Tara

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_This Is Us_

Sep 062022

**Spoiler alert – If you are watching this series and haven’t yet finished it and don’t want to know what happens before viewing, then skip this post!** 🤷🏽‍♀️

Until I watched the final episode of the six-season series, This Is Us, I would have said that my favorite series of all-time is still Little House on the Prairie. The latter did have a longer run and it still stands as one of the best stories ever, but I think my ‘modern-day’ choice is This Is Us. ❤️

First of all, the editing that gives us forward, backward, and current time perspectives of the characters – with sometimes different episodes around the same event but from each character’s point of view – is amazing. The storyline is beautifully put together for each character, overlapping the generations and growth of the individuals. It’s got ups and downs that are so relatable, but finishes with a realistic yet sappy ending. I mean, what more can we ask for over six seasons?

I appreciated the adoption storyline of Randall on a deeper level than if I were not also an adoptee or one assimilated into a culture and family of another race. His biological family search is profound and, for the first time since the adoption of Albert in LHOTP, has not been a strong central storyline in current TV dramas.

The decline of Becca’s mind hit close to him from the dementia of my grandmother to the potential reality that it might be or might happen to one of my own family members since it is considered genetic. The idea that it is a family disease never sunk in until the final season and the story works itself to a core understanding of what I/we may have to prepare for eventually.

The twins are a little less relatable to me, yet I also watched their own paths and journeys into adulthood, maturity, and confidence in navigating this crazy world with the same kind of curiosity and hope that I might with those who are close to me.

The ending was absolute perfection with no loose ends, revisits from previously seen characters, and an idea of the final moments of one who is dying that makes it okay to let them go despite the heartbreak and sadness of those who remain behind.

So, as I continue to process how to all connects and how I feel about what the actors, writers, producers, etc. created I highly recommend watching this show in its entirety, if you aren’t or haven’t already! ❤️

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Café to Café

Going Mental No Responses »

Sep 012022

The hubs and I were discussing our future activities this morning as he has returned refreshed and recharged from the buzz of city life. He has a renewed optimism about all things, which gives a bit of light into being able to discuss and plan our next steps.

We have agreed that country life is still a bit too remote for us as we both like the energy that is found from the city. I noted that one of the reasons that I always like to write in a café is because they are almost always full of people coming and going. The joy of sharing a cup of coffee never fails to create a light for inspiration and motivation. Few people are ever unhappy after they’ve gotten their shot of caffeine.

So, with a few things in the works that will release us from the self-imposed prison of not being able to leave our house much, we plan to get ourselves back out into the world where I can have “intellectual” conversations, we can pop in to a local dive for an afternoon drink, and we can walk our dogs on the sidewalks waving our hands to friendly passersby. Knowing that we will always have our “country home” to retreat back to as a home-base will be comforting for both of us, but we are still wanting a bit more adventure and activity – after all I’m still in my 40s!!! 😅🤪

Thus, stay tuned for how things play out over the next month or so. In the meantime, we have a final month of visitors and plenty of activities going on around town now that the weather has become pleasant again – not too hot, not too cold. Mostly, though, it’s just nice to have some plans forming that are not ridden with guilt and worry. 😬

~T 🔥🐉♋️

The Comfort of Solitude

Going Mental 2 Responses »

Aug 302022

Technically I am not alone as my puppies and the kitties are with me, plus there is the constant sound of nature all around, but for the last 24 and next 36 hours I am in the physical presence of no other humans. M has gone away on his own retreat of sorts in Brussels where he will hopefully feel refreshed and energized from his preferred city of choice.

While I have had conversations with people, I am enjoying my solitary way of life. First of all, I am extremely productive when left to my own time schedule and daily activities. It takes me back to the early pandemic lockdown days when M would still be able to go off to work, but I was able to work from home.

There is something very satisfying and comforting to have a space all to myself. For one, I know that the kitchen will stay clean, surfaces devoid of clutter, and items still put in their designated locations. 😬🤪 However, even deeper than that is the freedom in knowing that no one is going to come interrupt a thought, or there is no need to negotiate time in how it is spent or things that need to be done. Even words do not need to be wasted. 🤫

As I did my yoga this morning and sat for a few minutes (until the dogs decided it was time for a walk), I acknowledged the need for balance in finding time for and with ourselves as well as with others.

There is no doubt in my mind that I love my married life and sharing time, space, and words with my partner gives me a sense of place in this world. He makes me feel meaningful since I do often question what it is that I am doing in this life. In contrast, as someone who loves being in my own company and head, I am most comfortable on my own lost in my contemplations, creations, and conscious.

Yet, too much of either can create an imbalance.

I feel graced by the fact that the Universe took heed to my list requirements in a partner and put someone who understands the importance of a balance of alone time and together time in my life. Although we are so different in many ways, it doesn’t matter because we always strive to find the middle ground that works for both of us.

So, though, I might complain about this or that when it comes to getting my introverted voice heard by the extrovert in my life, I am definitely not doing so when it comes to enjoying the solitude I get to have for a momentary while longer. 😅

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Puppy Parenting

Going Mental 1 Response »

Aug 262022

My poor little Peanut got herself a bee sting in her mouth or nose or both this past week. Thankfully, after a couple of days she was fine. However, my paranoia over her well-being has yet to fully diminish.

While I was never really enthralled at the idea of parenting nor of owning dogs, I have suddenly become a doting human-mother of two puppies whom I absolutely adore. As proof of this fact, I firmly believe that no other dogs out there are as beautiful or sweet as our two little Beagle puppies. I’m even willing to fight with anyone who says otherwise! 😝💪🏽

So, obviously, now I am on high alert if either pup shows signs of distress. 🤷🏽‍♀️

In any case, I use this opportunity to provide a picture update on the best kind of “kids” one could ask for! 🤪

And, of course, you can also follow their Instagram account, if you haven’t already. 😅

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Words & Their Expressions

Going Mental 1 Response »

Aug 232022

The art of expressing through the weaving of nuances and piecing together of words has always been a skill that I appreciate. One reason that I prefer reading or writing over speaking is that time can be spent on the creation and appreciation of the work. Don’t get me wrong, though, if I hear an orator who can wax rhythm and lyric together on the spot, I am in awe.

I just recently finished listening to Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown. She outlines the different pieces of language that we should use to describe our emotions. It was both surprising, and not, to learn that most people only use three or four words to express how they feel – happy, sad, or mad. Yet, we have 87 (known) different emotions and actual words to describe them. After all, if we didn’t have the words, how do we know that we have them?

One of my favorite classes in graduate school was one on semantics. We would chart out the different nuances of words that are similar in meaning, but why we choose one over another in a particular expression. Words are important.

When learning languages through DuoLingo, I am fascinated by which words are taught first. One might assume that the first vocabulary is the same, but some thought has gone into the fact that in French I learned how to ask for croissants and baguettes before knowing how to talk about my family. However, in Italian, I learned about family and mealtimes before the actual dishes or items to eat. Words are important.

Words express culture. Words express the norms of a society, group, tribe, etc. Words are important.

I always know a non-lover of words when the phrase, “it’s just semantics!” is thrown out during a disagreement. This usually signals that the person has no more excuses left to justify why they are ‘wrong’, and so when backed into a corner, the only thing left is to accuse the other person of focusing on the wrong thing. Ironically, the accused may actually be trying to understand the person better through the seeming ‘nit-picking’ on the meaning of the words being used.

For me, I prefer that the most accurate words are used for expression. In this way, less room is allowed for misunderstanding or confusion. It is hard enough to communicate well without having to parse out what someone really is trying to say with the wrong words. Since we all come from different groups/families, words are used differently for various meanings; thus, it is all the more important that we create a common understanding of the words that we are using.

In other words, expanding our vocabularies is meaningful and necessary to express ourselves clearly and openly so that peace and order can reign. Or, at least, this is what I believe. 😅

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Writing as a Living

Going Mental No Responses »

Aug 182022

It has been a while since I have had the chance to go on a solo writing retreat due to being busy and also being careful with money. 💰 As there has been a lot of stress in trying to get the house paid off and my sense of frustration with the whole process, it seemed wise to have a break from the environment for a few days.

Whenever I share that I am away people always just assume that it is a holiday, which it is, to some extent, but really I consider it more like a “work trip”. 💻

In one of our heated discussions about money, I suggested that I should go back to work. We had fewer challenges when I was working full-time as we always knew that we had enough money to pay the bills and I had some sense of control over my own ability to spend on things. These days, I feel like a kid again having to ask for money to go shopping, justify it, and then nag until I get it. I understand why there is reluctance and resistance, but it doesn’t make it easier nor more enjoyable.

Still, as M reminds me, it is really a temporary situation as it is just about getting the house paid off. Our monthly income more than covers our expenditures and M wouldn’t be as stressed if we didn’t have the house hanging over us. Normal people get a mortgage and make house payments, but not us. 🤷🏽‍♀️😬

So, that aside – as it will work itself out – we agreed that rather than me going back to work as a teacher, I can work to make money as a writer. This is my dream life, really. I travel and I write. Now, I just need to make some money out of it. 😅

In the end, I have agreed to write another book. While I am plugging along with my fiction novel, which is my main focus for writing on these “work trips”, I am also going to write a book on Umbria, where we have settled. This will be what I work on during the week until it is done. Then, we will see what kind of money we can make from it as M knows how to market it.

Even though I had a massive meltdown recently, I now feel more hopeful and happy with the idea of writing to pay the bills. 😁

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Beauty or Folly of Man

Going Mental No Responses »

Aug 162022

People are a strange lot. I often wonder what other life forms think of these Earth crawlers as I am both amazed and dismayed by my fellow humans.

While I maintain my spiritual beliefs, my greatest faith remains in the power of mankind to have the potential to create the awesome and also total destruction. If one ever needs further proof in the balance of yin and yang, I recommend spending some time studying their fellow humans.

I sit writing this in the Piazza della Signoria in Florence, which borders the Uffizi Galleries where the statue of David resides. Here, in this town, Michelangelo created one of the most beautiful representations of the human form in the early 16th century. Over five centuries later, we see a diverse collection of forms that are considered attractive in the eye of a beholder.

People ramble en masse taking in the remnants of the past in whatever form suits them. Some appreciate through the lens of their cameras. Some learn in group tours following the crowd and flag of their guide. Some singularly wander with eyes toward the heavens unaware of what is below. Some pass by with their heads down not caring about the footsteps of those before.

Yet, what I find dissonant is the idea that some among those who walk by carry the souls of Michelangelo and other artists, inspirers of the future, or whatever new idea takes us into the next century.

While the “old” version of me wants to lament at the changed times and suggest there is a lack of appreciation for the beauty that has survived the centuries, the more open-minded part of me is excited and awaits what new beauty shall come forth.

Still, as I consider the state of the world and watch the individuals who stumble by, I question whether my faith is misplaced or if I just need to be a bit more patient for humanity to reveal its highest potential.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Peri-menopausal

Going Mental 2 Responses »

Aug 112022

In my house growing up we had little-to-no secrets when it came to family topics. Of course, we all carried our own individual secrets that we would reveal bits and pieces of in various conversations over the years. Still, I know there are many more to be discovered. 🤔

One thing that my mom and I, as the women in the house, almost never talked about was the topic of womanhood. 🚺 When I started menstruating 🩸, I simply let my mom know by putting sanitary pads on the list. When I switched to using tampons, I just took my mom’s supply as needed until I was able to pay for my own supply.

We never talked about what it meant, how it felt, the hormones that raged, and all the aspects around this so-called coming-of-age rite.

There was a period of time, a decade or so ago, when I worried about my parents’ future together. My mom seemed to always be in a rage and my dad did not know how to cope with her. He complained he could do nothing right. She complained he could do nothing right. So, at least they agreed on something! 🤪

Still, now, looking back I realize that my mom must have been menopausal. 😵‍💫

I remember a few years ago scolding my mom wondering why she and others of her generation never told their children (me) about these issues and possible future experiences when the time came. A part of me always blamed it on the fact that I was adopted and perhaps, she/we thought that the experience couldn’t, or wouldn’t, be the same because we are different ethnically. However, the fact is that women are women and we go through the same process no matter our race.

Thus, here I sit eight months blood-free from the nether regions and fairly blissful about the whole idea. 😅 My BFF and I talk about these things regularly because, well, that’s what BFFs do.❤️ In our sharing, we – definitely I – find comfort in knowing that I am not odd or strange in what is happening to my body and mind.

In fact, there have been plenty of times lately when I’ve thought that I am going crazy. If I try to speak to M about my thoughts, hormones, etc. he makes a half-hearted attempt to relate and understand, but he really has no ability to sympathize nor empathize. Thus, I must turn to female friends and together we commiserate over the hot flashes, the changing bodies, the mood swings that could either be our partners, or hormones, or any combination of all, the forget…what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the forgetfulness. 😜

So, if you are a reader identifying as male and struggle to relate to these topics, I can only recommend that you move on or read everything so that you can try to offer support to your female-identifying family, friends, and partners when the time comes for this second rite of passage into “freedom”. 😬

~T🔥🐉♋️

PS. This is also a very entertaining read.

Literary Consumption

Literary Escapes 2 Responses »

Aug 092022

When the voices in my head are quiet, I am not quite sure what to do with myself. I am never clear as to whether or not it is “normal” to not have the whirlwind of thoughts spinning in my mind. I suppose my normal is not this, though it may be for others.

Lately, I have been more in consumption mode rather than output. It is one way for me to deal with the lack of time to myself, keeping to a routine, and general control of my own activities. So, as I have not shared what I have been reading since January, I shall share what I have consumed over the last six months.

Some of these titles I listened to on audio, some I read on my Kindle, and others I read in good old-fashioned paper. None of these titles caused me to struggle through them, which is impressive as I usually find one or two a challenge.

Of these, my favorite fiction read was Pachinko and I am looking forward to watching the series based on it. In terms of non-fiction, the most enjoyable was Will, which we listened to on a road trip before “the slap” occurred and gave us some insight as to how that situation came to be enacted.

So, while I am slow to write new content lately, I am definitely enjoying my reads. 😅

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Adriatic Getaway

Going Mental 2 Responses »

Aug 072022

We finally made some time to get away for a few days.

Friends of ours agreed to housesit for us to take care of the cats and pups. Although we could have taken the puppies, it was easier to and nicer to have them safe at home with people we know.

Based on recommendations, we decided to try the other side of the country with beaches on the Adriatic Seaside. Italian beaches are generally fine rock sand or big rocks, much like the “beach” in Nice. Therefore, the northern part of the country is not so popular for seaside visits. Still, since we had not yet visited the other side of Italy yet, we decided to try out the area of Cattolica, which was north of the recommended area of Fano or Senigallia, and south of the more popular and well-known one of Rimini.

While the sleepy seaside town was actually pretty busy, we did not necessarily love the area. However, we/I did love getting away.

For the first time since getting the puppies, I was able to sleep 8 hours of solid sleep! I read most of the day on a bed, dipping into the warm sea now and then. It was very relaxing for me. Though Matt did work and didn’t sit out on the beach as much, we both renewed our need for regular getaways.

So, for just about three hours drive, it was a much needed and enjoyed holiday!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

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