Creative Meanderings

Some topics are generally shied away from – politics, religion, sex, and money.

Mostly I touch on these subjects freely, but lightly, even though I do not really know the breadth of my audience since this space is primarily for my own entertainment. Still, with the Internet the way it is and knowing that my digital footprint is rather huge, I try not to offend or be too obvious about my personal life. I even generally only use initials for names rather than reveal full identities of those in my life – though if you know me or see me regularly, you would probably know whom I refer to in my posts.

So, I hesitate a bit to write this knowing that there is a chance someone will read it fully aware of all the details. This is a chance I shall take as I feel the need to write, but will also attempt to stay as vague as possible on certain aspects. 🙂

As may or may not have been clear from my posts over the past few months, we have struggled financially. This is something that I knew about fully going into my relationship with M. It was also an area of concern in early conversations with my friends about the future with M. However, love can conquer all and it can be fairly easy to ignore to such things when there is a steady income to allow for life to proceed superficially as normal. 😛

Once I quit my job we knew that life would be a bit of a struggle for us initially, but needing to learn a lesson in trust and letting go, we went ahead with the decision to give it a go so that I could be happier and pursue my business. I do not regret this decision by any means as I listen to my friends talk about their return to work. 😛

Still, it has not been an easy road and we have had to borrow a large sum of money from a very generous friend. We have also been blessed by the generosity of our other friends who have kindly covered meals for us, offered their homes and laundry facilities, or just laughed with us through the surreality of our situation at the moment.

To be a little bit fair to us, if a few circumstances, such as getting our visas sooner or not having my bank account frozen with my money in it, had gone another way we would be in a much better place right now. However, that is not the case, thus we are where we are.

As I said, our friends have indeed been more on the green side – meaning that they have just been above and beyond in their generosity. I can only hope that we will be able to adequately repay them or at least express our gratitude to them once we find a return to ‘normal’. Still, some can be mean or have a limit to their green generosity.

While I have learned to let go of my ego throughout all of this – there’s just no way to have anything other than humility when money is tight or non-existent -, it is still not an easy thing to ask for money or to even allow others to pay for things. Therefore, the last thing that I want to receive is a lecture or expressions of judgment regarding our financial decisions. Perhaps once we are through the sh*t, I can sit back to laugh and discuss the stupidity of what has led us to our current situation; but now is definitely NOT the time. Instead of being willing to listen or push beyond the limits of my humility, I feel as if the other party is just being mean in a time when all I really need is love and support…. I do not deny that a lecture is probably needed or that a re-evaluation of how we are going to move forward financially is required; however, what is important at the moment is that we get ourselves to the point where such a conversation will have full effect rather than forcing a wall to go up and even challenge the value of a friendship….

To avoid sounding ungrateful or rude, I reiterate that indeed we are very thankful and blessed to have such friends in our lives who have been more green than mean. I hope to be able to write again soon that we are rolling with the homies in the monies!!! 😛

~T 😀