**Found this in my draft folder from sometime in 2019, but still feels apt now, so publishing anyway. π **
I moved away from my home because I hate the rain. If it weren’t for my family, I would probably never go back because most of my life there was spent in a state of depression. Sounds too dramatic, doesn’t it?
Okay, I admit I have many happy memories and everyone knows that I adore my family. Still, I have no doubt in my mind that if I had stayed I’d be on all kinds of antidepressants or using my vacation days to escape the gloomy mood that inevitably hits me.
Having spent nine years in a country that had no more than a week or two of rain or grey and sun that allowed me to have a permanent bikini tan line, I find myself a bit disconcerted by the fading melanin of my skin pigment and the number of rainy days that have come already this year.
As my skin color fades to an opaqueness, I find parallelism in the fact that my mind is also starting to move into a state of blankness.
The other day I commented on the fact that these days I find myself not pondering on much of anything. While a meditative goal is to free the mind of all thoughts, I wonder if this is what that means. M attributes it to the fact that we have very little to worry about these days compared to before. Maybe he is right. Perhaps the past has given me some perspective on the present and I no long find the need to dwell on the smaller matters. I do know that A LOT less gets me worked up – despite what my husband might say. π
Still, this “calm” makes it rather difficult to write because I got nothing filling my head with angst – or if I do, I just let it go rather than stew….
Thankfully, (or not!) the rain still brings a pensive π€ atmosphere. Even though I do not get too upset by getting wet (wait until typhoon season and I’ll be singing a different tune!), I do get tired and greyer with the dark skies. Even my clothing went from spring pink colors to greys and blacks.
So, I guess that I should be happy when the rain comes because at least it activates my creative side. However, I probably should find another way to motivate myself to do the writing I want to do because one day I hope to live in a temperate climate and will still need a creative outlet. For now, I’ll try to appreciate the rainy days and enjoy the quiet in my mind.
~T π
