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Value of Freedom

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Jul 032016

Day 8: What book are you most grateful for?

Oh my what a very tough question for me…! There are so many wonderful books out there and reading is my absolute favorite form of escaping reality. I have been doing it for as long as I can remember – reading to enter another world. 😛 I think, however, the book I am most grateful for is _Anne of Green Gables_ by LM Montgomery. Why? First, I found my kindred spirited BFF through a mutual love of this novel/series. Also, it was probably the first proper story about adoption that I could relate to in some shape or form. While for most, this is a story of a strong-willed, free-spirited red-headed young girl whose short temper and mischievous nature got her into a number of tangles, then she grew up to be a role model and made her adopted parents proud; for me, it was much more than this. It was hope. So, I am grateful that this book was written and also so popular to become great films too! 😀

——

Lately, I have been struggling a little bit mentally and emotionally. I suppose that I could say I have been depressed; though not in my bipolar way, but in a truly depressed kind of way. In fact, I have been sleeping far more than I usually do and it is not due to vacation-mode settling in; but rather more of another form of escape since reading was not working either.

One of the reasons for this state of mind is a sense of being trapped. Now, freedom is one of my greatest values in life. I need to feel free to feel like myself. It was something that became central to my existence from the time I went to university. It is a value that I struggled with due to my background of not having any control over my early years. Since then, I have prided myself in the fact that I have held good jobs, managed my money just enough to ensure I could travel or have the lifestyle that I want, etc.

Since deciding to quit my job, circumstances have changed and with a number of changes happening all at once, I am, for the first time in my life, in a situation where I feel trapped again. One reason I held off on ever wanting to get married again was also that sense of responsibility for another person. Now, I do not feel trapped by being married, but together we have created a status that has crippled my sense of freedom.

This is, of course, temporary and I know that in due time everything will be even better than it was before. Therefore, it is a matter of getting my head back on straight, my heart full again, and my focus on what matters most. We are both healthy and generally happy. I have a lot of freedom in terms of time, which is a new experience that I can focus on enjoying. I have a lot of freedom in what I can do each day as far as exercise, yoga, pool-time, etc.

Thus, if I keep my eye on the prize, I know that all is well. 🙂

~T 😀

_Awaken the Giant Within_ by Anthony Robbins

Literary Escapes No Responses »

Jul 022016

_Awaken the Giant Within_ by Anthony Robbins

I read this some time ago and am not sure how I did not write about it earlier, but in any case, it was a book recommended by a friend, especially when I started on the coaching path.

Tony Robbins has been a big name inspirational coach for a while. M and I even found a common bond in liking what TR says. In fact, M has gone on a retreat and walked on fire with TR. 🙂 While I am not quite that gung-ho about things, I did enjoy the read. Robbins gives some tips and tricks for overcoming negative behavioral patterns, ways to take control of finances and relationships – all using the power within ourselves and becoming aware of how we limit ourselves. By awakening our inner giants and allowing them to guide our lives, we can have even more fulfilling and happier lives.

All of this is connected to meditation, subconscious minds, positive affirmations and the like. It is good for me to be reminded about this book in a currently stressful time. I can take control from within! 😛

—–

Day 7: What memory are you grateful for?

Memories are a mixed bag for me. Some aspects of life I would like to not remember. Some aspects of life I wish I had more memories for which to recall them. Some day I may not have any memories at all. 😛 If I sort through my limited memories as a child, I would say I am most grateful for the one when I was playing in the snow, having a carefree day, laughing and not thinking about anything. It is perhaps the last time I ever felt completely relaxed. It is perhaps the reason why I hesitate to ever let loose again as it was the day when my life was to be taken down a miserable path for the next 3 years. However, before knowing that, I can recall my laughing, smiling and the joy of playing. So, I am grateful to have this memory. 🙂

~T 😀

_The 21-day Sugar Detox: Bust Sugar & Carb Cravings Naturally_ by Diane Sanfilippo

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Jul 012016

_The 21-day Sugar Detox: Bust Sugar & Carb Cravings Naturally_ by Diane Sanfilippo

At the end of September (yes it has been a while) a friend asked if I wanted to join her in doing a 21-day sugar detox. I had been thinking about it for a while – since going Paleo – but had never really pushed myself into it. This was a good chance to do so. She recommended this book to use for recipes, etc.

It is a good book to start with as it explains what sugar does to the body and provides a lot of recipes to use throughout the 21-days including different levels depending on your purpose and metabolism or exercise patterns. Although it was nearly impossible to cut out alcohol, I did try to stick to less sugary ones such as tequila (yay!) as much as possible. Some days I had to cheat as it is hard to change a diet when your partner is a bit resistant to it. 😛

Still, I learned quite a bit from this and the book. There is also a Facebook page and website to help those who want a community in the struggle to remove one of the most harmful and addictive substances there is out there – and it is part of our daily lives!!!!

So, I recommend everyone try to remove as much sugar from your diet – that means breads/carbs as well – and see how your body can change. 😀

—-

Day 6: What in nature are you grateful for?

Hm…this is a difficult one…. When I was a younger adult, I used to take a lot of walks in the parks (in Japan mostly) and tried to be more in touch with nature. As a child, I was mostly allergic to everything outside on the farm, so I developed a bit of a love-hate relationship to nature. Since moving to the desert, I hardly consider nature at all and, in fact, when I return to ‘natural’ places, I end up feeling sick again like when I was a child. Thus, it is difficult to consider this. For some reason, when I think about nature, I think woods, trees, flowers and the like. I generally do not conjure up the sea and beach. However, if I acknowledge the sea as nature (of course it is!), then I am most grateful for the ocean and beaches. I am not allergic to either of them! 😛

The ocean and sea has always made me feel small in the amazing power and awesomeness of the water. While I have always held a fear of drowning and do not like to consider the life that exists below, I still feel inspired by the ocean. The waves crashing onto the sand provides me with awe and peace at the same time. I truly feel the strength and beauty of the earth and its creator when I stand at the edge of the water or float in its powerful rolling waves. So, yes, I am grateful for the ocean/sea.

~T 😀

Uncertainties…

Going Mental No Responses »

Jun 302016

Day 5: What sound are you grateful for today?

This is an interesting question. I have often wanted to be deaf so that I could tune out sounds – people talking, children crying, road construction buzzing, horns honking, and the like. I get overwhelmed by sounds; thus crowded spaces heighten my anxiety levels and when I get a bit tipsy the first signal I get to make me stop drinking more is the increased volume level of the room. Perhaps nowadays I would get diagnosed with sensory overload sensitivity or something like that. So, a sound to be grateful for…? I do like music. I like almost all music. However, does that qualify as a particular sound? Or, can I get away with saying that I am grateful for the sound of silence? Is that considered a sound? I am going to say it is and go with the fact that I thoroughly enjoy silence and am grateful for the lack of sounds. 😛

——

Well, I thought that things were settling down, but while I try to draw the energies of calm and consistency, my husband draws the energies of chaos and fluctuations. At the moment, his energies are more powerful – to my great dismay. I am not quite certain how to ‘fight’ or at least bring a better balance to our conflicting energy patterns, but it needs to happen for my sanity.

Our move-in date has been pushed back by two weeks due to some delays and the upcoming Eid holiday here marking the end of Ramadan. Since the government has provided a week-long holiday to the private sectors everything is delayed. After that, my hope is that life will begin to return to some sense of normality!

In the meantime, we are considering other big decisions. As if moving was not enough for us to think about…!

So, there are quite a few uncertainties at the moment. It is not ideal for someone like me. Whenever I bring this up, I am made to feel that I am being overly dramatic about it all or that I am the one who is crazy…. Therefore, I wonder how much more I can take to push me over the edge into complete insanity…! Or maybe, I am just being crazy dramatic about it all…? 😛

~T 😀

_Portal of the Wind_ by Shizuko Natsuki

Going Mental, Literary Escapes No Responses »

Jun 292016

_Portal of the Wind_ by Shizuko Natsuki

Last March when I was in Lake Havasu City visiting my parents, my dad and I took a trip to the public library. It is something that my dad likes to do with me and they are a dying institution in most cities. The library itself was fairly desolate of actual books, instead there were a lot of computer stations and some reading areas.

However, there was an area where people could purchase books for cheap like $1 or $3 max. So, we perused this area even though I generally read most of my books on an electronic device. Still, when I am by the pool or lying in bed there are many times when I prefer to have a paper book in my hand.

In my perusing, I came across this book. I have never heard of the author before and it was a surprise to see a Japanese author in a little Arizona town. Therefore, I had to get it and give it a try as it has also been some time since I have read an obscure Japanese novel.

This book started off as very interesting with a revenger murder and mysterious death with the weaving of some parallel stories which did not seem that connected until the latter half of the story. In the end, it was a bit of future, dystopic style of a story that I had not expected. It was also a bit of commentary on society and reminded me a great deal of my Japanese days. Therefore, overall, it was definitely interesting and glad that I came across it. I cannot say for sure if I liked it, but it is definitely very typical of a Japanese novel, which I have completely determined if I like or not. 😛

In the end, I would say if you like Japanese style fiction, like Ishiguro, Murakami, etc., it is worth a read. 🙂

——

Day 4: What food are you most grateful for?

Ahhhhh food!!! It is probably not okay to simply say ALL food, is it? Hm…so, if I must choose one single food, I am most grateful for cheese. Now, I know that cheese probably has very little health benefit and in fact, may actually harm the body in many ways due to its dairy qualities. However, of all food, cheese is my go-to snack food whenever possible. There is just something about the way it can melt in your mouth, the tang and zing it gives to the tastebuds, the smoothness on a piece of bread or a cracker and the gentle pleasing sensation it provides me. Perhaps it is a bit like a drug and in that sense I probably should give it up…. That is not likely to happen! 😛 I have cut back and eat it only now and then anymore. Compared to my daily half a block of Tillamook Cheese, I think I am going to be alright!

~T 😀

Excuses…?

Going Mental No Responses »

Jun 282016

Day 3: What color are you grateful for?

Well, the obvious answer should be purple as this is my favorite color. However, my first response to this was actually red. Now, in a way this makes sense. Without red, there is no purple. Red symbolizes blood, fire, passion and to me vibrancy. So, I suppose this is an apt color for me to be grateful for. 😛

—–

The other day I was visiting with a friend who was asking me how I have been spending my days. I explained that I keep busy, but overall I am a little bit ‘bored’. She asked me what about all my writing and website projects. I answered that I am trying to do that – get into a routine, think about what I would like to write -, but ultimately I feel less inspired as I cannot go to a café to write due to Ramadan and I am not in my own space. She responded that these sounded just like excuses for not getting things done….

Is it…?

Upon some thinking, I think there is truth behind the excuses and there is truth behind the fact they are just excuses. It is true that inspiration needs to come from energy flows of space, which I get in cafés and will in my new home (as it is my space). However, we are not all always so lucky to have the fortune to pick and choose where we can do our life crafts, so if one wants to really accomplish something, then it should not matter where or how. Just do it, right?

So, I am working on being a bit more disciplined. Seeing the calendar fill up this month with my blog posts definitely helps. Yesterday, I sat down to write and got some starts, though nothing really stuck. However, I shall keep trying. Some more ideas are flowing and so one of them should stick eventually. 🙂 I also made lists for the other website project that I keep pushing to the back burner. Thus, I indeed have plenty to do and keep me busy, just gotta put my head into it and make it happen!!!

~T 😀

40 Years!!!

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Jun 272016

05-May-2016 22:02, Apple iPhone 6s Plus, 2.2, 4.15mm, 0.03 sec, ISO 40

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Wow, I have reached a milestone in life – the 40th birthday. In Korea, I guess I’m really 41, but let’s not go there…. 😛 I have always said that I will remain 28 forever as I remember that as the best year of my life so far. However, I have to say that 39 was a pretty good year. Who knew that I would make it this far?! I was always convinced I would die at 25 – don’t ask why.

Since my birthday is always when people are away traveling, I decided to celebrate my birthday as an “Almost 40 Party” on Cinco de Mayo (5th of May) this year. I try to play it be ear each year depending on when the summer holidays start. I had a lovely time eating, drinking and having a ball together with my friends here in the desert.

Almost 40 Party

They say that 40 is the new 30, but truthfully age does not mean that much to me. Life continues to be amazing and I think my life has gotten better and better. I always knew that growing up would be so much better than being a kid! 😛

So, I have no words of wisdom or comments to reflect upon regarding my age. Instead, I am just grateful and happy for the life that I have. I look forward to whatever the next year(s) bring! 😀

—-

Day#2: What technology are you grateful for?

This is a tough one as I do love my technology – all of it! If I have to choose one, though, I guess I am most grateful for the smartphone. My life is pretty much on my iPhone. Of course, without Internet or cellular technologies the smartphone is useless; therefore, obviously, I am including these as part of the smartphone technology gratitude! On my phone, I can make calls (though this is rare as voice communication is used by myself more out of forced purposes than preferred), I can Skype with my family and friends, I can email, I can check FB, I can play games, I can do EVERYTHING! And, I do – LITERALLY! Sometimes, I even watch TV on it. So…yes, I am most grateful for smartphones! 😀

~T 😀

30-day Gratitude Challenge

Going Mental No Responses »

Jun 262016

Remember how I said I wanted to revisit gratitude in my life to let go of focusing on stress? Well, this pin popped up on my Pinterest feed the other day as a bit of a sign to really take that on. So, today will be Day #1 of the challenge. I will put in my posts each day a paragraph addressing the challenge for the day. 😀

Let’s begin: What smell are you grateful for today?

As someone who is quite sensitive to odors, this is an interesting question and not one that I often think about being grateful for as the only times I tend to notice smells is when it irritates me, not pleases. M frequently tells me how human nature tends to remember the negative things in life, like when someone forgets to do something for us rather than the positives, like when someone remembers to do something for us. While I try hard not to be this way, I know that I can have this tendency as well. Smells are a perfect example of this.

Back to the question at hand. I am grateful for the smell of coffee. Coffee brings me joy and the smell of it makes me smile. While I used to be truly addicted to the caffeine of coffee, I have managed to decrease my intake to one ‘large’ Nespresso brand cup a day. This is more than enough to satisfy. I know that I am not addicted because if I miss a day I do not get headaches or shakes like I used to. Some might ask why I do not just give it up altogether since it could be argued that this regular caffeine shot is not necessarily good for me. While scientific studies go back and forth on the benefits of caffeine and coffee, I continue because I love the smell of a fresh hot cup of coffee.

When I want to sit down and write or relax, I like to have a warm cup of coffee in my hands and the aroma wafting in the air to ignite my creative juices or settle me into a moment. 😀

So, there you go. Today’s gratitude is for the smell of coffee! Feel free to join me in this challenge, by posting your own or sharing in the comments of my posts.

~T 😀

_The Thoughts of Marcus Aurelius_ by Marcus Aurelius

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Jun 252016

_The Thoughts of Marcus Aurelius_ by Marcus Aurelius

Over three years ago I referred to my having read _Meditations_ by Marcus Aurelius many years back. When I came across this book a few years ago, I thought I would give it a read since I enjoyed his first philosophies so much. However, it really took me more than a year to complete this one.

I am not sure why it took me so long as his Stoic philosophies were not much different and his wisdoms are still wise. Probably, it is a reflection on my state of mind more than anything else. When I read Meditations, I needed to anchor myself into a way of thinking to stay sane. Now that I have found the art of meditation and yoga, I am less absorbent of these wise words. I should not be so, but I think perhaps this is why it took me so long to complete it.

When I did sit down to push through the last few chapters, I wondered why I had not been reading it…. So, yes, state of mind is important to consider when taking on classical philosophies. He was indeed an amazing man and he might go on my list of people I would like to meet someday in the after life. 🙂

~T 😀

_The Girl on the Train_ by Paula Hawkins

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Jun 242016

_The Girl on the Train_ by Paula Hawkins

This was listed as one of the books to read before the movie came out, so I decided to give it a go despite its popularity and my tendencies to avoid ‘trends’. I know, I am ridiculous about ‘trends’ as there really is no harm and if something is actually good, what is the big deal…? ANYWAY, this was a GREAT book.

Although I kept thinking of _Gone Girl_ when I reading it and it has a very British feel to it, I still enjoyed it. As the story progressed, I was thinking, oh I know who it is or maybe it is this person…by the end I was both surprised and relieved. It also took me quite a few chapters to get to the point where I did not want to put the book down until I finished. However, once I got there, I was thoroughly engaged.

So, for a good summer read or just pass the time with a good thriller book, this will do. Now, I am looking forward to the movie since they did such a good job with GG as well. 😀

~T 😀

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