Tara

Facebook

New York Visit

Nov 152024

I may have left it too long for my memory to recall our/my latest trip to New York City. It was nearly a month ago now and it seems that despite my promises to update about the trip, I have only just now remembered. Guess that’s part of the brain fog era of life that I am in. Anyway, let me see what I recall.

First, the main reason for going was to attend a book writing retreat with the company I do some editing work for. Initially, I was going to teach a full session, but as it was my first time to meet everyone on the team and see what the work would require, I decided to just attend as a participant so I could get a sense of everyone first. This turned out to be a good idea.

When I decided that I was going, my mom and I thought it would be fun to combine a short mother-daughter trip to the City. So, we got to work on finding out what shows were on and getting our tickets.

We saw three shows: Oh Mary!, Six – the musical, and YellowFace. It was a mix of show types, and Oh Mary! was definitely my favorite. I enjoyed the others, but they just weren’t as entertaining.

During the days, we did a lot of walking in different areas of the city, taking in sights and enjoying some of the eats on offer. Although Mom probably would have liked to see more museum exhibits, we didn’t go to any…. Still, it was a good time.

Since M decided he didn’t want to spend time apart a few months ago, he joined the trip on the day that Mom went back home. He had to entertain himself for three of the days, but he seemed to have survived.

The retreat was good, interesting, and motivational in seeing how the company works, learning about people’s ideas for books, and reminding me why I love reading, writing, and editing. I’m amazed at how just saying YES got me there.

So, that is what the NYC trip entailed. Overall, I was reminded of my love of the crazy city that is truly an entity of its own. Despite the increased level of noise and scent of MaryJ everywhere, I fell into a comfortable groove walking around, interacting with Americans/New Yorkers, and just being a part of the pulse of the city. I had missed it, to be honest.

Hopefully, it won’t be another ten years before I return again. Next time, I’d like to see more shows and eat even more food! Haha!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Waiting to Breathe

Going Mental No Responses »

Nov 112024

Well, I had two glorious days of doing absolutely nothing, which was much needed. My energy cup was bordering on empty, which is often when my bipolar tendencies kick-in. Though I don’t think that I have such strong ups and downs these days, I definitely notice when stress affects my productivity, judgment, and behavior.

So, the Universe looked out for me and helped me to create the time and space to just be in my own rhythm and head. Although I was not idle, I feel caught up and a lot less stressed. I did catch up with people on Friday night after I dropped M at the airport, but the rest of the weekend was mine.

While I could have probably done more in terms of writing, I felt that time was more aptly spent vegging out. Me and Seal Team had some proper QT the last couple of days and I regret nothing! Aside from chats with M and my parents, I talked to no one. It was bliss.

Today, it is back to the real world as I prepare to head off for my week visit to Japan. I have a day to myself still in Rome, but it’s a mix of activity and relaxation before I settle in for a day of travel and then a week of catching up with my BFF and other friends. It’ll be fun, no doubt.

Anyway, I hope to draft an update of my NYC trip this week and then it’s that time of year when reflections and new goals come into focus. In the meantime, I shall remember to breathe.

~T🔥🐉♋️

Small Town Regrets

Going Mental No Responses »

Nov 042024

I keep meaning to sit down to write, but catching up on “normal” life and trying to see local friends has made it more challenging than I had anticipated in settling into routine. I feel as if I’m running on fumes. Perhaps, that is also because I might have the tinge of a cold threatening my head and body…but anyway…

Since I’m already behind with updates on travels, let me push it off a bit longer. I’ll get to it eventually, not to worry.

For the moment, I got hit with a rude awakening of what small town life is like and a reminder to renew my previously held vow to never do anything that will cause me to be the center of the town gossip. Unfortunately, I actually have no recollection of doing as reported, but since it was confirmed by the person who received the harsh, unkind, and unintended words during a night of too much tequila, I cannot get away with denying it as I did when it was initially reported back to me that I had said such a thing.

What was it, I said?

Apparently, I said someone’s book was sh*t. Even worse than that I said it to the author herself in a belligerent drunken state. Of course, it was unintended. Yes, it was really harsh and unkind. Furthermore, it was probably embarrassing to her as I did it in front of other people. Worse of all is that in my sober mind, I would never ever say such a thing to anyone who has written something, put it out into the world, and made themselves vulnerable to critique. Yet, it happened.

I have apologized. I definitely regret that it was said by me, and that I cannot even remember doing it.

With the attitude of taking responsibility, I also renew my vow to never get drunk or do anything “interesting” in front of people who live in our proximity. I knew that I didn’t trust them to not find a way to create a gossip chain, spread stories, and revel in the ignominy of another person. On top of that, I haven’t even been around to explain or defend myself, even if I wanted to do so.

For a while, I had been trying to figure out why I prefer my friends in France over the ones we have made in Italy. This situation clearly illuminates what I couldn’t before explain.

My friends in France never spread stories about each other. What happens at a party stays at a party. What is said at a party stays at a party, or is discussed privately between the speakers should there have been a possible issue. No one tries to create a rift, shine someone in a negative light, nor put themselves in the center to garner sympathy or attention. It’s never about tearing someone else down, but always about focusing on the fun. With that sense of security, there is freedom to be ourselves, enjoy each other’s company in a safe space, and bond in those moments.

Instead, I have mostly spent three years on guard when we have get-togethers – even in my own home. I have said many times that I never want to be the source of the gossip that goes around town. Yet, here I am finding myself in the middle of one unintentionally because I made the mistake of getting really drunk at a party that we hosted and opened our home to over a hundred guests to….

Again, I do not shirk my ownership of saying the words I said nor that those words caused negative results. I own it. I regret it and have apologized for it. So, it’s time to move on with lesson learned and gut understanding reaffirmed.

In the future, no opinions will be shared unless it’s on the mundane, no judgments will be spoken, and trust will not be given to anyone outside of my inner inner circle. It’s sad to not have a safe zone, but alas it is what it has proven to be.

~T🔥🐉♋️

In Memory Of

Going Mental No Responses »

Oct 282024

I am due to write a proper post about my travels and activities, but I felt it appropriate to take a pause to acknowledge the passing of my cousin this past week.

L was quite a bit older than me and by the time I arrived to the Bilyeu family, he was already living his adult life. Still, he was always kind to me and would make an effort to talk to me even when I was being a selfish teen or an arrogant twenty-something who was traveling the world. Although we never really had anything in common, I appreciated that he had a heart to show interest in me and connect whenever I visited home.

It’s always a shock to lose someone at such a young age, even more so when it is someone you know, and yet more so when it is a member of your family.

Death is inevitable. We cannot escape it. We may wish to put it off as long as possible, but when it is our time, we have no choice in it unless we choose to make it happen sooner.

For me, it’s never been something I fear nor is it something that I run away from. While I do not necessarily welcome the end of life, I am ready whenever my time might come. Unfortunately, I did not know L well enough to know where he stood about life and death, but I wish him a peaceful passing from his time in our lives to wherever comes after. Maybe, we shall converse again in my dreams.

It is a loss for my aunt and other cousins that I can only imagine will inform their grief cycle. So, it is with love and compassion that I write this post in memory of Lance Watkins (October 26, 2024).

~T🔥🐉♋️

Escaping the Good

Going Mental No Responses »

Oct 182024

Escapism is one of my coping mechanisms for getting through life. When reality is too much, the world of a book, a different culture, a cafe, or a new environment of some kind can serve to justify the escape.

While it might be easy to explain it away as something positive, the truth is that there is a darkness below the layers of disguise.

It is not necessarily a consuming shadow, but recently it was suggested to me that I might be running away—from the good benefits of regular physio or yoga sessions that are advantageous to my back pain, from the idea of a settled mind, from establishing friendships and roots….

Although I am not certain it is that deep, I am giving it some space in my head to ponder.

Mostly, I think that we just planned a lot of travel that has caught up with us both physically and mentally. For me, my spine issues were not part of the life plan, so activities addressing the issues around my physical health had to take a secondary role for now. At the same time, I refuse to live life as a chronically ill or restrained individual. Life, as I want it to be, will continue no matter any physical conditions that arise. There’s plenty of time later in life to sit still.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with taking a moment to pause and think about these words. Is there resonance in them? Am I escaping the message that may be sent via these others’ words? Or, am I just fine and merely a sounding board for their own opinions or ideas that apply to their own lives?

Whatever the case may be, it is not important as to how or why these thoughts and words have blown in my direction. They have been received. They are being considered. Any revelations that arise will be taken on board for future adjustments.

In the meantime, we have a lot of escaping ahead for the remainder of the calendar year and I will enjoy it fully. Still, I am also planning next year and how to be more present in our home and community. So, stay tuned as reflection and adjustments sprinkle the air.

~T🔥🐉♋️

A Week in Sardinia

Meanderings Abroad No Responses »

Oct 112024

This was a trip planned sometime back in April, I think. Despite our frequent travels and desire to stay put for a bit, we/I enjoyed our week in Sardinia – still on the island as I type this post, actually.

Some people put it on our radar last year when they relayed stories of their visit saying that it was lovely. So, when we were discussing with our friends about a joint trip, we all quickly agreed to organize our week away here.

After some research and discussion, we decided to do a few days in the south in Cagliari – the capital of the island/region of Sardegna (Sardinia) and a few days in the north near Olbia where many visit for the beaches. We stayed in Airbnbs whilst together to be able to enjoy shared space and have the option of eating in or being able to enjoy leisure mornings.

While I am, personally, more of a fan of hotels and kitchenette options since cleaning up and such is not part of my usual holiday activities, it was actually rather nice to have our own spaces and shared spaces – though I still would choose hotels. 😅

M and I took the ferry over with the car so that we would have freedom to explore around the island. It meant a bit longer travel time for us, but it was a good choice for convenience as I’m not a fan of wasting time waiting for public transport or spending money constantly for taxis. It also meant that we have had an extra day on either side to relax together. So, on the way, we stayed in Livorno since our departure was early in the morning. Tonight, we are further northwest near Porto Cervo so that we can relax in a spa resort hotel along the beachfront before our overnight ferry back to Rome.

As for my impressions of the island, well, not so much for me. I’m sure that in the peak summer months it is more lively, but there isn’t a lot to see. The bike tour we did in Cagliari was fun and interesting, but the guide was very skilled at making the town seem more interesting that it really is. There were some tidbits of culture and history to absorb, but overall, I felt it was a grimy and old place to visit.

In terms of the north, well, the beaches are nice and the water is a pretty blue, but again, not overly engaging. We walked around Olbia center, which was cute and had more of a vibe to it than the south. Still, I haven’t been convinced that I would ever need to come back.

What made the trip was our time drinking, eating a lot of pizza and pasta, and chatting away the days and nights. 🥰🥰

Here are some pics (in reverse order):

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Personal Writing Retreats Are Back!

Going Mental, Writing No Responses »

Oct 042024

For some reason, I stopped going away on my own mini writing retreats. Perhaps, it is because we have been traveling so much. Perhaps, I thought that it was too much of a personal luxury. Perhaps, I just forgot that they had a purpose beyond just the writing focus.

After having just gone on one last week, despite the busyness of our lives between events and trips, I am recommitted to reinstating them regularly into my schedule. I have already tentatively planned them every six weeks or so for the next year. Even my todo list has been scheduled for when to plan the next retreat.

I recognize this is a major luxury to be able to afford such a thing in both time and money. Still, I plan to make the most of it because I can.

Let me share the benefits.

We lead busy lives, by our own making, but nevertheless it is busy. M has a combination of personality and work that is at a high energy level, which can be overpowering and encompassing of everyone or everything around. This includes me. I’m sure that I have written on this before, but like Will Smith wrote in his autobiography, it’s get on the M train or move out of the way!

Being on the M train is fun and worthwhile, but every now and then I need to get off and walk alongside at my own pace in my own way and in my own direction. Sometimes, I feel lost in the chaos so that I feel unseen and without meaning. Therefore, taking time away for myself and for my writing is beyond refreshing – it’s rejuvenating. My own energy cup refills and I reconnect with myself so that I can return to the fast lane feeling whole again.

On top of that, I get a lot of writing done. It resets my creative brain so that I can let the words flow that get stored up, or blocked, during the thinking process when I don’t have enough time to sort through all that is going on. So, I am able to produce and release in a productive way.

This past mini writing retreat was combined with a couple of town, visits as I am trying to check out for myself some of the major towns in the Umbria region, as I write my third Umbria on a Whim book. Although I am not necessarily writing how I feel about the towns, I can get a sense of what they are like and what they might have to offer allowing me to write notes to include in the text. So, I headed to Narni and, by chance, a second visit to Terni.

These towns are just an hour away from home. I stayed in an agriturismo (agriculture tourist) hotel, which was average, but quiet and nicely located for what I wanted.

I got writing done and, as I said, my cup is refilled.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

A Little Party Never Killed Nobody

Going Mental No Responses »

Sep 302024

It was indeed a roaring 1920’s soiree at our house on the 26th. While I don’t remember much towards the latter half of the event, the pictures tell the tale of a grand time had by myself and all who joined.

Just about a month ago, when we felt that we were getting close to having the pool area completed, M decided he wanted to have a big bash. We connected with a party planner, and away she went with the ideas. With nearly daily messages and plans put into place, the event is now the talk of many both locally and abroad.

Why Gatsby? Why not, we say! Truth be told, one of our local friends had mentioned she wanted to celebrate her 60th with a Gatsby style party, but when we offered to throw a bash for her, she humbly refused thinking it too much for us to do. So, when the party idea came up and we were looking for easy themes that people might jump on board to embrace with costumes and the decorations, it was a fairly simple decision.

People did not disappoint! Even I, who has not always been the greatest of fans for costumes, made a big effort to meet the request. So, without further ado, here are some highlights in photos of an amazing event. Now, just to recover…!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Munich Oktoberfest 2024

Meanderings Abroad No Responses »

Sep 252024

For many years, I have been interested in Oktoberfest in Munich. I’ve been to other beer festivals in various locations, but there’s something special about going to the OG place to experience it. It was definitely a fun time, even though I don’t drink beer much.

We had two beer tents in our tour package: Lowenbrau and Marstall. We definitely had more fun at Lowenbrau on the first day, plus it was day drinking rather than the evening. The music and bands were good. Next time, we would like to be downstairs where the action is! However, it was really fun to watch everyone drinking, dancing and making merry!

Anyway, it’s a little bit busy around here with lots to catch up on, but for now, I’ll sign off here.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Five-Day Online “Silent” Meditation Retreat

Going Mental No Responses »

Sep 162024

For a while, I have been contemplating how to make more use of my time and to do things that feel more purposeful with my life. As someone who does not truly believe in charity for the sake of altruism, nor do I fully support doing something for nothing (related to altruism), it has been a challenge to grow in my spirit of compassion and dana (generosity and donation).

About a month ago, I was having one of my existential crises moments feeling a lack of purposefulness in my daily life. It’s not that I feel I don’t have a purpose, it’s that I don’t know how to action my purpose in a fulfilling way whilst also maintaining the freedom and flexibility of the lifestyle I cherish in totality. So, after having a bit of a lament and probably taking out my sense of ‘lack’ on M, I sat with myself when he was away.

One solution that arose was to embark on a two-year Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certificate Program.

So, I applied. I was accepted and began the process of ensuring I am ready for the February 2025 start.

Part of the pre-requisites is to participate in a silent meditation retreat. Since we have a number of travel plans before the end of the year, it was a challenge to consider an in-person retreat where I’d have to travel. So, thanks to the power of technology and the influence of the pandemic, opportunities have arisen so that these kinds of retreats can be done online.

I chose to do one that was on the US West Coast timezone as it was the least likely to disrupt my daily life given that I have an engaged partner and pups to ensure get attention throughout the day. Hence, the silent in quotations.

The past five days were the days, or I should say, nights.

Overall, I would say it was a meaningful experience. I did a lot of meditating, which was a treat. Insights and awakenings inside me occurred so that I felt a shift in my psyche and I narrowed down my life purpose statement more clearly.

I am the shining light of wisdom that guides others to find their own lights so they can shine for others.

If you’re not a life purpose statement kind of person, I realize this may sound a bit strange. Basically, I am called to be a “teacher” of sorts. Everything I’ve done in my professional life has been to become able to teach or train. This is really no different.

I am also motivated to support the betterment of the human capacity in individuals whether through health (diet and nutrition), yoga (physical), or meditation (mental) for an overall balanced sense of well-being. Therefore, using my own light and wisdom from my life, I can help to guide and support others so that they can shine for themselves and others. It reminds of me of the scene in The Lord of the Rings when they light the beacons.

This remains one of my favorite scenes of all time as it gives me such hope for humanity. This is also what I want to contribute to creating in us as individuals.

I also believe that much can be achieved through meditation, which is a very much misunderstood “activity” by the mainstream. So, if I can help to dispel the myths while making it more accessible to everyone, I feel that I am doing my part in my way. This combines my ability and skills of teaching with my desire to elevate the human capacity within individuals to further elevate society.

Perhaps it seems lofty or idealistic, but this is my greatest dream in life. It’s not one I often share or verbalize because it’s such a core value that I have been hesitant, out of fear, that one might try to blow out the flame. However, I now understand that I need to let the light shine and like the beacons burn bright for all the world to see as we encourage others to light their own.

So, I’m looking for further retreats – admittedly more bougie ones than the stereotypical granola, monk-ish style – and look forward to building up my practice so that I can truly fulfill my purpose. More as this develops to come.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Older Entries

Enjoy this blog? Please spread the word :)