When I lived in Oregon as a young person I would often have a sense of melancholy during the winter or grey sky days. For a long time, I chalked it up to me just being a bit depressive by nature and a characteristic of my more introspective ways. π’ Then, I heard about this thing called seasonal affective disorder (S.A.D.) or seasonal depression.
Although having a label is not necessarily my aim, it is often helpful to have terms to use in describing a certain way of thinking or behaving. With a label definition as a guideline, one can try to address it and create a new understanding of one’s identity either within the guidelines or push on beyond it. So, it was when I went to Japan and experienced colder, but sunnier winters that I realized I would not feel as “blue” as I normally would that time of year in the Pacific Northwest.
My nine years in the desert really highlighted just how much I love/need the sun βοΈ and warmth as not once did I miss rain or cold weather. On the rare occasion when rain βοΈ did fall or a sandstorm πͺοΈ rose up, I accepted a temporary lapse in the ideal weather pattern, but if it lasted more than a day or two I was not pleased. π‘
Now that we are in our second year in the Italian countryside, I am more settled and aware of myself outside of the external contributing factors that may cause stress or a lower mood level. Without those things to explain why suddenly I feel less chipper than I used to, I can now put my finger on the fact that where we live continues to be similar to where I grew up in another part of the world with weather conditions not much different. In fact, as my father often mentions, our temps and weather doesn’t differ much than at home. π€¦π½ββοΈ
So, I finally acknowledged this week that I think I might be a little depressed. π¬
It’s not stress as we really have nothing to stress about. Although my husband can cause me external grief π, it is not enough to definitively say that it is him as the source of my darker moods. The fact that it is cold, we have many days of grey, and the dark is where I spend a great portion of my day to avoid letting the heat out are undeniable causes of my gloom. π΅βπ«
They say the first step is to be aware. Check β . The next step is to accept. Check β . Now, to do something about it! πͺπ½
We have discussed plans to go away in March, but the fact is that the weather here will be better by then. So, for this year, we are looking at traveling a bit more since seeing new places always lifts my mood. Then, for this time next year, we are going to plan in advance to be away in warmer climates to avoid a repeat of these darker days in the future.
In the meantime, I am focusing on the positives and layering up even more as I open my windows more often to let the sunlight βοΈ in during the day. π
~T π₯πβοΈ
