2020’s 20 Books…so far…

 Going Mental, Literary Escapes  No Responses »
Nov 112020
 

Well, not quite as many books as I read last year (31), but the year is not yet over. I have a feeling that I’ll be getting through a few more by then, but thought that while I was thinking of it, I’d start reflecting back on what I’ve covered so far.

All of these titles have contributed to the positive year that I’ve had so far. While many may be looking forward to the end of the year, I’m looking back at how amazing it has been with excitement at how 2021 is going to be even better.

I may do specific commentary on some of these titles at some point, but feel free to comment on the thread if you want to discuss any before I circle back to writing about them. 😉

Happy Reading!!!

~T 😀

Restoring Humanity

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Nov 092020
 

I don’t normally provide political commentary on social media or public platforms because I know how divisive such topics can be, and without the ability to have face-to-face dialog on such topics, I try to avoid pushing those hot buttons. 💥 However, there are times when I feel the need to do so – like now. 😜

Growing up, I had a fairly conservative bend to my views. On many issues, I still have a fairly black-and-white, or conservative, perspective especially when it comes to crime and punishment. However, there are probably more issues on which I am either middle ground or liberal, like a woman’s right to decide on anything related to her body or socialized healthcare, etc.

Having lived abroad pretty much all of my adult life, I do not take part in discussions related to taxes or local legislations that I am not involved in. I do not feel that I should have a say as I do not pay taxes in the US and probably never will. 🤷🏽‍♀️

One perk of living abroad is having an outside perspective 👀 on my country and also seeing it through the eyes 👁 of others. I was in the UAE when our current head of state was elected and I sat in disbelief 😳 as others cried or shared their own bewilderment 🤯 at what the American public had decided.

At the time, I understood how it happened. I even had some sympathy for why it happened. However, after four years of watching, listening, and having dialog with fellow countrywo/men and non, I am disappointed by the state of affairs 😣 and how the Elections of 2020 have shaped up as I observe from abroad along with the rest of the world as my nation continues to fight amongst themselves. 🥺

It has been with a deep sadness 😥 and utter disbelief 🤬 with the lack of decency and humanity that we watch what is being acted out in America. Yet, what is to be expected when the leader of our country constantly encourages rhetoric that stems from selfishness and ignorance? 😡 It doesn’t matter anymore how he was allowed to be in such a position, but it does matter how we move forward. 😏

I learned when I was young that it’s not necessarily in how we behave when we win that shows our character, but it is in how we lose.

I’m not saying that Democrats or liberals would necessarily have behaved any better than the prez or those of his party are now, which is my point.

When, why, how did we lose touch with our humanity? At what point did the rhetoric push us to accept that tolerance, meaningful and open dialog, and the gentlemanly way of agreeing to disagree were no longer part of the etiquette that allows us to live together in peace? 🙏🏽

Now, I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be angry about racism, violence, discrimination, and all the other soap box topics. I’ve got plenty of my own to stand on and shout out about. 💪🏽 What I am saying, though, is that there has to be a humane way of expressing and addressing these issues that don’t lead to peaceful protests turning into violent 🤕 activity causing everyone to forget what the main point was in the first place. Or, there has to be a way that people don’t feel the need to use guns or force to feel safe in their own homes and personal spaces. Or, there has to be a way to speak without screaming and gnashing of teeth. 😬🤔

The reason I did not vote for Trump is not just because of the issues, as there are many things he has done for the country that I would happily consider as positives in terms of the economy.

The reason I did not vote for him is because he is NOT a decent human being and should NOT be the face or human that represents the nation that I love. If I had any sense that there were redeeming qualities about him or that he showed an inkling of humility in his speeches, then I may have considered voting another way.

No one is perfect. No one is the ideal human being. 😇 I have no illusions that previous presidents were faultless, especially with their politics. However, this is what makes them human. The ones that have been loved for their service are those who showed qualities of being human – compassion, empathy, humility, and grace. These are the qualities of leaders that inspire and make others aspire to be like them.

I truly hope that no one ever says to me that they want to be like Trump. I think that says it all.

~T 😀

Schedules to Focus

 Going Mental  1 Response »
Nov 062020
 

If you’ve been reading this blog or following me for a while, then you probably already know my love of schedules. No, more than a love, they are a necessity in my life.

Strangely enough, most of the people around me are the absolute opposite including my husband, who has an almost allergic aversion to creating habits for keeps. 😛

Anyway, now that we are three weeks and counting in our new lifestyle I felt that it was time for me to start “scheduling” myself to reset my focus and ensure that I am accomplishing the goals that I have set out for myself on a personal level that coordinate with our physical move.

One way that I reset is by creating a detailed hourly schedule for my day-to-day activities that are regular.

As a new freelance worker (freelancer), I have to check in to my “work” every day. Even though I might allot time each day to conduct the required work, I admit there is flexibility in the timing of the schedule depending on the workload.

Still, the mere fact that I have a time schedule helps me to focus. It also gives me a sense of satisfaction when I complete everything in my day by noon (as in the past couple of days) – that’s with my schedule already ensuring that I finish by 3pm anyway.

Of course, this may all go out the window in another week or two as more activities get added or something changes, but during life in lock-down it is something that grounds me and gives me purpose for each day.

I had a rare comment exchange with someone on a Facebook group that I am in. Usually, I ignore people who appear to be trolls, or generally negative folks. However, for some reason, I felt the need to engage this person. She did not see the point in spending time making vision boards. She started with “who has the time?” and then asked “but what’s it all for?”. Finally, she tried to back-off with summing up that she just takes each day as it comes and doesn’t need such things. I challenged her with, obviously such things are not for everyone, but vision boards do create purpose and motivation and direction. As for me, I’ve already got two major things in process, which is because of my making it happen – because I believe in the law of attraction and that the Universe is working for me to help me have the things I want. In the end, I also nicely replied with, “what is it all for if someone just lives day by day without goals?” Thus ended the exchange.

I don’t know if she understood the other viewpoint or not, but I understood hers as someone who is probably not a scheduler. Of course, I could be completely wrong, but most people who do not plan find it meaningless to do so or that it is too controlling over one’s life to live by a plan.

Now, I don’t live and DIE by my schedules and plans. I KNOW life is not something we can control completely, BUT I DO KNOW from experience that we can absolutely control certain things in our lives.

One of those things is how we spend our days. Every morning, we wake up and make choices that will determine how our day will end. It is well-documented by some of the most successful and happiest people that they achieve this status because of planning, scheduling, and setting goals. Of course, there must surely be plenty of successful and happy people who don’t – I just haven’t heard of them! 😛

So, as I have plenty of other goals to achieve, I want to ensure that I keep myself focused on them. The first step to doing that for me is by making a detailed hourly schedule. 😉 And, the bonus was that I applied my love of The Home Edit by color-coding it rainbow style!

~T 😀

Nuances

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Nov 042020
 

Gosh, it has been ages since I’ve had a moment to stop and go deep into the vortex known as my grey matter. Not that I have anything overly profound to say, but I do feel a bit as if I have been in another universe and suddenly landed myself in an unknown time called – now.

Since I was young, I have known that I think differently and view the world differently than many, or even most. Learning early on in life to adapt with those around me has given me the skills of a chameleon to hide the truth of the way that I might think or feel.

For many years, I did not ever express an opinion of my own nor take part in conversations, even ones where I might have agreed. Shy was not the adjective to use to describe me as I was not afraid to speak up. I was more reticent to be noticed or to make it obvious that I did not necessarily agree with the norms going on around me. I can hear, you as the reader saying to yourself, “Okay, like what?”

Here’s an example, I have started an online magazine – The Universal Asian. The title by itself is a unifying one and expresses the actual fact that I believe in balance and open-mindedness in its truest form. However, the tagline of the magazine is: ‘the voices of the #importedAsians and #hyphenatedAsians’.

Obviously, #hyphenatedAsians has no nuanced meaning to cause the balance to go off-kilter. However, an early conversation and some following have made me see that #importedAsians carries a negative tone for some in reference to adoptees from international countries.

While I can appreciate the negative nuance that one might get from it, I absolutely do not look at it that way. When I was considering a more unique way to refer to adoptees that were not necessarily Caucasian or domestically adopted, but whose origins started in another country, the best way to express it was by the methods taken to bring that child to another country, which is like a product. We pay the seller to send over the product and import it to the country in which we want to keep the product. Although it might not be considered politically-correct or kosher to talk about people in this way, the fact is that people paid money for a child and took them from a country of origin to their own country to stay.

The judgement that might connect to the reason why families took this action or how they then treated the young person they brought over is a whole different matter to place pluses or minuses on.

So, in this way, I felt I was being neutral in my words, but some disagreed. Now, obviously, it hasn’t been a major issue as we are still getting readers and contributors – thank goodness!

However, it is this challenge with nuances and words that is also playing into the current state of politics and the pandemic surrounding us.

Last night, we were walking and I was thinking about the story of the Tower of Babel. I said that if this story is truth, as many accept the Bible to be, then why don’t more people call God out as responsible for the wars and suffering people have today? I mean, surely others must think that this was a dickish move on His part?! No offense to the believers reading this, but c’mon you gotta wonder…. I mean I have my own mixed relationship with the Higher Being, which previous writings have clarified so that I now refer to Him as the Universe or Universal Lord. But, I digress….

If this sudden disruption in communication had never occurred and mankind had been allowed to continue to build their tower, how would the world be different?

I always say that communication is the key to successful relationships on any level. When there are frustrations amongst individuals, it is usually due to a lack of speaking and LISTENING. So often we forget that communication doesn’t just refer to talking, but also to openly listening to others.

If we don’t understand the nuance of the words one uses, why are we so afraid to just ask a simple question – “I’m sorry, but what do you mean by that?” Think how much more you could learn about someone and their lives just by asking that question rather than taking it personally, or responding with fear of the unknown (response, perception, etc.).

Twice in the last day I have had people ask me if I ever chat with my voice. One was through Whatsapp voice recording. The other was through Facebook Messenger. To both, I responded “Of course I do.” Neither offended me in any way.

As a writer, I prefer the written word. I communicate more clearly and thoroughly in writing. I use emojis more than most to lighten any tone that might be taken too seriously. I like the written form.

However, I also understand that sometimes hearing the voice can make a huge difference in how we connect and interpret the nuances of the words that we use with each other. So, I’m flexible as my early understanding of not thinking like most people has given me enough awareness and ability to be flexible with the ways in which I communicate.

The problem is that this is not often a reciprocal flexibility…, but perhaps that is for another posting.

Anyway, on the day of Elections 2020, I am hoping that we can avoid any negative nuances and join together in clear communications as we await the direction of the US and the world in these truly uncertain times.

~T 😀

Settling In to November

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Nov 022020
 

We are already 20 days in to being in France! How did the time go so quickly? Can it really already have been 20 days? 🤷🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

My husband says that I have been walking around with a permanent smile on my face since we arrived – or at least once the travel fog lifted. 😁

It’s probably true.

I am SOOOOOOO happy we are here. 👏🏽 Our little Stone Cottage rental is perfect for the time-being. There are ways it could be better in terms of our work stations and the sofa, etc., but these are just minor things in the grand scheme and we can most definitely live with it. So, with the tiny complaints out of the way, let’s focus on the major positives! 👍🏽

I’ll be writing up a more thorough and informative account of the actual trip over, but that will come later on another platform – at least that’s the plan. 🤞🏽

For here, though, it’s been an amazing almost three-weeks. We actually think we hit the timing just perfectly, really, as we are now four days into a month-long second round of lockdown across most of the major European countries in hopes of curbing the COVID-19 case numbers enough for people to be able to celebrate Christmas without restrictions. However, that is really anyone’s guess on how feasible it will be. 🤔 We aren’t holding our breaths when it comes to that.

Anyway, we are located near a smallish village called Lorgues. It is about 1.5 hours drive to Nice or 40 minutes to the beaches of Frejus. The biggest town nearby is Draguignan, but really we have all our necessities nearby.

Our cottage is a small gite owned by our neighbors who usually rent out the space during the summers as their side income. We have a private pool, though the water is currently far too chilly for swimming. The main perk is the outdoor terrace/patio area where we eat many of our meals, spend most of the afternoons, and generally appreciate the fresh air and chirping birds every day. ☀️It has only rained one or two days since we have arrived and the temperatures are daily in the low 20s C°/ upper 60s F°. This means that the mornings are cool, but the middays are perfection for working outside, reading a book, or just enjoying the moment. 🧘🏽‍♀️

Our kitties are also truly loving French life. Their personalities have shifted into what we deem as “normal” cat behavior with Chloe changing from being skittish to a lap cat and Momo being a generally lazy Garfield to exploring the area all day long.

November has started and it barely feels like fall or that the end of 2020 is coming at last in two months. However, we are settling in and truly loving life!

With that, I’ll stop gloating for now as it’s just about time for a glass for rosé🍷!

~T 😀

The Things I’ll Miss…

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Oct 052020
 

We are in single digit days left in Tokyo for this chapter. Who would have thought that I’d be living in and out of Japan four times since 1997? Who would have thought that I’d find the place that I swore I’d never return to after my first visit more like home than either my birth or adopted countries?

This time was definitely the best time I had and I am not leaving to escape nor with a sour taste in my mouth as previous times have been.

Thanks to being with Matt, living near my BFF, getting a job that I was familiar with and good at, and having perspective after living in a very different country in comparison, I could appreciate much more this time around than the previous times.

So, as I try to make time to positively reflect, I thought I’d summarize the things that I’ll actually miss.

1. My BFF and her family: Of course, I know I’ll be back for visits, but it was nice to have another chance to live near each other, to watch my godson grow into a young adult, to connect more with her husband, and to make more memories together.

2. My new friends and their families: I didn’t expect to really make friends as I’m not that good at it, but thanks to BFF connections and making a little effort both in and out of work, I did make some good friends (y’all know who you are!). I’ll carry the laughs and shared experiences as precious memories that added to what made this chapter in Japan the best of my previous years here.

3. Seasonal food: No other country does seasonal food like Japan (or at least none that I know yet). I love to eat, but I have always been a bit picky about Japanese food. However, knowing that I can get different fruit by the season or eat nabe in winter is somehow very comforting. I used to miss particular dishes, but this time I think I will miss the entire season of food.

4. Customer service: This is something I have always missed whenever I leave because there is nothing like the Japanese customer service. Some people dislike it because it is superficial and sometimes those who help state the obvious, but there is comfort in knowing that everyone gives their best to help as much as they can. Over time, one can understand that the stating of the obvious is their way of saying “I don’t know” because they can’t say it directly. 😉

5. Shinkawa: The river, or rather the man-made canal, that runs by our house has been my happy place when I needed to stretch my legs or feel a sense of nature. Keeping track of the ducklings, turtles, fish and flora of the riverside has really brought me peace of mind.

While there are other things that I will surely miss, these are the ones that are at the top of the list. I know they are somewhat different than what I thought I would miss the previous times I have left; but age changes perspective.

I have learned not to say good-bye anymore as I know that I will be back for visits and can still appreciate some of these things when I visit again. So, with that au revoir Japan, until next time….

~T 😀

Change in the Air

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Oct 012020
 

As if a switch was turned the summer temperatures dropped 🌤 , humidity drifted away 🌬 , and leaves began to fall off the trees 🍃. Welcome to autumn.

Not to be outdone by the natural changes, we have our own seasonal movement happening. In 13 days, we will be on a plane to France 🛫🇫🇷. Assuming no major obstacles (knock on wood 🤞🏽) keep us from getting on the flight with the cats, we will begin the next phase of our lives near the Mediterranean Sea.

WHY ARE YOU MOVING TO FRANCE?

Many people have asked us this and, recently, my mother wanted to clarify to be able to explain to people this seemingly sudden move. After all, it feels as if we just got ourselves settled in Japan.

Well, two words explain in short: Brexit and COVID19.

FIRST, WHY FRANCE?

France has been our “next phase” (aka retirement) destination. We don’t say ‘retire’ because that suggests that we won’t be doing anything productive, but neither of us are likely to pass the days away leisurely – or at least, we can’t imagine that yet.

However, M has always wanted to have a vineyard 🍇 ➡️🍷and some land to putter around on in the French countryside. We have talked off and on about having a larger place to offer yoga retreats or conference centers or some kind of service-oriented type side business.

Either way, I fell in love 🥰 with the area when I visited in 2015 and agreed that it was somewhere I could happily spend the next phase of my life in. Despite my general dislike for the French language 🤦🏽‍♀️😂, I started to study it via the Duolingo app so that I would not be completely lost someday in the future when we moved there.

Besides, France is a great spot to launch from for travel as I have not done that much traveling through Europe as I always knew I wanted to see it when I could afford to enjoy it and not experience it like the typical backpacker. 🤷🏽‍♀️😇

NEXT, BREXIT:

Back in 2016, when the wheels of cray cray began to spin globally, we did not know what the effects of Brexit would be in a practical sense. It seemed for a while as if nothing would change, but then finally dates were set and actions were taken to declare that after December 31, 2020 British citizens would no longer be treated as EU citizens in France.

When we heard this, we began conversations around going sooner than later. However, at the beginning, we weren’t necessarily rushing to go as M pointed out that we could still move there, we’d just have to do more paperwork.

THEN, THERE WAS COVID19 –

The world went into this surreal state with no one really knowing that it was going to continue to an unknown future date. With the enforced and encouraged social distancing measures that have led to us both being able to work from home using video-calling programs and online systems, we realized that we could be doing this in our own open space, poolside, without neighbors within arms reach outside the windows, and just a train ride or car’s drive away from getting away from the ‘mundane’ things more freely (and cheaply).

OTHER DRAWS TO HAPPINESS:

Now, don’t get me wrong. Some of this is possible in Japan, and we have thoroughly enjoyed living here (haven’t left yet!). I admit that this time I have had the best time of all my stays here because I have been able to see it through new eyes.

However, it felt like this was the right timing and it all feels right. Japan was never meant to be for forever, though we did think that it was going to be for a bit longer than it’s turned out to be.

It’s just that we are both ready to live in more familiar lands where the culture and mindset are slightly more Western than we have been in since we met. There are seemingly small things like language barriers, cultural clouds, and a sense of transience that we face regularly here that will still be experienced in Europe, but at a much smaller scale.

We are looking forward to visiting the local boulangerie 🥖🥐, making friends that we can invest time and energy into 🥂🍻 knowing that we will be around for a while, taking side trips to neighboring countries 🚙🚆, and putting down some real roots together. 👩‍❤️‍👨.

So, together, we head off to a new phase and start the next part of the adventure of our lives. We are excited and I’ll be, hopefully, posting more regularly as I’ll finally be focusing on writing more and being the free-spirit I know I was always meant to be! 😝

~T 😀

2020: Pausing to Breathe

 Going Mental  1 Response »
Sep 072020
 

It is becoming popular to say “2020” sucks because of COVID-19. It is becoming acceptable to complain and then blame it on the year that so many claim has not happened nor looks like it will before 2021 arrives.

I am curious to know if there is a common introverted vs extroverted response to the evolution of this year, or if optimists react differently than pessimists.

As a realist, here is my take.

The abnormality of this year has been like hitting the pause button on a movie. As someone who actually gets overwhelmed by all the motion and noise of the world, this pause has been like going figuratively out into the woods to take a long deep breath of fresh, clean, pure air.

So, when I hear all the moaning of the noisy minority I think I feel a kind of personal affront to who I am because to be perfectly honest, this has been an amazing year for me. I will be remember 2020 as the year that the world stopped long enough for some of us to take a long deep breath.

In a way, we have seen a division in personalities.

There are those who have told me that all the negative realities of the world are overwhelming them mentally and physically that they are struggling to face the days. There are those who have told me that they feel trapped by the lack of travel or free movement. There are those who have told me that they are bored with their lives because they cannot “do” anything.

My response to those who are overwhelmed by the negative realities because they tend to spend the majority of their time on social media or watching mass media feeding their brains with all the negativity: turn off the noise!

My response to those who are feel trapped: exercise, plan an amazing trip for next time and save up all the money you can now so that when the freedom is returned you don’t look back and wonder why you didn’t prepare for travel and moving again. Be proactive and prepare!

My response to those who are bored: get over yourself and DO something for others. So many restaurants, organizations, programs are struggling. Look them up and offer to DO something or donate if you’re one of the lucky few who has the income to do so. There are a million things to DO in a day that there is really no excuse for this statement.

Now, before my reader says, but: Do you follow your own responses? I preemptively respond with a YEP. And, though it may mean I have to toot my own horn, here is what I have been doing that addresses these perspectives.

1. I have screen time set to turn off every day from 7pm to 5am and it’s off all day on Sundays with the exception of one or two apps that I might use or that I use with my family in case something comes up. I also look at social media twice a day for a max of about 30 minutes or I look for the sole purpose of the magazine to get more followers or contributors. None of it is allowed to be processed too deeply on a regular basis. I do not watch or read the news, so most information comes via word of mouth or an occasional headline that I might see.

2. I admit that this is a little unfair in that we are preparing to move countries and so I have this to look forward to sooner than most. However, as someone who is used to traveling every few months, it has been a challenge. Instead, I have focused on building up our savings account and ensuring that we have a fund to splurge out – plus that fund is allowing us to not stress over the big move.

3. Aside from starting the magazine, I have donated to a homeless organization, used smile.amazon.com to support a ‘charity’ organization every time we purchase something online, bought from local venues, sent random gifts to others, made gifts for others, and more. So, despite not being an overly charitable person, I have made an effort to push myself to be more generous.

I’m not trying to sound arrogant, but I am trying to say that I am no one special and there are numerous times in my life when I could have said that I prefer the path of darkness, self-pity, anger, bitterness, and wallow in the murky waters. I could have found a number of people to support that way of thinking and to tell me that I deserve to feel that way. However, as Robert Frost wrote: I chose the road less traveled by.

To me, it’s the easy and lazy way to go with the belief that life sucks. It’s simple-minded to say 2020 is the worst year ever or to blame a year – which has no personified qualities whatsoever. Instead, it takes character, integrity and strength to find a path forward that inspires and leads to the best version of who I can be. I want to look in the mirror every day and be satisfied with the person looking back at me instead of dodging the mirror altogether or playing a negative tune at the reflection.

We all have the ability to be and do more. Just do it – one step at a time.

OSH the Writer

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Aug 252020
 

In 2016, I decided to quit my job because I was at a breaking point and I was under the naive impression that being newly married meant that my husband would take care of me.

Without going into too much detail, that delusion was more of a nightmare of grandeur. Thankfully, my stubborn character did not despair at the reality that in my new partnership I need to be the one who is more financially conscientious. 🤷🏽‍♀️ That’s not the same as responsible… 😇

Fortunately, in a short time and a change of country, we have found ourselves in a better position with our financial situation where I could revisit the idea of quitting full-time work.

Although I am a hard-worker, take pride in my profession, and generally care about whatever I do, I have never been great at being under the thumb of authority. If given freedom to do my work and recognition for what I can offer, I can thrive. However, Japan is not the place for such work culture and my stubborn streak does dig in when it comes to my career.

So, when COVID19 hit and remote work was installed, I determined to find a way to ensure that I would never have to go back to working in an office again. Thanks to the law of attraction and our mutual desire to make our future lifestyle a reality sooner than later, this has come about as I desired.

Since we have decided to move to southern France in mid-October, it opened the door to paving the way towards becoming a digital nomad, allowing me to become a roaming artist at last and fulfilling my lifelong dream of pursuing being a writer.

Before the worrier-reader freaks out for me, don’t fret! I am still cautious enough that I will be working on a project-basis for my current/former company and continuing other freelance work as I also focus on building up The Universal Asian into a media giant!

However, as I am never satisfied with just a few balls in the air, I will also be transitioning towards creating my writer persona as OSH. Based on advice that I have read, I have created an author page, so feel free to follow that at OSHwriter.com. I’m also working on some other platforms and places to start developing a readership. 😀

Of course, I’ll keep on posting here as Tara since this is kind of like my sandbox for different ideas and the random meandering thoughts of my mind.

~T 😀

Standing in and Sharing the Light

 Going Mental  2 Responses »
Aug 102020
 

Generally, I limit my social media interactions. For the longest time, I thought it was just because I do not care so much about what is going on in other people’s lives that I need to be updated regularly. However, just as its use has evolved, so has my reasoning for why I’m bothered by about 90% of what is out there these days.

Some time back someone recommended an author to me who writes about the peri menopausal/menopausal conditions of an aging woman from a rather humorous perspective – Nora Ephron. I read one of her books and it was indeed relatable and entertaining, but there was something that rubbed me wrong as I was reading her book “I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman”. Initially, I thought it was the experiences she relates as a white, middle class, empty-nesting mother. Or, I thought perhaps I am just not yet old enough to appreciate it.

However, as time passed and I contemplated it more, I have found that the same niggling that bothered me about Ephron’s book is what irritates me about most social media posts (in particular, FB).

Some people are like me who post the various things they do in a day with a more upbeat tone. I try to share things to let those who follow me – particularly my family whom I don’t get to see often – that I’m still alive and enjoying life, for the most part. I do not post to have political discussions or to commiserate about the woes of my life. My outlet for that is this blog and it is one-sided mostly – as in, almost no one comments and even then there isn’t a back and forth dialog that happens on FB.

It is that aspect of commiseration that bothers me. Ephron’s book is one long commiseration for others in the same mindset and phase of life as the author. However, the tone of the pity party isn’t to uplift or to inspire, but to wallow and help others to feel okay about wallowing as well. In other words, the message is “Don’t feel bad about feeling bad, others feel bad too.”

While I understand the need to acknowledge that sometimes we just need to vent and have at least one person out there make us feel accepted and not alone, I do not think that this should be done on social media. Along the same vein, I do not think that social media should be used to present our lives as better than they are to give others a false sense of who we are.

People have sometimes asked me if my life is as good as it seems when I post pictures of my holidays or what I see and do. I always answer, YES my life is THAT good. It is. But, when I do have my down moments, I look to those around me to offer support and love or I call home to connect and address my homesickness. I do not put it up on a platform to make myself feel better by getting words of commiseration from people whom I may or may not really know and continuing a cycle of: not feeling bad that I feel bad because others also feel bad, so let’s all feel bad together….

The fact is that many people out there are truly struggling. Perhaps they can’t find work. Perhaps they can barely put food on the table. With quarantine and pandemic rhetoric, there are probably people suffering from depression, and isolation may not be serving them well. Therefore, posting about our inability to travel or go out regularly or having to cope with the ‘new normal’ – I hate this phrase, by the way -, we are promoting a negative message. For some, they may think, “If this person, who seems to have it all together, is moaning, then how will I ever get out of my own spiraling personal hell?!”

The truth is that many of us are quite privileged – we have the luxury to eat fully, bake regularly, work from home, order food if we don’t want to cook, see friends nearby, video chat with family from afar, and so much more. So, I feel that we should be sharing the little ways that we find joy in our days – a colorful butterfly, a flower blossom, ducklings on the river, the smile of a neighbor, moments to write or start new projects, etc. Spreading moments of joy and happiness provides others with hope and may inspire them to also see light in their version of darkness.

I’m not saying we should pretend that our lives are grand. I’m saying that the old adage of “If you don’t have anything nice to say/post, then don’t say/post it at all (especially on social media)” should be put into place, especially as we navigate our way through the current state of the world. If we all work toward bringing a little bit more light into the world, then even our own clouds of grey can be swept away.

~T 😀

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