Reflections: Into 2023 We Go

 Going Mental  1 Response »
Dec 232022
 

I wrote this as a draft for another article I was going to submit, but realized it was a bit too personal to share on a non-affiliated space. 🤷🏽‍♀️ There is some repeat from an earlier post last week, but in any case, I thought I’d put it here for record-keeping and, well, this IS an affiliated space for my personal musings. 😝 Also, as this is the sum of my reflections for my regular new year’s planning as I’ll take a wee break from writing for a week or so, consider it my 2023 resolutions post. ❤️

To be perfectly honest, my reflective behavior is usually focused on myself and only myself. 😜 Although this might sound enviable (or extremely self-centered) to many who struggle to embrace self-care, self-awareness, positive self-talk, etc., it really isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.

For me, my introspective nature is an attempt to better myself as a member of society, a participant in my community of friends, a wife to my husband, a daughter to my parents, a sister to my brother, a writer to my unknown readers, and a representative to my fellow humans. In this attempt at self-improvement, as defined by the transcendentalists of 19th century America, comes a sense of exhaustion – quite the opposite to the goal our 21st century idea of “self -” promotes. 

So, as I reflect on the past year or so with the return of an adjusted-way-of-life post-COVID19, I am setting new goals for the next year – to be more SELFish. WHAT?! (a collective gasp might be heard).

I know – controversial, right? 

Let me clarify from the start, I will never be selfish to the point that it hurts another individual or at the expense of another human being (or animal, for that matter). It is not in my nature to be intentionally harmful to others; thus, it would not actually be selfish for me to behave in such a manner. Rather, what I mean is that my actions and activities this year are going to be focused on what benefits me as a person. Instead of reflecting on how my actions, thoughts, or words might be perceived or affected by others, I am going to consider how they affect me first and foremost.

An example of how this will play out is in my writing. For years, I have been writing for my own private audience of one – me! Although I do have public spaces like social media or a blog (or two or three), I do not advertise them outside of a subtle link on a profile page. In general, I prefer to work quietly from behind the scenes such as on The Universal Asian or my Medium page. However, this year, I will be focusing on building up my own space as OSH, where I’ll be sharing my own writing, services for Book Coaching and Editing, plus a subscription-based newsletter called OSH’s Letters where I will write to subscribers and share my worldview on the day-to-day experiences discovered on my journey through living on this planet. Much of the latter is still in the works, but do feel free to check the spaces often or go ahead and subscribe on the form provided to stay updated. See how my selfish act(s) work here – a shameless plug for my site(s), but no harm done, right?!

Other ways that this selfishness will play out for me is going to be in spending more time doing yoga and meditating regularly. Although this falls into a ‘self-care’ category, I also treat it as a self-ish time out for only me. It may be at the expense of others in terms of my available time to them, but rather than seeing it as harmful, I consider it helpful that there will be boundaries and by me taking this time for myself, I can be more present and purposeful when I do give others my time.

Also, I’m taking a page out of Tim Ferriss’s Four-Hour Workweek:  Life is now and I can live the lifestyle of a millionaire without having to actually be one – though I wouldn’t complain if that happened! Basically, after a summer as a revolving door of visitors to our new home in Italy, I am closing our open-door policy so that we can have time to travel ourselves. Although I fully enjoyed our visits, it was draining and we did not get to do our own exploring of places. Therefore, doors will still be open, just on a more structured timeline.

So, you see, it’s not that self is to be hyphenated this year, but rather it just is itSELF.

Here’s to an amazing year to the SELF. 

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Happy 7th Anniversary!

 Going Mental  3 Responses »
Dec 212022
 
This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is B5A6AE87-EE1B-4B7A-A790-BF4754CC9BF7-1.jpg
Delicious dinner out
Copper is the 7th anniversary gift – so this is an oil pot

Well, we’ve made it another year together! ❤️

I would do it again and look forward to every additional year of our adventurous life with each other. To be sure, there is yet to be a dull moment and while I might like some aspects to be a little less ‘exciting’, I would not change the stories we get to share.

So, cheers to many more! 🥂

~T 🔥🐉♋️

When a Soul Leaves…

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Dec 152022
 

I knew nothing about this person other than what I saw on TV when he was part of The Ellen Show or from his social media account dancing with his wife and family showing nothing but smiles on their faces. As many posts online state, one never truly knows what is going on the inside of someone’s mind and heart.

So, it is with sadness that I read/discovered that this person I recognized as “tWitch” had taken his own life leaving behind his wife and three children.

Many questions come to mind as I put on my true crime/mystery detective hat wondering if they had had a fight, what could have triggered him being in a hotel/motel rather than his home, why have a gun at all – though of course it is LA, how did he come to the final decision to pull the trigger as the better choice than being with his family?

I place no blame or judgement upon him or his decision. As I said, I knew nothing about him.

For many my age, for whatever reason, Mr. Boss’s suicide hits differently upon us. He was a quiet, smiling, seemingly positive energy in the shadows of the limelight. Since he was not really in center stage much, he was someone that provided a kind of touch-ability to the layperson for someone in the LA Hollywood scene, I suppose.

It is interesting to me how many are mourning online with the same statements of “you never know what is going on with someone” and then posting about suicide awareness. Of course, I am doing the same here. That’s not what is interesting. It’s that we are all suddenly inclined to do so because of someone very much unknown to us. Yet, I wonder, how often have people shared, or would share, the same kind of post about someone they actually know and tried to raise awareness of mental health and suicide prevention?

We are often overcome with a sense of loneliness in this world. Social media does not help us to feel less isolated, but rather can highlight just the opposite. Although we might be amongst loved ones, no one can fill a sense of void, sadness, frustration, depression, anxiety, etc. that can arise in us. While it helps to have an open ear, comforting shoulder, or offers of support, the fact is they are often proffered without substance or expectation to be taken up on. Many times, people just spew out words they think are desired to be sputtered in the hopes that they seem/sound caring, concerned, and present. Granted, there are a handful that are truly going to be there if they say they are; however, even the most optimistic of us knows the cynical, realistic truth that this is rare.

So, I write this in a personal sadness that even someone so seen in the world can still have felt so alone that the only way to cope with whatever he was going through was by leaving this world …. ❤️

OR, be that rare person someone can count on when needing help.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Planned Selfishness

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Dec 132022
 

While I was home I came to a realization that surprised me. I’m tired of ‘changing’ or trying to do so.

Obviously, the core person I am is the same – and likely always will be. However, I constantly believe that I need to ‘better’ myself. Whether that is through what I eat, how I exercise, my mental state, my spirituality. Instead of trying to change others, I have always been introspective believing that it is me who should bring about the characteristics and behaviors I wish to see in others. 

In doing so, I have exhausted myself on many levels without realizing that it was taking a toll. 😳

The freedom of family is that you can be who you are without judgement or worry that they will lay down conditions to permit you to continue to be who you are. Although family might have the permission to intervene if you’re on the wrong track, we take it because it is coming from a safe place. 

Although marriage creates a new kind of security, it really never replaces the comfort of family. 

So, in that safety, I came to the conclusion that my focus in 2023 is going to be on me. Not on bettering myself or changing who I am for others, but on just being me. It might seem/sound selfish. It might not even seem that different from how my life and attitude appears to others, but I will know the difference; and, in keeping with my vision – that is all that matters! 😅

This leads me back to my previous post about ‘selfishness’. 

Is it a negative when I say that I am planning on being more selfish? Is it harming or negatively affecting anyone if I choose to make decisions based on me and for me?

In this moment, I think that the answer is NO.

Obviously, should I make decisions later that are harmful then it puts a negative context on the idea of selfishness, but with the contemporary social desire to promote self-care, self-awareness, self…etc. I think that we have moved toward considering the concept of selfishness as more positive. While I am not going that far on the plus/minus spectrum, I am going to try to be more neutral, which is actually more me than anything else.

How all of this will look is still being processed. I know that it means I will no longer be involved in the Universal Asian space that I created out of selflessness. It also means more yoga and meditation time for myself, not teaching. It will mean more time for writing, but also focusing on the areas that can generate some funds to give me more financial independence on a microlevel. It will also mean more time for travel on my own whether in short day trips or longer weekend getaways – I’m not sure yet, but it’s all being thought through as I begin my reflective days in planning for the upcoming year.

With that – here’s to a year of SELFISHNESS! 🤪

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Beauty of Words

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Dec 082022
 

While I was home I had an interesting conversation on the idea of what it means to be ‘selfish’ and if anyone can truly be considered ‘self-less’ or ‘altruistic’. A deeper discussion on this might come in a later post, but for the moment, I want to discuss words and their meanings.

First of all, for me, words are just words. A word, in and of itself, is neither completely positive nor absolutely negative unless conjugated or reformed in order to express meaning one way or the other in full. In general, a word must have context to be totally understood as intending to express something good or something bad. Still, just a word alone is closer to a neutral entity, even if the definition suggests pure negative nuances as below.

adjective

  1. (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure. e.g. “I joined them for selfish reasons”
Google search referencing Oxford definition

So, while I accept the general understanding of such words based on definition, I still argue that it is the context that best defines the intended use and expression of words.

With this in mind, I expressed that I do not consider the word ‘selfish’ to always be an expression of negativity despite the wide use of it as a less desired quality. For example, if one reads this – “He selfishly ate the last bite knowing that he needed to be the one to survive to save them all…”, does it carry an unjustifiable negative meaning? I would dare to guess that the answer is ‘no’, because the intention is that he will do something good with that selfish act. Thus, while he was “concerned chiefly with his own personal profit” being ‘selfish’ in this case is not purely negative. Get my point? Further, we could argue the definition as well as how do we parse out profit vs. pleasure or to what degree do we define ‘chiefly’. You see the conundrum, definitions are further made of words to be further defined and assigned meaning in context.

Anywho, I return to my argument that being ‘selfish’ can also be paired with being ‘self-less’ in meaning.

The context of the initial discussion spurring this topic was referring to adoption. While one could argue that it is a self-less or altruistic act to adopt a child, I argue that there is an element of ‘selfish’ness in it as well. Most people would naturally admit that they feel good about offering what they can to a child who has not had the fortune of being raised in a permanent home – whether biologically theirs or not. It is not that adopting is a negative action, but that it is not a pure act with zero benefit to the individual adopting. I further my argument that our understanding of ‘altruism’ is also false in that there can never really be a truly ‘self-less’ act as someone somehow benefits even indirectly.

Words are important; and it is even more important to try to understand the variety of nuances they carry when used. The English language is one of the most difficult languages in the world to fully acquire because we have such a variety of words that mean something similar, yet infer multiple dimensions of meanings, intentions, and expressions. It’s no wonder that many people around the world struggle to master it fully – even native speakers are not necessarily masters of their own language!

Yet, it also the beauty of language that helps us to better understand one another through conversations that deepen our knowledge of the words that we use and enrich our comprehension of the breadth of meanings it can express.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Re-adjusting

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Dec 062022
 

It has been nearly a week already since I returned home to Italy. The time has passed so quickly as I’ve been trying to adjust back to life with socializing, routines, priorities, and the like.

Unfortunately, my lack of consistent sleep has been defining much of my productivity – or lack thereof.

So, my priority for the next few nights is to sleep with the help of Valerian Root, which is a herbal sleep aid that works like melatonin without the chemicals or drug-like effect. It smells terrible and can leave a lingering flavor in the mouth, but as a natural aid to dreamland I love it!

What it looks like for your reference and the brand I use – bought in Fred Meyer, but available on Amazon.

There is a chance that this is not at all related to jet lag, but rather due to hormonal, physical changes as well. Whatever the cause/reason, I just want to get some sleep so I can get back to my regularly scheduled life. 😀

With that, stay tuned, as I have much to share from my time at home, insights/conclusions I discovered, and the decision-making for goals/aims in 2023!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

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