Yesterday, I hit a little slump. However, I think I’m over it now – not sure just yet. π
There were a number of things that hit me for some reason….
*Change to my schedule at work – I really do not do well with sudden changes. It unsettles me at my core. Of course, I like to think I am flexible or open-minded, but am I? I guess it depends on what it is. I’m pretty flexible and open-minded with people. I generally do not expect much (at least not any more). However, my time is something I tend to be more controlling over and so when it requires alterations I’m a bit unnerved.
*Influences of others – For a while now I have really been trying to sort out what I get from people in my life. It’s always good to reflect and after ending a four-year relationship it is a natural reaction to figuring out what happened and how the past four years have affected me. I find that I am drained at times being around others. Although most of my relationships seem balanced, they really are not – or at least not enough for me. I need more and need to learn how to demand it. Perhaps the truth is that I need to spend less time with others and more time with me…?
*Fear of both being alone and being in a relationship again – I am very independent. I like my alone time. I like my things to be just right. Having cats has slightly altered that, but in general, I like my space A LOT! However, I also like being with someone. I enjoy companionship as most normal people should and do. Still, I want more in a relationship than I have perhaps ever had. I no longer feel guilty about that nor do I feel as if it is over-reaching. In the past I have settled for almost or good enough. This time I don’t think that I should or can. Now, that’s not to say that I am too picky, because I don’t think that is the case. However, I do need someone giving and taking on an equal level (maybe even giving a little bit more just to me! π ) So, there’s a fear that I’ll be alone forever coupled with the fear of losing myself in a relationship again. Can you say bipolar?! (Oh wait, I am! haha)
Anyway, those are the top three at the moment. Now that I recognize them and acknowledge them, I know how to climb up the other side of the slump and feel victorious!!!
-T π
