My heart still aches for him
Yet, my hope has begun to dim.
My heart is hesitant to move on
But maybe what we had is gone.
Am I aching for the unattainable?
Am I hesitating for something unbelievable?
There are no more words for me to say
Only the hole in my heart and tears stay…
-T
~March 31, 2009
The age-old question arises again
Can men and women really be friends?
Almost all of my friends are men
Does it mean there is always somethng there in the end?
I have new people in my life
Some are female, most are male
Yet, I already get the question to cause me strife
“What’s going on with you two?” comes up without fail.
Yes, I hate to be single and alone
Yes, I would like to be in a relationship
Yes, I’d love to have someone to call my own
But, still I cherish even the simplest of friendships.
So, now I feel a bit of tension
There are men I am content to just hang with
There are men I’d like to give me more attention
Overall, I truly wonder if pure male/female relations is just a myth.
-T
~March 23, 2009
I am alone
For the first time in my life
Before, I was a child
Then I became a wife
Now, I am alone
Living in a new place
Where there is only me
And no one knows my face
Sometimes I feel very alone
Wondering if I’ve made a mistake,
Am I out of my mind?
Is my future really mine to make?
Yet, I find in being alone
I am finding the real me
I am learning about who I am
I am finally feeling free
-T
~March 11, 2009
The rain poured down
Like the tears on my face
I felt as if I was going to drown
As the taxi pulled away from your place
Still my heart is breaking
As I long for your arms
Every bone is aching
To feel your sweet calm
Everything is new
I should be excited about it
Yet all I can think of is you
Wondering if I can make here fit
If I knew that you are truly mine
I could endure this separation
And try to enjoy the time
Waiting, until our next meeting, with anticipation
Instead, I wonder if you will find
Someone else soon
Who will take your heart and mind
Away…
-T
~February 2, 2009
It’s all too much to bear
That each time I start to really care
My heart is rejected and broken
Memories are my only token
I’ve questioned if God just hates me
I’ve questioned if there is something I can’t see
I’ve questioned if it’s not me, then who?
‘Cuz obviously, it’s not just you.
All I want is to be loved and allowed to love
Of all things – time, space, location – for it to be above
Because I should be more than worth it
For me all things would be forfeit
Perhaps I ask too much
But must I wait for a never-to-come someday for such?
Is hope, faith and love really wrong?
WIthout these, I see no point to going on…
-T
~January 22, 2009
Fear of hurt, failure, disappointment, sadness
Fear of the unknown
Fear of what might be or rather what might not be…
Fear
is what holds you back
from love
Despite the strong feelings
Despite the physical attraction
Despite the spiritual connection
Despite
these things you hold back
from love
How can you let it all go to waste?
How can you let it all pass us both by?
Why won’t you even give it a try?
Why won’t you even give it a chance?
How… Why…
can you hold back
from love?
-T
~January 15, 2009
There is so much I want to say to you
And yet, I find it is not yet something I can do.
There is so much I want to feel
And yet, I find there are still pieces needing to heal.
There is so much I want to know
And yet, I am not certain where to go.
There is so much…and yet not enough.
-T
~January 11, 2009
Some words are meant to bring laughter
Some words are meant to bring tears
Some words are meant to heal
Some words are meant to hurt
Some words…
are
lacking in expressing enough
lackiing in accuracy of the feelings to be shared
lacking in hope
lacking in encouragement
lacking in ….
love
Words can be weapons
Words can be bridges
Words can be painful
Words can be uplifting
Words can be …
more than we will ever know or truly understand.
-T
~ January 11, 2009
Thought it might be good to change up the content a bit. I can’t believe that I have been writing so much poetry. It’s been years since I’ve had the desire to write again. Too many years spent silent, unhappy in the dark.
So much to say and yet no way to say it all. Poems express succinctly the deeper feelings within my soul. Though I write often in my diary, I do not write enough prose in story form. I want to write stories, but am not sure how to start or even how to finish. One day I will have time to just write and perhaps then I will never stop.
Now, my heart is up and down. My life is moving forward. My mind is weary but sharp. All is well and yet somehow I feel as if the end is drawing near…
Until next time…
-T
