Mar 292022
 

Oh the sniffing, the sneezing!
Thankfully, I’m not yet wheezing.

It’s that time of year
when being outside causes fear.

How long can I last
before the final pollen is cast?

I try to stay upbeat
never wanting to admit defeat.

But, alas, I cannot keep up the fight
as my puffy eyes decrease my sight.

I cannot pretend anymore it is funny
that my nose is always runny.

So, it’s back inside I go
losing again to nature – my greatest foe!

😜

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Mar 232022
 

Yesterday, I participated in an interview for someone doing research on the adoptee diaspora and was struck by a few thoughts stimulated by her questions. One of them is around my concept of ‘home’, which is a recurring question in my mind.

Coincidentally, or not, I had just been talking to my brother for an hour before this interview. It’s the second time this year and already twice as many times as previous years have been in keeping up with him.

My brother and I are very very different people. Still, I love him. I accept him for who he is, and I know that I have not always been the best sister to him over the years as I often focus on my own perspective and experiences in the world. However, as we both age, I recognize how short life is and that he is my family forever, which is important to me. So, this year, I have decided to make more of an effort to catch up with him, but it is, admittedly, a work in progress for me.

Therefore, when I was asked how I define ‘home’ 🏠, I paused.

Home is not a place for me. As in, I rarely refer to Oregon as my home. I do not identify with the State or region much. In fact, I would say that I try not to define myself as a Pacific Northwesterner since I despise the rainy β˜”οΈ, cold πŸ₯Ά, and grey ☁️ weather that it is the trademark of the area. Also, as I find myself having lived longer outside of the US than I have in it, I even wonder at calling myself ‘American’ πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡Έ. Further than that, I am also definitely not ‘Korean’ πŸ‡°πŸ‡· other than the make up of my DNA. So, while I claim American citizenship and Korean heritage, they are not home either.

Ultimately, my cynical self cringes at this but, “home is where the heart is”.

My home is where my parents and my family are. πŸ’› My home is where my husband is. ❀️ My home is where my friends are. πŸ’œ My home is where I have given pieces of my heart. πŸ’› ❀️ πŸ’œ

I used to say that ‘home is where my stuff is’, but the softening of my protected heart has led me to admit that it really is where I have a connection to the people in it. Perhaps this is why I have never really had an attachment to a house or space that I live in or that I feel comfortable traveling around the world.

Still, when we got married, M and I agreed that we were ready to have a ‘home base’ where we could return to together while maintaining our lifestyle exploring new places together. So, our home 🏑 is currently in Italy, but I will, hopefully, be visiting my home soon this summer to see my family and friends in Oregon.

Maybe instead of thinking that “the world is my oyster”, I can rebrand it as “the world is my home”! 😜

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Mar 212022
 

I love to travel. It seems like an obvious thing to say as an expat, but there are expats who live abroad and see the world and there are expats who live abroad as they would in their home countries. I am of the former.Β 

Despite this love of travel, I detest the process of getting from destination to destination, especially by air. Even before C19 forced a return to isolationist practices and more careful attention to cleanliness, I was not a fan of the security checks, lines for boarding, and sharing of seat or public ‘germy’ 🦠 spaces.Β 

After having been off flying for about a year and a half, I took my first flight last month on a short visit to Malta πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ή. Even after a hiatus, my habit of falling asleep before the plane had even taken off was fully in form. It has been a laughed about trait of mine, as a family tale that most have been impressed with – an enviable gift to be able to quickly fall asleep on any moving form of transportation.Β 

Yet, as age sets in and I become more mindful of the impact of my surroundings and past experiences on my psyche, I think I have discovered why my mind and body reboots. 

Ever since reading Susan Cain’s book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, I have proudly accepted and worn the badge with raised hands – I am an introvert; almost to an extreme. Also, I have accepted that I am greatly impacted by others’ energies, seeing auras in shades of light. Therefore, thrusting me into a small space where sounds abound and strange energies swarm causes an input overload for me. Thus, I feel the need to fall asleep. It’s as if my brain says β€œnope, cannot process, rebooting now!” 

As a test of this, on our recent flight ✈️ from The Netherlands πŸ‡³πŸ‡±, I put on my AirPods with noise cancellation mode on and magically, I didn’t feel the need to sleep as the plane started taxing on the runway. The blocking out of sounds and keeping my eyes averted from the energies around me prevented the usual overload so that I did not feel an urge to shutdown.Β 

While I still enjoy a good nap on a plane or being able to catch a few z’s 😴 during travel, I am also feeling more prepared to re-enter the world as it starts to return to a new sense of normal armed with newly acknowledged tricks up my sleeve to be able to interact again with hopefully a bit less stress and anxiety about being amongst others. 😜

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Mar 172022
 

I have just written my second attempt to request information from my first adoptive father. This time, I hand-wrote a letter to send in the regular post. I tried an email address that I found online since post is a bit delayed and sporadic these days; however, after no response and no idea if it is even the right email address, I thought I would go old-school.

Let me provide an update on how this has come about:

Thanks to TUA, I came across someone who offered to look at my Korean paperwork after I told her my story. In her review of them, she found that it seemed I had a somewhat private adoption and that my first adoptive family had been in Korea at the time of my adoption. Initially, it seemed that my first-adoptive-father (FAF) worked for or with the embassy, but recent information suggests that was not actually the case. Anyway, what is clear is that FAF was in-country for some of the official procedures as he is noted on papers relinquishing me from my birth mother directly to him rather than an orphanage or foster home.

This revelation put my mom’s researching/stalking skills into motion in tracking down FAF and others in the family.

As my mom has got major skillz, it didn’t take long for her to reach out to a few people in the original family and to confirm that she had found the right persons-in-question. After a conversation, she asked that FAF reach out to answer my questions on the process of preparing me for immigration to the US and if he did actually have contact with my B-mother.

While it seems that there was some family drama and struggles in the period of time that I was in the family, I do not care as I have little-to-no memories of my time with them. I realize it is probably harsh to say that “I do not care”, but it is the truth. How can I care about people or a time that I cannot remember?

Still, as much as I try to remain unemotional or detached from the situation, I have to admit that I find myself fighting a sensation of irritation and possibly anger. It is not anger for the fact that they brought me to the US nor that they relinquished me back into a system that temporarily did not treat me well. It is not even anger for a promise that was not kept.

It is anger, frustration, irritation that once again they/he is choosing to be selfish at my expense. He has answers that would make my search easier or possibly lead me on the right path toward discovering my origins. In a way, I feel that it is the least that he can do to make up for the consequences of his actions that I was required to experience. I feel that he should be mature enough and man enough to get over his own emotions or issues surrounding what happened to simply provide me with the facts that he knows and can share.

At the same time, I struggle with a niggling feeling of guilt that I should feel entitled, frustrated/angry, or even the desire to pursue such answers. Often, I question what are my intentions or desired outcomes with my search. I mean, I don’t necessarily want a familial relationship with anyone I find connected by DNA. I also do not feel there is a piece of me missing or empty that I am trying to fill in. So, then it is fair to ask, ‘what is it all for?’.

Honestly, I do not know.

Part of it is curiosity. I love a good mystery story. Part of it is for the story. I’m writing my book after all and always need more sources of storyline. Part of it is purely selfish. I just want to know. Part of it is just natural. Doesn’t every person want to or deserve the right to know where they came from?

So, while I truly and honestly believe that it is not about defining me or finding myself, I acknowledge that the answer to the WHY is complex and a rainbow of colored reasons – possibly with some yet to surface.

In any case, I have warned him that the email and my letter are not the last he will hear of me now that the search is on. It is not a threat so much as a promise that I will not so easily be removed, forgotten, or pushed aside this time….

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Mar 152022
 

When I first arrived in Abu Dhabi, I made friends with some fellow Couchsurfing hosts who are also Asians of Western culture, which at the time was a rare meeting. We stayed friends over the years with a few visits back and forth after they moved on. Our last visit, though, was around ten years ago.

So, when we moved to Europe, I connected with S & Q again.

Finally, after a few planning delays, we were able to make a visit to their home in Haarlem (the original inspiration of NYC’s) and visit Q’s homeland.

We did a lot of walking since my agility on two-wheels is not to be tested for the sake of health and safety. πŸ˜› Overall, I really liked it, but I didn’t love it. One thing that struck me, and I should probably do some research about it, was the fact that much of the architecture seemed very modern. I appreciated the fact that old churches had been renovated to apartments or pubs, but the buildings were mostly contemporary in lot of spaces. This made the place/country feel a little bit sterile or lacking in culture, which is definitely not the case. However, aside from a lot of art museums – which in another phase of my life would have been a massive draw – there wasn’t a lot to show for a country that expanded around the globe, but now only remains on a small land mass.

Anyway, to save on the loading time, here are pics to what I managed to capture of The Hague, Delft, Amsterdam and Haarlem.

I would like to go back when the tulip festival is on (later in March) and to see a few more windmills. So, perhaps another visit will be made in the future!

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Mar 102022
 

Before emails, we had typewriters and regular post for staying in touch or conducting business. Before texts, we had telephones requiring a voice conversation. Before social media, we had to face people directly to express ourselves.

While I fully appreciate and take advantage of our modern-day advances, there are some ‘rules of engagement’ that I continue to hold basic to any type of communication. (In fact, this isn’t the first time I’ve written along a similar vein.)

These are: writing greetings and closings in any type of message, and saying both ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ – even if I don’t necessarily mean them or even deem the receiver worthy of the words.

I’ve tried to explain away the lack of following such rules to: generational differences, issues related to certain demographics, or even possibly upbringing. However, after a few conversations with others, who do not lack an understanding of the rules, and a bit of stalking on whether persons-in-question do follow them in other circumstances, these explanations that I have tried to apply do not seem to fit.

Therefore, the only remaining reasons for such poor behavior are disrespect and a sense of entitlement.

Although my father, in his 70-plus years of wisdom, tried to tell me that I cannot change people and that I just have to learn to accept that some people are rude, I have to half disagree. Throughout my life, I have already accepted and believe that people are rude arseholes – that is an easy one to get over. The other is not, as I do not believe that I cannot contribute to changing people. People cannot change if they do not know that they need to. Even if they rebuke my attempt at informing them of another concept of ‘common courtesy’, I still feel that I can feel satisfied that I have done my part to raise awareness and hope for a future growth into a better person.

Still, in doing so, my level of frustration increases and a tense airs hangs about me as I come to terms with my disappointment in humanity. It is strange how the shortest phrases and simplest of words can somehow become the most difficult for people to express.

I’ve started to wonder what sort of energy I am putting out that people feel that they don’t need to be polite to me or follow certain forms of etiquette – especially when they don’t know me and are younger than I. It is very plausible that I have something to learn from these situations – whether it is to accept and move on, stop trying to correct, or learn to ignore it. At the moment, I’m not yet sure what it is, but I trust in the fact that over time my learning will be revealed or my conviction will be vindicated.

Either way, I do hope that society will not start accepting that professional interactions do not need to include greetings and closings nor that ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are an unnecessary part of ensuring the building of relationships.

Dear Members of Society,

Please use a certain level of etiquette when interacting with fellow members of the world.

Thank you!

Yours truly,

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Mar 012022
 

March is here already and I’ve spent the last couple of days focusing solely on the platform to get everything in line for the month. I’m not complaining, by any means, as I know that putting in the time now frees up my time later.

Still, I find myself less enthusiastic about the platform as it is taking time away from my writing.

How crazy am I? I mean, I have built up something rather significant and it continues to grow. The team, who helps to make it run, are absolutely essential and I’m so thrilled to work with them. Truly!

Yet, I find myself losing my own enthusiasm for some reason. I’ve actually been feeling this way for a few months…. No doubt it is just a temporary slump that I’ll get out of, but I am appreciating more when someone told me that if we can make it work past the two-year mark then there is hope. So, I’m hanging on and focusing on the basics in hopes of being able to make space for more writing time and also for the platform’s growth. We need it to generate income. Therefore, I have been putting it out to the Universe to send us investors/buyers who also see the potential and will allow for the team to be full-time with expansion beyond as a fully functioning organization! There – Universe, do your magic!!!

In other news, we are preparing to go for a long weekend – nearly a week – trip to The Netherlands. I have been making plans to go for a while now as some good friends of mine live there and we haven’t seen each other in probably nearly ten years! What?! Although I had initially planned to go on my own, M happily decided to join. I mean, I do love a “solo” holiday, but I also like traveling with my man. However, this means that there are extra considerations in the planning stages. Not to worry, though, it’s all under control and we are off soon!

With that, I’ll keep this relatively short as I’ve still got tasks on my to-do list! Stay tuned for pics and thoughts on our trip. πŸ˜‰

~T πŸ”₯πŸ‰β™‹οΈ

Feb 242022
 

Since this year is my year of writing on my novel, M had suggested that I go on an “intentional” writing retreat somewhere, but the cost of them and the forced interaction with others did not appeal to me as I want to write according to my methods and in my way – real surprise, huh? πŸ˜›

So, instead I decided to schedule regular mini writing retreats away from home.

My first one was last week. I booked myself into a hotel near Rome Termini Station since the train from our town of Orvieto goes there in under 90 minutes and is cheap. Also, I figured that I could do some exploring of the city a bit as we mostly hit the touristy places whenever we visit.

First of all, I absolutely came to appreciate Rome in a completely different light. It reminded me so much of NYC, but with a deeper history and richer culture. However, there were still grungy, dirty parts that are characteristic to a big capital city. Also, I discovered that on the whole it is not that large of a city despite how it might seem. One can walk from one end to the other in about an hour.

In terms of writing, I managed to be very productive in and out of cafes during the days and in my hotel room from late afternoon on. I found an easy rhythm after the first day and the time went rather quickly.

Something surprising about my writing method is that it seems to be the only area in which I am rather loathe to plan! πŸ˜‰ Still, I have gone back to make a bit of an outline as per the methodology of a Book Writing group I have joined.

In any case, I got my characters created, storylines plotted, intersections and themes drafted. Plus, I got quite a few words written as I need to be sure to also write amidst my planning or I will get caught up in the organizing without growing the whole point of it all – the novel!

On top of the writing, I also discovered motivation to start a few other writing channels. A while back, I had created Substack and Medium accounts, which are new-ish platforms for writers and creatives. It’s sort of an upgraded version of tumbler, I guess but with a bit more method to the madness. For the most part, I had decided to just let them be for a while, but after a day of my mini retreat, I realized that there was a way I could use these platforms. I have chosen Medium over Substack for now (I can go into the reasons another time), and this has instigated a revamping of my writer Instagram and blog accounts. Those spaces will now be used to focus solely on my writing process with a running theme of finding and reviewing cafes to accomplish this in. I also hope to share a bit of my novel writing journey as a way of inspiring, supporting, and encouraging others to get whatever stories they may have in their heads out into the world.

So, I am intentionally not sharing the names of those accounts here. I imagine if you’ve been following me long enough or know me for some time, you’ll be able to figure it out. If you are still stumped, then feel free to shoot me an email or on social media somewhere to find out. πŸ˜‰

~T πŸ˜€

Feb 212022
 

A consequence of the pandemic is a need for businesses to adjust their ways to gain the highest returns for recuperating their losses over the past few years. 

There are changes that will likely never go away such as using QR codes rather than spending money on printed menus that will eventually have to be updated. However, this forces everyone to use their mobile devices as soon as they sit down at a table. Upon first glance at such a place, you can see people not talking but instead scrolling on their phones. 

While some people will make their dining/drinking choices and put their phones down, many these days will continue to play with their phones to make a post on social media or chat with others who are not physically with them. The common misnomer of multitasking conversation virtually and in real life will likely be the normal activity one might see from now on. 

Despite this unavoidable social development, we have yet to see the use of laptops in a similar vein as a phone. The pulling out of a laptop at a restaurant or cafe suggests that one might be planning to overstay their welcome in a way that a constant use of a mobile phone might not. 

In fact, a large family can take up two tables and eat slowly while passing time on their phones for more than an hour eating only dessert and a few drinks, but one person cannot sit at a table with a laptop open even for a short time, despite possibly having a meal and multiple drinks. 

I find it a strange contradiction and mixed view of device-use these days. 

For the food and beverage industry, it seems that what should matter is how much one orders and spends rather than laying down arbitrary rules about what devices are allowed or not. Even implementing table time limits, like in Japan, would be more acceptable and fair to the customer – especially if there is a table charge, which in essence should allow the customer to use that space as they like since it is being paid for. I believe most people will happily respect a time limit, but it leaves a sour taste in one’s mouth when the venue dictates how a customer can use the table space because of a misconception of a laptop over a mobile phone.

This post comes out of a recent visit to a cafe in Rome where I had researched and read was an excellent place for remote workers to enjoy a delicious cup of coffee and also feel comfortable spending a little bit of time at. After walking about a half hour out of the main part of the city to find this place, I found the ambience to be as hoped and after an initial sitting down, ordering, and looking around I prepared to do a little bit of writing on my laptop.

At first, a server came up to me to say that I couldn’t really use my laptop at a table and that if I wanted to stay a while that I could sit in another section that faced a wall and was dark, plus another customer had already spread herself out there. Still, this first server said, I might be okay for a maximum of a half hour. A half hour was plenty of time for me to enjoy my cup of coffee, write a bit, and then move on. I had no issue with this time limit and set my watch for 20 minutes so that I wasn’t going over the allotted time.

Well, less than a minute later a different server came to me and more forcefully and less politely stated that I could not use my laptop AT ALL and instead, I had to move to the dark recess area if I wanted to use my device. At this point, I had only just received my coffee. I responded politely and put away my laptop. As I looked around, I noticed the large family next to me with only dessert plates and coffee cups at two tables. I saw another table where both people sitting were just staring at their phones. Another table where the coffee cups were empty, but the ladies continued to chat away. I looked outside to see plenty of empty tables where I considered asking if I could use with my laptop. However, the somewhat hostile air of the servers rubbed me wrong as they could have suggested this to me anyway.

In the end, I drank my cup of coffee quickly and got up to pay changing my plan to have a meal and more drinks. The cashier (maybe owner) asked “Was everything OK?” to which I mumbled “I guess.”

As I walked around the city pondering what happened and finding another place that didn’t seem to mind my laptop, I stewed. It wasn’t my fault and yet they made me feel as if it was. They must surely know that other websites are advertising – intentionally or not – that they are a cafe to visit for remote work and good coffee. As I brewed, I looked up Google maps reviews as no other sites would be as current, as I learned. Sure enough, there were a couple of other reviews with the very same disgruntled point. Thus, I decided to add my voice to this as they should know that people go out of their way to visit for the purpose of being able to sit and do some work, because being in Italy, there are a number of places where one can get a delicious cup of coffee.

Upon submitting my review, it wasn’t long before they replied in a rather unprofessional and rude way. I wish I had taken a screenshot of the original reply as they since edited it to be less aggressive in their response. It only made me laugh because their response only hurts them as a representation of their attitude toward customers not liking something.

Obviously, I understand that places like that need to make money. However, I also know that coffee has a rather high profit margin especially if they are roasting their own coffee and selling them. I also understand that they want to create a certain atmosphere that isn’t a remote working space. Again, there were so many empty tables outside that they could have offered that as a temporary option and still given me a time limit that I would have happily complied with in return for a customer-oriented solution.

Instead, they created someone who will actively make sure to not recommend them and find other places that are just as buzzing and delicious with their coffee options. I’m sure that they will have plenty of customers and I am just one person. Still, I hope that they will, at minimum, actually make it clear that it is not for remote workers despite what other websites have shared – and are responsible for getting people like me to visit in the first place – and reconsider how they treat people who are not aware of their non-laptop policy, but pro mobile phone one.

In this way, there won’t be any mixed signals and any negative repercussions for them and their customers can be avoided.

~T πŸ˜›

Feb 172022
 

This is going to be a bit of a rant and admittedly a contrary one, but not just for the sake of it. πŸ€ͺ

Most of the time, I loathe looking at social media for any holiday or “international/national day of ____” because it has become a space for people to schmooze and ooze over-the-top sentiments for the sake of it. However, those who post and then explicitly say that they “don’t celebrate/subscribe” to a celebratory day cause me to roll my eyes in irritation πŸ™„πŸ™„ and is the source of this rant 🀬.

What exactly is the point of going to all the effort in creating a post specifically and clearly targeting the day in question, but then also explicitly making a point of saying that one does not actually like to ‘celebrate’ that day? What is the intended purpose? Why is it even necessary to post then?

Of course, I scroll on by as there is no need for me to make a comment on their posts themselves, but my poor partner gets to hear me rant about it. πŸ₯°

The need to make a point that one is contrary serves no purpose to the reader, but instead is an extremely selfish act that puts out only negative energy – I understand that one could say the same about this post, but this is my blog and people have to actively choose to read these posts that I write as opposed to social media platforms that would require me to unfollow or block people whom I might not normally take issue with on non-celebration days. 😜

It just strikes me as extremely strange and counterproductive to be contrary for the sake of contrariness. I mean, wouldn’t it be better to not post anything at all? Or, are we meant to be ‘thankful’ or ‘inspired’ because one has gone beyond their norm to post a celebratory message that they have made a point of telling you they have done so? Should I comment with a “Happy ____ to you too” AND “Thanks so much for being a ‘better’ person because you posted when you didn’t want to or don’t appreciate the day that much!” ? ???? You can see my point, right?!

So, I shall end this rant here – please for the love of all that is good in the world, just post things that you want to post without trying to make the reader feel as if you’ve done them some favor by posting against your own desire to do so. I mean, after all, you have full control over posting or not. If you don’t post on some holiday, I honestly don’t think anyone is going to care or notice. To me, this is better than being made to feel as if the world owes you something for your post.

πŸŽ€πŸ–πŸ½ (mic drop) ~T out! πŸ˜€