An entire month has passed as my attention has been divided and my words have drifted in the blank spaces of my mind.
Where has my attention been? Well…
Iβve just released the third issue of The Universal Asian.
Itβs growing in readership and content, which gives me a sense of satisfaction and conviction that we are building a community and space that I have been envisioning.
One of the tenants of the life coaching principles that I learned was that we have to hold people as whole and capable.
Based on the belief that all individuals are whole, capable individuals, coaching assumes the client is expert, able to determine what is best for their lives and the coach works along with them to maximize their personal and professional potentials, to close the gaps to create extraordinary lives.
~What is coaching?
If we apply this belief to every person, then it negates the need to nag at them or worry about follow-through. The more that we hold people in this way, the more trust we build with one another. When we trust one another, we can communicate openly and honestly. This way of communicating leads to the development of agape love.
I have been listening to _Radical Dharma_ and finding that there is much to learn in our interactions with others.
This basis of agape in our sense of humanity and community is missing in our society. The lack of it can fully explain why society is in the state that it is in.
How many parents these days fit the concept of ‘helicopter parenting’? How many women complain about the men in their lives not doing this or that, but readily admit that they have never actually asked them to do what is desired? How many partners expect their partners to have a Vulcan mind-meld with them to read all expectations, but are disappointed when the readings are not accurate or even attempted? How many kids feel that their parents do not understand them because they don’t feel listened to or that they can openly communicate?
Everything stems from an ability to communicate – without judgement, without repercussions, etc.
Imagine what the world would be like, or better yet, one’s own relationships and life would be like, if we all felt as if we could trust each other to be open and honest with one another without the fear of anger or negativity. With this built up of trust, we can have agape.
Some might call me an idealist, but those who really know me understand I’m actually a realist. It is realistic to me that mankind can achieve greatness in unity. It is realistic to me that human beings can have conversations that lead to a deeper understanding of each other. It is realistic to me that we can hold each other as whole and capable to build such trust.
The realist in me finds great disappointment in the fact that our society cannot seem to accept the basic fact that all we really have to do is talk to each other with open minds and hearts….
But, since I fully believe in the power of the individual creating a mass movement – after all, we have seen it in action – let’s just start with one person at a time. Who have you not been holding whole and capable that you could start doing so now?
~T π
Wrote this about a month ago, but never got around to posting it. It hasn’t been edited, but came about in my morning meditation as I focused on my breath ~inhale here ~exhale now:
A newborn baby cries swathed in his mother’s arms;
She whispers, “I’m here with you right now.”
A toddler takes her tentative first steps and stumbles;
her father picks her up smiling, “I’m here with you right now.”
A child spills off his bike for the first time without training wheels;
his mother picks him up with a laugh, “I’m here with you right now.”
A teenager cries at her first broken heart;
her mother wipes away the tears with a hug, “I’m here with you now.”
A graduate pauses before his valedictorian speech;
his father proudly mouths, “I’m here with you now.”
A bride excitedly waits to walk down the aisle;
her father sweetly calms her, “I’m here with you now.
A dying mother looks at her family as they all say: “We are here with you now.”
~T π
May 20, 2020
If you follow me on Facebook, then you will have already seen the soft launch of my new project: The Universal Asian.
With the help of a fellow adoptee friend from childhood, we are working on building a platform where adoptees (#importedAsians) and #hyphenatedAsians can express themselves, share their stories, and be highlighted for who they are.
Growing up, I struggled to find role models whether it was for learning how to put make-up on my face, finding clothes that would look good on my body, or deciding what jobs would suit someone like me. While there is an argument that, it doesn’t matter who you are, everyone struggles with these aspects of growing up, there is a bigger argument that there were/are no Asian examples of this – at least in the US.
Even today, I find it hard to find an example of an Asian on a TV program who is not stereotyped as “eccentric” or “exotic”. We still see same-race couples, and it is weirdly celebrated to see mixed-race ones of black and white. Yet, it is rare to find an Asian-White couple of any kind.
With the rise of K-pop, Korean food, Japanese manga/anime, sushi, and various Asian interests, it feels that we are on the edge of finally being seen and heard.
Therefore, it also felt like a good time to launch a platform. π
So… we are continuing to add to content and to raise awareness of who we really are. Feel free to subscribe to stay updated!
~T π
There is so much going on in the world these days that it really is overwhelming to try to process it all. It’s hard not to get caught up in the fury that rages, or to want to ostrich my head in the sand or put a towel over my face in hopes of not being seen – or rather not seeing or hearing what’s happening outside of my bubble.
Today, I will discuss what is spreading internationally – and I don’t mean COVID-19.
The cups of rage, injustice, frustration, and inhumanity runneth over creating a massive tidal wave of destruction, bloodshed, and further inhumanity.
Let me first say that while I absolutely am for ALL LIVES MATTER as I posted about almost two years ago when a similar pandemic filled the streets with protesters, I am not silently (or even noisily) condoning racist behavior IN ANY WAY.
However, combine the three stories below with months of forced isolation where people are getting brainwashed through whatever media channel they prefer to watch and it is no wonder that there is an outrage that explodes faster than the actual virus that the world has come to, justifiably or not, fear.
Ahmaud Arbery
Christian Cooper
George Floyd
I like Kevin Hart’s message about the media’s responsibility to create the right narrative, which is not about the protests and rage, but it should be “on the side of the solution”.
“Everybody’s conversation should be about the change.”
This.
This is a systemic problem that needs to be addressed properly. Our conversations should not be about race or color. The conversations should be around why humans in power think it is okay to dehumanize those without it (George Floyd). The conversations should be around why the human ego has become so big that we only think about ourselves at the expense of another person’s safety and freedom (Alice Cooper). The conversations should be around why anyone thinks they are above the law to take it into their own hands based on a horribly misrepresented world view of another person (Ahmaud Arbery).
We need to talk about the history that continues to repeat itself when a country (countries) decided to build itself up at the expense of another society and culture. It has been happening from the building of the great Eyptian structures to the development of the United States.
Success cannot last when there is no acknowledgment of the sacrifice, shedding of blood, sweat, and tears, and recognition that without the history of this, societies would not be where they are today. We know this to be true individually, yet somehow when it comes to the masses, we choose to ignore it – ostrich; avoiding the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy).
When we fail to have compassion and gratitude for what others have done for us, we lose the right to progress smoothly and gently. When we fail to acknowledge and thank those who paved the way for us to have it easier or better, we lose the right to moan about the struggles we have now. When we fail to learn from the past, we fail in the present and lay a path of continual failure into the future.
Healing must come at a deep and meaningful level. We have to have the right conversations. They aren’t conversations of white vs black; Asian or non Asian; man vs woman; rich vs poor. These are the consequences or the death from the virus, so-to-speak. Instead, we need to talk about power as the source, ego as the source, humanity as the source. When we can understand and heal the source, then can we remove the rot that is spreading throughout.
So, it saddens me deeply to see the world destroying itself on so many levels. It worries me to see how easily people comply to fear which leads to limited understanding from limited information which leads to Lemming-ton. We should all be worried when governments issue militarized curfews to prevent free speech and freedom to protest against the powers that be. We should all be worried when leadership passes bills to prevent the spreading of incorrect facts and lies under the pretense of free speech. No wonder the world is angry….
~T π
A while back one of my relatives on Facebook posted a video of this father-daughter duo singing “The Prayer”, which is one of my favorite songs.
For years, we have watched Claire and Dave Crosby sing. The cuteness factor along with the sweet naivety of a daughter looking up to her father were the main draw. We still enjoy watching them out of nostalgia, but the talent level is in a growing phase….
Therefore, the real beauty of The Shaws is that the talent between the two of them is pure. Also, the start of their fame has come from the basic desire of just wanting to sing. Even as you listen to their Q&A session (above), there is such humility and joy in what they are doing.
It reminds me of the joy I used to have singing. While I let myself be held back by my own shyness, fear, and introvertedness as a youth, I always felt free and peaceful when singing. Of course, I could still join a choir or sing more formally, but that’s not of interest at the moment.
Still, I think the joy of turning on some beautiful tunes, belting them out with all of my might creates a purity in the soul. So, maybe it’s time to blast the speakers and let it out! π
~T π
If you look at my Facebook friends numbers, it says 914 as of today. One might think that I am a social butterfly with numbers like that.
However, it just goes to show how much numbers can be used to express, or give the perception of, something that is quite far from the truth.
Initially, I was going to write this post regarding my preference for just a few friends rather than many, but as I sat to write my mind drifted to the more current matter of how numbers are being used to try to convince people to “fall in line” with societal pressures to stay at home and socially distance themselves from others.
This morning, I read that to create prosperity we have to study about money (Rules of Wealth). In doing so, we learn the lingo and language, lifestyle and way of thinking that people with money, or who understand money, use to be wealthy.
The academic in me wholeheartedly embraces this advice. The anti-news consumer in me wholeheartedly rejects this advice. Somewhere in the middle is the skeptic who says that maybe it is true that if I don’t follow this advice I will limit my prosperity, but perhaps it also doesn’t hurt to learn a little bit and expand my knowledge base.
Most strongly, though, is my issue with numbers. Every day, we read about the latest numbers for the newly infected, deaths, and those hospitalized due to COVID-19. Now, these numbers can only reflect one piece of the bigger picture. Our attention has been trained to focus solely on the illness itself. Only this week have I started to hear discussion in the media regarding people’s livelihoods. Suddenly, with unemployment benefit applications rising to nearly a quarter of the US population there is interest in numbers related to the economy, households, etc.
The media is now going to force people to apply their emotional responses to the sad stories of those who are struggling because of the global shutdown. However, my issue is why wasn’t there some forethought applied before when decisions were made to blow numbers out of proportion scaring people into believing that it was a social responsibility to stay at home and close down the world? Where was the sense of social responsibility when it came to ensuring that people could pay bills, put food on their tables, and feel secure in being able to provide basic needs for themselves and their families?
I know I already ranted about this before, but when thinking about numbers again, I am amazed at the lack of desirability for the powers that be to make one to one correlations. I am amazed at how little skepticism is applied to what high numbers represent.
Just because my Facebook says I have 914 friends, does not make a one to one reality that they are all actually my friends.
It doesn’t seem like we need basic math(s) for that….
~T π
This week, I decided to create a new “Quarantine Schedule” to try to get myself ready for the eventual return to regularly scheduled activities.
Since I have gotten used to having time at home everyday, I decided it was time to start behaving as if I were going to an office – just minus the commute. Also, I have allowed some flexibility with how I spend my time during the day just as I would even if I were in the office. I mean, I am always multitasking; it’s just what I do. π
To be honest, though, I am not eager to go back to the old normal. I am also unsure what the new normal will look like. A part of me is keen to be able to redefine my full-time work, which was starting to happen before ‘pandemic’ life took over. However, a bigger part of me is just content to let life continue as is – work from home all the time….
Having this time to reflect on what I would like life to be has been good. Something that I have become even more aware of than before is that all things are temporary.
In returning to a mindfulness meditation practice, I have been able to re-focus on the fact that our society, language, lives, environments, and circumstances are always in motion.
However, ironically, the one thing that seems to stay the same are people. You know that saying that a Zebra can’t change its stripes? On some level, I wholeheartedly disagree with this as people can change if they really want to. It takes work, reflective activity, and persistence, but it is humanly possible. Unfortunately, most people give up with the pathetic excuse that they ‘can’t’ change. Really, they should say they ‘won’t’ change.
These days, it is normal to say things like “I am who I am” or “I have to learn to love myself for who I am”. While the general sentiment behind these statements are true when we play negative recordings on repeat to self-sabotage, it does not excuse us from trying to be better human beings.
One thing that has contributed to my break from social media are the posts that suggest people should “forgive themselves” for not doing anything during these anxious times. It’s true that if your body and mind are feeling stressed and anxious that we should focus on keeping ourselves healthy. However, this should not be used as an excuse to be complacent or stagnant in life.
There is never a day or time that I can honestly say that I’m bored or that I have nothing to do. There are so many books in the world to read. There are thousands of online courses for free to take and learn something new. There are millions of YouTube videos to watch that teach us how to do things. There are gazillions of recipes to try. There are stories to write. There are miles to walk. There are billions of people to help. There is ALWAYS something to do. It is by this belief that I live my life.
In doing so, it’s hard to keep up with all there is out there to be done. Shouldn’t this be the new normal?
~T π
A month has flown by!
The last time I wrote, we were just going into the State of Emergency (SoE) within a few prefectures, then all of Japan was brought under the declaration. Despite the initial plan to return to life as we knew it by May 6th – after the Japanese Golden Week(end) holidays -, we found ourselves with an unsurprising extension until the end of the month.
Even then, there’s no certainty that the SoE will be lifted in Tokyo as the government has set a target of reducing exposure, measured by train use (I think), by 70-80%. Although Golden Week was relabeled as “Stay At Home Week”, it seems that people are getting restless despite the reported numbers.
With the weather warming up and people finding it more and more challenging to stay inside every day, I am not confident that the lofty target will ever be reached.
As the rest of the world starts to reassess, I find myself wondering what it was all for. Some may not want to believe in conspiracy theories, and I’m no lover of them either, but I absolutely do not believe that government actions on a global scale such as we have seen was done over something only slightly worse than SARS.
Now, I’m not a scientist. I’m not even reading up on it. I’m not up-to-date on political actions or economies domestic or abroad. I care very very little for any of these things. In fact, in all honesty, I care very little for the numbers touting millions of cases of infection or 286 thousand plus deaths (7% of those infected).
I’m a big believer in the fact that our planet is massively over-populated and that the Universal Earth is probably letting us know this directly since slowly warming up the planet and highlighting the loss of flora and fauna hasn’t been effective. I’m also a believer in the Darwinian theory of survival of the fittest.
I know it’s not politically correct anymore to think this way. I know it sounds harsh and lacking in compassion. However, my response is, get over your emotions and look at this rationally and with logic.
This virus is not randomly killing people at unimaginable rates. Instead, there are known factors as to who gets infected. There are known factors as to why people die. There are also known factors as to how it can be spread.
Therefore, logically and rationally speaking, global national lock downs preventing people from working to support theirs and their families’ livelihoods is absolutely mind-bogglingly stupid. From my own experience, I know that it takes but a blink of an eye to become financially destitute. Not knowing how you are going to eat or pay rent or any bills is beyond stressful – more stressful than worrying about catching a virus that may or may not kill you. Then, the building back up, paying back debt, and getting back on one’s feet can take years – if at all possible.
In fact, the thought of dying by one’s own hands is a higher risk than getting sick.
So, again, I ask you, what is the reason behind all of this?
How did we become a society where the minority dictates and rules the actions of the majority? When did the majority determine that they should be ruled by illogical and emotional rationalizations?
My guess?
Privilege.
I’m not talking just about white people, though they are the majority. But, there are plenty of privileged people of color spouting the same messages.
“Stay at Home” / “We are in it together” / “It’s not about you, it’s about saving lives” / “Wear a mask because you care about other people”
These are words of the privileged. These are words of those who are still getting paid every week or month in their jobs. These are words of those who have enough money to carry on their everyday lives. These are words of those who are healthy. These are words of those who already live apart from others. These are words of those who do not have to worry.
The privileged are not debating whether or not they have the ability to stay at home away from others and their jobs. The privileged are not in it together with those who are struggling to put food on the table. The privileged are not forced to think about how to save their own lives. The privileged are not caring about other people, but themselves and their loved ones.
Now, I know I am privileged. I am getting paid regularly and I love working from home. I am healthy, though less so from being home all day. I also am lucky that as an introvert, I am living my best life right now.
My husband is not. (Obviously, he’s still privileged because he has me as a wife! π )
However, we both know what it is like to struggle and have to rebuild. That was in “normal” times.
Again, there is no rational reason for the lock downs, shut downs, put downs.
It should be our choice whether or not to expose ourselves just as we do every year when flu season hits. (Yes, I do understand this is NOT the same as the annual flu.) It should be our choice as to whether or not our financial status is good or bad based on our own decisions – not the governments or my neighbors’.
We need to remember that people are whole people. We need to make room to allow people to make their own decisions and to know what is best for them and their families. We need to be free and prosper as we see fit.
This… this is absolutely inexplicably unacceptable….
~T :/
These days, my parents and I seem to be Skyping about every two weeks. Although they are still young at heart and generally fit, I do remind them that they aren’t getting any younger – much to their chagrin. (It’s my duty as a daughter to keep it real! ) Therefore, our regular catch ups serve multiple purposes. π
There were periods of time in the past when it would be months in between our chats. It was partially life, partially technology, partially me, and partially them. There was never a major reason for it – it just happened. Still, I knew I could always call them anytime.
Despite my fairly blase (or anti-drama/extremism/it’s a conspiracy somewhere) attitude toward our current global situation, I realize that it is probably getting more radical as time passes. Therefore, it makes it even more comforting being able to talk with people who think like I do.
Of course, my beliefs are heavily influenced on how I was raised, so it’s natural that my family and I have similar outlooks and responses to the world. But, we have had quite varied life experiences. Also, not everyone who is family thinks the same way – nor should it be expected. Yet, talking with my parents this week made me really appreciate our commonality.
Or, maybe, what I appreciate is that we have always had the ability to share freely how we think about life without judgement or fear of upsetting the other. Thinking back, this has always been the case. Our immediate family has no secrets – that I know of! – from each other; of course, it wouldn’t be a secret if I knew. π Perhaps, it is that I have no secrets from my family; therefore, I feel completely at ease discussing any topic with them whether it is in person, via Skype, or through writing.
It is a reminder to me how perfect of a match my parents are to me.
Once, my brother shared his opinion of our parents, which drastically differed from my own. This is absolutely not to say that he doesn’t love them to pieces, but he experienced growing up with them in a different way than I did.
It’s one of those great psychological wonders: how do the same parents end up with two completely different children in personality? We’ve all read about, seen, or even know examples of this dichotomy. It’s always a mystery. If we consider that the parents treated each child basically the same, then how can the children grow up to be so different?
Well, we are individuals, of course. We all experience the same events in a myriad of ways that are unique to our psychological and chemical make-up. Of course, we are influenced by our environment, and obviously even the best of parents cannot treat their children exactly the same (no matter how much they try to convince us otherwise).
Still, some siblings are shown to think exactly the same. Some families are shown to be a complete entity of their own.
For most of my young life, I believed this kind of similarity could only happened to blood families. If you shared DNA, then it was no mystery as why or how they were similar.
However, with age comes some wisdom and with reflection comes knowledge. It is not always about blood, but it is always about spirit. The Universe deemed it right and completely logical that I would be raised by two people that I call ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’. I didn’t at first as it took me years to convince myself that they were mine to keep forever. But, now, there’s no doubt that we are cut from the same cloth – just with different designs.
So, during this time of self-isolation and quarantine, I find that it is not that hard to be away from others. It’s like my best dream come true, really – though not so great as to the way it came about.
I don’t have to communicate with others to absorb their reactions to the situation and vice versa. I don’t have to worry about offending others if I disagree or stress myself out in keeping my thoughts to myself. I don’t have to be influenced by other’s energies other than my husband’s.
It’s bliss.
Just a final disclaimer – I’m not an advocate of surrounding oneself with those who always think the same or mutually agree on everything. OMG, would that be boring! I do love a good debate and discussion on different perspectives. I’m just saying that in this time of high anxiety and stress for most, it is comforting to know that I have an isolated community who gets me. π
~T π