Nov 112024
 

Well, I had two glorious days of doing absolutely nothing, which was much needed. My energy cup was bordering on empty, which is often when my bipolar tendencies kick-in. Though I don’t think that I have such strong ups and downs these days, I definitely notice when stress affects my productivity, judgment, and behavior.

So, the Universe looked out for me and helped me to create the time and space to just be in my own rhythm and head. Although I was not idle, I feel caught up and a lot less stressed. I did catch up with people on Friday night after I dropped M at the airport, but the rest of the weekend was mine.

While I could have probably done more in terms of writing, I felt that time was more aptly spent vegging out. Me and Seal Team had some proper QT the last couple of days and I regret nothing! Aside from chats with M and my parents, I talked to no one. It was bliss.

Today, it is back to the real world as I prepare to head off for my week visit to Japan. I have a day to myself still in Rome, but it’s a mix of activity and relaxation before I settle in for a day of travel and then a week of catching up with my BFF and other friends. It’ll be fun, no doubt.

Anyway, I hope to draft an update of my NYC trip this week and then it’s that time of year when reflections and new goals come into focus. In the meantime, I shall remember to breathe.

~T🔥🐉♋️

Nov 042024
 

I keep meaning to sit down to write, but catching up on “normal” life and trying to see local friends has made it more challenging than I had anticipated in settling into routine. I feel as if I’m running on fumes. Perhaps, that is also because I might have the tinge of a cold threatening my head and body…but anyway…

Since I’m already behind with updates on travels, let me push it off a bit longer. I’ll get to it eventually, not to worry.

For the moment, I got hit with a rude awakening of what small town life is like and a reminder to renew my previously held vow to never do anything that will cause me to be the center of the town gossip. Unfortunately, I actually have no recollection of doing as reported, but since it was confirmed by the person who received the harsh, unkind, and unintended words during a night of too much tequila, I cannot get away with denying it as I did when it was initially reported back to me that I had said such a thing.

What was it, I said?

Apparently, I said someone’s book was sh*t. Even worse than that I said it to the author herself in a belligerent drunken state. Of course, it was unintended. Yes, it was really harsh and unkind. Furthermore, it was probably embarrassing to her as I did it in front of other people. Worse of all is that in my sober mind, I would never ever say such a thing to anyone who has written something, put it out into the world, and made themselves vulnerable to critique. Yet, it happened.

I have apologized. I definitely regret that it was said by me, and that I cannot even remember doing it.

With the attitude of taking responsibility, I also renew my vow to never get drunk or do anything “interesting” in front of people who live in our proximity. I knew that I didn’t trust them to not find a way to create a gossip chain, spread stories, and revel in the ignominy of another person. On top of that, I haven’t even been around to explain or defend myself, even if I wanted to do so.

For a while, I had been trying to figure out why I prefer my friends in France over the ones we have made in Italy. This situation clearly illuminates what I couldn’t before explain.

My friends in France never spread stories about each other. What happens at a party stays at a party. What is said at a party stays at a party, or is discussed privately between the speakers should there have been a possible issue. No one tries to create a rift, shine someone in a negative light, nor put themselves in the center to garner sympathy or attention. It’s never about tearing someone else down, but always about focusing on the fun. With that sense of security, there is freedom to be ourselves, enjoy each other’s company in a safe space, and bond in those moments.

Instead, I have mostly spent three years on guard when we have get-togethers – even in my own home. I have said many times that I never want to be the source of the gossip that goes around town. Yet, here I am finding myself in the middle of one unintentionally because I made the mistake of getting really drunk at a party that we hosted and opened our home to over a hundred guests to….

Again, I do not shirk my ownership of saying the words I said nor that those words caused negative results. I own it. I regret it and have apologized for it. So, it’s time to move on with lesson learned and gut understanding reaffirmed.

In the future, no opinions will be shared unless it’s on the mundane, no judgments will be spoken, and trust will not be given to anyone outside of my inner inner circle. It’s sad to not have a safe zone, but alas it is what it has proven to be.

~T🔥🐉♋️

Oct 282024
 

I am due to write a proper post about my travels and activities, but I felt it appropriate to take a pause to acknowledge the passing of my cousin this past week.

L was quite a bit older than me and by the time I arrived to the Bilyeu family, he was already living his adult life. Still, he was always kind to me and would make an effort to talk to me even when I was being a selfish teen or an arrogant twenty-something who was traveling the world. Although we never really had anything in common, I appreciated that he had a heart to show interest in me and connect whenever I visited home.

It’s always a shock to lose someone at such a young age, even more so when it is someone you know, and yet more so when it is a member of your family.

Death is inevitable. We cannot escape it. We may wish to put it off as long as possible, but when it is our time, we have no choice in it unless we choose to make it happen sooner.

For me, it’s never been something I fear nor is it something that I run away from. While I do not necessarily welcome the end of life, I am ready whenever my time might come. Unfortunately, I did not know L well enough to know where he stood about life and death, but I wish him a peaceful passing from his time in our lives to wherever comes after. Maybe, we shall converse again in my dreams.

It is a loss for my aunt and other cousins that I can only imagine will inform their grief cycle. So, it is with love and compassion that I write this post in memory of Lance Watkins (October 26, 2024).

~T🔥🐉♋️

Oct 182024
 

Escapism is one of my coping mechanisms for getting through life. When reality is too much, the world of a book, a different culture, a cafe, or a new environment of some kind can serve to justify the escape.

While it might be easy to explain it away as something positive, the truth is that there is a darkness below the layers of disguise.

It is not necessarily a consuming shadow, but recently it was suggested to me that I might be running away—from the good benefits of regular physio or yoga sessions that are advantageous to my back pain, from the idea of a settled mind, from establishing friendships and roots….

Although I am not certain it is that deep, I am giving it some space in my head to ponder.

Mostly, I think that we just planned a lot of travel that has caught up with us both physically and mentally. For me, my spine issues were not part of the life plan, so activities addressing the issues around my physical health had to take a secondary role for now. At the same time, I refuse to live life as a chronically ill or restrained individual. Life, as I want it to be, will continue no matter any physical conditions that arise. There’s plenty of time later in life to sit still.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with taking a moment to pause and think about these words. Is there resonance in them? Am I escaping the message that may be sent via these others’ words? Or, am I just fine and merely a sounding board for their own opinions or ideas that apply to their own lives?

Whatever the case may be, it is not important as to how or why these thoughts and words have blown in my direction. They have been received. They are being considered. Any revelations that arise will be taken on board for future adjustments.

In the meantime, we have a lot of escaping ahead for the remainder of the calendar year and I will enjoy it fully. Still, I am also planning next year and how to be more present in our home and community. So, stay tuned as reflection and adjustments sprinkle the air.

~T🔥🐉♋️

Oct 042024
 

For some reason, I stopped going away on my own mini writing retreats. Perhaps, it is because we have been traveling so much. Perhaps, I thought that it was too much of a personal luxury. Perhaps, I just forgot that they had a purpose beyond just the writing focus.

After having just gone on one last week, despite the busyness of our lives between events and trips, I am recommitted to reinstating them regularly into my schedule. I have already tentatively planned them every six weeks or so for the next year. Even my todo list has been scheduled for when to plan the next retreat.

I recognize this is a major luxury to be able to afford such a thing in both time and money. Still, I plan to make the most of it because I can.

Let me share the benefits.

We lead busy lives, by our own making, but nevertheless it is busy. M has a combination of personality and work that is at a high energy level, which can be overpowering and encompassing of everyone or everything around. This includes me. I’m sure that I have written on this before, but like Will Smith wrote in his autobiography, it’s get on the M train or move out of the way!

Being on the M train is fun and worthwhile, but every now and then I need to get off and walk alongside at my own pace in my own way and in my own direction. Sometimes, I feel lost in the chaos so that I feel unseen and without meaning. Therefore, taking time away for myself and for my writing is beyond refreshing – it’s rejuvenating. My own energy cup refills and I reconnect with myself so that I can return to the fast lane feeling whole again.

On top of that, I get a lot of writing done. It resets my creative brain so that I can let the words flow that get stored up, or blocked, during the thinking process when I don’t have enough time to sort through all that is going on. So, I am able to produce and release in a productive way.

This past mini writing retreat was combined with a couple of town, visits as I am trying to check out for myself some of the major towns in the Umbria region, as I write my third Umbria on a Whim book. Although I am not necessarily writing how I feel about the towns, I can get a sense of what they are like and what they might have to offer allowing me to write notes to include in the text. So, I headed to Narni and, by chance, a second visit to Terni.

These towns are just an hour away from home. I stayed in an agriturismo (agriculture tourist) hotel, which was average, but quiet and nicely located for what I wanted.

I got writing done and, as I said, my cup is refilled.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Sep 302024
 

It was indeed a roaring 1920’s soiree at our house on the 26th. While I don’t remember much towards the latter half of the event, the pictures tell the tale of a grand time had by myself and all who joined.

Just about a month ago, when we felt that we were getting close to having the pool area completed, M decided he wanted to have a big bash. We connected with a party planner, and away she went with the ideas. With nearly daily messages and plans put into place, the event is now the talk of many both locally and abroad.

Why Gatsby? Why not, we say! Truth be told, one of our local friends had mentioned she wanted to celebrate her 60th with a Gatsby style party, but when we offered to throw a bash for her, she humbly refused thinking it too much for us to do. So, when the party idea came up and we were looking for easy themes that people might jump on board to embrace with costumes and the decorations, it was a fairly simple decision.

People did not disappoint! Even I, who has not always been the greatest of fans for costumes, made a big effort to meet the request. So, without further ado, here are some highlights in photos of an amazing event. Now, just to recover…!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Sep 162024
 

For a while, I have been contemplating how to make more use of my time and to do things that feel more purposeful with my life. As someone who does not truly believe in charity for the sake of altruism, nor do I fully support doing something for nothing (related to altruism), it has been a challenge to grow in my spirit of compassion and dana (generosity and donation).

About a month ago, I was having one of my existential crises moments feeling a lack of purposefulness in my daily life. It’s not that I feel I don’t have a purpose, it’s that I don’t know how to action my purpose in a fulfilling way whilst also maintaining the freedom and flexibility of the lifestyle I cherish in totality. So, after having a bit of a lament and probably taking out my sense of ‘lack’ on M, I sat with myself when he was away.

One solution that arose was to embark on a two-year Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certificate Program.

So, I applied. I was accepted and began the process of ensuring I am ready for the February 2025 start.

Part of the pre-requisites is to participate in a silent meditation retreat. Since we have a number of travel plans before the end of the year, it was a challenge to consider an in-person retreat where I’d have to travel. So, thanks to the power of technology and the influence of the pandemic, opportunities have arisen so that these kinds of retreats can be done online.

I chose to do one that was on the US West Coast timezone as it was the least likely to disrupt my daily life given that I have an engaged partner and pups to ensure get attention throughout the day. Hence, the silent in quotations.

The past five days were the days, or I should say, nights.

Overall, I would say it was a meaningful experience. I did a lot of meditating, which was a treat. Insights and awakenings inside me occurred so that I felt a shift in my psyche and I narrowed down my life purpose statement more clearly.

I am the shining light of wisdom that guides others to find their own lights so they can shine for others.

If you’re not a life purpose statement kind of person, I realize this may sound a bit strange. Basically, I am called to be a “teacher” of sorts. Everything I’ve done in my professional life has been to become able to teach or train. This is really no different.

I am also motivated to support the betterment of the human capacity in individuals whether through health (diet and nutrition), yoga (physical), or meditation (mental) for an overall balanced sense of well-being. Therefore, using my own light and wisdom from my life, I can help to guide and support others so that they can shine for themselves and others. It reminds of me of the scene in The Lord of the Rings when they light the beacons.

This remains one of my favorite scenes of all time as it gives me such hope for humanity. This is also what I want to contribute to creating in us as individuals.

I also believe that much can be achieved through meditation, which is a very much misunderstood “activity” by the mainstream. So, if I can help to dispel the myths while making it more accessible to everyone, I feel that I am doing my part in my way. This combines my ability and skills of teaching with my desire to elevate the human capacity within individuals to further elevate society.

Perhaps it seems lofty or idealistic, but this is my greatest dream in life. It’s not one I often share or verbalize because it’s such a core value that I have been hesitant, out of fear, that one might try to blow out the flame. However, I now understand that I need to let the light shine and like the beacons burn bright for all the world to see as we encourage others to light their own.

So, I’m looking for further retreats – admittedly more bougie ones than the stereotypical granola, monk-ish style – and look forward to building up my practice so that I can truly fulfill my purpose. More as this develops to come.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Sep 092024
 

For as long as I can remember, as an adult at least, I have easily gotten motion sickness whether in a car or on a boat. There are occasions when it hasn’t hit me much, but most of the time if I look down in a car or experience any kind of movement that is not stable, I start to get sick.

Usually, my physical response is to start yawning until eventually I fall asleep. It seems that my body/brain is rather adept at shutting me down to reset or escape the source of a problem.

The typical recommendation to watch the horizon while on a boat or try to get cool air work to some small degree, but not enough to remedy the oncoming discomfort. So, when it came to prepare for our Croatia and Adriatic Sea vacation, I wanted to do something to ensure that I could enjoy it as much as possible.

Since others may suffer in a similar way, I thought I’d share some of the things I did, and that worked, to avoid major motion sickness.

Puma Method

First, I read somewhere online about the Puma Method. This is a series of exercises that you do to basically make yourself dizzy and help train your brain to adjust to the motions to avoid sickness. It says it takes about two weeks to fully benefit, but I did it for four days and noticed results in the car straightaway. This was a major result as M’s driving often leaves me feeling nauseous.

You do have to pay for the video and PDF tracking sheet, but I would say it’s definitely worth it if you’re a sensitive sufferer like me. I will be continuing to do these exercises regularly as being car sick is a constant that I’d like to be free of.

Eye Exercises

A friend helped me out before we went with some herbal, natural remedies and these preventative eye excercises.

  • Start by thinking of your eyes as a perfect circle, a clock where every second, every minute  and every hour counts.
  • Bring your focus to 12 o ‘clock, then using your eyes as a pencil, draw a line down to 6 o ‘clock. If the line wavers use your finger to guide your eyes. Do five repetitions, center your eyes, then close them.
  • Open your eyes directly at 3 o’ clock, then straight to nine o’clock and draw a line from three to nine. If the line is wavy or shaky, just work the line slowly until it feels smooth. Do five repetitions, center, then close eyes. 
  • Open eyes and draw a line between 11 and five, then five and 11 again. Five reps. Center then close.
  • Draw a line between one and seven again, five reps. then center and close.
  • If there is a weak pattern just work through that line until it becomes a perfectly straight line.
  • Now, imagining your eyes as a perfect circle, start at 12 o’clock and go clockwise making every second, every minute and every hour count (a good life lesson in general.)
  • After five circles, center, then close your eyes. 
  • Lastly, starting at 12 o clock go counterclockwise, five reps. When you end at 12, center and close your eyes.
  • Rub your hands together to create a good heat then cup your hands over your eyes and  allow the heat to  be  absorbed.

I’m not sure how much they worked, but they definitely didn’t hurt anything.

Pressure Point Bands

These were amazingly helpful and almost instantaneous in smoothing out my stomach or dizziness on the ferry, the boat and in the car. Don’t wait until symptoms arise, just wear them. I did wear them on both wrists, then wore just one the day after we returned to land as I still felt I was moving on a boat…. I also wore just one on the ferry ride the following day, but then didn’t need them after that. I now keep one set in each of our cars.

Vagus Nerve Reset and Ear Pressure Points

My friend mentioned above also taught me how to reset my vagus nerve, which is super helpful for other aspects of our health and balance. She further showed me how to find the pressure points in my ear, which helped with any dizzy spells.

  • Vagus nerve reset – the easiest way to do this is to hum. Hum normally, then hum putting lower lip above upper lip, then move lower lip back and forth from normal to above upper lip, then hum normally again.
  • Ear pressure points – push firmly into ear canal just before the finger goes into the opening of your ear, move it around until saliva begins to increase in your mouth, repeat on the other side. Do the same for the upper inner lobe of your ear on both sides.

Other Helpful Aids

  • Homeopathic nausea pills (work well for a quick fix)
  • Ear patches (heard they work well though you have to wean yourself off of them, but didn’t use any)
  • Travel gum (made my tongue numb, so didn’t try again, but can distract!)
  • Ginger chews (everyone recommends, but couldn’t find them in our pharmacy)

So, perhaps this will help you, reader, if you suffer from motion sickness. It made all the difference for an enjoyable holiday on the water. I think the highest recommendation is for the pressure point bands as our friend on the boat also had some which seemed to work great for her as well!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Sep 022024
 

I know I’m due to write an update from our trip to Croatia, but I’m still catching up from it having just returned late-ish last night. So, will aim to get it posted for Friday.

In the meantime, can you believe it’s already September?

Funnily enough, M had said when we got back in February from Australia that we didn’t have much travel planned for the rest of the year. At the time, he was right. However, we are now on a pretty solid every two weeks or so travel schedule. At least we are home for about three weeks this month, so that’s nice.

Perhaps because we do travel so much, I struggle with a little bit of return home from travel blues. Part of it is because apart from our house, pets, and each other, I have little else that excites me to being in this location. Generally, I enjoy seeing the people we meet up with when that occurs, but even after nearly three years, I don’t feel that most are friends.

I feel as if I’m a fairly low-maintenance friend. In many of my friendships, I feel as if I am the one who initiates interaction and engagement. This has been the case most of my life. Some might say it is an adoptee-thing, while others might just attribute it to my nature of being quietly thoughtful of others. Whatever it is, I have become less enthusiastic playing that role as I get older. I want friendships that are mutually initiated and engaged.

The fact is that I do not need to hang out all of the time nor necessarily be in contact constantly. But, I do appreciate consistency in effort and agreement to get together. I don’t want to feel as if I am always the one reaching out to make plans or forcing presence on others.

So…I feel as if I am still trying to find my tribe. I suppose it’s just the nature of my chosen and preferred lifestyle. Perhaps, it is my age. Maybe, it’s just me.

In any case, September is here and cooler weather is on its way. That alone makes me very happy!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Aug 262024
 

This might be the only post until next week as we are currently on vacation on a boat in the Adriatic Sea off the coast of Croatia.

We drove from our house to Bari on the east coast of Italy, which is about six hours away, caught an 8-hr ferry to Dubrovnik and stayed one night there. We didn’t see anything as we will visit again on the way back and wanted to do a leisurely drive up the coast toward Split.

Mostly taking the coast road, we broke up the four-hour trip with stops in Ston and the Makarska Riviera.

Ston walls

Eventually, we arrived in Split, which is a cute old town. Our hotel was nicely located near the Diocletian Palace square.

We explored the marina and old town for a day, then headed off for the main event of our holiday – the yacht. We are on the boat for a week with friends joining us this evening (after two days with just us).

So far, we have been swimming in the bays, relaxing and soaking up the sun during the day. Then, we either dock or moor in the evenings with dinner somewhere on shore. Just so days in and I’m loving it!

Thankfully, I prepared for the potential sea sickness and am using pressure point bands and did some training beforehand. I’ll write more on that in another post when we are back. In any event, I feel alright even after one bumpy ride last night. So, fingers crossed 🤞🏽, it remains this way for the rest of the week.

More when we return! Until then, stay tuned. 😁

~T 🔥🐉♋️

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