Sep 242021
 

On September 17, 2021 a film, Blue Bayou, was released creating more than just a controversial stir amongst the Korean adoptee community. Although, I was aware of the Adoptee Citizenship Act activity since news coverage shared the deportation story of Adam Crapser in 2017, I did not stay updated beyond reading headlines or comments on social media, which brought to light this issue that is estimated to affect around 35,000 adoptees, who were sent to America to be adopted, but for whatever reason no one took the responsibility to ensure these young Korean immigrants became legal US citizens. 

So, when I got the chance to preview the film before its official release, I was excited to do so. 

The trailer successfully engaged me in the story and made me want to see how a professional film would portray an aspect of angst experienced by my adoptee community. A good friend of mine warned that there was some controversy in that the main role was heavily based on Adam Crapser, but without his permission. With that in mind, I watched the film…. 

It was a moving story that properly pulled at the heartstrings and expressed both sides of the truth – fairly, in my opinion. I found myself being torn between empathy for the main character with his traumatic adoptive experience along with his bad circumstances that led to the deportation, and judgement on his poor life decisions that prevented him from affording the means to help himself out of the situation. Of course, it’s a vicious cycle, so I am not at all placing blame on the victim himself. 

All that aside, what strikes me as most disconcerting in the discussions surrounding the film is the divide that is happening within the Korean adoptee and Asian American community. Those who know Adam directly, along with those who are naturally inclined to activism, have begun to protest against this film stating that it is too closely based on his story, which he had not given permission to tell. They have created a change.org petition to boycott the film altogether and are blasting social media with their protestations. One argument is that Justin Chon, the actor and director, is not an adoptee but a hyphenated Korean-American. This leads to a statement that non-adoptees should not be telling the stories of adoptees, especially without their permission. However, Chon and his media team continue to state that the story was an amalgamation of a number of deportees’ stories despite the uncanny parallels to just one’s. Meanwhile, Adam Crapser has only made social media statements to his limited audience, letting his supporters spew their rhetoric on his behalf, but still not speaking directly to the community to support the protestations being made.

For me, personally, it is not about who is right or wrong per se. Instead, what I see is a swirling cloud of dust that dirties the topic that should have been brought to the light for discussion as to how this issue even came to be in the first place. While the details of whose story it is, whether or not he gave permission, and the like are important, I am afraid that the true purpose of making the film at all is now lost. I am afraid that those looking in from the outside will only see the fighting and look away with disinterest in engaging in the conversation that should have been the focus about deporting forced immigrant populations. I am afraid that an opportunity has been lost.

Should a non-adoptee be allowed to share, take artistic license, or depict the story of an adoptee? Ideally, I’d like to say no and be able to believe that the adoptee’s story would still be heard regardless. However, in the same threads of whether or not a white person should be allowed to do the same with a minority’s story, I feel the same uncertainty in my answer. I would love it if the minority’s story and voice could be heard with the support of the majority, but today and throughout history that is not how the world works – yet. So, is it a matter of just getting the story out there in whatever way possible? Or,  do we fiercely hold on to what we believe is our story even if it may never be heard?

~T 😀

Sep 212021
 

It was a weekend of luxury and action (two weekends ago now) to make our visions for a certain lifestyle of our own come to fruition. Don’t worry – it’s more about the potential than affording the reality for now… 😜

On top of that, it was a chance to get to know new people more as the layers of individuals can only be discovered through time spent together in conversation , breaking of bread 🍕and sharing of drinks. 🥂

Anyway, just a short post to share from our visit to the Almafi Coast (Sorrento area) and boat day to Capri. Pics below and other highlights on social media platforms. 😬

Sep 092021
 

In Richard Templar’s The Rules of Wealth book, he makes a point of teaching that we shouldn’t necessarily tell others about our money goals or dreams because inevitably someone will pooh-pooh the idea or try to tell us why we are wrong in our way of thinking. He doesn’t say not to tell anyone, but to be selective in who we tell and make sure that those people are ones who will support and encourage us to reach our goals and dreams.

I have found that this can be true with just about every topic or area of interest. When Don Miguel Ruiz writes in The Four Agreements – “Don’t take things personally”, it can be applied to everything when we dare to share anything about ourselves, and we do not get the positive response that we want (though I’d say it applies even to the positives, too).

Just about everyone around me knows that I am not a fan of “people” on the whole. I am not a sharer of much, sometimes even to those closest to me, until I am good and ready.

In French this week, I learned the difference in the phrases ‘j’ai confiance en toi’ (I have trust in you) and ‘l’ami confident’ (a confidante). While we might want to translate it directly into our English word, confidence/confident, they are not the same. Also, trusting someone doesn’t always make them a confidante.

There are two regular people in my life whom I would call confidantes. They are the ones who get the most genuine version of myself and my thoughts. However, even with them, I find that I really have to have confiance en moi (trust in myself). 

It’s not that I don’t value their input or advice. It’s that they aren’t in my head, have my gut instincts, or understand what it is I am really trying to achieve. In their defense, I am most likely not explaining my ideas well enough for them to grasp in full. So, I’m not pointing any fingers or judging – I promise.

Rather, it is that I know what I want to do and where I want things to go.

Here are two examples:

  1. M has been encouraging me to find a retreat for either yoga or for writing. I appreciate this deeply. One problem for me is that I don’t want to spend a lot because we will have upcoming expenses once we are in the house and start our ‘nesting’ process. Also, the deeper truth is that I don’t want to go on a retreat to meet new people or share my writing with people I do not know. At the moment, I crave solitude, silence, and my own space. Therefore, I can spend about half of what a retreat costs by going to a hotel on my own for a week and writing and/or doing yoga there. M tried to mansplain how I was incorrect in my thinking, to which I politely (in my mind) told him he was wrong. 😛
  2. I want to generate an income from The Universal Asian. In this way, we can regroup our expenses and I can pay more to contributors and those who are helping to build up the platform. There are a number of ways that one can generate money from an online space, but I’m hesitant to move forward to many of them. Lots of people have given me advice and some have suggested I ask for more professional advice, but again I hesitate. It’s not from fear, but from not feeling ready or comfortable yet. I have an idea of how to go about it and I know that when the timing is right I will know how to go about taking action. This is how most everything has gone with it so far and I think that it’s been fairly successful. I’m not saying I won’t need help or outside expertise, but rather that when it’s right, it will happen organically and smoothly. 

So, these examples are where only I can know what I am aiming to achieve no matter how much advice others give me, only I can move forward toward the goals. 

Still, while I keep things close to my chest, it doesn’t mean that I don’t take in or listen to what others suggest. It just means that I might be slow to take it on board, or that I just want to do it my way. 😉

~T 😀

Sep 082021
 

Last weekend, we had a little getaway to Rome, which is actually only about 1.5 hours away from where we are living now in Italy.

It was M’s first visit to the capital city, so we did the touristy bit of doing a Big Bus Tour to see the main sights. With C19 limiting visits inside places, we ended up with a long tour of the Colosseum, but it was all part of the fun exploring. Some pics are below, but you can also see more on our @footnersineurope Instagram account.

More importantly, though, it was a nice chance for us to reset as all the stress of moving around and wrapping our heads around making Italy home now was making us a bit snappy with one another – though M claims it was more me than him. Never! 😛

One highlight that had nothing to do with Rome itself was getting a new laptop 💻. It wasn’t a necessity, but a want and a tool to help allow for me to write or do work away from the ‘dungeon’ we call home 👏🏽.

In fact, I am typing this post from a cafe with the comfort of my new laptop and freedom to be a true digital nomad. 😁 So, it’s already paying off. 😂

With that, I shall leave you with just a few images from our trip. More exploring to come.

~T 😀

Sep 032021
 

I cry at standing ovations, flash mobs, and moments of frustration that stem from a boiling of feelings buried within like an erupting volcano. I rarely cry otherwise.

In my youth, I cried a lot and I only cried when alone.

Crying was not necessarily about being a sign of weakness to me, but rather a reason for others to not like me, not keep me, not want me, not need me. Therefore, I would not show this side of me to others unless it was from physical pain, or when the feelings of frustration were too much to contain–as was often the case when getting picked on by my older brother.

Mostly, though, I learned to bury my emotions in front of others. This meant even the happy ones. Stoicism had a whole other layer of meaning for me. I built walls, and walls for those walls tenfold.

I remember my mom once telling me that she was so relieved when I had a negative emotional outburst as a teen because she was able to finally know what I was thinking and feeling. Later, I learned that she listened to my phone conversations, read my letters and diaries–all out of a desire to figure out just what exactly was going on inside my head because I never let anyone in. My poor mother just wanted to understand me, but the walls I had built were well-entrenched and difficult, even for me, to break down.

Still, I would cry every night in my bed–alone and scared with my thoughts. I feared for years that I would wake up the next day to learn that I was being given away again. My nights of insomnia, or escape into books until sleep overtook me, were my attempts at making each day last as long as it could since who knew what the next day would bring.

Add on to these overwhelming basic worries, teenage years of angst, a poetic’s soul of romanticism, and a dreamer’s wish for a utopian world. Tears were inevitable.

The tears flowed through university, into my twenties and first marriage. They streamed daily until I decided that I could take action to make them stop. I could change my life and take control of it. I did not have to be the victim of the whim of others or the object of disrespect. If I didn’t stop my tears, then no one else was going to. And so, I took one step at a time to turn off the tear ducts and switch on smiles instead.

Turns out it wasn’t hard to smile and it wasn’t a fake-it-’til-you-make-it kind of change.

These days, I save my tears for moments of unity, true expressions of love or attempts to reach beyond one’s natural inclination to show it, and appreciation of beautiful moments of humanity. Although it might seem as if I am unemotional or detached from my deeper feelings, I say that it’s that I’ve cried all the superficial tears. I’ve released all the ‘woe-is-me’ cries and consciously decided to have tears of joy and love. I am not without emotion or moments of weakness. I am, however, with control and discernment as to when a moment deserves the wetting of my eyes. 😛

Instead, my smiles are genuine and my youthfulness is in full force even as a 40-something-year-old!

~T 😀

Sep 012021
 
  • Happiness today is a sense of accomplishment
    reflecting on how the last year has went,
    but also taking a break
    to see what will awake
    for more success
    in feeling more, not less.
  • Happiness today is setting aside time for me
    and letting the mind and body just be
    focused on with a massage
    without a worry or concern about my visage.
  • Happiness today is a good night’s sleep
    waking up and out of the deep,
    fully rested for the day ahead
    and getting out of the right side of the bed.
  • Happiness today is the grey Monday morning
    that focuses one to work inside without a sense of forlorning
    that usually comes
    when one prefers to play in the sun.
  • Happiness today is the realization of a routine
    that has become natural again, if you what what I mean?
    The tea preparations made
    and the mat is laid
    to start the day
    in a positive way.
  • Happiness today is a sense of fulfilling
    the life purpose that is developing
    to be in the spirit that inspires
    others to aspire
    and be
    the greatest human they can see.
  • Happiness today is reconnecting with a friend
    with whom one was unsure if the connection was at an end
    because life has ups and downs
    but changes occur in leaps and bounds;
    so to reconnect
    does positively the soul affect.
  • Happiness today is believing in myself and my convictions
    so as not to be led by others’ predilections
    toward drawing lines requiring one to decide
    rather than respecting a different side
    for life is not about disparity
    but rather in acknowledging our unity.
  • Happiness today is having a sense of connection
    with others even though I’d rather be in my own section
    most of the time – still finding what unites us
    can be worth all the fuss.
  • Happiness today is enjoying the quiet
    away from the voices that riot
    from time and space in my mind
    and taking the time to myself be kind.
  • Happiness today is the starting of the week
    laying plans that will undoubtedly need to be tweaked,
    but still there is excitement in what is ahead
    enough, to get this one out of bed.
  • Happiness today is waking up feeling okay
    despite an evening of libations and laughing away
    with newish friends in the town
    during the spring jazz festival time getting down.
  • Happiness today is feeling heard
    to be given time to sit and listen to the birds
    and surround myself in the calm
    before all the bells alarm!

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