One of my favorite items to use in analogies is the sponge. It works on many levels – kids at about age eight are little sponges soaking up everything new with curiosity; pain can be absorbed like a sponge, but it doesn’t mean that it has left the body until you squeeze it out, but there will always be a little bit left; and, when we are oversaturated with something it is like a sponge that can no longer absorb any more liquid.
While I am very proud of the platform space that I envisioned and partnered with my lifelong adoptee friend to build in what it is now – The Universal Asian – I became oversaturated; and despite nearly four months being 95% away from it, I still find it doesn’t take much before my absorption capacity is full again.
There are plans for a leadership shift and the space will surely transform into its next version under the new leadership. I feel good about this move knowing that I will still get to benefit from its future success.
In the midst of my excitement to be a bit more free from the space, I eagerly brainstormed and put into motion the building of a writing program under the TUA umbrella. There has been some interest already and I am about 90% ready to start advertising, taking money (this time, my efforts will be paid for), and putting things into place. However, despite my keenness to get things going by this month, or at the latest, in November, I drug my feet.
Upon some reflection and reviewing of my actions, I realized that I am just not yet ready to dive back into regular contact with fellow adoptees and Asian-Americans. I’m not yet ready to be confronted with the struggles, anxieties, stresses, angsts, and all the other bits that have surrounded the uplifting of the Asian voice. It is most definitely NOT that I feel they shouldn’t be shared, expressed, and made public so that others can better understand the state of the Asian-American and adoptee psyche. It IS most definitely that I feel myself absorbing all of those energies to the point that I lose myself and become oversaturated by energies that are not mine.
So, I have compromised with pushing the start date to the new year. In the meantime, I will advertise and do the admin work to get people registered, paid, and ready to go with excitement as the new year begins. It also gives me more time and something to look forward to as I know that once I am in it, I will be loving it.
In the same vein, I recently had a really nice chat with a fellow adoptee. She’s a domestic US adoptee who is having her own awakening of her experience as an adoptee and in reunion. Thanks to her awakening, she has a fire kindling up to provide more education/information about the adoption system and how it affects everyone involved, but while keeping the adoptee as the central importance. I think it is a beautiful initiative and will do my best to support her.
Still, I found myself post-conversation wondering if my gut reflective reaction was because of my current precarious position of not wanting to absorb too much or because of already having absorbed too much. I realized that I had to talk myself out of an urge to step away from everything also related to adoption, even though I had already offered to help proofread, which I would do anyway as that’s my thing!
Eventually, I came to the conclusion that it’s just me reminding myself to be aware and be careful. I’m in charge of myself, my emotions, my well-being. So, with that, watch this space for me to see if I can avoid reaching the point of oversaturation.
~T π₯πβοΈ
