he’s getting fed up with the COVID-19 life. More people are becoming unsettled with how things are, especially if forced to live in close quarters when not used to it. As he moaned, all of his sentences were some form of “I was meant to be ~” or “We were going to ~”. He rolled his eyes at my response that he should be “in the moment” more and not focus so much on the improbable could or should have situations.

For me, honestly, I’m still very content. Well, at least 95% so.

If I want to find things to complain about I surely can fill a post about that, but the truth is that with what I have control over and can do on a day-to-day basis, I am content.

Being an introvert helps, but more than that, learning to appreciate the moment has been the key to making the most of each day. Sure, I wish I could travel or go do this and that. I miss my family terribly, but I have no control over the global situation. I only have control over how I face each day and what I do to ensure I make each one count fully.

The thing about being discontent and lamenting about the state of an unchangeable situation is that the negative energy brings others done as well. When M yells or stresses about life and refuses to adjust the aspects that the does have control over, it adds to my own stress. When we complain about our lives to others, we send a wave of energy that lowers theirs even when unintended.

Obviously, I’m not saying we should hold in our frustrations and not share with others when we need to let out feelings whether positive or negative. I’m just reminding us – myself as much as others – that how we respond to our lives and the world has an impact on others both on an individual level, but also on a larger scale. This is how trends and movements work. The energy forces shift until the tipping point falls one way or the other.

So, for what I do have control over, I want the energy that I put out to be as positive as possible. I want to always be raising standards and pushing us all to be the best that we can be because everything and anything is possible – we just have to have the right outlook.

~ T πŸ˜€

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