Jun 132012
Jun 062012
I’ve been following this blog for a while now. It’s one of the few blogs by adoptees that is more positive or should I say objective about both sides of the adoption issue.
One topic that has come up lately has been about citizenship for international adoptees. Mostly I haven’t participated or even read much of the dialog as I can barely keep up on my own life let alone get involved in politics – no matter what area it falls under. However, this challenge came up on Land of a Gazillion Adoptees and I figured if I am going to post on my blog anyway, I might as well take on the challenge. π
The whole issue of deportation and citizenship, especially in the US, is quite touchy as it also delves into the ongoing battle of migrants from Mexico or further south. Although I was lucky enough to get naturalized and have the privilege of owning a United States passport, I can’t imagine first how any adoptive parent(s) would not have their newly adopted international child naturalized and made a citizen of the country. What sort of argument is there against it other than sheer laziness? Perhaps that is unfair, as I readily admit, I am not up to speed on this issue at all.
With that said, it is strangely ignorant of any government to simply deport a person who has proof of having never lived anywhere else in the world to simply deport someone to their birth country without compassion, empathy or plain old common sense. How is it in the best interest of a country to send someone away to a place that is completely foreign to them? In what way are we saving or protecting a country’s interest or security?
Anyway…if I had more time, I would do some proper research and write with more authoritative indignation. For now, this will have to do. However, to ensure my feelings are clearly understood, I’ll sum up.
1. If you’ve gone through the process to internationally adopt a child, step up and get that child citizenship for the love of God. It’s not only part of your responsibility as the new guardian of the child, but your duty as a new parent to protect your new child from every possible danger, both in the present and the future.
2. Any government official considering deporting a person who has never lived or known another country than the one s/he is in, should have some freakin’ common sense for the love of God and for Pete’s sake have some compassion and empathy. What would you do if you were told you were to be sent to some foreign land just because your ancestors are from there? Use some reasonable discretion and your God given gift of a brain!
So, that’s my post.
-T
Apr 032012
During the conference, I took an afternoon and called Diane.
It was so wonderful to talk to her! π
Unfortunately, my phone died mid-conversation and it took me a while to get it charged back up due to not bringing a plug converter…so much for all my packing experience! Anyway, it was like a light switched back on somewhere inside of me. I’m not sure how to explain it, but it was funny to hear stories about me and also to learn bits about her own life.
So, anyway, I will have to write more later after I have slowed down from my traveling and had more time to reflect. Just wanted to update on this for now.
π -T
Mar 232012
Well, remember back when I wrote saying that I was waiting to hear back from someone I had found on Facebook about being my 2nd or first US foster mother?
It was her!!! She wrote back and I have replied.
It seems surreal. I actually have no memory whatsoever of this person, but from the picture I look genuinely happy as opposed to my usual canned smile or laughing smile that shows up in all my photos (even today!). I mean I am a happy person, generally speaking, but there is something about the picture, maybe it’s the comfortable position I seem to be in her arms – I don’t know.
All these pieces of the puzzle of my life are falling into my hands/lap a bit faster and randomly than I would have ever expected. I am glad that I am not on a search full-time or I would be going mad. With work and travels to keep me distracted I can face the realities of this part of my life when it is generally convenient for me.
So, hopefully I can talk to Diane on the phone when I’m in the States, if not we’ve got email and Fb. From there, I don’t know what will come, but I’m open to any and everything.
π -T
Mar 222012
I am wondering if this falls under ‘Adoption Journey’ or if I should be starting a new thread entitled ‘The Search’…?
Anyway, I guess it all runs together in the end as MY LIFE!
So, the latest –
Three days ago now, I received an email from the social worker in Korea. She said that they have located the two sisters of my birth mother who are also living in the States.
WTF?
Did the whole family Β of women move there after me? I guess I won’t have to stress too much over communicating should that ever happen. Maybe that explains why I have a total block from learning the language.
So, anyway, the SWS is going to try to get in touch with them and see if some kind of contact can be made. We shall see how that goes, but considering that my biological grandmother denies that I could exist, I can only imagine what the sisters might think or believe. However, you never know what is known between sisters that is never told to the parents…. Keeping the fingers crossed.
In any case, I still go back and forth on whether or not I really want to talk to them or what I would say to them. I guess I’ll just cross that bridge when it comes.
Nothing else new on the domestic search, but next week when I’m back in the States, I’ll be making some calls, so watch this space for updates!
π -T
Mar 112012
So, now that I am ‘free’ish again, I am focusing my attentions on more details of my adoption journey.
Thanks to the world of Facebook, I have found a couple more possible people and written them messages.
Diane Ehnes – who was my foster mother between adopted family 1 and 2.
I found someone who could be her on Facebook and hope to hear something back from her.
Then, in my searching for the Kolthoffs, I found a Grace Kolthoff who was shown as a connection in my PeopleSearch online to James Kolthoff. The area this woman lives in seems the same, so I also sent her a Facebook message.
Also, I wrote to the SWS social worker in Korea again asking if there were more items in my file for viewing or not. I also expressed my growing need or desire to make some kind of contact with my birth family. There’s no real concrete reason other than a growing obsession and a sense that this is going to the be year of great changes regarding my past. Don’t have any real reason to think that either, but there it is….
As I was writing these messages, though, it did occur to me to consider the other side. Maybe my coming back will cause rifts, arguments, or at least disrupt the balance of everyday life that these people have formed. Is it too selfish of me to push it and to shove my way into their lives? Or am I deserving of these selfish moments to get to the beginning of the thread of my life?
Anyway, this has become my journal of this adventure as it seems I have trouble these days of putting my thoughts/feelings to pen and paper. So, we shall see how this adventure continues to play out…
π T
Feb 242012
An update on what I’ve learned so far –
A woman who lives at the number that was left in the post called me back. She said that Cathy used to live with her, but that she hasn’t heard anything about her for 12 years. She said the last she heard, Cathy had moved to Seattle, WA. Also, she said that she is/was a drug and alcohol therapist. The woman said that she met Joshua once when he was like 15 or 16 and that Cathy had mentioned me once, but that the woman didn’t really know why I wasn’t with her anymore. I explained it was a complicated story, but appreciated that she had called me back. It’s nice that people do that.
So, it seems that Cathy and James (the father) divorced long ago – was it because of me?
I searched again, seems that Cathy gets around…last said address is somewhere in CA in 2010…. Thus, I thought my next step might be to contact James. Maybe he can shed some light, but perhaps he’d be more reticent to delve back into the past. We shall see.
Interesting how things are moving, but I suppose it could be worse. π
Feb 232012
It’s been almost six months since I wrote the first post about my adoption journey. The idea back then was that I would write more regularly about my experience as I try to make time to write my dream novel. Maybe one of these days I’ll find enough discipline and motivation to actually do that. For now, I guess it’s enough that I have spatterings of posts related to the topic.
Anyway, I digress. It’s probably prudent that I explain my previous post and perhaps someone doing a search for Tara Alisha Kolthoff will find this post.
Despite the very different birthdate of the posting (July 27, 1975 has never been my birthday as far as my paperwork goes), the rest of the details of the search for Tara Alisha Kolthoff is me. How did I find it, you might asking yourself?
Well, I was at work, bored. Something from a previous conversation got me thinking about finding my birthmother who is somewhere in the great old US of A. So, I began doing a search for immigration and naturalization records. Nothing was coming up, so I thought I would do a random search for myself since I know all of my details. I didn’t find anything, but this random posting from my second adoptive mother.
I was blown away.
So, of course, when I briefly opened my eyes this morning after four hours of sleep, my mind went into hyperdrive and was a lost cause after I tried to return to sleep for two hours to no avail. Thus, I gave in and did some investigating….
From a little bit of investigation, it seems that the posting was perhaps made back in 1999, which is rather interesting. The phone number she left doesn’t seem to be hers anymore since I put it into the whitepages/people search and it comes up as someone else’s number. I did call it, though and got sent to voicemail. I left a message and so, I guess we shall see what comes of that.
Anyway, the ‘stalker’ in me, then did a search for Joshua Kolthoff. I remember him quite fondly, though he was just about one or two years old when I last saw him…. I found someone on Facebook who could be him, but am not sure. Sent him a message too. From my searching, it seems that the history of that family is complicated, but hard to know for sure just from random and spotty information on the Internet. π
The biggest complication about all of this are my feelings about the whole thing.
Adoptive mother #2 = Mother from hell, Psycho Bitch Lady or The Monster of my nightmares.
Of all the people from my past and all the bad that happened to me, she was the worst. Of all the horrible memories that I have, my time with this family was the most traumatic and damaging to my psyche. I cannot write all the awful, malicious and spiteful things that were done to me here (that’s what the novel is for!). So, although I’ve generally gotten past the hurt and much of the trauma, I am still quite angry deep inside. I hold a lot of bitterness towards this woman. Thus, I wonder why she would try to find me. Is she wanting to apologize for the shit she put me through? If so, why should I give her the satisfaction of soothing her conscience? Or is she really just wondering what happened to me without knowing the effect she’s had on me?
While I am, obviously, willing to listen to her. To talk to her. To let her know about my life. This is also a mysterious period of my life that could be made clearer through a conversation. I could find out more about why I was moved from my first family; how I came to her family; what she was told to make her believe that I was the devil’s spawn; and whatever else she can tell me. Therefore, I guess contact can be beneficial to each of us for our own reasons….
So…I guess I’m on this path to find out more of my past…. What’s also interesting is that I wrote bits of my novel about this sort of thing happening….
Next steps…? This weekend I will write another email to the Social Welfare Society in Korea to get an update about finding my birthmother and then perhaps make plans for a visit to Korea in the summer…
Feb 222012
Jan 142012
This weekend, I’ve been looking at some more adoption links found on a couple of new sites that I started following. The web presence is growing and growing…. The links are also on the right side under ‘Adoptees/Adoption’.
The Declassified Adoptee (http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com)
Production not Reproduction – Open Adoption Blogs (http://www.productionnotreproduction.com/p/open-adoption-blogs.html)
Article on literature of adoption [I haven’t read it all just yet] (http://sgo.sagepub.com/content/early/2011/11/25/2158244011428160.full)
