Communication – Open and Honest

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Jul 012021
 

Communication is the thread that connects all of us together. It is when we cut the lines or allow them to get tangled up that almost every problem arises.

These days, I am one hundred percent convinced that too much is shared with the general public. We have confused the concept of “open communication” with “transparency”.

The truth is that no one really wants transparency as a two-way street ↔️. If we did, we would all live in glass houses and be content for everyone to be all up in our business. When people cry for transparency, it is almost always a one-way street ➡️.

Instead, I suggest that we have open communication.

Through a dialogue, we can work through our differences and come to an understanding, even if it is to respectfully “agree to disagree” 🤝.

With that said, I do draw the line in the sand when it comes to certain topics with people I barely know or when there is drink involved or when it is clear that the other party’s mind is sealed around their own point of view. It is in these instances that I tend to not take my own suggestion.

A few weeks ago, I watched and listened in awe as M had a lively discussion with someone regarding her vote for Brexit and conservative, patriotic view of the English empire and influence in the world. It was a respectful and open communication in every way.

On the other side of the table was her partner and another friend of theirs, who were mumbling their own drunken opinions that were more assumptive and presumptive of M as the debater against her views and further wanting to interject unhelpful comments. The man then turned to me asking why I was not participating in the discussion or engaging with them on the topic. I politely explained my steadfast rule of not talking about politics, money, or religion with people I don’t know very well especially when alcohol is involved.

He expressed frustration by saying, “Surely, you must have an opinion though on these topics.” To which I replied, “Of course, I do”. Then came the main point –

Him: “You might be able to change someone’s mind if you share your opinion.”

Me: “I do not need to change anyone’s mind and it really does not matter.”

Him: “But, why not?”

Me inside my head: “Because I do not care if you agree with me or not.” Instead, I just smiled and said, “I am happy to listen and respect the opinions that others want to share.”

He was not pleased with my answer and proceeded to stare at me in frustration and confusion that I would not engage with him or the discussion. Granted, he had had a few drinks 🍷 and I was completely drunk on water 💧. 😜

This exchange has given me a lot of contemplation, 🤔 though. Because, while I am absolutely an advocate for open and honest communication, I realized that I definitely have requirements on the conditions in which I feel this can happen.

As someone who doesn’t particularly like people in groups or en masse, I find that I struggle with allowing opportunities to connect with others if I do not see any future interaction or engagement with them. My jaded past and nomadic lifestyle has taught me to filter out the passing of people in and out of my life. Therefore, I have an inhospitable tendency to dismiss a chance to communicate openly and honestly with those I think it not worth the time and effort to have said open and honest discussions.

However, there have been a number of instances (especially of late) proving that the world has become smaller and the chances of never seeing that person, or someone who knows that person, again are much less than they used to be. So, perhaps I do indeed need to recalibrate my tendency and give people more of a chance and be more open to the opportunities to have deep, thoughtful, and possibly mind-changing discussions.

It will likely take me some time to get the balance right, but that is the joy of life – continuing to learn how to grow as a person and keeping the threads aligned through open and honest communication.

~T 😀

Happy 45th!

 Going Mental  1 Response »
Jun 272021
 

With the average lifespan of a woman being about 81.1 years according to 2020 stats, I’m more than halfway through my walk on earth. However, I consider myself good to at least 90 or so; therefore, I shall call this year mid-life.

There’s no crisis in thought like there was around my 40th when M mentioned that I had another 40 years to go. The past five years have given me perspective with the last two or so really providing me the ability to appreciate my life so far.

Someone told me recently that I must feel so wise and experienced compared to others after I had given her a brief on how I’ve spent my adult life so far and the choices, either made for me or by me, that led me to where I am today. I replied that it is not a hierarchy or about comparing. We are all handed a certain deck and it’s all about how we play them, which can be somewhat based on luck of circumstances as well as how we create our own realities.

For me, I’m certain I was born with my stubborn streak. My baby “resting bitch face” pretty much makes that clear. 😬

My “luck” was that I was provided with influences early on in life that weren’t what one would consider to be the most positive, so my stubborn streak guided me toward being “good”. After all, I have been told my Korean name “Sun Hui” means “good girl”. However, the truth is that I could have just as easily gone the other way had I not been naturally inclined to contrariness. 🤪

In any case, I sit today in pure contentment with my life. As I write, there is a soft breeze blowing in the perfectly tempered sunny afternoon of southern France. I spent the day by the pool in the company of my love 😍 at the easy pace of zero expectation. After a week full of activity and birthday celebrations that started early due to plans that remain fluid, as always, it has been an amazing day of quiet 🤫.

The thing is, upon reflection, it has not been an easy journey to get to this place of peace and calm (and continues to be a daily balancing act). While I am very grateful for the ability to lead the life we lead, I do not underestimate or devalue my own participation in creating the lifestyle of my dreams.

It hasn’t been all sunshine ☀️ and champagne 🍾 .

When I hear others talk about the things they want in life or envy the life I have, but are in the next breath unwilling to sacrifice, compromise, or persist in the activities and mindset required to make their hopes and dreams a reality, I am dismayed and disappointed. We are all fully capable of creating the kind of world we want to live in. It is easy to complain or give excuses or blame others for the reasons why we aren’t living the life that we want, but an honest look at ourselves will probably reveal the unwanted truth of our own responsibility, fear, and laziness in why we are discontent. We need to own that truth and decide what we want to do about it.

One thing I have never fully been able to understand is the mentality that many I have come across in my life hold of the world owing us something. Sometimes, that ‘world’ is attributed to parents or friends or people of our past. Although we are beholden to others when we are children, as adults all of that responsibility becomes our own. Dwelling in the what-ifs or finger-pointing is a complete cop-out to me. Every one of us (in the fairly privileged first and second worlds at least) have the ability to change our lives.

If we want to have more money, then we have two choices – change our jobs or work more jobs. If we want to have more free time, then we have two choices – accept having less money or make more money to provide the ability to work less. Whatever it is we want, there are basically two choices – do something about it so that we can have it or accept that we don’t/can’t have it.

No one else is responsible for those choices or wants. Once we have our basic needs met, everything else is on us.

This is how I have led my life.

I didn’t want to stay in Oregon after finishing university because I realized there was a whole world out there I knew nothing about. I hated Japan when I visited, but my options at the time were to go back to Japan or stay in Oregon. I didn’t want to continue being married to the man I had committed to after realizing that he wasn’t going to be husband I deserved. I hated the thought of divorce, but I hated the thought of living life being miserable even more. I didn’t want to become an English language educator because I had imagined a different career. However, I wanted to travel and I didn’t necessarily want to spend more than a couple of years training or working my way up to be able to travel and see the world as I have. I didn’t necessarily want to get married again because a legal document does not make a committed relationship. Yet, upon finding the person I could see myself growing old happily with, I preferred to compromise than be alone or in less contented relationships in the future.

Life could easily have been different. It is not hard to justify an argument that I entered life with a rough start. It would have been easy enough to blame my birth mother, my temporary families that abused and traumatized me, my seemingly unlucky start to life. I could have taken a different road and view of the world. However, thanks to my stubbornness and a bit of lucky elements I have survived and worked very hard for this 45th birthday of contentment.

No sad piggy tears for me!

~T 😀

Hello There, It’s Me!

 Going Mental, Writing  2 Responses »
May 272021
 

Below is a piece that I wrote in a short three-week “Adoption Writing Experience” class that I have been taking. Today is sadly the last of the series, but it has made me fall in love with writing again. So, thank you, 🙏🏽AP! 💞

“Within two days on my own, I feel as if I’ve let out my breath from holding it for the past 16 months. My husband is lovely. He’s a cheerful labrador, but I prefer to liken him to a poodle on crack. His energy consumes while mine diffuses. As I exhale, he inhales, but I inhale his exhale.

As a couple, the teeter-totter balancing act is what keeps the adventure of life going; sometimes one is up, others times it’s down. However, like being at the bottom while trying to carry something up a flight of stairs, the weight can become heavier and heavier. 

I think now, this was me over the last couple of months.

Perhaps Lady Universe heard my sighs and heavily whispered pleas for a break, because I finally have found a way out of the heavy load. My breath can be my own again.

Solitude and quiet recharge me. It’s in the quiet that I can filter the noise and find my own voice. Like sifting through the cereal box to find the special toy, I need space to pour out the box and move the marshmallows and bits that distract from the prize.

When I can write and hear my own voice, I can be what I need to be for others. When this is overridden, I struggle and all the other voices in my head start to make me feel like I’m going crazy.

So, it is nice to say Hello to me again and to let myself know that I’m not losing my mind, but rather finding it again.

My resolution for when my lovely bouncing ball of energy returns is to gently let him know that I need the space and time daily to hear myself so that we can continue to teeter-totter together with joy rather than let the burden get heavy again.”

———————

I wrote this last week and then M came home. It was a strange feeling having him back as four days was just enough for me to get into my own rhythm and settle into my ways. There was an inner turmoil in me that I had to observe as I think that I had an increased load on my sympathetic nervous system. 💪🏽🏃🏽‍♀️

Inside, I felt unjustifiably bitter that I was letting go of my newfound routine just because M was back. However, logic and reasoning returned to remind me, “Tara, you’re an adult, nothing is stopping you from doing what you want. Just be reasonable.”

So, I did.

My yoga and meditation time returned easily. My writing time, though, still needs some work to compromise on the head/energy space. We both like to be outside in the sun when we can, but he likes/needs to talk or have noise and I do not. Therefore, a schedule is probably needed on my part so that I can find that quiet space, whether in the sun or not, and still have time to enjoy the extroverted lifestyle each day.

In any case, I’ve been given another couple of days of quiet to keep working on the balance and defining the priorities. So, thank you Universe! 😇☀️🙏🏽

~T 😀

16 Months of Togetherness

 Going Mental  1 Response »
May 202021
 

Yes, pictures are coming, but saving that post for when I have fewer words to share. 😅

M went on a trip for mostly business, but a little pleasure (for both of us) this week. He left on Tuesday afternoon and returns on Saturday evening.

His original plans were to combine a stop in Spain and Brussels, but the Spain portion got moved, so rather than cancel or limit the Brussels portion, he extended it. Plus, then he’ll still go to Spain next week. 🙌🏽

Now, I’m not going to lie. When the trips were planned initially, I was not for it as the timing was less than ideal. Panic and PTSD rose in me so that my poor husband thought that I wouldn’t let him go at all – ever. He had forgotten that I have been dying for some solitude, quiet, and independence for months – 16 in fact.

However, the timing coincided with having to move out of our rental and head to Italy thereafter along with the fact that I still do not have more than a number to legitimize my being in a foreign country. I think I had a fair point on why he shouldn’t be traipsing off. Though, I probably could have expressed with less drama and emotion, but well… it’s done. 🤪

So, when we found out that we had to return to France 🇫🇷 anyway, I was more open to the idea of him going off for a few days – more like ecstatic! 🤣 Even though it meant coming back a bit earlier and paying more money for a place, it has been more than worth it!

While we have ridden out the past year plus quite well and our love remains fully intact, there is a lot to be said for a bit of time apart. Before, I could enjoy quiet moments at home most days with M off to work at his office. Then, we started sharing workspace. Our styles greatly differ by the nature of our work, but also by who we are as individuals. Although he, as an extrovert, wasn’t able to see others and charge up in that way, he could still refill his batteries by venting on the phone, Zoom, etc. Unfortunately, this does not work for an introvert, who needs silence and alone time to recharge. My batteries have been running on low for 16 months…. 16 …

It’s only been two days, but already I can feel a sense of myself again. I have made sure that I see friends each day so that I don’t completely close up into my shell, but my batteries are charging reminding me of who I am when full.

With about two more days to go, I will continue to recharge but also take the opportunity to think about how to bring back the balance for myself once M is back. It’s not like he can go away every week – nor do I really want him to -, but the importance of making sure I can recharge better has been noted. 😇

~T 😀

Europe Phase II Part 2a

 Going Mental, Meanderings Abroad  1 Response »
May 162021
 

Bonjour from France again! 🇫🇷

So… the Universe heard my pangs of frustration and loneliness by providing us with our plan of action for Phase II Part 1 and 2.

Part 1 Recap

I already covered most of Part 1 in the previous post. We ate as a coping mechanism, but thankfully it was only one real meal a day in early afternoon applying daily intermittent fasting so that our bodies could use as much time as possible to digest the tasty offerings of the Italian cuisine.

Basically, our visa situation both got simpler and more complicated at the same time. Our Internet woes were only really remedied by taking advantage of cafe culture, which generally works best for me anyway, but isn’t as good for running an online magazine as my big screen iMac. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Our plan to move to a bigger place has become reality, only in a different country….

Part 2 – The Visa

It seems that the procurement of the mystical Type-D visa is reasonably straightforward from the Italian embassy. Since our last “residency” is considered France, thanks to M’s ability to get it swiftly and my dependency (not so thankful), we think we don’t have to consider the US aspect for me.

Although we were led to believe that we could simply go to Nice, which isn’t far from where I wanted to be based anyway, to be near my friends, we learned that thanks to the Pandemic C, all consulates have been closed and the only place we can do this visa processing is through Paris.

The upside is that we get to visit Paris. It’s a city that I’m not all that enamored with after visiting it once on my own for a few days in a very cold and wet November a few years back. M loves the charm, which I deem cliche and over-hyped. So, he is determined to show me the reason why it is considered a city of love 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 …. We shall see. 😜

Unfortunately, the earliest appointment we could get is for June 10th. This is about a month away. Luckily, the consulate is communicating quickly and clearly via email, so I feel a bit more at ease with that.

So, why are we in France now?

Well, M has to travel around the EU for work. Now that the borders are open again with just a negative PCR, he is eager to go away. As it has been about 15 months since we spent a night apart, I’m equally eager for him to go away. 😉

Since M wants to travel and I really cannot go across borders unless by car, where the likelihood of being checked is slimmer, (have done two crossings now and not been stopped 🤞🏽) I felt that it was safer for me to be in France should anything happen as at least I am in the system here for my residency application. Plus, I have friends here and can speak some of the language. I could not say the same for the tiny town that we were living in; and the dark stone-walled apartment that I would end up hiding away was not conducive to stability in my mental health, which is a bit on edge as it is with the stress all of this is applying to my carefully constructed sanity. 🤹🏽

Therefore, we have rented a lovely place near where we were before (and my friends) for the next six weeks. At the time that we rented, we didn’t know that it would be possible to get our visa on the same day as the appointment as we had heard it could take a couple of weeks. So, we wanted to be safe….

We will have to be out the day before my birthday, so am not sure what we will do as that is a long way away and our plans are ever-changing. However, I am already a million times happier having only been here for about four hours. I’ve got my friends on notice and plans in motion. 💃🏽🥂

I’ll share some photos next time. For now, I’m just reveling with lighter air! ✨

~T 😀

Food & Life in Italy

 Going Mental, Meanderings Abroad  No Responses »
May 072021
 

Well, it’s been less than a week and I’m already missing my friends and wondering when we can move back to France….

Let’s just get the challenges out and cleared.

Challenge 1 – The Visa

Remember how I said that I’m constantly needing to remember to stay fluid and flexible? Well, the promise of a smooth Italian transition was not to be…. A few days before we were set to leave, we were informed that there is some need for a Type D visa, aka National Visa, aka WTF? This is before we can finish our Elective Residency Visa (ERV) that we were told would be easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. Too good to be true? “Pfft”, my husband said as he waved off my inner angst at this new twist…

Well, “pffffft” right back at him as I re-learn to breathe, meditate and tell myself not to lose my cool.

A “simple” Google search, as I was nonchalantly told to do, reveals nothing clear regarding how to get this mysterious Type D visa. A brief message exchange with someone else suggests that the aforementioned ERV should be the same thing as this D-visa. Other inquiries bring up more questions and confusion.

Breathe. It’s fine….

Or not…

At worst, I would have to apply for said visa at the Italian embassy/consulate in the US. At best, we will look back in a few weeks and wonder what all the stress was about…. In between is the more likely scenario, we will be heading back to Nice to apply for said D-visa at the Italian consulate there using M’s French residency and my application for it to get the visa, then we come back and continue as planned.

As a recovering worry-wart, who occasionally relapses, I am concerned being a US citizen who has overstayed my Schengen visa with nothing but a registration number legitimizing my presence and should an official be having a bad day could blacklist me from the Schengen area altogether for ten years, which would greatly hamper our current European settlement. Also, with COVID, there are extra issues at play with vaccines, travel, etc.

So, while a forced visit home would not be the end of the world, leaving it could be a challenge as would be being with my man as a non-US citizen…. Anyway, will keep fingers, toes and everything else crossed that the best scenario happens or go with the in-between.

Challenge 2 – Connectivity

Everyone knows that being connected is life. Despite my loathe of social media and avoidance of most things online, I am heavily dependent on the Internet for entertainment – including reading a book – or basically anything AND, most importantly, I can choose to not use it when I want to disconnect.

Furthermore, M’s work requires Internet. The very meaning of digital nomad requires the ability to be digital. Without it, he cannot work, make money – thus provide our lifestyle needs/wants -, etc. and his mood reflects on the ease in which he can do these things; thus, also affecting my sanity!

Like anywhere, it takes some effort and time to work out how to get a new SIM card or access WiFi points. Without either of us knowing the language, there is the everyday/regular stress of figuring out how to communicate and understand what we need or what is available to us.

We are staying in an old stone-walled apartment that is cold, dark, and small. Our Italian SIM cards, while successfully and rather easily obtained, cannot defeat medieval structures meant to keep out everything that was not originally permitted within. This means, TV cannot be watched. Computers cannot be used. Livelihood cannot be achieved. Therefore, M stresses causing T (me) stress!

The remedy?

We shall likely be moving to a bigger space with an outside garden (also the cats will prefer it) and easier permeability. We shall figure out with the help of “friends” what exactly we need to make the WiFi work within rather than sourcing it from outside.

At least this is a fairly easy fix. <sigh>

So, those are the main challenges that are making life feel stressful. They are challenges of the privileged, but so is my life. 😛 However, to end on the bright side:

Restaurants and cafes are open. Since our apartment kitchen is too small to inspire the in-house chef, we have eaten out for every meal. Pizza and delicious pasta has been my daily happy moments. Thank goodness we only eat one big meal a day around midday or we’d have to add on a gym membership! 😉

Also, the countryside is absolutely gorgeous – dare I say, even more so than in France!

On that happy note, I leave you until next time….

~T 😀

Europe Phase II

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Apr 272021
 

Six months ago, we landed in France planning to rent for a few months and then finding a place to put down roots long-term.

As life continues to remind me, most things rarely go as planned…. First, there is COVID with lockdowns and difficulties in being able to explore areas. Then, there is a lack of knowing exactly what we want. More importantly, there is the Footner element that requires fluidity and flexibility in any type of planning.

It doesn’t mean that there isn’t eventually follow-through, it just means that the timing and commitment to a decision may not happen as one (I) might prefer/desire/hope/dream!

Therefore, for various reasons, we leave on Sunday for what I’m now calling Phase II of our European settlement adventure.

Where are we going?

We will be heading to a small town in the province of Umbria, Italy.

Why are we going there?

Well, the short answer is because we paid a good chunk of cash to ensure that we can get visas. Although, by some weird twist of fate, M has already gotten his French visa, I have yet to hear anything regarding mine. My “free” 90-days stay has long passed, which causes me a bit of strife even though I do have a registration number and can be here as a former EU citizen’s spouse. However, the complications of Brexit, etc. make me less comfortable with those mere threads of bureaucratic legitimacy, so off to Italy we go where I already have an agreement for a residency visa there for at least the next five years – renewable.

What does that mean exactly?

It means that we have to have a ‘residence’ in Italy to legitimize the visa and all other paperwork and status comes through Italy instead of France, as we had originally planned. Thus, we need to head to Italy for a month or so to get the paperwork done and to move forward with our settling in Europe. We have a place rented, though we may find a larger space as our aim is to have a “winter” home there as well as an address to send our stuff that is still in Japan. There are worse things to plan, I’m sure! 😛

I have made M promise that we are coming back to this area of France as my new friends are here and I don’t want to just disappear. Though, he has put some typically “Footner” twists into the Phase III plans, but since those could change by the time I finish this post, I won’t bother to put it down into print just yet. 😉

So, Europe Phase I has been lovely and definitely worth the Japan departure six months ago. My French is coming along fairly well, though I have started an online class to improve my speaking and listening. I figured it was a good time to do so since I’ll be away from any chance of being exposed to it while in Italy and I don’t plan to learn more than a few words in Italian so as not to get too comfortable!

~T 😀

Disparity Threat of a “Green” Passport/Certificate

 Going Mental  1 Response »
Apr 152021
 

Disclaimer: only a semi-informed view creating my opinion

I’m not a political analyst. I’m not a broadcasting soap-box speaker. I’m not a religious fanatic. I’m not a great conspiracy theorist – though I do love a good theory! In fact, I’m not anybody other than a concerned citizen who has a little bit of knowledge about a lot of things – none of which amount to much.

If you haven’t read the Book of Revelation, the last book of the Bible, then it might be an interesting read in the context of the past year. More importantly, though, just put on a rational, unemotionally-charged, objective hat for the time-being.

Imagine:

You’ve gotten COVID-19. Your body managed to fight it off, but from the day of your positive test you are required to carry a card with you showing that you have been infected. This card prevents you from going into undesignated supermarkets. You are no longer allowed to attend public events like concerts, shows, performances, or the like. You may not enter museums, libraries or any other cultural or public facility. Basically, all you will be allowed to do is work – probably only from home -, and go only where your card is accepted.

How do you feel considering a world like this? You’d be part of a minority population that is not allowed to live life like other people, but it’s for the sake of the greater good. I mean, after all, lepers were pushed into island communities, native inhabitants of lands were pushed onto reservations, history has shown that it has been done, ignored, and accepted.

Still don’t like it?

Well, the concept of this quietly growing acceptance of a ‘green’ passport/certificate is no different. It’s already started with the proud selfies of those bragging about getting their vaccines and showing their cards as proof. People selfishly express their hope for the ‘green’ implementation if it means their lives go back to “normal”. Self-righteous expressions on social media and other online platforms aggressively dismiss and defy any sense of logic, empathy, or rationality of what this means.

A COVID-19 vaccine will be considered the expected ‘green’ pass to return to a life that people think will be ‘normal’. When masses started calling the pandemic way of life the “new norm”, it drove me crazy. When masses started claiming wearing a mask, social distancing, and isolation was for the benefit of others, it drove me crazy. When masses started raving that getting vaccinated is the golden ticket to being able to have life as we knew it, it. drove. me. crazy. It ALL drives me crazy.

People shout about a belief in science. People shout about a desire to be able to live again. People shout about what they want to be able to do again…. me, me, me, me. Yet, these arguments and conversations deny reality and truth.

As of today, 2.1% of COVID-19 cases result in deaths, leaving an 82% recovery rate. An even smaller percentage of side effects in the vaccines have been discovered and YET we are still encouraged to carry on. A minority group is defining the rules and actions of the a majority that could have and still could carry on as actually normal.

My point? How is it that something that has an extremely small percentage of death to a minority population of people has caused nations to shut down, businesses to collapse, lives lost from the decisions made surrounding the pandemic, etc. etc.? The impact on the majority to protect a minority has been so disproportional and YET NO ONE talks about that! (Yes, that was a little shout there. 😉 )

So, then, let’s play out what this all-saving ‘green’ passport/certificate will actually do.

IF you have not been sick and chosen not to get vaccinated, you will not have said pass. Without the card, you cannot go into supermarkets. You cannot go to public events or use public/cultural facilities. This ‘green’ pass will be your “mark of the beast” in Revelation terminology. Israel has already started to implement this, but the disparity that is resulting has already started to show itself. While it may not yet be a currency replacement, it is far too easily becoming a gate-pass. In this case, the majority rules the minority, but only because it is more convenient for the powers that be.

Let’s continue along this path. Right now, vaccinations are free. However, in time, variants will continue to increase; therefore, regular updates of the vaccine will be required. Therefore, your ‘green’ pass will need to be regularly updated, but over time it will cost to get the shot. It might start at a small amount, but – as is already in the UK – it costs over £100 for one COVID test – not even the vaccine. At the moment, people who want to travel must have at least two tests since the vaccine cannot yet be required. Thus, to travel, an extra £200 some is required on top of flight/train fares. Over time, just as we have accepted taxes or increase oil prices affecting ticket fares, we will come to accept the cost of a test or vaccine to go anywhere – except this will also be required to live daily FREE life.

What happens to those who cannot afford it?

People were already struggling to make ends meet before the world shut down. Now, either people have become even more dependent on the government welfare systems or gone into further debt, or in whatever way worsened their financial stability thanks to our economic shutdown for, let me remind you, 2.1% of a population dying – most of whom are not contributors to the economy anyway. So, this minority group has controlled the majority, but will draw disparity lines even further when considering how will people who have already been struggling be able to afford regular tests and vaccines to continue to work, travel, or live daily FREE life?

The answer is – they won’t.

So, while the masses can cry out that they’ll do anything just so life can return to normal (for them), or that everyone should do what is right (so the masses can see their families or go on vacations again), not a single person that I know has shown an iota of care, concern, sympathy or (dare I expect) empathy towards what all of this is leading to. I wanted to blame it on uneducated minds, but the truth is that the finger cannot be so easily pointed outward. Rather, it’s about the selfishness, short-sightedness, and self-serving mentality of individuals who have lost sight of humanity, decency and what it means to be a society of people, where the majority should consider and care for the minority because we are all part of one human race.

Not Unto Ourselves Alone Are We Born

Non Nobis Solum Nati Sumus ~ Cicero

Who knew I would be quoting my undergraduate alma mater’s motto, but perhaps it is not a coincidence that I do so…

~ T

 Posted by at 23:36

Tattoo #4

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Apr 102021
 

I’ve been talking about adding another tattoo for a while and it seemed as if I was just going to talk about it rather than do it. I had some hesitations as the location is known to be one of the most painful places to put a tattoo, and another friend who has done quite a bit of ink work on his body strongly recommended that I reconsider.

During lockdown in Tokyo, I started to look at tattoo artists on Instagram as I pondered.

I knew that I wanted a red dragon as I’ve wanted to enhance my second one that was meant to have a clear red dragon in it.

Tattoo #2

I also knew that I wanted to put the chakras with the dragon as yoga introduced me to the idea of energy spots in the body and they guide me in my meditation practice.

When we decided to move to France, I wasn’t sure that I would be able to decide on the ink job as I don’t speak French well enough and don’t know the process well. However, when a new friend mentioned that her mom had gotten a tattoo for a recent birthday, I decided to look into it. So, I started to follow the artist online and look into the studio.

Amnesia Tattoo Shop – Lorgues

Thanks to Instagram messenger, Google translate, and a bit of globalization that has led to people learning English in formal school, we were able to communicate. It did require a bit of faith in her skills as I didn’t see the actual design until the day of, but when I did I knew that I was in the right place!

Every time I look at it, I see it differently and appreciate it more. Some have asked what the chakras are and others have questioned why I would want a dragon on my body or why it is red rather than the more expected black outlined style. My answer to all of that is – why not?

Still, I will attempt to explain a bit what it all means and what I am learning from it.

First, I was born in the year of the dragon – or at least that is what I believe according to paperwork. The year of 1976 is said to be with the fire element. If you believe in these things, a fire (red) dragon is meant to be the least ideal for an Asian girl to be born under. When I consider my own personality, I find it clicks with me quite well.

So, the type of dragon was a bit important to me as I did not want the typical Asian-style dragon that one sees on many shoulder or Ukiyo-e style tattoos. As a woman, I also wanted it to have a slightly feminine aspect to it – or as much as a dragon can have. Therefore, this standing up version is great.

Also, to include the chakras, I wasn’t sure if they would be swirling colors interrupting the body shape, but the artist has cleverly put them inside the body, which follows some story tales where a dragon would protect gems/jewels in its scales. So, the chakras being placed along the tummy of the body in this case suits my love of tales and an image of it as a protector of the chakra energies.

Even though the west has somehow demonized the dragon, the east has held it in a kind of awe. The reason why women born in the year of the dragon are not desirable is because they are powerful, wise, and knowledgeable which are not traditionally considered to be the “perfect matchmaking” qualities. As a woman of the modern world, I fully embrace the Asian side of me that encompasses the strength of a dragon. Further, I am happy to identify with the qualities of a fire dragon as:

The Fire Dragon

The Fire Dragon represents transmutation, energy and mastery. As your power animal, he lends you enthusiasm, courage vitality. Your inner fires will ignite. He will help you handle and overcome obstacles. He is a strong protector and will offer you leadership and mastery. He will assist you by giving you greater strength as you achieve your goals.

https://www.spiritanimal.info/dragon-spirit-animal/

So, that is why I have this marking on my body.

In terms of the process itself, well, it took about eight hours with a 40 minute lunch break included. I only really struggled with the pain the last 40 minutes when not only was my right side starting to get sore from lying still on it for so long, but also the going over again with the red ink was starting to wear. Still, it didn’t hurt nearly as much as I had expected based on advice. My pain threshold is rather high and further proved by this. The artist was absolutely amazing with her technique and kindness. She expressed her love of the art well in the process. I did, also, distract myself with Netflix. 😀

It takes about a month to heal in full, so I’m now just about two weeks. I’ve taken a picture most days to follow the healing process, but after the initial scabbing there hasn’t been much discomfort. I’ve used some foam cleanser called Derma Tattoo for the first week or so, but then keep it moisturized with coconut oil. With my sensitive skin, there has been a bit of a reaction when I use anything too soon over the Derma Tattoo, so I have stopped using it during the past week and just applied the coconut oil, which seems to be effective enough.

Below is my 1-second-a-day video so far of the process. 😀

Truth be told, I’m already considering another one, but it’ll be a while…. 😛

~T 😀

 Posted by at 18:39

Pause, Reset

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Apr 082021
 

As I cannot breathe through my nose, thanks to allergies, it is even easier to hear me exhale loudly and fully release the dark energies that can easily enter my body and mind.

I’m not a shy person, and I have no aversion to speaking my mind. However, what I have realized (again) is that it doesn’t always serve a meaningful purpose to open my mouth or do anything other than smile and listen.

Since I have arrived in France, and we have settled in with our friends, I have found myself getting caught up in their personal lives. Some are more dramatic than others. Some are more negative than others. Some are more “normal” than others. No matter the situation, the reality is that I do not need to spend time or energy on judging or speculating on their lives. Obviously, if I were asked to be involved, that would be a different kind of conversation, but that is not what I speak of in this case.

I am reminded of Mrs. Rachel Lynde from one of my all-time favorite stories, Anne of Green Gables, who was constantly all up in other people’s business whether or not anyone wanted her to be. While outwardly everyone dislikes her character, we know that she represents a side of every one of us – unless we choose to deny the admittance of this truth. Still, I find that the constancy of being involved in that which is not ours to be so is exhausting and rather depressing, if I’m honest. The frustrating aspect of Mrs. Lynde is that she never stops to consider that perhaps her nose is too regularly plugged up to realize that her breath is never full and so the exhale is never truly cleansing of the dark energies that can fill the body and mind.

Thankfully, I am not that character. Being able to recognize that certain behaviors and thought patterns are not beneficial is a gift that I cherish and am thankful to have been given awareness of. Still, it is easy to get caught up in the whirl of chaos that gets spun.

It is often a point of ponder as to how people manage to maintain an even keel when so much of the world is a swirling dirt cloud like Pig-Pen. It’s easier to see how we can get sucked into the vortex of despair and dismay when social media perpetuates like-mindedness without an off-button, or opportunity, to change the lens filter to realize that there are differing (and acceptable) points of views that are just as legitimate and logical as those we may think, for the moment, are the right ones.

I recently re-listened to the audiobook version of The Hill We Climb by Amanda Gorman. Like most of the world, I am in awe of her words and presence. She feels like a gift and that whiff of air that forces us to breathe deeply because we want to take in more of the scent of hope and inspiration that she has put out into the universe.

This is the kind of inhalation I want to have that breaks past the blockages of my nose so that the light and hope can enter my body and mind. I’m more than happy to push pause on the words that I may be unnecessarily spewing out and reset so that the energy shades I release are ones that further spread the light, joy, and hope into the world in which I am blessed to exist in.

~T 😀

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