Creative Meanderings – Page 13 – My ramblings and wanderings through life

Synchronicity

Mar 032023

Upon returning from Venice, we woke the next morning preparing for M to go to the UK for a week to see family and do some business activities. I was looking forward to a week of my own schedule, time, activities. We soon were signaled that things might not go quite as smoothly, when we realized there was no hot water and assumed it was a boiler problem since there had been work on it and we had had trouble before.

First thing was first, M headed to the airport and would coordinate on the way.

The plumber/boiler guy came early in response to M’s request, but said, “Boiler is fine. You are out of gas.”

Oops! 😬

The gas guy said he wouldn’t be able to arrive until Tuesday – it was Monday, but fine. I could wait to have a shower until Tuesday afternoon and I don’t particularly care about cooking anyway – all I need is a microwave and kettle most of the time, especially when I’m on my own.

Tuesday morning, I felt good. I was getting into my own groove. I ran some errands in the morning expecting the gas guy to come around noon and I had a call at 5pm, before which I wanted to get some work done, walk the dogs, and then I could enjoy a relaxing evening with a hot bath.

Gas guy didn’t arrive until later in the afternoon, work took longer than usual so I was delayed walking the dogs, 5pm call got cancelled around 4pm. So, with everything finally done by 4:30 and faced with an extra hour to luxuriate sooner in a hot bath, I decided to just take the pups for a little walk in the fields and hills nearby rather than get in the car and drive down to the riverside paths 20 minutes, each way.

All of these little events and decisions led up to the moment when all other plans were thwarted for the hereafter.

While I do not sit – rather lay – blaming any one event nor lament “if this or that had or hadn’t happened, then…”, it is interesting to ponder how a series of actions can culminate at a particular moment. I’ve long been fascinated by stories like Magnolia, Crash – both film and series, and the like that point out how our lives intersect and events can have ripple effects on ourselves and others.

What if I had been on the call instead? I wouldn’t have fallen.

What if I had not been lazy in taking the dogs down to the river for a walk – I mean, I had the time? I wouldn’t have fallen.

What if we had not run out of gas, or the gas guy had arrived earlier, or I had not had focused on work for so long, etc. etc.? I wouldn’t have fallen.

But, I did fall.

So, rather than lament, I ponder. I wonder what the learning is in this new “plan” for my days and future few months. I wonder if the learning is solely for me. Or, if the learning is for M at my expense, as I sometimes have felt about other things gone wrong for me in my/our life. Or, as my dad said, “Sometimes sh*t just happens!”

In any case, it doesn’t matter really. I mean, I am learning about patience, regaining appreciation for the discipline of meditation, M’s capacity to be a caregiver, my capacity to be a receiver of care, the capacity of my friends (near and far) to care and express compassion, etc. etc. Much is being observed and processed. I’ve got lots of time to do so.

At least, I still have my fingers to type and my laptop to get some words out. My writing by hand is lagging, but when I can sit up again, I’ll get back to it. For now, I’m adapting. I’m accepting. I’m acknowledging the limits of what I can vs what I want to do.

One day, I’ll see how all of this does have meaning even if there is no obvious cause – synchronicity.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

New Month, New Plans

Going Mental 3 Responses »

Mar 012023

Well, if you don’t follow me on social media, then you’ve missed the exciting news of me dislocating my ankle and breaking the leg bones surrounding the area. 🤪

It’s been 9 days now since it happened on a walk with the pups, who decided to take me with them on a scent-run. Only problem was that my legs could not keep up and apparently, my ankle was not in the flexible mood. 😬 So, after a few screams and choice words breathing through the pain, I managed to crawl to a signal with my phone to call a nearby friend and M in the UK who called the previous owner (L) of our house because he lives closer. With the help of L, I got an ambulance and taken to the ER at Orvieto Hospital.

Unfortunately, or fortunately 🤷🏽‍♀️, the orthopedic ward was closed due to C19, so I had to be transferred to another hospital, which was in Spoleto – almost 2 hours away. Before being transferred, they popped my ankle back in place – ouch! – and put on a temporary cast. I was told I was definitely going to need surgery. The fall happened just before 5pm, I arrived in Spoleto at 11pm with the belief that I would undergo surgery quickly.

Three days later, I had had no surgery, gotten a new cast that required a painful further adjustment of the ankle, been fed some interesting food, and no clear idea of what was happening. The doctor aggressively questioned me about where I wanted to have surgery – as if I should know that when I didn’t even know why it hadn’t happened yet!

In the end, we clarified that surgery had to wait and so I could get it done in Orvieto with a stay at home in the meantime. Happily, we checked out of there!

While on the road, I was informed that I should check into Orvieto the next morning for scheduled surgery on Tuesday.

However, the owner of the yoga studio I have been attending is an orthopedic physiotherapist and recommended a private clinic in Rome. She said I would get decent care through Orvieto, but the follow up care would be more challenging that I could avoid through the private clinic. So, luckily, I was able to speak with the doctor in Rome before we went to the hospital in the morning and decided to go with the private option instead. That was Saturday.

On Sunday, I checked in and here I am still as I write this post. The quality of care if excellent as I sit in my private room, have a small team of nurses, regular visits from the doctor(s) to check the status of my ankle – still no operation as swelling must be at a low before they feel it is optimal -, regular options of my menu, and that always desired yet never fully appreciated element of time.

So far, I have been keeping myself busy enough, though my positivity waxes and wanes more than at the start. Two weeks in hospital with another likely ahead does not make a happy and content me, but nothing else is to be done.

Instead, we now focus on new plans since most of what we had organized has changed. Even after surgery, I will be bed/sofa-bound for at least a month and then many more months of physiotherapy, etc. before it will be back to “normal”. So, it is one day at a time and literally, step-by-step.

Funny how life can change in a single moment, but alas that is for another post. Here’s to the new month and new plans ahead!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Bucket Lists

Going Mental 1 Response »

Feb 232023

Since our trip to Venice, I have been pondering the idea of “bucket lists” and contemplating the reason I don’t have one – or so I think.

For a while, it was all the rage to have a bucket list and people would do something on their list, share it, and feel satisfied that they could tick something off their list. Sadly, the desire to tick/check it off the list became more important than enjoying the experience that might have been the real reason someone wanted to do that thing in the first place. These days, it’s as if we are just collecting stars like on a childhood sticker chart for having done something rather than feeling content with living in the moment. I’m sure this is a blanket statement and many people may not behave this way, but you get what I mean.

For me, I always felt the idea of a bucket list to be just another way for most people to lament about how they haven’t done the things they’ve wanted in their lives. So, instead of seeing it as a “want to do” list, I see it as a “wish I could” list. To a language nerd, these do not hold the same meaning.

A “want to do” is with a plan that leaves room for error, but it will get done.

A “wish I could” is an idea that leaves room for excuses, sighs, lamentations, and belief that they can/will not happen.

These terms could be argued, but the main point is that I do not see life as a list of things I wish I could do. I see it as a plan to do the things I want.

So, if I want to see China, I have a plan to do it. I’m not going to wait until “someday”, but I do have a real plan in the next few years to get on a tour and see it. In contrast, I can be heard saying I wish I could skydive. While I know that it is fully within my capability to go find a way to jump out of an airplane and scream into the vast atmosphere until a parachute (hopefully) opens up to quiet the space around me as I float, I know that I will not actually do this – or at least the probability is less than 50%. First, the wish is not strong enough to make it happen; and well, I’ve got a lot of other things I want to do so that it is not a priority. That’s not say I wouldn’t do it if the chance presented itself easily, though.

Also, I see a bucket list as a bit morbid. People always use it in phrases like, “I want to tick this off my bucket list before I die.” Death is always connected with it. It’s the same idea as “I’ll do that when I retire.”

Although I fully appreciate that people have limits financially, time-wise, work-wise, or family and social obligations, I do not believe that we must wait until a so-called “perfect” situation arises to make the things we really want happen. It’s true that some things take time to save up money, to rearrange schedules, to prepare others if we are away. However, nothing but our egos and fears stop us from taking the steps required to do the things that we want.

As my life mantra is “NO is just a suggestion to find another way to YES”, I live without worry about how or when I can do the things I want.

Still, I have moments of doubt when my “little B with an itch” voice threatens to convince me that I’m just fooling myself or that I’m in some sort of alternate reality where life is some kind of fantasy. I suppose all that might be true.

However, I choose to make lists of action not ones of sitting and wistfully sighing about someday ticking something off a my bucket list…. I believe everyone can and should do this too!

~T🔥🐉♋️

Carnevale di Venezia 2023

Meanderings Abroad 1 Response »

Feb 212023

Matt has always wanted to go to Venice and I have always wanted to see a proper Carnival experience, so our always wantings merged into the perfect time to go.

Away we went for the weekend to see the last weekend of a two-week period where people dress up in various styles of costume and wear masks wandering around the city. Some had traveled near and far to join in the festivities, either as a spectator or a participant.

The costumes and masks were both creepy and amazing. Here are some of my favs:

https://photos.app.goo.gl/SJFTwmbAPs4SH4ir5

While there isn’t that much to do in the city of Venice itself, we wandered the square, at good food, did the gondola ride and had an overall wonderful time!

You can see all of our pics here.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Hair – Boxed Braids

Going Mental 1 Response »

Feb 172023

Since I had my first haircut and perm, I have been open to trying just about anything with my hair – the only exception being shaving it as I’m not sure on that one just yet.

My philosophy is that hair grows back and so there is no need to worry so much about experimenting with styles. I have colored it purple, shades of blond and browns. I have cut it short, grown it long. I have permed it, straightened it.

Most of the time, I am content with how my hair looks knowing that it grows and can be changed.

Also, I maintained a philosophy that having my hair long in the summer was better than in winter because the heat makes my head hot and I want to be able to put it up and out of my face. In the winter, I keep it down to give me warmth. However, this year, I got tired of my COVID length hair that had grown long.

I decided to cut and bleach it with a sort of ombre style, but also as I wanted to grow my natural hair color out. However, it wasn’t quite the look I wanted so I decided to see about getting a perm. I’ve always preferred my hair curly since the fineness of my hair makes it look flat when straight and short. Getting a perm outside of Japan with coloring is a very hard task. Who knew?

So, while I was in the US, I decided to try it under a misguided belief that it could be done at a beauty school. Of course, it was proven that I could not perm my hair without massive destruction to it. Instead, I got a haircut that went absolutely wrong…. You get what you pay for when it comes to women’s hair!

For the first time in many years, I hated my hair. Even with my mantra that it grows back, every day I hated my hair.

One of my biggest goals with my looks is to avoid looking middle-aged and more importantly like a middle-aged Asian lady. In Asia, there is a certain look that one takes on for each stage/age of life thanks to the group culture. So, having short hair styled a certain way is what makes it clear you are part of the age group. For me, that’s a no-bueno situation. I dislike being put into a box anyway, and who wants to embrace middle-age if it is an expectation?

While we were in London, we happened to walk behind a woman who had beautiful long braid extensions. She was dressed stylishly and her hair looked gorgeous. I somewhat casually said, “I want to have hair like that.”

Well, the idea stayed with me and so I began to look for examples online of Asians with braids and research what it would take. After seeing a few examples and watching a few videos, I decided to try to find a place to do it. Knowing we were going to be in Rome, which had a higher chance of having a decent place to go to, I made a semi-spontaneous decision to reach out to a place with good reviews.

Upon conversing with the shop, discussing with M, we did our doctor’s appointments, had a nice lunch and then M left me to it.

Despite promises that it would cost less than it did and be done sooner than it was, I am very pleased with the results. Although they claim it will last a couple of months, I feel it will be lucky to last one month since my hair is so fine – even after one wash and care of the hair/braids today, the little hairs are sticking out. Still, I don’t mind.

There’s a bit of itchiness and quite a bit of maintenance it seems, but as an experiment of something new for my hair, I love it!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

My Valentine’s

Going Mental 2 Responses »

Feb 152023

It’s hard to believe that just eight years ago, I met my partner in life. While I do not know if there are such things as soulmates, I do believe there are perfect partners at perfect times in life. Perhaps, even there are multiple soulmates in life – sometimes embodied in one individual that one might be lucky enough to find early in life or divided into multiple individuals whom we meet when the timing is right. Or, perhaps, it’s all hogwash and we just figure out how to be with someone else as we live life.

Whatever one believes or feels, I am glad to have met my “lobster” in the words of Phoebe in Friends.

I’ve had deep love and I’ve had good enough love and I’ve had not sure if this is love but I’ll see kind of relationships before. None of them really stuck until I met M.

Who knows what lies ahead of us and if we are together forever? It doesn’t really matter because he is my person for this moment and the foreseeable future. Thank goodness, too – I’m not sure that I will ever make the effort to find someone else if I ever find myself on my own again.

Anyway, I’m not necessarily a big V-day celebrant, but I enjoy the idea around celebrating love. So, we do. Besides, we are also still mushy in-love with each other – most of the time.

This year, we had made appointments in Rome for a general practitioner visit to get ourselves – mostly him – checked up on our health status since it has been a couple of years due to our moving around. Now that we are more settled and his health hasn’t been 100 percent, we thought sooner rather than later was best. I mean, what better day to do it than on V-day? So, we booked a hotel and went a day early as our appointments were early-ish in the morning.

Celebrating early also means that it is easier to get reservations! I found a middle-range priced restaurant where we had a really nice meal, enjoyed each other’s company and counted each other lucky to have found someone to share life with.

So, we had a lovely time and look forward to even more V-days ahead!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Milky Plant Machine

Going Mental No Responses »

Feb 092023

About a year ago, I saw an advertisement online for this machine. At the time, they were taking pre-orders as they were closing up their funding sources. I had scoffed at the very high price of the machine since I often see random adverts on my social media.

However, I kept up with them and saw that the price decreased a bit eventually. Also, I calculated how much I was spending on my speciality milk at the grocery store.

For many years, I have been lactose intolerant and have not drank regular milk much for years. Mostly, I have been drinking soy milk since that was always the main alternative milk option. Lately, more options have become available, but the catch is that finding brands that do not have a lot of extras in the ingredients is near impossible. For the soy milks, I have been looking for those with the highest percentage of soy and the only other ingredient being water. This is hard to find, but we have been able to source it at our local grocery store for a while.

Unfortunately, I think I have developed a soy intolerance. Not a big one, but enough to be noticeable as I get a scratchy throat, or I think it has been contributing to my inability to drop my weight as much as I would like. What made me consider that it was the soy is that when I went to the US, I had almond milk if I had any milk and managed to lose weight – which was a weird fact given how much bigger portions are there.

So, I decided that when I got my first paycheck with my editing job I would buy one of these machines to make natural milk at home.

That moment has come!

I set it up and after sorting out some of the details of it, made my first glass of milk from almonds and water only. The process took about three minutes and the jar was filled with white frothy milk that I used in my coffee. It tasted delicious. For the next bottle, I am going to try to add in a date for a bit of sweetness, but there are many options. We can try oats or cashews as well. So, it will be fun to test out different recipes that are also shared through fellow users online.

Here’s to a delicious cup of milk not 🥛!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Looking for Weather that is Just Right!

Going Mental 3 Responses »

Feb 072023

Well, winter took its time this year and the cold has truly set it. I had thought that perhaps we would miss the worst of it, but alas nature must always take its course. This was confirmed by the groundhog, Phil, seeing his shadow this year.

I know I might sound like a princess 👸🏽, but hey ho, I dislike cold weather as much as I dislike the heat. I was made for temperate climates – just like Goldilocks. Most of the time, I can endure because I really don’t like to leave the house that much, even to go into our own yard. However, now and then I do venture out. Plus, the dogs cannot just be left to their own devices for walks – though they do a pretty good job.

When we moved to Southern France, we looked forward to living in warmer temperatures year-round. However, the first year had us feeling a bit cold 🥶 though. Still, it was like in Japan where I felt it was endurable given that the sun was shining.

Somehow, when we moved to Italy, I thought that it would be warmer as it felt more south. However, two winters in and I am definitely no longer fooled by the lack of sunshine or warmth. These days, it is the cold wind that blows through despite the sunshine ☀️.

So, I have made an executive decision to not experience another winter in this area, if I don’t have to. I know it is a luxury. I also know that it seems spoiled. However, with the means and capability, why not?

In the same vein, I also no longer enjoy the really hot weather. With the onset of menopause or all that surrounds it, the warmer temperatures make me overheat quickly and turns me into a raging 😤 fiend. Therefore, I also have determined we shall avoid being here for the height of the summer months as well.

To make this happen, I have listed our new home on a site called Home Exchange. It is a nice way of being able to travel and stay somewhere for free, really. As we often have issues in finding pet-sitters, the bonus is that people will also take care of our cats and dogs while staying in our house. There are two ways of using this service. One is to do what they call a reciprocal exchange – home for home at the same time. Think the film The Holiday. The other way is using guest points. For every stay that we allow, we get points that can then be used to stay somewhere else. Since we are looking at some vacation options, it is amazing to think that we might be able to stay for, more or less, free.

Mostly, I just cannot wait until we have warmer weather or escape to find some!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

A Brief Commentary on the Royals

Going Mental No Responses »

Feb 032023

Having married a Brit, I have become more versed on the English culture and aware of the monarchy. Although I recall the news and interest by members of my family in the royal family when it came to Lady Diana, I have never really paid attention to it. Yet, I will never forget the day that Diana died in Paris as I sat watching in the living room of my Japanese host family. This was further punctuated in my memory when less than a week later, Mother Theresa also passed away. It felt somehow more meaningful than coincidental.

For no legitimate reason, as I know nothing about them nor should I care that much, but still, I have long disliked the new king and his mistress, now wife now queen consort. Perhaps, it is because of the fact he has had a mistress and no amount of explanation will ever make it OK in my book even if he is now happy and supposedly with the woman he always should have been with.

Still, I have consumed the entire Netflix series of The Crown. Often, we joke that I consider it a documentary – obviously I know it is not. I did further watch the actual docuseries of Harry & Meghan. As I type this, I’m just on the last minutes of Prince Harry’s book – Spare – on audio.

From all of it, I have found absolutely shocking that there has yet to be any serious recourse for the press who one could arguably say holds the sole responsibility for all of the problems from Diana on. Despite this, the general public continues to consume, believe, and demand more lies from the press. Even after hearing the truth from the actual persons involved, people keep permitting the press to dehumanize actual people who suffer actual consequences. For this, I am most disappointed in humanity.

What is most interesting whenever the discussion of Prince Harry and Meghan come up or the royal family in general is how entitled people feel to judge and point fingers at them or the family – myself included. It’s a bit like with any American celebrity, but magnified.

For me, I have come to conclude that people are people whether royal, peasant, famous, nobody, rich or poor. The press is filled with lies and half-truths, which I had come to understand during the whole of the pandemic period. Still, I continue to be disappointed in the masses. The lack of compassion, empathy or even an ounce of sympathy is mind-boggling. The need to be right, justified, or indignant is beyond fascinating to the point of disbelieving. Our personal egos have become so prominent and self-serving that all sight of what it means to be a fellow human being has become clouded.

While I know this does not apply to all, for I have met many who are exceptions, it still makes me shake my head.

After reading, watching, and hearing about the royals and ex-royals, I only applaud that H and M got out, have attempted to say their piece and are trying to walk a straight path. After all, that is really what any of us are trying to do – or so I hope.

~T 🔥🐉♋️

Happy February 1st!

Going Mental No Responses »

Feb 012023

Where does time go? I know it is such a cliche thing to say and yet we do all always mean it when we say it, right? I do not lament out of age, but out of my desire to always want to be doing more. I wonder where this sense of wanting to do more or needing to feel productive comes from. Is it a natural human need or is it particular to certain personality types?

In any case, that is a rather deep question to get into for the moment. Thus, I shall avert and evade for now.

January proved to be busy in the end. I spent some time in France and we ended the month/started this one with a visit from D, whom we haven’t seen since Christmas 2019. Plus, my workload saw more busy days than not with today being no different.

Yet, despite all that, I got quite a lot of writing projects completed. One paid article is off to press. Another article where I submit regularly went live. Both of these under my pseudonym. Then, I sent in a poetry submission. Plus, my first manuscript for a non-fiction book series has just been sent off to edits with a self-/hybrid publisher. My blogging has maintained consistency. As if that weren’t enough, I’ve added another writing space with my Substack, launching it today with an invitation for fellow writers/creatives to join me in getting into a schedule/routine as I also work in my monthly letters – probably mid-monthly. So, when I look back on all that, it’s no wonder that I have a sense of tension around me that I wasn’t able to put my finger on until I typed it all out.

On the plus side, my creative itch is fully satisfied. I am writing textbooks for an English language company explaining grammar – a love of mine. I am writing in numerous other places besides here on top of that, so I am rather excited for what this coming month will bring! Stay tuned!

~T 🔥🐉♋️

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