Creative Meanderings – Page 23 – My ramblings and wanderings through life

From Kerfuffle to Positivity

Dec 202021

There was a shadow cast that I knew had light on the other side, but lingered over me as I processed how the reaction of the very few was able to trigger a chain reaction with overblown responses resulting in unacknowledged ultimatums and bullying tactics because fear and a perpetual state of feeling injustice ruled dramatic actions.

It is ironic how I had just written about the need for open communication and how it may require persistence to reach a common understanding, yet found myself in a position where I had neglected to realize that the effort to talk things through also requires a level of maturity (not necessarily determined by age) and self confidence, of which is out of my control as that lies within others and cannot be adjusted within a simple moment or defined period of time that is needed to carry out a rational conversation.

To briefly explain my somewhat vague and slightly hyperbolic references, there was a kerfuffle that has led to two persons removing themselves from the platform. While they will be missed, they are fortunately – in terms of their roles with the platform – replaceable. It is also not a surprise nor overly disappointing to lose them. Every entity needs to evolve and adjust as it grows so I do not have issue with their departure.

So, what’s the problem?

The way they left and the reasons cited.

Clearly, we had different understandings of what the purpose of the space is meant to be.

I liken TUA, as a platform, to an empty room. We provide the room (platform) empty but open, clean and free to use. We do not hold any criteria for who can use it or how it is used once they have the key to access the room. Others get to use the room as well with the same freedom. Now, if someone doesn’t like the way the room is being used or the others in the room, it is their choice to move away, avoid them, or leave altogether. What doesn’t happen is: the room is changed for individual preferences, nor does its purpose get altered just because some don’t like how the room is used or they feel other users are dirty. We do not get involved in how others decide to work out any differences, etc. on their own because we expect them to act as civil fellow citizens of the world.

No doubt there are other analogies that could be used, but I hope you get the idea.

The point is that throwing temper tantrums or trying to bully one’s way are never successful tactics. Even less so is the silent treatment, avoidance of any direct communication, especially in a semi professional manner, or petty actions because they don’t like the way they think they were treated.

What really boggles my mind is how blind they are to not only having been bullied by a very few that led to these fearful and finger-pointing responses, but also their own similar actions in trying to get me to comply with no regard for the fact that I am human with a life outside the platform. When the crisis arose I was coping with my own internal battle so that adding the understandable yet very emotional drama of others was not in my capacity at the moment.

I do admit that it could have possibly been handled somewhat differently on my end, but my stance would not have been altered. The result may have been the same anyway. Therefore, I do not regret the series of actions as there is always a silver-lining in the aftermath.

Still, I have had frequent moments of contemplation on their behavior and expectations over the past week or so.

With people allowing social media to take over control of how and what they think, I find it disturbing how being able to work out differences or discuss compromises has become near impossible. I think that the influence and control given to a few negative comments is incredible and sad when it causes one to fear not being liked in an online space because of something that is only tangentially connected to them. I worry at the future of humanity when professionalism cannot be maintained because one feels the need to be pandered and catered to as a person rather than understanding the need to protect a space that one is a part of which is far larger than themselves. Plus, the few who used their own bullying and fear-mongering tactics to get their way because they didn’t like what was posted have no accountability for the triggering of a series of actions that have consequences far beyond themselves.

Although I had contemplated giving up and in altogether, as I personally cannot be arsed with the role of social media and online space, I have decided to shift my perspective and choose to look at the positives.

Change is inevitable.
Not everyone is going to be happy with everything.
Clearing out makes room for the new and allows for growth/improvement.
There is always something to be learned and to grow from.

Also, I keep in mind one of The Four Agreements shared by Don Miguel Ruiz – Don’t take anything personally. Ultimately, their responses and reactions are not about me as a person. Instead, they are about their own insecurities and fears. Also, I have no doubt that there are other internal struggles that I have no knowledge of nor perhaps do they consciously.

While I would have liked a conversation about their disagreeing opinions, even if it had become uncomfortable, I respect their decisions and wish them well in their next steps. While I cannot understand what is going on in their minds and lives, I can let go of any personal feelings around the situation by taking a breath and sending positive energy their way.

As it is the season of being bright and jolly, I am focusing on the joy of spending time with friends and taking a much needed break!!

~T 😁

Reflections: Making Life Meaningful

Going Mental 1 Response »

Dec 142021

Relationships always have ups and downs, whether romantic or platonic. I value my relationships as treasures and gifts that can never be replaced, because – well – they can’t.

Whether or not one believes in God or a higher being, it shouldn’t be a stretch of the imagination nor acceptance to acknowledge that people come in and out of our lives for a reason. Sometimes these reasons are to teach us something, sometimes it is to teach them something, sometimes it is out of convenience, sometimes it is for forever; always it has meaning.

M and I have observed/are observing a few marriages/romantic relationships struggling and it is a sad process to watch.

Having had our own relationship demises, we discuss how and why connections seem to go wrong. I love this aspect of M because he reflects, processes, and adjusts himself to ensure that mistakes aren’t repeated to jeopardize the strength of his relationships.

Likewise, I do the same.

Also, I stand fast to the belief that we need to communicate more. So many people want to poo-poo the fact that feelings are talked about or dismiss the need to get things off our chests. However, I maintain that, aside from the outrageous consumption of sugar and other chemicals, the reason cancer runs rampant is because we hold on to the darkness of thoughts, energy, and feelings. While we may not be able to control environmental impacts on our health and quality of life, we can most definitely control our consumption, exposure, and expression.

M, being British, sometimes justifies that culturally English people do not speak so much of feelings and that therapy is an American concept.

I argue that while that may be true, and generationally it doesn’t matter the country/culture, it doesn’t make it right or healthy. I’m not saying that we should talk about every single emotion or thought that passes through our minds/hearts. I AM saying that we should talk about what we hold onto that doesn’t serve us in creating lightness in our lives. Holding grudges, becoming bitter, mumbling and grumbling are not necessary to life. They are indeed a fact of life, but we are not required to hold on to them or let them perpetuate until they grow into dark cancerous bits that take hold of our souls.

This is not to say, either, that we should run away from the problems that come up including another human being – especially one that we are committed to (legally or not). This is the modern-day response to “removing negative influences” in our lives. Nothing is gained from running away either. Working on the relationship and then agreeing to walk away or one realizing that it is detrimental to their life to stay is not considered running way, but being wise in severing that connection for their well-being.

For me, my greatest learning in life has been communicating what is in my heart and mind. I do not have verbal diarrhea, and I do not walk around with my heart on my sleeve. However, I think I can proudly claim that I do speak my mind when I feel that it is important to do so.

M and I have a fairly healthy way of sharing with each other moments of annoyances (before it escalates to a fight), requests to avoid projecting our own issues on each other, or a need for some temporary space to process what we need before sharing or discussing it with each other. When we fight, which is not that often, we do it fiercely but we come back later to rationally explain and listen to each other’s points of views. We may choose to agree to disagree, but we respectfully acknowledge the other’s side. We also agreed very early on in our marriage that we would never ever throw out the “D” word in arguments nor even joke on it as an option because it begins to fray the binds that connect us and we do not want to do that – ever.

So often after we discuss with people who are struggling and we share with each other what was said – we do tell each other EVERYTHING – it almost always boils down to the fact that they don’t communicate nor listen to their partners. Imagine what healing and positivity could arise if they were able to communicate, listen, and be heard?

Life drives meaning and purpose from these two simple actions: listening and speaking. These can be done aurally or in writing. Still, they must be done. In doing them, we learn about each other, we gain respect for one another, and most importantly, we come to understand others and ourselves better.

Thereby, making our lives even more meaningful!

~T 😀

Christmas Season

Going Mental 2 Responses »

Dec 072021

M is a December child, so we generally try to respect his birthday as separate to the holiday season.

However, in recent years, he seems to be more into the Christmas spirit than his birthday – aside from his 50th last year – perhaps aging is less desirable the older he gets? 🤷🏽‍♀️ This year, one reason for an early start has been because we are excited about the new house and we love that we can decorate to our hearts’ content for the holidays.

In fact, M wanted to potentially decorate straight after Thanksgiving, but we both agreed to wait until December 1st. We started with our gonks/gnomes and it was rather exciting for me to decorate a mantel as that is like a real adulting thing in my brain. 😅

Once the first came around, though, we were off to get a real tree 🌲 since previous years usually involve a fake tree, which isn’t so bad, but the smell of pine in the house does add to the spirit of the season.

It’s not quite what I’m used to, but we bought ornaments adding to what we got lost year and have made it look festive! 🎄

Our mantel/fireside now looks like this, though I’m not yet done with decorating it!! We have friends coming for Christmas, so obviously we needed more stocking 🧦 hooks, which are just the best invention ever! 😉

As a bonus to our decorating and completing of the living room, our made-to-order sofa came when we were putting up the ornaments, so now the room is looking fully festive!

So, although the decorating is not yet done – there is still 17 days left after all – we are having a grand time preparing for a joyful season ahead!

~T 😁

Beginning End-of-Year Reflections

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Dec 022021

Last year, I sort of skipped my usual month-long period of reflection and envisioning what the next year will look like for me. For the world, 2020 will be a year remembered as when our concept of normal started to be redefined.

Looking back, 2021 has been an even better year than 2020 for me/us.

We managed to nearly finish our Italian residency (when that is done – with card in hand – I will update on that). We have agreed to purchase a new house that we love and has all kinds of positive energy in it that I barely notice that I either haven’t stepped outside all day or left the property in days. 😉 The Universal Asian platform has evolved, rebranded and continues to grow such that I am confident that it is on the verge of bursting into a money-making venture. Friendships have grown, been lost, and depended upon. M and I are still strong together despite a few up and down days, but our love continues to flow. My health is in good condition and I am overall satisfied with my exercise 💪🏽 and weight.

So, not a bad year upon reflection and my mental health wheel of life seems to be evenly balanced. Therefore, it is time to expand the diameter of it for greater fullness.

One area that I am planning on focusing 2022 on is in my writing ✍️ . I’m tired of my own claims to want to write a novel and not having anything to show for it. I’m tired of making excuses for why I don’t or can’t write. Therefore, as I type this post, I am sitting in a cafe as the beginning of my commitment to make weekly writing dates away from the house, on my own, and refusing to give in to other distractions that present themselves on my phone, in my inbox, or wherever. It’s no easy task, but it is necessary. I know I have read enough books 📚 on what I need to do now that it is time to put into action and create results!

Along with this, I am going to make a concerted effort to finish my book coaching course that I started in November 2020. Although I mostly started it for my own benefit to understand what it takes to consider writing a book, I also feel that it is something that I can do on the side over time.

One might think that running the platform is plenty, and in most ways it is, but I intend to build it up to the point that it can run itself or become an entity on its own. So, while TUA is a passion project, it is not enough fulfillment of my creative side. Therefore, I want to spend 2022 giving more attention to who I am as a creative, a writer, and somewhat quirky human. 🤪

~T 😁

When the Rain Comes….

Going Mental No Responses »

Dec 012021

**Found this in my draft folder from sometime in 2019, but still feels apt now, so publishing anyway. 🙂 **

I moved away from my home because I hate the rain. If it weren’t for my family, I would probably never go back because most of my life there was spent in a state of depression. Sounds too dramatic, doesn’t it?

Okay, I admit I have many happy memories and everyone knows that I adore my family. Still, I have no doubt in my mind that if I had stayed I’d be on all kinds of antidepressants or using my vacation days to escape the gloomy mood that inevitably hits me.

Having spent nine years in a country that had no more than a week or two of rain or grey and sun that allowed me to have a permanent bikini tan line, I find myself a bit disconcerted by the fading melanin of my skin pigment and the number of rainy days that have come already this year.

As my skin color fades to an opaqueness, I find parallelism in the fact that my mind is also starting to move into a state of blankness.

The other day I commented on the fact that these days I find myself not pondering on much of anything. While a meditative goal is to free the mind of all thoughts, I wonder if this is what that means. M attributes it to the fact that we have very little to worry about these days compared to before. Maybe he is right. Perhaps the past has given me some perspective on the present and I no long find the need to dwell on the smaller matters. I do know that A LOT less gets me worked up – despite what my husband might say. 😛

Still, this “calm” makes it rather difficult to write because I got nothing filling my head with angst – or if I do, I just let it go rather than stew….

Thankfully, (or not!) the rain still brings a pensive 🤔 atmosphere. Even though I do not get too upset by getting wet (wait until typhoon season and I’ll be singing a different tune!), I do get tired and greyer with the dark skies. Even my clothing went from spring pink colors to greys and blacks.

So, I guess that I should be happy when the rain comes because at least it activates my creative side. However, I probably should find another way to motivate myself to do the writing I want to do because one day I hope to live in a temperate climate and will still need a creative outlet. For now, I’ll try to appreciate the rainy days and enjoy the quiet in my mind.

~T 😀

Thanksgiving 2021

Going Mental 2 Responses »

Nov 302021

It’s my favorite holiday to celebrate 🎉. Ever since I found myself settled in a home and the first time we all gathered as a family for the holiday, I have associated Thanksgiving with food, laughter, and community.

I remember that we went around the table saying something we were thankful for and I made everyone laugh when I said “I’m thankful for a family”. I suppose that it took the concept of having family and being able to sit around a table together to a different level. 🥰

As an adult, I haven’t spent many Thanksgivings with my family since I have chosen to live abroad, but I have always made it a point to celebrate with friends and others around me even if they aren’t American. There is something special about putting in the time and effort to bring people together, break bread, and enjoy each other’s company.

While it is no secret that I am no lover of the kitchen as I tend to avoid having to stand in front of the stove for too long, Thanksgiving is one of two exceptions a year. Usually, it takes me about two days of preparations, but I take my time and enjoy the process. M has even declared that he hasn’t had any better turkey than mine because I talk to it, give it lots of oil, butter, and orange juice baths, and encourage it while in the oven with regular basting sessions. 😀

Last year, we didn’t really do a proper celebration as I didn’t know how to get a turkey in France and we were in lockdown, so friends couldn’t come over anyway. It was a depressing day for me since I love to make the day special.

So, this year, we made up for it! First, we had to move our 4 meter table 🙃 inside with the help of the table-maker and his wife, who also joined us in making sure the celebrations were in full swing. We had this piece built for our outdoor terrace, but as we are also waiting on the indoor dining table, we decided to bring this indoors due to colder weather, which fit beautifully in our big dining/living room space. Then, I gathered foliage from our new property to put in our centerpieces, which turned out lovely, if I do say so myself. After that, it was time to set the table with our new dishes from a Bolsena pottery shop.

In the kitchen, I made cream of mushroom soup from scratch to go with the broccoli-cauliflower 🥦 bake dish. We ate soup for two meals as well since I didn’t have much time to stop and eat. 😉 Then, I made cornbread for the stuffing. I attempted to make bread rolls, but the yeast and flour situation is still something I need to figure out with more practice, so those were a big fail, but I chose to ignore them! 😜 The end of the first day preparations were the two pies: apple and pumpkin 🥧. Some years, I make pumpkin filling from scratch, but as I was able to source all the American ingredients this year, I did it the proper USA 🇺🇸 way! I also tried a new Apple Pie recipe, which turned out really tasty; if only I could remember which one it is now….🤔

The second day started with getting the stuffing ready to go for the turkey 🦃. While it was cooking, I rinsed the big bird and thanked it for its service. On a side note, I managed to pre-order, converse and pick up this amazing turkey from a local butcher in Italian! Go me!! 💪🏽Anyway, the first bath is always an olive oil rub and then it sits for a bit as I prepare bath two. The second bath is usually a butter bath with tons of spices – thyme, rosemary, sage, salt, pepper, paprika, etc. I sometimes use a toothpick to poke little holes through the skin so all that goodness gets soaked in and under. Again, it sits to soak it up. Bath three is usually an orange one – fresh orange squeezed all over. A final drizzle of oil again usually rounds it off before adding the stuffing to prepare for the oven. I baste the turkey every 30 to 40 minutes. The first couple of rounds usually is with olive oil as not much juice is out yet, but then I use the juice once there is some. Each basting comes with positive words of encouragement to cook well and be tasty. 😉

In Japan, we borrowed my BFF’s turkey roaster oven, which is an amazing invention. I looked for one here, but it seems to be an American invention that doesn’t quite work with the electricity here. So, I tried to use the bags, but the turkey was too big for that. Thus, in the end, I made an aluminium foil casing, which worked pretty well. I have to say it was one of the moistest and best tasting turkeys we’ve had!

I also had mashed potatoes, cream corn, sides of pickles, olives and cranberry sauce, which are a must. We couldn’t find any sweet potatoes so skipped that since I don’t particularly love that dish anyway.

All in all, it was plenty of food, though not too much despite M’s initial assumptions. 🤪I have boiled down the turkey bones for broth and extra bits to make soup and pot pie later.

So, another successful Thanksgiving in the books. I don’t care that its origins are questionable and I dislike that people rename it Friendsgiving. There is no need to change something that is perfectly stated – giving thanks to all those in my life, near or far.

~T 😁

Center pieces with foliage from our property

Creative Envy

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Nov 232021

For the TUA platform, we have had a few events that share the creative works of others. As I experience the events, I find myself envious of the community and the expression of their work.

As a child, I desperately wanted to share my stories and searched for others to hear my words. Yet, I never really did. My mother would read my stories and critique for grammar or flow, but if she actually understood my words, I didn’t know. My father would read my stories from school and though he might have appreciated the content, I think he didn’t see the point of my wanting to write. They are not to blame, by any means. However, if I had had a community of adoptees or other Asians with whom we could share our creative energy, I would have pursued such a path more vehemently.

Instead, it has always been a hobby to write poems or stories. I’ve had a few pieces published in actual print and I have contributed to online publications before starting TUA. However, despite my desires to make writing my main focus, I have not. M claims that perhaps it is not really a passion or dream of mine to write since I have not yet done it. It’s true, there really is nothing stopping me and I do have the time, for the most part.

Yet, I do not write.

But, I am a writer.

Still, I do not write what I should write.

However, I do write on my blog, in my journal on a daily basis, stories now and then, for my writing group when inclined.

So, where or what is the problem?

I blame time. I blame distractions. I blame the platform. I blame my husband. I blame…myself. I blame…fear. I blame the what-ifs.

They say that we have to create a habit and a routine. I keep saying that I can’t or don’t need to. They write. I only do sometimes. Perhaps it is time for me to finally push aside my stubbornness and admit they are ‘write’ and I am not. Though I like to forge my own way in life, there is something to be said for the proven track record of others – they can’t all be wrong, can they?

Yet, I recall never having to stay up all night to write academic papers because the way that I write was not like my peers. So, while ALL of my peers pulled all-nighters to finish a paper, I wrote mine during the day in a matter of hours because I had put most of it together in my head. I also brew on topics and stories in my head before they ever hit the keyboard/pen to paper. Then, I sit and “vomit” it out. Still, there must be a balance because I do know that the creativity aspect is not being accessed regularly. I know that I could write more. I know that I could have more polished and powerful pieces than I do.

Thus, all this circling in my brain is to say, I have creativity envy. I admit it. I don’t like it and so I shall take some space to consider, adjust, and reconfigure how I remove the envy and join the community more actively. 😛

~T 😀

Expanding My Boundaries

Going Mental No Responses »

Nov 192021

When is it oversharing and when is it providing the story behind or into someone’s world?

Wanting fame and fortune has always been an aspiration of mankind. History shares stories of the rise and fall of individuals and civilizations based on this desire. People have lied, cheated, and even killed for notoriety. However, is it possible to have a more altruistic approach to rising in reputation?

Recently, I made my Instagram account private. Although I completely understand that the nature of social media is to publicize aspects of my life that I voluntarily put out there, I also have an inner desire to control, to some degree, who gets access to what I choose to put out there.

As an educator, I always tried to ensure that my students could not easily access my personal social media profiles. Even still, my Facebook account remains hidden unless we have a friend in common, and who my friends are remains hidden. However, I never really had a problem with Instagram until the numbers began to increase for The Universal Asian.

The positive is that the numbers are increasing enough that there is interest in who I am. Although my name and face are on the website, I try not to blur the lines between my new professional pursuits and my personal shares. However, I am keenly aware that others are not always as adept at understanding how I draw my lines and may start to associate who I am with what I do.

Still, I have been pondering as to how I can use my social presence to share what is important to me. For the most part, I keep my feeds full of images of the enviable life that I lead as I really do have an amazing life. Yet, I do have strong opinions and views on what is happening in the world. This, I keep to my face-to-face conversations or within my own musings. I sometimes envy those who can share societal and political opinions without concern of pushback from those who do not agree.

Truthfully, I cannot be bothered to expend energy in defending a stance that I take or attempting to convince others as to why I feel/believe the way that I do. It is a tiresome activity to me and unless I actually care enough about the individual to want to engage in a meaningful conversation, I feel exhausted at the idea of having to go around in circles until we come to a mutual understanding. A part of me sees my arrogance in this, as generally I feel it is not worth it because I do not believe that it is me who has to come around to others’ way of thinking, but rather the opposite. A part of me feels righteous in knowing that my life experiences trump the majority of the people with whom I’d be forced to have such a conversation in the first place-for those who have had similar experiences don’t need convincing. Ultimately, though, my old soul just feels tired and somewhat deflated at the fact that repeated conversations from the course of history must still be had despite various claims that we have made progress in our sense of humanity.

With social media being an open space to anyone and everyone, I struggle to find the right balance and way of expressing something meaningful. Therefore, I mainly keep it safe.

Lately, though, I have been feeling an urge to share more – more of what I think, more of what I lament, more of what affects, more of what distracts, more and more.

So, I return to my initial question. When does the sharing go from just providing an insight and perspective to an overshare or an invite for ridicule and trolling? Is it necessary to use social media for this purpose or is there another way that I can more safely, and comfortably, achieve the same aim?

One might say this blog is an avenue and could be enough. This is true. I actually have no idea who reads my words aside from a few who do comment in person or on here directly. Thus, in that sense, I can feel safe to hide behind the words here and hope that a reader is impacted in some way. Yet, I feel drawn for more.

But, what and why?

I do not necessarily want notoriety or fame. I wouldn’t say no to fortune, though. 😛 Still, I want to feel validated, just like any other person. I want to feel seen and heard by the many.

Therefore, this is my request/permission to the Universe to open up the doors so that my influence, my words, my essence can be shared beyond my comfort zone to have a greater impact on the world at large. May God bless and protect this pursuit-in whatever form, shape, or way that it may come.

~T 😀

Nesting Challenges

Going Mental 2 Responses »

Nov 102021

With our settling in to the new “forever” home, I have been having some internal struggles.

A home represents who one is both as individuals and as the whole unit of those who live in the shared space. Therefore, expressing my own style while combining that of M’s has challenges. To be fair, we do not drastically differ; and for the most part we are in agreement with the general ideal look of each room.

One major challenge is that our few belongings are still waiting to find space on a ship from Japan to Italy. Therefore, we cannot completely nest into the space because we do not want to completely duplicate or clash with what we already have. So, there’s a balancing act of being patient and also trying to fill the massive space that we want to leave our mark in.

However, there are two matters with which I am, particularly, struggling.

First, in our attempt to furnish the house, I am finding that I do not exactly like the Italian-style 😛 , and yet do not want to look like an Ikea showroom, even though I do like most of their products. So, I am considering how I can possibly paint or personalize pieces that we need (we have very few large pieces of furniture coming in our shipment). What I have to constantly remind myself is that this is our space for the foreseeable future, so there is no rush. Patience must be applied. 😛

The bigger issue that I am facing is accepting this is a long-term abode.

My first eight years of life had me moving around creating a sense of normal out of being somewhat nomadic. Despite being fairly stable in my family home from eight to 18, when I left for college, I always knew that I would not have a conventional life living nearby in a suburb or fulfilling my father’s dream of family dinners every Sunday.

While being an English language educator was not my dream profession, it did afford me the kind of lifestyle that I wanted. In my adult life, I have moved to a new living space every three or four years, even if I stayed in one country for lengthy periods of time.

By moving frequently, I was able to justify why I never nested. Many of my expat friends would be sure to put up pictures on the walls or do various small things to mark their new space as theirs. This was never me. It felt too permanent, too attached, too settled – too scary.

When M and I moved to Japan, we decided to break the cycle.

So, in our house, we half-heartedly put up pictures on the walls with thumbtacks. We never used anything that would make it feel permanent. Of course, we knew that we weren’t going to stay there for more than a few years; we always had a foot out of the door, so to speak. Still, we were temporarily content with our efforts. I felt that I was starting to take a step toward adulthood, stability and creating a ‘home’.

The past year has returned us to a very nomadic way of life as we moved about six times within a year trying to determine where we were going to put away our suitcases.

In that time, I found that I was ready for a more permanent space. However, I did make M promise that this didn’t mean that we were going to never travel again nor that we would stop having adventures together. He has promised and I’m holding him to it.

Still, at the moment, neither of us are overly eager to leave the space. There is a brightness to it. The energy vibrates with positivity and love. So, we both soak it up everyday. M went to Milan for a few days last week and said that he missed the house and land. I have yet to leave it for very long, but imagine I will feel similarly when I do. But, I have no problem with missing the space knowing that I can come back to it.

Although I always knew that I could go home to my family (and still can), it’s never felt like my space. Rather, I tend to feel like a visitor and focus on spending time with the people I cherish rather than reconnecting with the space itself. Part of that is probably because my parents must have a shared spirit in that they are on their fourth house since I left home 20-some years ago. 😉

So, all this is to say that I am enjoying the nesting process, but am working through some inner challenges in defining what is our home’s style and accepting this is our launching pad for, well in our minds right now, forever.

~T 😀

My Dislike of Halloween

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Nov 092021

I thought for sure I had written about my disdain for this commercialized, over-hyped, not really a holiday, excuse to be ‘weird’ day. However, it seems that it was in 2010 that I last wrote about it. So, a little piece 11 years later, and over a week since it has past this year, isn’t too bad.

There are actually some aspects of Halloween that I do like.

One of my fondest memories of Halloween is from when I was in my teens carving pumpkins at a friend’s house. We would clean out the insides, carve, and then have an innards fight outside. Sometimes, there would also be roasted pumpkin seeds for snacks. As I got older, I would hang out with my friends, but I never dressed up and avoided trick-or-treating.

I prefer the “Day of the Dead” or “All Saints Day” celebrations on the 1st of November over the dressing up in silly costumes and gluttonous hoarding of candy that I will likely never eat.

Still, I try to scroll quickly by or avoid social media altogether during the week of and few days after surrounding the 31st of October. It amazes me how the Americanized ‘celebration’ of a pagan tradition has spread around the world and overridden the spiritual meaning to be enjoyed by non-Americans as much as Americans. It just goes to show how commercialism and globalization works to the detriment of society, in my opinion.

For many years I have pondered my dislike for this one day in the year. It probably goes back to my post about Honesty vs Humor as I see dressing up in a costume and hiding behind a mask so that one has an excuse to pretend to be someone else as dishonest. Intellectually, I understand it is a bit of fun and everyone likes to have a chance to pretend for a bit. However, emotionally, I don’t find it fun or funny and lack fully appreciation for wanting to pretend that one is anyone else but who they are. I think we spend too much time trying not to acknowledge or know ourselves, so using one day out of the year as the ‘excuse’ seems redundant.

Anyway… I have managed to endure it for another year and recognize that if it is only one day that bothers me, life isn’t bad. 😉 Plus, this year, I got to carve pumpkins again and find some joy in the passing of All Hallow’s Eve.

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