Of late, I have been questioning my purpose in this life. When I was heavily into the world of Christian teachings 
, I was convinced my place in the “body of Christ” 
was the butt or bottoms of the feet 
; wherever it was that people squashed and used taking the place for granted in its purpose. They are still very important parts of the body, but greatly unappreciated. So, for the most part I have found contentment as that being my general role in the whole of society. 
When I read about Buddhism, I accepted the belief that suffering is just a part of life. Through meditation 
and yoga, I found that I could cope with the varying degrees of “suffering” that ebb and flow.
However, I am still human and imperfect. My ego wants there to be more than suffering or being the brunt-end of the greater whole. It is in this desire that I struggle.
For the most part, I do not put much stock into human beings. Everyone is fallible – myself included. Everyone will disappoint – myself included. Everyone will be a weakness at some point or another – myself included.
In partnering with another human, we have a tendency to let ourselves believe that person is infallible, will never let us down, and will always be our strength. Basically, we put all our eggs in their basket and expect them to cherish, protect, and keep them from breaking at all costs as we would if we had kept them in our own basket. Some couples just get a bigger basket and put all their eggs together, but if anything happens to either one’s eggs they blame the other for not caring sufficiently to keep them safe. Modern day couplings seem to prefer that each one keep their own basket and avoid the sharing of responsibility for the other’s. What all of these scenarios presume is that the baskets are already full. 
Imagine if, instead, we acknowledge we only have a few eggs in our own baskets and together we add to the filling of each other’s with more eggs while still keeping responsibility and control over our own baskets. Wouldn’t that be more satisfying and less controlled by another, or at least, avoid a sense of co/dependency?
I know – it’s an ideal more than a reality.
Also, I digress. I mean, how does holding on to our own baskets and helping each other fill them up have anything to do with our purpose of existence?
Well, I recently did a search on how to avoid depression or what to do when one has suicidal thoughts and is looking for purpose. It was more for research on my novel, but also somewhat related to my own thought patterns of late – not to worry, though I’m OK, I promise. 
Still, I found the online advice to be rather useless. 
Advice like: find something to be grateful for and focus on that; do something good for others rather than focusing on yourself; reach out to others; etc. are good points, but honestly I call BS on their efficacy. 
For one thing, someone who is on an emotional and mental decline will struggle with the first two suggestions as it takes quite a bit of motivation to take action on something. The latter is probably ideal, but to be honest, I can count on two fingers 
, or maybe even just one 
, the number of people whom I could reach out to and trust that they would actually listen to me: without judgment, offer of advice, or compare my woes with their own, as feedback to me. Although I never participate in FB posts that say something like “I’d like to see if at least five people will respond to this post as a reaction to suicide awareness or acknowledgment of depression…“, I do not disagree with the sentiment behind them – I just don’t like FB posting that much. 
The fact is that people have their own lives, are figuring out how to survive their own woes, and also mistakenly think they are the only ones experiencing their thoughts and challenges in a world that celebrates the image of “having it all together” or living the perfect life. Therefore, we have somewhat lost the art of getting together for a cup of tea/coffee and sharing with each other the frustrations, challenges, and angst that is called life.
Although I do think I am the most important person in my world, I also know that I am NOT the most important person in others’ worlds. As much as I think that is strange, I respect it. 
So, I am trying to revert my mind back to a sense of calm and acceptance as to the importance of being the backside or bottom part – I mean you try imagining sitting down without a soft cushy bum or walk without the bottoms of your feet. I am also reaching out to my one (maybe two) trusted peoples who will let me rant and vent with open-ended ears and love. [Thank you 
– you know who you are!]
Through all of this, I accept “suffering” is a part of life. We are all in it together and together we shall survive if we just give each other a chance to discover our roles/purpose in this life, and give love through compassion where and whenever needed.
~T 
) nor judgment. Instead, I reflect and remind myself of the silver linings and balancing act that make up relationships and develop humanity. 
. Ever since I found myself settled in a home and the first time we all gathered as a family for the holiday, I have associated Thanksgiving with food, laughter, and community.
inside with the help of the table-maker and his wife, who also joined us in making sure the celebrations were in full swing. We had this piece built for our outdoor terrace, but as we are also waiting on the indoor dining table, we decided to bring this indoors due to colder weather, which fit beautifully in our big dining/living room space. Then, I gathered foliage from our new property to put in our centerpieces, which turned out lovely, if I do say so myself. After that, it was time to set the table with our new dishes from a Bolsena pottery shop. 
bake dish. We ate soup for two meals as well since I didn’t have much time to stop and eat. 
Then, I made cornbread for the stuffing. I attempted to make bread rolls, but the yeast and flour situation is still something I need to figure out with more practice, so those were a big fail, but I chose to ignore them! 
. Some years, I make pumpkin filling from scratch, but as I was able to source all the American ingredients this year, I did it the proper USA 
way! I also tried a new Apple Pie recipe, which turned out really tasty; if only I could remember which one it is now….
. While it was cooking, I rinsed the big bird and thanked it for its service. On a side note, I managed to pre-order, converse and pick up this amazing turkey from a local butcher in Italian! Go me!! 
Anyway, the first bath is always an olive oil rub and then it sits for a bit as I prepare bath two. The second bath is usually a butter bath with tons of spices – thyme, rosemary, sage, salt, pepper, paprika, etc. I sometimes use a toothpick to poke little holes through the skin so all that goodness gets soaked in and under. Again, it sits to soak it up. Bath three is usually an orange one – fresh orange squeezed all over. A final drizzle of oil again usually rounds it off before adding the stuffing to prepare for the oven. I baste the turkey every 30 to 40 minutes. The first couple of rounds usually is with olive oil as not much juice is out yet, but then I use the juice once there is some. Each basting comes with positive words of encouragement to cook well and be tasty. 
He was/is more of a believer in the Law than anyone else I had ever met. So, when The Power entered our family this Christmas, it came around to me “by chance” through M. He said it was better than the first, but I still hesitated to read it for some reason.
, not eros (sexual love). By focusing on what we love and loving others, we are creating positive karma and reflecting the positivity that is returned to us. 
When we don’t, the opposite happens.
I’ve already struggled with this, but now I see that perhaps I was attracting it. So, with this in mind now, I feel better armed 
