“You’re lucky, you were chosen…”

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Dec 152011
 

As much as I appreciate the sentiment behind these words, they still require me to hold back anger and to clam up in sharing more about me as an adoptee.

First of all, to say I’m lucky because my birth family gave me up or because I finally found a loving home is a bit superficial. I would say that it was good luck that I was adopted by my family because for me no other family would have done. We were lucky to be put into each other’s lives since our circumstances were what they were.

However, my family didn’t really chose me. I didn’t really chose them. It’s not like we’re God’s chosen people to inherit the land – us adoptees – either we didn’t have a choice, didn’t know/feel we had a choice, or feared a different choice. That’s what brought us to our adoptive families and made us stay. If we had one or had known or didn’t fear, then we might have made different ones.

Of course, I’m not taking for granted my adoptive family’s love and our bond. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. But, for those who don’t really understand what it’s like, please, I beg you, don’t tell us we’re lucky we were chosen as if God is promising us paradise.

New documentary on young adoptees

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Aug 302011
 

Thanks again to 8Asians, this trailer for a documentary on young adopted girls – Somewhere Between – looks interesting. It is nice to see/hear the voices of young adoptees and those from other countries.

What is striking is that the issues and thoughts are the same as those I am familiar with – a sign that despite changes in the world, some things still have a lot of room for growth! πŸ™‚

My Adoption Journey – 1

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Aug 292011
 

I have decided to start a new series of posts related directly to my adoption experience. This is mostly because I have started to delve more and more into the world of adoptees who are starting to express themselves about this whole being adopted thing – especially Korean-American adoptees. I know that some are reading, some are searching for support, etc. – like me. So, I feel like it is time to share a bit more of my truths.

Since I was 8-years-old, I knew that I was alone in my life experience as not only an adopted child of international origins, but also as one who somehow survived the domestic child welfare system in the US. Once I met fellow Korean adoptees, I also confirmed my belief that it would be difficult to find anyone who shared an experience anything like mine. In some ways it was nice to be different since I have always had an independent streak, but in others it left me very lonely, introverted and mistrusting of everyone….

Sometimes when I listen to my fellow Korean adoptees who were able to establish themselves in one family, I think, “What are you moaning about – not having a choice, not knowing your origins, etc.? At least you had one family who you knew loves you through it all!”

By the time I was eight, I had been given up by my birth mother, left a Korean foster family to be adopted in the States, which led to an adoption, a foster mother, an adoption, a foster family and then a final adoption. For now, I’ll spare the details that go with this, but that alone makes me waiver in my empathy and sympathy for the other Korean adoptee or non-Korean adoptee voices out there whinging about how they didn’t have a choice to not know their heritage….

I didn’t have a choice about anything either … and does it make me worse off or better for having survived? No. However, it does make me think about perspective. I mean I would have loved to have been adopted by my family right from the get-go…, but then who would I be today?

Thus, I try very hard not to complain about my past. It is all part of my life journey…, still the emotional turmoil is what I must face…and so I write. πŸ™‚

Korean Adoptees – 1

 Going Mental  No Responses »
Aug 152011
 

I have been spending some time reading articles on Korean adoptees the past couple of days. I always have a long list of links and posts to read from adoptees or about adoption backed up and when I manage to start reading, I get on a long chain of open tabs and items to read. This was my most recent thread:

When the Seoul, Korea Olympics were held, there was a lot of attention on South Korea and inevitably the issue of adoption was discussed since S. Korea is one of the countries with the highest (if not the highest) number of adoptees in various foreign countries. Back then, the focus was on numbers, stats and reasons.

Progressive Article from 1988

NY Times Article from 1988

Over 20 years later, the articles posted began to shift to the viewpoint of adoptees. This is a result of the bulk of adoptees reaching an age where they finally begin to express themselves and the world/society is beginning to take notice.

NY Times Article from 2009

2010 to 2011 Korean Adoptees article series on Awl by adoptee Sarah Idzik

Part 1 – Being different…

Part 2 – Being and talking about being adopted

Part 3 – Dating and Asian fetishes

Part 4 – Motherland tours and birth parent searches

What is interesting about this is that while the articles may express the common issues that adoptees struggle with and mostly focusing on Korean adoptees, there is a huge unspoken gap in the unity of voices.

I have been considering how to bring together these voices, but each time I start into a thread it takes me on a long ride of links and readings that run into different threads. It is a ball of yarn connected somehow but so knotted up that it is difficult to see it all as one long piece of yarn….

So, I will try to post here as I pick up threads and hope that somehow the pieces will all come together and I can see how to put the puzzle together…. πŸ™‚

More to come,

-T

 

 

 

_Adopted Territory: Transnational Korean Adoptees and the Politics of Belonging_

 Literary Escapes  No Responses »
Apr 162011
 

_Adopted Territory: Transnational Korean Adoptees and the Politics of Belonging_ by Eleana J Kim

I found this title off of another adoptee’s blog who had written about it and said that it was the best intellectual presentation of the situation for the first few decades of adoptees who have now grown up and are raising their voices about their feelings and experiences of being Korean, but not Korean.

My response to the book is that it is well-written and definitely representative of the diverse perspectives of adoptees. It was strange for me to see names of people I know quoted. Of course, it shouldn’t be surprising since the adoptee community is relatively small considering all things. However, as the author herself admits, there is a tone that she cannot understand of the adoptee point of view because she is a Korean-American and not adopted. While she had been accepted into the community of adoptees, there will always be an invisible wall that will separate her/others from those of us who are adopted.

Our experiences vary across the spectrum of perfect placements to too-much-to-bear life-ending ones. Yet, we are commonly bound in our struggles to belong and knowing deep down inside we will never belong. We will never be like our white families and friends or even other minority groups who have their own cultures blended with being American or European. We will never be like Korean natives despite our shared bloodlines and appearances. Although we might make our voices heard or organizations may be created to try to make some difference, the reality is that we only belong when we are with each other.

Kim does a nice job of expressing this reality and though it reads more like an academic paper (perhaps her dissertation work?), it is a good read even for those who are not adopted to get a sense of our mindset.

I hope to find more literature like this. I also find this more motivating for me to understand the different adoptee circles more. πŸ™‚

-T

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