Creative Meanderings

Another week almost finished and it’s had some bumps, but overall I have no reason to complain – though I do. 😬 (I know…).

First, an update on Motion from last post. I decided to give it a try for the year. There are a few kinks that I don’t love about it, but they seem to be updating the program regularly. So, I’ll keep going on it and probably send them suggestions as I get used to it. I am still running my Todoist list alongside for now as I’m not quite ready to completely transfer over. 🤪

Anywho, last night, M convinced me to sit outside under the full moon 🌕 by our outside fire pit 🔥 with a lovely glass of Cotes du Rhone 🍷 in my hand. I started out with a begrudging acquiescence to the activity. I had felt cold much of the day so being outside didn’t sound appealing. Plus, I was allowing my internal irritation with a house project to slowly bubble into a boiling flame. So, I had to take a deep breath when M compromised in helping me complete part of it and I realized it really wasn’t worth ruining an evening over. There isn’t necessarily a rush to get it done; it’s more the principle of the course of the project and external factors that are people-dependent that were the source of my angst over it.

This made me reflect.

In finding a piece of me again, I forgot that not everyone else has had self-growth spurts. Thus, my expectations and general guardedness of/with others both rose and lowered, respectively. Well, this is never a good thing in my experience. Keep expectations low and make room to be surprised. Keep guard up and have flexibility to lower it later. I know these rules of mine, but I had a lapse – as I am wont to do on occasion. This lapse created my own bumps this week. 🫤

Somehow M knows how to snap me out of these moments whether it is a conscience action or just an orchestration of Lady Universe to bring me back to reality. So, as we sat staring at the fire after he listened to my light rant, he reminded me – “Look at our lives, babe. We are very lucky.” To which I corrected because neither of us believe in “luck” when it comes to life, “We live luxuriously because we made it happen.” With a smile, we cheers-ed to that.

It was in that space of time when I shifted the wording and our clinking of glasses that I understood the creation of my own bumps this week. I expected too much. I let my guard down. I was giving over power and control of things to others when it is me/we who make things happen for us. We often lament to each other how we see or hear of other people who continue in their own ruts, blame others for their situations, or just simply shut down to any action or responsibility for their destinies. That’s just not us or me.

Now, I know a counterargument can be made that makes my statements seem pessimistic or fatalistic or some other negative connotation, but I would need a proper conversation on why one interprets them in a greyer light. In any case, I’m just acknowledging there is another side, but for me this week I am reminded of the more positive side to the “rules” I tend to live by.

So, in taking back my own power and returning to the rules of my life, I am feeling better.

~T 🔥🐉♋️