July – Page 2 – Creative Meanderings

Thoughts on AI, copyright, etc.

Jul 242023

This is really a kind of stream of consciousness post on the topic as I’m formulating my thoughts to post on my writing spaces.

Teachers around the world are in a bit of an uproar over the current dominance of AI bots that are getting a lot of attention these days. Some teachers feel threatened and blame the advancement of technology. Some teachers are interested in it while some embrace what it could do to help them. Everywhere, educators are training themselves how to use programs that can detect whether a student has used AI to help write a paper or do an assignment.

People in the 40s and above are conversing over the “scariness” of AI to personalize their online experiences or even produce text pieces in their professions. Again, it is a fear-based response with their feeling of threat.

The entertainment industry has protested that using AI is a threat to their jobs and copyright issues. Yet, they have no qualms about putting their work out into the media/Internet-sphere where AI takes it sources from.

So, it is a bit of a quandary, isn’t it?

As with most issues, I stand in the middle. I see both sides. I agree with aspects of the yeas and the nays.

In education, we cannot stop advancement. The whole point of education is to promote the advancement of the youth to create, imagine, theorize and apply to a better future. So, why do so many educators want to hold on to the past? It’s the ego – I had to study and write my own papers, so should you. I didn’t have the convenience and help of technology, so I had to think for myself and create myself – so you should, too. But, why? Shouldn’t we instead encourage ways to make the most of the technology AND bring forward the more traditional ways?

In age, there is not a lot that can be done other than to just have an open mind. We don’t seem to mind watching TV programs with commercials convincing us to buy or take prescription meds for just about any minor or major ailment without considering how we are being brainwashed into believing we need them. We don’t mind when stores put certain items on sale to convince us to buy something we may not necessarily need. So, why is it scary that our online advertisements are for things that we mention we might actually need, instead? Why is it scary that a machine can analyze and filter information in seconds to make things more convenient for us? Isn’t this what we wish for everyday – easier and faster?

In entertainment, well, I get it. My livelihood does not depend on me getting credit for my work. I have not yet experienced finding copies of my own work out there or losing out because a machine has done it faster and cheaper. Still, I sort of feel that whatever I “agree” to put out into the public space is always going to be up for grabs. I would hope that there is some overseeing of giving credit where credit is due, but this is hard to monitor. I fully support the fact that the government has to create some more viable policies to ensure that the individuals do not suffer. Yet, if you’re gonna be in the public eye, why is a machine any worse than a person “borrowing” your words that you’ve put out into the space already?

It’s still a quandary.

It’s interesting anyway and I’m sure that even just 50 years ago, we never would have imagined having such a conversation. When we watched The Terminator it was just a sci-fi wishy washy idea that machines would take over control of the world. Now, here we are….

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Reboot Detox 2023

Going Mental No Responses »

Jul 212023

Every now and then, I try to do a fasting lemon water detox. The longest I have done is ten days of just lemon water throughout the day and no food with the exception of a smoothie at the end of the day when my brain thinks it wants food. The shortest I have done is half a day, which I suppose no one would count as a “detox”.

I try to time my detoxing with when M goes out of town. It works nicely since I do not like to cook and hate to cook just for one, especially. Though I can easily live off of ramen and cereal for a few days, I felt that this week was the perfect timing as my body was also literally sending out screams of “stop feeding me!”

When my physiotherapist massaged my hip joints and pushed around the belly, she suggested a break from the booze and food would be good for me. I hadn’t told her that I already had a plan, so I took it as a sign from Lady Universe of encouragement to go forward with the detox plan.

So, I half started upon dropping M off at the airport on Sunday night. Monday night, I did go off plan as I already had agreed to go on the taco, rose wine night with friends. Then, it was back on it fully from Tuesday. Here we are three and a half days later and I feel great, a little sleepy still, but physically better.

It’s as if my body has said “Thank you 🙏”.

Although I had planned to just do lemon water and a smoothie every day until M’s return on Sunday, I was doing some more reading and realized that to avoid a bounce back effect once I return to eating fully, I am going to ease myself back to a new regular diet with a focus on vegetables and mostly raw food. In fact, I may stay 90% vegetarian for a while yet just because I think my body is still in need of a healthy routine for a bit more.

There are some things I have learned from the past few days. One is that I do not need to consume so much food – ever. Another is that I do not need to eat just because it looks good or I can. While I do enjoy the pleasures of food and the community of eating with others, I can have a better awareness of how much and what I actually consume. I can eat with others without eating as much. I can also be choosier about the quality and type of food I eat if I eat less.

I’ve also learned a few things in other areas just from my not focusing on meals and food.

One is that other people seem more affronted by my lack of eating than I am. It’s as if it is some kind of personal attack on them if I choose not to be eating or drinking. Some go so far as to avoid inviting me out or interacting with me during mealtimes because they assume, for me, that it would be awkward – really it’s awkward for them. Luckily, I do not mind as it’s one less angst I have towards being social.

Another is that people put a lot of assumptions around food which reveals more about themselves than it does about me.

So, I have been enjoying a quiet week. Some social interactions, but not a lot. I am no longer thinking about my next meal and yet staying very active and productive. My body seems to have cleansed itself decently as my bathroom visits are less frequent (sorry for the TMI, but it’s an important point when detoxing/cleansing). My sleep is OK, but I think that is more related to heat and needing to get up early to avoid the heat after 10am than my diet. I’ve done more walking and exercising these past five days so far than I have in months.

With that, I am happy to report that my reboot detox 2023 is going successfully well!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Bonjour de France! 🇫🇷

Going Mental 1 Response »

Jul 172023

We are officially on our summer holidays! ☀️🎉

Although, to be fair, it doesn’t look or feel that much different from our regular days since neither of us “work” all day long. Plus, M is always “working”, so even when on holiday he is messaging, fielding calls, etc.

Still, the environment has changed and we have plans to explore a bit more of France and some islands over the next couple of months.

Yet…it has a sort of odd feeling to it as well.

This week, M is in the UK on his own doing a mix of work and pleasure traveling. This means I am on my own in our place in Lorgues, but without the puppies. 🐶 🥺 It’s best for them that we were able to find a nice couple, we think, to house- and pet-sit for us. Despite that, I had this weird sense of anxiety yesterday when I dropped of M at the airport.

Perhaps, it was a little bit of residue from the last time he left me on my own as it resulted in my ankle-break. Perhaps, it is some premonition yet to be known. Or, perhaps, it is just a jumble of emotions that are brewing inside of me in quietly coping with different levels of stress as we prepared to leave for about a month.

This is the first time that we have left the dogs for such a long period of time. This is the first time we have strangers in our house for such a long period of time. This is the first time that we have started to live the life that we want in having a home-base, but still be free to come and go in our travels around.

So, I suppose it is natural that we/I have this anxiety. Possibly, M manifested his anxiety through work-stress while I have buried it within until now.

Yesterday, when I got back, I was exhausted. I just wanted to sleep without any disruptions or distractions. Although I had a dinner invite, I could not summon the energy to be sociable, try to speak French, stay awake. Even with a short afternoon nap that usually refreshes me for the late Mediterranean evening culture, I still could not find motivation. So, I stayed in – because I could! 🤪 I was in bed by 9 and probably asleep not that much later.

My sleep wasn’t great, but I was not awakened by anything other than my own alertness.

Thus, this week, I have planned to detox my body, reboot my physical health, and refresh my mind. I started this morning with an early walk and attempted a light job, which would be more aptly referred to as a fast-walk, but that’s OK. I prepped some lemon water, relaxed with my cup of coffee on the balcony, did some work, and am now already at the end of my to-do list for the day. Tonight will be my last solid food night for the week as I had already agreed to go out for unlimited tacos and rosé with music. Then, tomorrow, I go on my liquid detox of lemon water and smoothies to try to give my body a break from the booze and overeating.

To encourage myself, I have booked a couple of massages that also allow for a couple of hours at the spa as a way of mini-retreat treatments mixed in with a means of distraction from wanting to eat and of refreshing – one of my goals for the week.

So, I’ll be back towards the end of the week to let you know how it goes! 🙏🏽

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Good and Busy Days

Going Mental 2 Responses »

Jul 102023

Whenever I try to think back to the days and what I have done or what I do, I find that it is somewhat hard to recollect. 🤔 I am not sure if it is brain fog 🤯, lack of focus/clarity 😒, or busyness, or the opposite. In any case, these days have been good.

Each week, I usually share on social media a summary of the days (like this). Mostly, it is for my own records and nostalgia value as every year FB likes to send a reminder of what was happening the year(s) before. M likes this feature a lot more than I do, but it’s also a great way of reminding myself of how the days pass since I currently have some kind of short-term amnesia problem.

Our days are about to get busier and more transient with the summer months upon us. This weekend, we are off to France for a few weeks where we will stay at our rental, travel West to Biarritz so M can do some surfing 🏄🏾‍♂️ and me some beach bathing 👙🏖️, then we will be back in early August for a few days. Then, we haven’t yet decided the next plans just yet.

At the last minute, M decided to get us some house/pet-sitters – a bit of a sore subject and story for another day 🤪 – so we found a nice couple, we hope, who were initially interested in coming over the winter holidays when we plan to be gone. As a kind of test run and spontaneous plan, they agreed to come this week. The nice part is that it frees us up from taking the pups 🐶🐶 with us, which wasn’t a problem at all before, but the flexibility makes things a little easier for us, to be honest. However, with that decision, I have had to make lists of things to do to prepare for unknown houseguests – adding to my daily tasks. 😅

Still, no complaints here. It’s all part of the fun and sun ☀️!

Speaking of sun, we jumped straight into the height of summer heat. We went out yesterday with friends’ and despite my having switched out the wine for water very early in the afternoon, I came home sick with symptoms of heat exhaustion. 🥵

So, today, is a day for cool and dark rooms focusing on getting things done. 😬

With that, I’ll try to stay on top of posting here when I can. 🤞🏽

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Doggy Update

Going Mental 1 Response »

Jul 072023

As I’m working on some other writing things at the moment, I thought I’d finish off the week with a little update on the pups! 🐶❤️🐶❤️

Peanut 🐶💜

So, Pea(nut) is doing alright. She’s not quite the same as before her viper bite, but she’s running around fine. Some notable changes in her, though, are – less interest/eagerness in food. She eats fine, but doesn’t sprint to the bowl or take food from the hand as often. She’ll eat treats eagerly, but any other extras will only be consumed if put on the floor/ground in front of her or if in competition with Monty because obviously he cannot have it! 🤪

We noticed a few weeks ago that she had a bit of a bubble around the backend of her rib cage, but as we were traveling and she seemed to be OK, we left it until today to get looked at by the vet. He said she is fine, but probably injured herself trying to escape through a narrow gate or hole or who knows what in her crazy squealing-capades. So, it’s just healing tissue and should go away in time.

Thus, in general, she is doing well, if a little less mischievous than before. 😈😇

Monty 🐶❤️

He’s the same ol’ sweet bubba boo. Although recently, he’s taken on the mischievous mantle 😬😈 and has started chewing things he can get his little mouth around. We think it is likely from boredom or frustration from the heat. There might also be a little stress involved as we have been traveling a fair bit. If it is the latter, we have some concern as we will be kenneling them for about a month this summer, but will see how it goes.

Anyway, other than an occasional sore-looking paw/leg that he has gotten now and then since he was a little puppa, he’s healthy and strong. He eats everything he’s allowed to with glee! 😅

So, that’s the little update on the pups. They are still spoiled and adored immensely!! 😝

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Happy 4th of July

Going Mental No Responses »

Jul 042023

Every now and again I like to show my patriotic side. Even though most of the world sees the US as a kind of sh*t show, I am still American 🇺🇸 in my heart and soul.

Occasionally, someone will ask me if I would give up my US passport and try to get citizenship in Italy or, even in Korea as that is now possible. Without hesitation, I reply with a definitive “No”. I feel even considering it would be disrespectful to my family on many levels. I also feel as if it would negate all of the rationales for my being adopted in the first place.

So, even though I am not a great flag-waving or “hoo-rah”ing American, I still appreciate what the country represents and has given to me in terms of a more opportune life. Plus, when I wear things like this and go “dreadful American” 🙄 on M, it gives me a little bit of mischievous glee! 😅

With that – Happy Birthday, USA! 🇺🇸 🎉

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Sensitivities

Going Mental No Responses »

Jul 282022

Physically, I have many sensitivities to “nature”. I group it all together because basically I am allergic to most of the outside world. However, mentally and emotionally, I am fairly insensitive.

This does not mean that I do not get my feelings hurt or that I mean to hurt others; I am human after all. It just means that my threshold for pain in the abstract is reasonably high. (As a side note – I also consider a great deal of physical pain to be abstract as a construct of the mind, but that’s another conversation.)

As I wrote in my last post, I have found the positive in having so many visitors through a lens of curiosity and interest in the sociology of people.

We live in what I deem to be an overly sensitive time now. One cannot post anything online anymore without having to defend it even when there is nothing needing defense. One cannot refer to another person now without worrying about using the right pronoun or coming across as some kind of ~ist. A complete breakdown of any kind of communication is not far off, in my opinion.

M and I were discussing this morning about this societal state. As we pondered, I determined that mankind and individuals have become weak. When a minority voice can bully the majority into conformity of the few, then that means fear guides actions and that fear weakens our mental fortitude giving power to the few rather than the masses.

Many of the books I have been reading, or listening to, of late talk about the role of fear.

“Fear leads to the dark side.”
In the words of the wise Yoda

My days of living in fear are long over. I spent too many of my formative years into my mid-30s living in varied states of fear. When I discovered my own strength and power that lies within myself, fear had no business left with me and has been banned from my mental space, almost to the point that I never say phrases like, “I’m afraid…” or “I fear that…” even as general statements that get used in media, or even everyday conversations. For example, “I’m afraid we are all out of milk today.” Or, “I fear that the train might be late.” These seem like harmless, and even considered polite, phrases, but by allowing the concept of ‘fear’ to enter the statement a seed of negativity is dropped in the psyche left dormant and waiting to take hold of some other part of the brain or some other thought that can feed the fear into a weed that consumes and destroys.

Instead, simply saying “We are all out of milk today.” or “The train might be late.” are neutral statements. No judgment or sway needs to be applied. You see, there is no need to add on language that introduces a bias one way or the other – especially negatively.

Since language has started to shift toward the former so naturally, it is no wonder that now we are being bullied into having sensitivities over the words we use in writing or speaking. Words are just words. It is the interpretation that defines them. Every individual, group, society, tribe may have their own local interpretation, which is what made the exploration of different communities interesting. Nowadays, we are not allowed to explore, but instead are shutout or shutdown. When conversations cannot be held over finding a mutual definition or an agreement of interpretations, then many will see no point in conversing. That will shift us back into tribal and isolationist mentalities, which can lead to more fights and wars, which will ultimately lead to the destruction of mankind. Is this what happened to the Greek civilization that was once known for its great philosophers and orators? Were they shut down and ostracized to the point that the pursuit of understanding others became pointless until they self-destructed?

If I were more academically and research-inclined, I would look into this theory more. However, in my version of layman’s thinking, I will continue to ponder, share here, and hope for humanity to prevail and become less sensitive.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Silver Linings

Going Mental 1 Response »

Jul 262022

Although we are not yet finished with the season, the peak of our busy period has passed at last. Since April, we have had a fairly steady stream of visitors in and out of the house. Some stayed for just a night, or a few days, or an extended period of flexible time. Overall, it has been a great pleasure to have guests and to spend time with a variety of people.

Still, it has not been without its challenges on my side. As an introverted host, it can be a difficult balancing act of being sociable without sacrificing my own need to recharge. However, I have decided to find the silver linings in this experience.

First, people are a part of our lives for a reason and so it is definitely meaningful to be open to learning what those reasons might be. There is always something to learn from others – whether it is good or bad – and so I tried/try to stay alert for what may come.

As a writer, inspiration can often be found for characters or dialogs in the stories that get developed. If I did not allow myself to sit and engage, I might miss some gems – and there have been some doozies!

Mostly, though, I learn a lot about myself. My self-reflective nature ponders on the source for why I get annoyed at certain behaviors or conversational patterns. Is it me, or is it them, or is it just the way it is? I am most fascinated by the human psyche and so what better research is there than to study those that come to visit us?

So, whilst trying to keep the silver linings in the forefront of my mind, I breathe through the extra hours spent over breakfast/coffee time, or the extra cost for food and electricity being spent for their holiday, or the constant cleaning that is required with extra mouths and feet passing through the kitchen and house or the incessant talking required for those who cannot stand silence. I try to be thankful for the gesture of a meal out in thanks for their stay despite the fact that it does not actually offset the financial, mental, and physical toll of their presence – especially when it is for more than a couple of nights. 😳

The truth is that plenty of people have helped me out or been generous with their money, time, and space on numerous occasions throughout my life. So, it is a balance of give and take, here and there. Thus, I do not write with complaint (even if it sounds like it 😬) nor judgment. Instead, I reflect and remind myself of the silver linings and balancing act that make up relationships and develop humanity. 😍

Furthermore, I’m very thankful for my escape pad – where I have been taking my afternoon siestas and entering different worlds. 📖

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Unbalanced Conversations

Going Mental 1 Response »

Jul 212022

I remember yelling at my ex-husband once that not all stories were about him and that he didn’t always need to revert the conversation back to himself. He looked at me in confusion and said, “But, that’s how people relate and talk.” At the time, I just attributed his style of conversing with me, and others, as his ego and arrogance making him the center of EVERY conversation. 😡

Sadly, social interactions over the years have proven that he was right. 😳

Unfortunately, for me, I still hate it and want to scream when it happens! 🤬

Fortunately, I generally keep these thoughts/reactions to myself (this being one of the exceptions) and accept it’s more common than I would like. 🫤

However, I still believe it is about the ego. But, instead of arrogance I now attribute it to a lack of self-awareness and a need to prove one’s value, worth, and importance.

The truth is that I am on the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to talking about myself, my opinions, and my experiences. Rather, I write these things, which is a kind of one-sidedness, but then the reader (you) can choose to walk away without hurting my feelings. 😅 I’m not saying it is better – just, that is me and how I relate and talk to others. I do not have a need to prove myself on any level to others – a different form of arrogance. 😬

There is probably a bit of cause-effect happening if I do not talk about myself much, then others may feel the need to overcompensate by talking about themselves more. However, I challenge that logic with a question – why not just ask a question instead of making it about the self? 🤔

When the focus becomes constantly about the self, then the interaction no longer has a balance to it resulting in one (usually me) getting bored or frustrated with a conversation because one of a few things tends to happen: 1) stories get repeated, which is SUPER annoying to one who remembers they have already heard the story before, especially if a polite “Oh yeah, you told me that” does not deter the repetition; 🙄 2) the dialogue is no longer such, instead it becomes a monologue, which is only interesting in a play or scene of a film/show; 🥱 3) some kind of negative feeling and energy starts to seep in and settle whenever any further engagement is required making it somewhat challenging to deepen or further a relationship of any kind. 😵‍💫

If I really am interested in someone I tend to ask them questions. If that person asks me questions back and listens without waiting for me to pause so they can jump in with their own story, then I feel seen and heard. 😍 This rarely happens, to be honest.

Often, I tell people that I don’t like people. 🙅🏽‍♀️ It always makes them laugh with surprise at my bluntness and no one actually believes it. They assume it means that I don’t like to socialize or that I am quiet and shy – a common misnomer of an introvert. Recently, I said maybe I should reword it to something like “I don’t trust people”, but upon thinking about that, it isn’t sufficient enough.

It is true that I do not trust most people, but it is more true that I don’t like people.

On the whole, I do NOT like people. People – as in the mass, a group of individuals, and all the social norms that are associated with people.

However, I DO like persons or individuals.

I cherish those I call friends – my definition is probably a bit different than most, but will save that for another pondering session. I enjoy socializing and time around individuals in groups.

Still, it is a fine line.

Not only do I get exhausted from being around others as an introvert, but my energy is drained even faster when I am around people. I do not thrive on monologic conversations. I do not thrive on the egocentric need to prove oneself through repetitive stories or always having to validate by listening to the rattling of their words. I find it on the same level as talking to children….

So, now that I’ve probably offended you as a reader, I will stop here. I do not mean offense. I just would like to implore 🙏🏽 all individuals to consider that conversations should be like a well-played tennis 🎾 match. At the end of it, both should walk away feeling challenged yet satisfied.

Is that really too much to ask? 😜

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Intellectual Stimulation

Going Mental No Responses »

Jul 192022

When I was adopted by my family, the social worker informed my parents that I needed to go to university. M knew when his eldest was a child that she would pursue tertiary education. Apparently, it is just something that becomes clear – the need for intellectual stimulation.

While I do not consider myself to be that smart IQ-wise, I know that I am wise – whether thanks to my early life experiences or due to being an old soul (if you believe that kind of thing). I also know that I have had many adult life experiences that make me more aware of the world. Plus, as a reader of whatever I could get my hands on when I was young, I developed an understanding of how life works that would not have come without the world of books.

Still, I know that I also prefer a serious and deep conversation over the superficial niceties expected of most social exchanges.

A number of times, I have been told by my less intellectually-inclined partner that I can tell boring stories, or when I answer someone’s question literally it becomes uninteresting. On various irritating occasions, he has interrupted my answering of a question as a subconscious reaction to avoid me possibly boring them. I have told him this is unacceptable behavior as it is not only rude but disrespectful to me as if I don’t have anything of interest to say when I really have a lot to say – interesting or not – as anyone who reads my writing can tell. 😛 He has apologized and is more aware, but still, there is no denying that I am serious and I take life pretty seriously.

One reason I tend to hide away to read or write on my own is that I can only take so much conversation on what I consider to be inane. I don’t mean any disrespect by that statement, but I don’t really care about the videos on YouTube or TikTok. I like to watch TV or movies, but it does not interest me to talk about them with others. I love clothes, but don’t need a 20-minute conversation about fashion because I know what I like and am happy with what others say they like – no discussion required. Also, as a non-parent, it is boring and totally out of my interest to talk about other people’s kids or reminisce about the joys or struggles of parenting.

Don’t get me wrong – I DO talk about these things, and with a smile. In fact, I am often truly interested because the other person is interested and wants to talk/share on these topics.

Still, I have my limits.

I miss the academic world at times because we would sit and talk about the psyche of the learner and brainstorm ways to reach their brain patterns to truly acquire language, study habits, or life skills that can/will affect the future. Or, I am often fascinated by language and how it is used to express culture, personalities, and represents countries through how the language is spoken, the gestures used, the expressions formed to share an idiom or nuanced idea.

Unfortunately, since having left academia, these kinds of conversations are infrequent. Indeed, that is the consequence of my choice to leave that world. While the tradeoff of not having to deal with truants and all the other aspects of the teaching world far outweighs the loss of intellectual stimulation; it does not mean that I don’t occasionally miss a conversation or two that delves deep into righting the world as I/we see it. 😉

~T 🔥🐉♋️

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