Creative Meanderings

There’s nothing quite like a physical purge to reset the mind.

**TMI Warning**⚠️

Yesterday I was continuing my inner rage, which I’m sure was reflected in my somewhat negative energy being emitted to others. M decided to fuel the rage with little comments. One in particular sparked a confused response of anger, frustration, and truth – ‘you’re so negative about everything, maybe you need to reflect more on that’! 🤬😳🤯

First of all, telling someone like me that I need to reflect more is never a good place to start as reflection and introspection is like breathing for me. That was the anger. The frustration and truth was in the fact that I have been negative about many things (not quite everything), but I also couldn’t see a way out of it.

So, instead, I raged a little back at him, hid myself away under the excuse of taking a nap and tried to escape the moment.

After I woke up, I decided a bit of alcohol and shisha with CBD would be a good way to ignite my positivity.

Well, it worked for a while until a headache turned into makings of a migraine began to trickle in. It went from a trickle to an invasion of the mind. Before I knew it, I was in the bathroom losing control of my movements and my stomach contents – at the same time. (I did warn you!)

It felt reminiscent of the times I’ve had food poisoning and the last time last year when I got really sick purging my stomach then as well. However, the addition of my screaming headache made me realize that I had no control over anything that was happening to me. After two bathroom sessions, I crawled into bed shivering and crying from a complete lack of control over my physical situation. With hands pressed to my eyeballs in hopes of pushing out the pain and a concentrated effort to just breathe while reminding myself that pain is only temporary, my brain finally shut off releasing me into the dark sleep world.

Mercifully, I got to sleep through most of the night thanks to M taking over nighttime puppy duty. Generally, any position changes in my body were met with pain in my stomach or a threat of a visit to the restroom. So, I willed myself to keep sleeping.

By the time the sun rose this morning I felt that the worst had passed.

After gingerly testing out the state of my stomach, I think I am OK now. However, I have realized that the loss of physical control also released the mental cloud that was lingering. Even though it seems that long C19 is holding on, I haven’t felt this light and motivated for a couple of weeks now. So, with fingers crossed🤞🏽, a little prayer 🙏🏽 to the Universe, and renewed sense of purpose 💪🏽, I think that I have possibly climbed up over that last hill back into the light. 💡

~T 🔥🐉♋️