It is trendy these days to talk about setting and keeping boundaries, which to many may seem either a luxury or an impossibility. There are some who may even consider it to be utter nonsense.
Before we celebrated navel gazing and the sharing – or oversharing – of our feelings, people just got on with life; and if one came across someone who set strong/firm boundaries, that person was most likely considered to be ‘eccentric’.
Growing up, I always dreamed of reaching the age when I did not have to follow social norms, play nicely with others, or care whether or not someone liked me. To be fair, the latter was always of least concern to me anyway as I had grown a tough exterior early on. When I was in my teens and early 20s, I thought that this age of bliss would be in my 60s or later. However, thanks to the onset of ‘touchy feely’ sharing, I discovered that I would not have to wait so long.
It was probably in my late 30s that I acquired the language around ‘setting boundaries’ and found it was freeing giving me an edge on the trending curve of self-help, self-awareness, and self-care. Although some may have wanted to wrap it all up in being self-ish, I found a sense of peace, order, and calm around the fact that I was being true to myself and my own mental health by knowing who I am, who I want to be, and what I needed to do to make that happen.
True freedom came with the entry into my fourth decade.
While the deep work began years before, the fruition of yoga, meditation, self awareness, and confidence building revealed itself in powerful bursts so that I no longer felt any sense of obligation to ‘fit in’ or maintain social norms just for the sake of it. I suppose this is also more easily done as a transient expat where reinventing oneself has fewer consequences than if I were in a static neighborhood with the same friends, social circles, and the like. So, it was not many years ago that I began to allow myself to read others’ energies and see how they could affect my own.
In the past, the negative effects would be met and processed with frustration, anger, and further negativity. However, over time, I realized that creating a boundary to protect my energy served as a repellant not only for myself, but also those near me. Now, setting boundaries brings to mind creating a force field that protects everything inside of it – recall Star Wars or any sci-fi film/series. By protecting my energetic space, I can be more self-less and provide support, love, and care to others around me rather than being an enabler of negative energy.
Although it is still not an easy task, I do find that when I focus on protecting my energetic space I am better at being supportive to others. Therefore, I will continue to be unapologetic in setting and keeping my boundaries as a way of protecting my energy from being affected by others’ negativity – should they arise. If it makes me appear selfish or even eccentric, then bring it on! π€ͺ
~T π
